Fox News sex pest Jesse Watters evidently feels so strongly about Cracker-Barrel-logoghazi that, amid laughter, he on Tuesday broke kayfabe and outright admitted that his paycheck comes from the complete garbage that his employer advertises during commercial breaks.

“The Federal Reserve System was established by Congress to carry out its statutory mandates-including promoting maximum employment, stable prices, and a well-functioning financial system.”

“Congress, through the Federal Reserve Act, directs that governors serve in long, fixed terms and may be removed by the president only ‘for cause.’ Long tenures and removal protections for governors serve as a vital safeguard, ensuring that monetary policy decisions are based on data, economic analysis, and the long-term interests of the American people. The Federal Reserve will continue to carry out its duties as established by law. Lisa Cook has indicated through her personal attorney that she will promptly challenge this action in court and seek a judicial decision that would confirm her ability to continue to fulfill her responsibilities as a Senate-confirmed member of the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System. As always, the Federal Reserve will abide by any court decision,” says the Federal Reserve in a statement responding to convicted felon President Trump attempting to unilaterally fire Lisa Cook over that mortgage fraud circlejerk.

Emphasis added on the part where they politely told fatass to fuck off and they’ll see him in court.

It’s not fair to stereotype Argentina as the last refuge of the Third Reich. You know Brazil had a lot of them living out the rest of their days there too. And then there’s Uruguay and Paraguay. So really it’s all four of those countries together, collectively, that were the last refuge of the Third Reich. And sure, maybe Argentina was number one because of Adolf Eichmann and the whole SS uniforms that their fascist regime wore. So “Argentina was the main part of a geographically contiguous last refuge of the Third Reich, with a dishonorable mention for Brazil since that’s where Mengele drowned and Franz Stangl hid until 1967, and then the two Guays in between tied for third” is fair to say.

Anyway Dutch newspaper AD reports a Buenos Aires-area woman is being a little coy about why a painting of the Italian Countess Colleoni by Giuseppe Ghislandi, hailed by art historian Bram de Klerck as “one of the most important portraitists in Northern Italy in the late 17th and early 18th centuries,” shows up in a photo of her living room on a real estate website, especially since the painting hasn’t been seen in 79 years and was last in the possession of an Amsterdam-based Jewish art dealer. But the woman also turns out to be the daughter of high-level Nazi SS official Friedrich Kadgien so now it all kind of makes sense. “I don’t know what information you want from me, and I don’t know which painting you’re talking about,” the woman’s daughter wrote in response to a question sent via Instagram DM. She then asked to contact her on WhatsApp with the questions in writing. “Sorry, I’m too busy to answer them right now,” she wrote, and then ceased responding.

“The researchers from the National Archives traced a second painting a day later. A photo on one of the Kadgien sisters’ social media appears to show a floral still life by the 17th-century Dutch painter Abraham Mignon,” AD writes futher down in the article. This is why Goebbels hated the media.

British Nazi Nigel Farage on Tuesday vowed his new Reform UK party will initiate a campaign promising mass deportation campaign, the AP reports on another crew of inadequate Anglophones saying this shit to gain power and setting themselves up to piss everyone off when they do.

“If you come to the UK illegally, you will be detained and deported and never, ever allowed to stay, period,” Limey Stephen Miller said at a press conference. “The mood in the country around this issue is a mix between total despair and rising anger,” Farage added, claiming there’s “a genuine threat to public order” if no action is taken. The current Labour Government has until 2029 to duck elections.

“On Friday, Michigan Attorney General Dana Nessel filed testimony in DTE’s latest electric rate case, recommending a reduction of nearly 75 percent and millions in savings for Michigan ratepayers. DTE filed its request with the Michigan Public Service Commission (MPSC) in April seeking to hike rates for residential customers by 11 percent. The requested increase of more than $574 million was filed only three months after DTE received approval by the MPSC to increase rates by $217 million.”

“Attorney General Nessel urged the MSPC to slash the rate hike down to 2.5 percent for Michigan households, calling for a nearly 75 percent cut to the corporation’s current request to bill Michigan customers hundreds of millions more than they already pay on their electric bills. Her testimony includes recommendations to re-prioritize customer dollars toward vegetation management and tree trimming activities, which have shown to be much more successful at decreasing customer outages, as opposed to the higher cost capital expenses preferred by DTE for their higher profitability under the State regulatory framework,” says a press release from Michigan AG Dana Nessel’s office.

Weird that an attorney general can just do that to actually try to help voters save a few bucks to keep the lights on in their homes. Maybe the America attorney general could have a look at what Nessel’s up to and take some notes instead of raiding John Bolton’s house and dropping charges against a doctor who injected 2,000 children with saline water instead of the COVID vaccine.

