During a White House meeting in May, Attorney General Pam Bondi told convicted felon President Trump his name had appeared in the Justice Department’s files on Jeffrey Epstein, the Wall Street Journal reports on the lead-up to the call to claim there was no client list and to forget about it.

Fuck this stupid piece of shit…
What a fraud…

— Jake Angeli-Chansley (@AmericaShaman) July 23, 2025

A Florida federal judge on Wednesday denied convicted felon President Trump’s regime’s bid to unseal testimony from 2008 grand jury investigation that led to the first indictment of his friend Jeffrey Epstein, CNBC reports on the fat fuck getting exactly what he wanted: Being able to blame a judge for what’s actually his problem. It’s not really going to work considering that testimony would represent a pittance compared to what the Justice Department would have in their own files.

Maybe should’ve tucked “non-violent” in there above, but the Daily Beast reports that a whole shit ton of military brass have been “quietly” circulating drafts of a letter that they will sign to make public their utter lack of confidence in their former Fox News weekend host boss Pete Hegseth.

Which would be pretty extraordinary and unprecedented since, you know, the military is a very top-down, discipline-oriented structure with a long-stablished culture of discouraging questioning command even if the UCMJ didn’t make such behavior literally a crime. Guess Hegseth really fucking sucks that bad that these guys are confident they can effectively pull off a soft coup d’etat.

A judge in Idaho on Wednesday sentenced incel quadruple murderer Bryan Kohberger to life in the Aryan Brotherhood, the notorious white nationalist prison gang in the most notoriously white nationalist state, for the November 2022 stabbing deaths of University of Idaho undergrads Kaylee Goncalves, Madison Mogen, Xana Kernodle, and Ethan Chapin, the Associated Press reports.

It’s not clear whether Kohberger, who pleaded guilty earlier this month to avoid being sentenced to getting shot in the chest multiple times by white nationalist prison guards, will be accepted by the white nationalist prison gang and inducted as a member, or if he will be killed by them for being too weird. Or if they’ll induct him and decide he’s too weird to be a member and then kill him.

This ought to be a good one for razorclaws, today huh?

“Mission Foods, the world’s leading brand for tortillas and wraps, is proud to introduce its newest Better for You innovation: Mission Gluten-Free Chickpea Tortillas. Crafted with roasted chickpea flour, these new tortillas bring a fresh twist to the gluten-free aisle with soft texture, high fiber and big flavor in every bite. Whether you’re eating gluten-free or just looking to mix up mealtime, Mission Gluten-Free Chickpea Tortillas offer the tastiest new option in wraps, tacos and all your favorite creations for customers with plant-based preferences,” says Mission in a press release announcing their new pandering to the dorks who obsess over gluten like it’s still fucking 2007.

“‘We’re always listening to our customers and looking for ways to meet their needs, tastes and lifestyles,’ said Garret Adrian, senior brand manager, Mission Foods. ‘With our new Chickpea Tortillas, we’re giving people the bold flavor and nutrition they want, while staying true to the quality they expect from a Mission Foods tortilla,'” the release continued and holy shit why don’t they just market corn tortillas to these gluten truthers instead? Why chickpeas?

Republican Michigan Congressman Bill Huizenga tells the Detroit News that he won’t be entering the GOP primary for next year’s Senate race, leaving the field empty save for 2024 loser former Congressman Mike Rogers, trying again after his defeat to Elissa Slotkin. “After careful consideration with Natalie and my family, as well as in consultation with President Trump, I have decided against a bid for US Senate in Michigan,” said Huizenga, which translated to normie-speak means “Trump told me I can either stay in my seat or be out of a job in 2027 because he’s not endorsing me.”

If there’s one thing that Trump has been doing right – in his own self-interest, of course – or at least appears to not be acting like a fucking complete shitbrain in it’s been his management of the party ahead of the midterms. It was obvious enough with the gerrymandering fights he’s starting in Texas and supposedly Ohio and even Missouri in his obsessive quest to maintain the House GOP’s majority but the other side is the admittedly impressive level of discipline he’s enforcing on front-line seats, that just in a single morning we’ve got Mike Lawler and Bill Hugzafucka whatever his name is announcing they’re staying put to give the fat bastard fewer open House districts to worry about.

Outside of the shitshow in Texas, which is kind of a sui generis situtation given the mutual loyalty between Trump and Picasso-faced Attorney General Ken Paxton, it’s definitely a switch from 2022 Trump’s absolute fucking trainwreck of a candidate slate. Hugzagroina may or may not be more electable than a guy who last year lost a Senate race in a state Trump won by like 80,000 votes but the Orange God Emperor isn’t willing to find out and values his House seat more than a Senate flip.

