Of all the beaches that Russian oligarch Vladislav Baumgertner’s corpse could’ve washed up on it just had to be one within goddamned Akrotiri and Dhekelia – a British armed forces “sovereign base area” on Cyprus retained after the rest of the island gained its independence in 1960 – leaving the local UK military police unit stuck investigating a death they had nothing to do with, the AP reports.

Baumgertner, 53, had been the CEO of Uralkali, Russia’s largest potash concern until 2013 when he’d been pushed out after pissing off Belarusian dictator Alexander Lukashenko and spending two months in jail in Minsk over some deal that fell apart. Having moved to Cyprus, the forcibly-retired businessman was living in an apartment in a large Russian expatriate community in nearby Limassol.

That is until January 7th when he was last seen before presumably called to meet a hot date at a spot on top of a tall seaside cliff or was force-fed a few gallons of vodka on a dock at 3:30 AM or whatever it was this time. Guess his apartment’s on the second floor and they were worried he might suffer a broken ankle or fractured hip so they had to put more time and work into this job.

They could’ve at least weighed him down with an anchor or something. Pretty inconsiderate to the British military cops used to investigating drunken fistfights between soldiers and sailors at the base pubs and not the ceaseless, inhumanly fratricidal workings of the Russian business community.

“The US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) announced today that the federal agency filed an action in federal court to compel NIKE, Inc to produce information related to allegations that the company discriminated against white workers, including as a result of NIKE’s Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion-related 2025 Targets and other DEI-related objectives,” says a press release from an agency that surprisingly still exists, thought they would’ve gotten DOGEd early on

“According to the EEOC’s court filing, the agency is investigating systemic allegations of DEI-related intentional race discrimination, specifically that NIKE may have engaged in ‘a pattern or practice of disparate treatment against white employees, applicants and training program participants in hiring, promotion, demotion, or separation decisions, including selection for layoffs; internship programs; and mentoring, leadership development and other career development programs,” the press release continued and come to think of it the EEOC probably did get effectively wiped out but there’s just a skeleton crew around to flex the regulatory powers for political revenge. Like is this the regime finally getting around to punishing Nike for signing Colin Kaepernick friggin six or seven years ago?

Friggin Sherrod Brown better manhandle this amateur at MAGA bullshit. Jon Husted doesn’t even put any passion into trying to retcon the “election integrity” fappery into something legible.

A new national Quinnipiac University survey goes question by question in laying out how convicted felon President Trump – overall approval rating 37 percent – has after just over a year into his second already failed administration, turned his signature issue into a political loser. Consider:

Just 34 percent want zero tolerance, as in deporting all illegal immigrants, to 59 percent giving them a path to legal status, while almost the exact same split – 58 yes, 34 no – say Kristi Noem needs to be fired, including 17 percent of Republican respondents. Only 37 percent of respondents think the deployment to Minneapolis is for law enforcement vs 60 who say it was all a political stunt.

As mostly expected but you never know with these fucking weasels, the US Supreme Court on Wednesday denied certiorari to the independent plaintiffs’ – and the Trump DOJ backing them – bid to block California from nuking five Republican-held Congressional districts. Game over, cucks.

The Soviet-programmed robot brain stopped by her husband’s current residence Wednesday afternoon to meet with one of the Israelis abducted and held hostage by Hamas. But even if the hostage was in Jeff Bozo’s $75 million bribe to the Trump Regime, this is about hope and courage and not the “documentary,” so stay on topic here and don’t you dare ask about Ghislaine Maxwell.

Ford auto worker TJ Sabula has been formally unsuspended from his job not even a full month after being suspended for screaming “PEDOPHILE PROTECTOR!” at convicted felon President Trump during the fat bastard’s tour of the Michigan plant, Japolnik reports. Sabula’s leave – not even clear if the suspension was unpaid – netted him $800,000 in a GoFundMe campaign that the 40 year-old UAW member pulled the plug on and asked donors to contribute to other worthy causes.

Yes, the headline of this originally said “Pedophile offender” which, while technically correct, probably might have been confusing and too close to making it sound like Sabula is a pedo.