Holy shit! Fox News reports that in 2006 then-New York Senator Hillary Clinton had delivered a speech in the chamber to urge other senators to vote yes on the “Flag Protection Act” and said that she hoped “that we can pass a law that criminalizes flag burning and desecration.”

Wow! So she tried to legislate through Congress what President Trump just signed into an executive order on Monday. That’s really significant, according to Fox News. It’s almost like another Benghazi.

You’ve seen this headline here before, not even three weeks ago. “Nothing Burger: Trump Burger founder likely facing deportation,” was a big hit and rightfully so, especially given National Zero’s prior pieces deriding Fox News’s coverage of the small Houston area fascist-themed burger chain.

So why the repeat? Funny story. Like actually funny story, courtesy once again of local weekly the Fayette County Record, clarifying a somewhat complicated lineage that Fox News had neglected to explain and National Zero made only a passing mention of for brevity’s sake: Roland Beainy, the Lebanese-born partner in Trump Burger, currently facing deportation over an alleged sham marriage was not the actual founder of the chain, though Beainy presented himself as such to the Houston Chronicle back in 2022 – he also apparently just straight-up lied to them and claimed he’d been born in Boston in the 1990s before his parents returned to Lebanon with him when he was six.

When and how exactly Beainy bought into the business and whether/the extent of his ownership interest of each of the four establishments called Trump Burger isn’t really important because the fact is that the chain’s origin can be traced to a spot called the Bellville Cafe, in the town of the same name, and whose owner Iyad Muhammad Abuelhawa retitled it the “Trump Cafe” in October 2016 out of love and respect for the pro-pussy-grabbing then-novice candidate. He closed it the next year and then launched Trump Burger in 2020 and Beainy came into the picture thereafter.

“Cracker Barrel should go back to the old logo, admit a mistake based on customer response (the ultimate Poll), and manage the company better than ever before. They got a Billion Dollars worth of free publicity if they play their cards right. Very tricky to do, but a great opportunity. Have a major News Conference today. Make Cracker Barrel a WINNER again. Remember, in just a short period of time I made the United States of America the ‘HOTTEST’ Country anywhere in the World. One year ago, it was ‘DEAD.’ Good luck!” posted the Orange God Emperor on Tuesday, taking a break from running the largest economy and most powerful military on Earth to opine on a cultural issue.

In what everyone fucking knew was happening but now at least it’s been documented, the Government Accountability Project on Tuesday fired off a lengthy report to the relevant Congressional committee chairs on behalf of Social Security Administration Chief Data Officer Chuck Borges, who the watchdog group writes “has become aware through reports to him of serious data security lapses, evidently orchestrated by DOGE officials, currently employed as SSA employees, that risk the security ofover 300 millionAmericans’ Social Security data. Mr Borges’ disclosures involve wrongdoing including apparent systemic data security violations, uninhibited administrative access to highly sensitive production environments, and potential violations of internal SSA security protocols and federal privacy laws by DOGE personnel Edward Coristine [aka “Big Balls,” whose beating at the hands of teenagers directly led to the military occupation of DC], Aram Moghaddassi, John Solly, and Michael Russo. These actions constitute violations of laws rules and regulations abuse of authority gross mismanagement and creation of substantial and specific threat to public health and safety Since February 2025 it has been widely reported that DOGE officials have sought toaccess the American public’s Social Security data purportedly to address claims of fraud.”

“A lawsuit has been filed resulting in temporary restraining order to limit DOGE’s access to this sensitive data. What has not been reported are DOGE’s actions in violation of SSA protocols and policies under the authority of SSA Chief Information Officer (CIO Aram Mogaddassi to create live copy of the country’s Social Security information in cloud environment that circumvents oversight).”

It’s not clear which of the two acts described in a Tuesday AP article about the justice system in Indonesia’s semi-autonomous and Sharia Law-run Aceh province was gayer, the “crime” two men were convicted of, which was hugging and kissing in public, or the caning they were sentenced to.

On one hand yeah, it’s gay for two men to kiss. There’s nothing bigoted or juvenile to say “That’s so gay” when men show physical affection for each other. They’re gay and these two fellas in particular are braver than most straight guys for being open about who they are in their culture.

Then there’s their punishment for it: “The men, aged 20 and 21, were whipped across their backs with a rattan cane dozens of times by a group of people wearing robes and hoods,” the AP writes describing the scene. Now that’s gay as in the not at all latent homoerotic overtones of physical dominance and corporal punishment while wearing a costume. It’s at least as gay as kissing another man. And the wrong kind of gay. It’s not happy rainbow flag and doing molly while dancing all night in a Provincetown club kind of gay. It’s more like Peter Thiel/Ric Grenell kind of gay.

A horizontal merger of giants in railroading and the automotive industries created an interesting mash-up of Norfolk Southern and Toyota products on Monday but also sadly left one Toyota customer, 62 year-old Dwayne Alton Bryant, redundant at a site in North Carolina, WRAL reports.