World Economic Forum founder Klaus Schwab engaged in a pattern of workplace misconduct over the past decade, an internal probe found.

🔗: https://t.co/MFms1afhFf pic.twitter.com/ByBAFspwKO

— The Wall Street Journal (@WSJ) July 23, 2025

Lololol… Holy shit. This is like a media war crime against the fanboys. One week the “fake news” Journal reports their Orange Allah wrote a pervy birthday letter to Jeffrey Epstein and then the next they validate at least some of the MAGA buttholes’ preexisting enmity toward Satan incarnate?

Yeah, sure, cognitive dissonance inhabits very few spaces found under red hats, but this is still a hell of a whiplash that lacks only for sequencing and proximity. Like it would’ve been just gold if this one dropped last Thursday and then like an hour or two later was the Epstein birthday card.

A chart on this month’s Marquette University Law School national survey shows that a pretty slim majority – 55 percent – of Republican voters think convicted felon President Trump’s policies lower inflation, which is stupid but still progress considering the overwhelming majority – 76 percent – of the fucking idiots who were under that notion in early December 2024. While the rise in the number of GOP respondents who say Trump’s policies will increase/are increasing inflation rose from 11 to 26 percent, what’s funnier is the increase for “Have no effect on inflation” from 14 to 19 percent.

Must’ve been painful for that 5 percent, that after four years of “Biden made my Big Mac Extra Value Meal more expensive” the most they can admit to themselves and a pollster is that “Okay, Trump’s not actually lowering prices.” Fascinating to ponder the kind of psychic torment one must self-inflict to maintain that “neutral” position rather than letting go and admitting that the fat fuck is making life worse while allowing those behind a sex-trafficking operation to escape the consequences.

In another question demonstrating how certain aspects of reality are steadily if slowly percolating into the fluid-filled brains of MAGA voters the number of Republican respondents who said the Big Beautiful Bill would “reduce or increase federal deficit” dropped from 78 percent in early May to 56 percent this month while the number who said it would increase doubled from 22 to 44.

“At Uber, we believe that when we make our platform better for women, we make it better for everyone. Across the US, women riders and drivers have told us they want the option to be matched with other women on trips. We’ve heard them – and now we’re introducing new ways to give them even more control over how they ride and drive. For the first time in the US, we’re launching Women Preferences – features designed to give women riders and drivers more choice, more confidence, and more flexibility when they use Uber,” says Uber in a statement announcing that late night driving is no longer just for heterosexual male sex offenders or homosexu- This joke’s a little much, isn’t it?

Yeah, probably going too far on this one. In all seriousness Uber’s plan is long overdue – though maybe it had to wait for a critical mass of women in the driver pool – and beyond the obvious safety benefit for women passengers it’s going to create legitimate earning opportunities for female drivers too, picking up extra cash on the side without having to worry too much about their own safety. Easy to imagine that some women drivers could just never toggle out of women-passengers only mode because their women passengers would never toggle out of women-drivers only mode, an infinite loop that also eventually discourages male scumbags from even bothering driving for Uber.

Look at Thom Tillis sounding all libtarded and logical in mocking the excuses and friction against releasing the Epstein files now that he doesn’t have to run for reelection. What a dick.

“Remember, Japan is, for the first time ever, OPENING ITS MAKET TO THE USA, even to cars, SUV’s, Trucks, – and everything else, even agriculture and RICE, which was always a complete NO, NO. The Open Market Japan may be as big a profit factor as the Tariffs themselves, but was only gotten because of the Tariff Power. They also agreed to buy BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF MILITARY AND OTHER EQUIPMENT, and give us 90 percent of 550 BILLION DOLLARS – AND MORE!!! MAGA!!!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday, taking credit for the accomplishments of the Johnson Administration… The Andrew Johnson Administration of 1866. He got impeached too.

“I WILL ONLY LOWER TARIFFS IF A COUNTRY AGREES TO OPEN ITS MARKET. IF NOT, MUCH HIGHER TARIFFS! Japan’s Markets are now OPEN (for first time ever!). USA BUSINESSES WILL BOOM!” the fat bastard then followed up, forgetting to mention the fentanyl and the trade defecits.

The sum total value of the reporting in the daily morning “tipsheets” National Zero most often reads/skims – those being Playbook by Politico, Punchbowl News AM, and, to a looser definition, Axios – just barely edges out their overall insufferableness and all-too frequent dictation by Republican malefactors. A world in which these missives aren’t composed by complete twats is a world mankind has not earned from its cruel puppeteer(s) in the heavens, thus this site is forced to remark on the grating, circlejerky hype-ified language in Wednesday’s Playbook even whilst said grating, circlejerky hype-ified language thrilled to the torment facing the GOP in the next stretch.