MAGA Judge Aileen Cannon on Wednesday decided to not mix things up and give failed Trump assassin Ryan Routh a chance to maybe go see a movie in a theater or play pinball in two or three decades when he’s old and Donald will be long dead anyway, instead condemning the hapless fuckup to die in prison but totally wishes she could just torture him to death herself for even thinking about harming a golden hair on Trump’s beautiful head, CBS’s Scott MacFarlane reports.

It must be done or democracy is dead https://t.co/KdUALd9ykQ

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) February 4, 2026

Trump regime officials tell Axios that they’ve informed Iranian regime officials that no, fuck no, they will not move the planned Friday meeting in Istanbul to Oman nor will they unvite other regional powers to the summit or limit the topics to just the nuclear shit and exclude larger issues.

“We told them it is this or nothing, and they said, ‘Ok, then nothing,'” an official told Axios, with another adding “We want to reach a real deal quickly or people will look at other options,” which should be understood as a willingness on Team Trump’s part to Give War a Chance… Again.

The wacky part of this is that the two absolutely domineering titans of diplomacy Steve Witkoff and Jared Kushner couldn’t simply intimidate the Iranians into bending to their will. And yeah the rote sarcasm of the previous sentence seems a little dissonant with the much more straightforward if colloquial construction of the prior passages of this brief but it had to be fit in somewhere here.

Asked by NBC News whether forcing Bill and Hillary Clinton under oath to testify about their ties to Jeffrey Epstein might make it easier for Democrats to do the same down the road, House Oversight chairbilly James Comer did acknowledge that his actions “could set a precedent.”

But he’s totally at peace with the present inconsistency of forcing the Clintons to show up but not convicted felon President Trump because Donald’s “been answering questions about Epstein” from the media. Within hours after NBC printed the quote, Trump lost his shit at CNN’s Kaitlin Collins for asking him questions about Epstein, but what’s funnier is that Comer almost seems to be lying to himself more than the reporter. What the hell else is going on in his sassafras-entangled brain if he isn’t on some level knowingly lying that Dems will act the same way when they retake the gavel?

I asked Alex Jones if he thinks Jeffrey Epstein could be alive after prison guard whistleblower documents were released his answer SHOCKED me:

“I think there’s a very good chance Epstein’s still alive… We’re being completely lied to, witness protection like stuff. He was a CIA… pic.twitter.com/VV6FNTOE6J

— Benny Johnson (@bennyjohnson) February 4, 2026

Yes, please let this catch on. Thank you, Benny Johnson, for platforming this batshittery from a guy over a billion in the hole who thinks frogs are gay but evidently doesn’t suspect you. Let’s blow this one up far and wide, build up anticipation that Epstein was some kind of “white hat” who will reemerge and expose all the crimes of the not-Republican or otherwise not-MAGA-friendly personalities he’s been alleged to have conspired with. That will be an EXCELLENT angle for the right wing media to work ahead of this year’s midterms. Have right at it fellas!

“I have just completed an excellent telephone conversation with President Xi, of China. It was a long and thorough call, where many important subjects were discussed, including Trade, Military, the April trip that I will be making to China (which I very much look forward to!), Taiwan, the War between Russia/Ukraine, the current situation with Iran, the purchase of Oil and Gas by China from the United States, the consideration by China of the purchase of additional Agricultural products including lifting the Soybean count to 20 Million Tons for the current season (They have committed to 25 Million Tons for next season!), Airplane engine deliveries, and numerous other subjects, all very positive! The relationship with China, and my personal relationship with President Xi, is an extremely good one, and we both realize how important it is to keep it that way. I believe that there will be many positive results achieved over the next three years of my Presidency having to do with President Xi, and the People’s Republic of China!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday after no doubt having had his tiny balls handed to him in the faceoff against Xi.

In a whistleblower complaint sent to Old Man Charles Grassley’s Judiciary Committee and shared with Fox News for reasons not totally clear, a now-former FBI agent last February emailed the Bureau’s public corruption squad and hilariously likened then-Trump-bestie Elon Musk’s use of Twitter on the job to now-former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s private email server.

“I would like to recommend the opening of a criminal 58 matter on the person(s) at OPM who approved the transmission of the earlier email,” the agent wrote, referring to Ketamine Brain’s moronic “List five things you did this week” email to every single federal government employee.

“That person in conspiracy with Elon Musk (who is reportedly an SGE), in addition to wasting a colossal amount of official time, encouraged, abetted, aided, etc thousands if not tens of thousands of government employees to violate government wide security policy and transmit sensitive government information outside of a strict need to know. Musk used a non-government system (twitter) to relate information that allegedly was for official purposes,” the agent wrote.