Which was a pretty strained way to make the headline still work while getting to the part about Bryant getting himself killed by driving around the crossing gates in his Toyota Corolla. The merger resulted in his car getting tossed about 300 ft away in the fatal 10:50 AM fuckup.

In related news, about 24 hours before this ad launched, The Hill reported “Virginia Republicans are growing cautiously optimistic about Lt Gov Winsome Earle-Sears’s (R) chances in November’s gubernatorial race after polling showed the Republican nominee closing the gap,” lol.

France’s political scene is in a five alarm clusterfuck, as France24 reports Prime Minister François Bayrou on Monday asked President Emmanuel Macron to convene a special session of Parliament in which Bayrou is expected to call for a confidence vote which… Well there’s gotta be a real reason why a premier would call for a confidence vote in himself but it seems a little off to US observers.

Mike Johnson wouldn’t do that. There’s no reason for him to do it. He wouldn’t be in better shape if the Freedom Caucasians tried to vacate him and then scraped by with a single vote. Speaker Jesus Dork is muuuuuuch better off just doing everything to avoid it if and when it happens again.

The 15-D chessmaster has executed yet another quantum superpositional exploit of the weakened kingside pawn metastructure with a textbook preliminary h6 tachyonic pawn storm, the maestro a thunderously breathtaking accelerando in measure 47 of a syncopated arpeggiate passage, the hunter a most devious snare laid for his hapless quarry. It is a quintuple-axle pirouette within a haiku within a Manhattan Project within a pick-six wheel route within a filigree glass chrysanthemum.

To behold Politico’s article “On Crime, Trump has Democrats Right Where He Wants Them” is to behold such ethereal transcendence. Such nigh-alchemical virtuoso. Such celestial luminosity.

Voici enfin cette illumination sublime qui saisit l’esprit devant le génie à l’œuvre – cette extase ineffable de la reconnaissance artistique! Humility, thy vaporous tendrils hath such florid essence, a glowing sweetness of enticing purity! Quake ye laymen, quake all before thou colossus!

“If the president’s recent escalation was an attempt to goad Democrats into declaring that crime isn’t a problem, they did not disappoint him,” writes Politico’s Rachel Bade in a fugue state, rendered a mere vessel, an automaton scribe whose higher functions were cascaded with awe of he.

Ahem. Just going to leave the old satire tag out of this one. Probably even could’ve just pasted in the first few paragraphs of the article and pretended it was parody of a Politico piece.

Any government driving destruction of its own people is not legitimate

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) August 26, 2025

“Attorney General Ken Paxton issued the following statement directing all Texas Independent School Districts (ISDs) not enjoined by ongoing litigation to display copies of the Ten Commandments once Senate Bill 10 takes effect on September 1, 2025. ‘From the beginning, the Ten Commandments have been irrevocably intertwined with America’s legal, moral, and historical heritage,’ said Attorney General Paxton. ‘Schools not enjoined by ongoing litigation must abide by SB 10 and display the Ten Commandments. The woke radicals seeking to erase our nation’s history will be defeated. I will not back down from defending the virtues and values that built this country,'” says Picasso Face in a statement, the “woke radicals” butthurt an extra lame touch. Can’t come up with anything fresher?

“SB 10 requires any public or secondary school to display the Ten Commandments in each classroom. While no school is compelled to purchase Ten Commandments displays, schools may choose to do so. However, schools must accept and display any privately donated posters or copies that meet the requirements of SB 10. Prior to the implementation of the law, activists sued several ISDs to stop the law. On August 20, a federal district court judge issued a preliminary injunction preventing the ISDs that are party to the litigation from displaying any copies of the Ten Commandments. Attorney General Paxton immediately appealed that flawed ruling. The only school districts affected by the injunction are Alamo Heights, North East, Austin, Cypress Fairbanks, Lackland, Lake Travis, Fort Bend, Houston, Dripping Springs, Plano, and Northside. All other ISDs must abide by the law once it takes effect on September 1, 2025,” the statement continued.

Convicted felon President Trump on Monday posted a letter indicating he’s at least attempting to fire Fed Board of Governors member Lisa Cook, probably starting a whole new clusterfuck.

Sooooo it really sounds like convicted sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell was telling Trump defense lawyer/Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche two things in this 30 second stretch: (1) That there are other Epstein friends in the “cabinet,” which is new (2) And she’s denying that Dirty Jeff had committed any crimes whatsoever, which kind of undermines the whole “exoneration” thing.

Like when spandex-wearing grapple-freak Jim Jordan told Fox News over the weekend that the first part of the transcript “confirms what we all knew… We knew President Trump didn’t do anything wrong here. He said that repeatedly. This transcript is the whole transcript, and it confirms that. So I think there’s nothing there, it seems, based on what we got from the interview of Ms Maxwell.”