“ESCAPE VELOCITY: For the last 16 days, the Epstein saga has blotted out the sun inside Washington, the kind of evanescent Beltway fodder the White House insists won’t break through outside of newsletters like this one,” Playbook opens their morning edition with and God just damn you. Damn you to hell. Like seriously go see a physical therapist for the neck strain from sucking your own… Ughhhh, anyway yeah once they get to the actual quotes it’s entertaining shit.

“The best hope of getting OBBB to break through is having Trump hammer it home. So anything that knocks him off of that message and steers the conversation to things that divide Rs and force members onto the defensive is a hindrance,” said one “prominent Republican strategist who has worked on Senate races” and holy fuck this guy seriously wants the party to change the subject from Epstein to their bill which just knocked 10 million people off of their health insurance, lol.

Appearing on the July 13, 2022 edition of Fox News steakhead Sean Hannity’s show, Republican Louisiana Senator John Kennedy said “President Biden is clearly struggling. He struggled today in the Middle East and I take no joy in that. I trust the American people, and I think the American people have figured things out. I don’t consider myself an expert in too many things, if any, but I know how to read a poll. A majority of Americans, to them, the president is about as popular as cholera. The American people did not reach this conclusion this morning. They have reasons for believing that.”

“Number one, the majority of Americans don’t believe that President Biden is in charge. They think the president is not the president. They think that the real president is whoever controls the teleprompter. Number two, fair or unfair: the majority of Americans think that President Biden is too old. Kind of like an old Buick. Some days he starts, and other days he doesn’t,” Kennedy continued in making light of the then-president’s age by comparing him to an old car with a failing ignition switch.

That’s not the clip above though. That’s the now 73 year-old Kennedy on the July 22nd edition of Fox Business News cokehead Larry Kudlow’s show sounding what could reasonably be compared to an old car with a failing ignition switch, a moment that Kudlow chalked up to “technical problems” and not, you know, neurological ones that may or may not have also been wrought by karma.

Oath Keepers founder Stewie Rhodes, the one-eyed MAGA terrorist who was serving a lengthy sentence for seditious conspiracy over his group’s plot to overthrow the US government on January 6th, 2021 until convicted felon President Trump freed him immediately upon returning to power just over four years later, is less than impressed with the Orange God Emperor’s handling of the Jeffrey Epstein shitshow and publicly warned the fat fuck about it last week, the Daily Beast reports.

“I believe 90 percent of his own base understands that Epstein was up to something and we know that’s the tip of the iceberg,” Stewart Rhodes told the crowd at a MAGA event at the Comfort Inn in Granville, Texas. Lol at the random hole in the wall hotel being the venue. “It’s really disheartening to see President Trump just declare that to be a hoax. I don’t think it is. And I think it’s going to cause him trouble in his own base. It already is,” the convicted insurrectionist continued.

“Moderate” Republican New York Congressman and Michael Jackson superfan Mike Lawler tells the New York Times he will not be running for governor. “While I fundamentally believe I am best positioned to take on Kathy Hochul and offer New Yorkers a real choice for governor, I have made the decision to run for re-election to the House and continue the important work I’ve been doing over the past two and a half years,” Lawler said after bowing to the Orange God Emperor.

“The Wendy’s Company (Nasdaq: WEN) announced the appointment of Pete Suerken as President, US, effective today. He will report to interim Chief Executive Officer Ken Cook and serve on the Wendy’s® Senior Leadership Team. Suerken will succeed Abigail Pringle, who has served as President, US since 2024 and will depart the Company in the coming weeks to pursue other opportunities after a transition period with Suerken,” says Wendy’s in a press release.

Note the CEO’s name. It’s just a matter of time before he gets called Ken Wendys.

Yeah, Donald’s going to go fucking nuts over this. In related news also from CNN, House Oversight Chairbilly James Comer tells Manu Raju that he doesn’t see a live hearing with Ghislaine Maxwell as practical because she’s in prison. “I think Congress wants them to release what they have… The overwhelming majority of Republicans in Congress want to see the administration release of the Epstein files. That’s what we hear back home from our constituents,” Comer said. Asked if he supports fellow Kentuckian Tom Massie’s bill, Comer said, hilariously, “The president, by September, will surely have have turned over everything. If things haven’t been turned over by then, I think the Massie resolution will pass on the floor.”