Then came the burn: “In doing so, because he is monetized (he is a majority owner of twitter) he likely generated income for himself based on Twitter’s monetization model and/or advertising revenues. His use of twitter in this and other instances is conceptually similar to Hillary Clinton’s misuse of a private email server for government business. Furthermore, this likely violates 18 USC 208 and the terms of his SGE agreement—an SGE cannot monetize themselves with their government work,” emphasis added on what Fox News emphasized in their article’s headline.

They describe the agent as now being “retired,” which while obviously better than being fired outright, does not automatically mean it was voluntary and/or amicable. Also unclear is the overall scope of the whistleblower complaint, who it’s directed at, and so on if it was not solely Musk and that’s even before whose agenda was served by Team Grassley handing this one email to Fox News.

Said some paunchy edgleord Dave Landau on Fox News “comedian” Greg Gutfeld’s show on Monday night via Media Matters: “You look at somebody like Bad Bunny, or you look at somebody like Trevor Noah. They don’t actually have the ability to talk trash in their own countries, so they come to America, make a great living, living the American dream, insulting our country, because they know in their homeland they would be killed for doing the very same thing. You look at Trevor Noah – and you look at Trevor Noah, there’s parts of Africa where they’ll put a gas-soaked tire around your neck and light you on fire, which is only slightly less painful than watching his version of The Daily Show.”

Bad Bunny is from Puerto Rico. The United States of America is his own country. Nobody corrected Landau on that, nor the part that South Africa would not summarily execute Trevor Noah. All of this was part of the propaganda network’s tantrum over the anti-ICE-heavy Grammys awards show.

NRSC chair Senator Tim Scott on Tuesday privately gave what Axios describes as a “sobering” presentation to his colleagues about how the party’s hold on the upper chamber is imperiled, especially concerning for Maine’s Susan Collins. Get it? “Concerning”? Because Susan Collins…

“We’ve got some headwinds,” an attendee told the bullet-point factory. Scott’s strategy for combatting said headwinds amounted to urging Republicans to hype the “accomplishments” of the Big Beautiful Piece of Shit and rip Dems for voting against it, as though the tax giveaway to corporations and the rich has broad appeal to those who weren’t already voting MAGA anyway.

Oh and “focus on affordability issues,” per Axios, who do not note that those specific issues were the focus of the last election that delivered them the current trifecta with which they were supposed to have addressed affordability issues by supercharging wage growth… Even that’s actually giving them too much credit since it was condensed down to “Trump Low Prices, Kamala high prices.”

In related-enough news and from the same outlet, Axios also reports that dog-murdering DHS Secretary Kristi Noem is holding up over 200 miles of new border wall construction because the languorous control freak simply hasn’t approved the vendor invoices yet. Bad habits die hard.

Yeah, MAGA people still have “a lot of questions” and this CNN lady “may say 100 times that it’s ‘false claims,'” of that election being rigged “but there are a number of people in this country that don’t believe that, okay? They believe that something happened” so, you know, it totally makes sense for convicted felon President Trump to want to seize control in 15 states or whatever the fat bastard thinks is going to happen. If only “a number of people believe in UFOs” was good enough to open Area 51 to public tours too. Hell why don’t Republicans just run on that?

“Eagle Ed” Martin, the former Capitol rioter defense lawyer who sucked so badly at his first Trump 2.0 job of Acting DC US Attorney that he got replaced by deranged alcoholic crone Jeanine “Judge Box-o-Wine” Pirro, is now on his way to being forced out of his second job as “Weaponization” commissar/pardon attorney at Justice Department headquarters by Trump defense lawyer/current Deputy Attorney General, who CNN reports has found the disciplinary pretext to toss Martin.

To actually dignify said pretext by reprinting it here feels wrong on like a base fundamental level because propagating even the smallest impression whatsoever that the Trump Regime places any value on integrity and professionalism. At the same time it’s darkly funny for precisely the same reason. So screw it: Blanche found that Martin had improperly shared with outsiders details of the grand jury “investigations” into California Senator Adam Schiff and New York Attorney General Letitia James’s mortgages, denied it when confronted, and then saw that denial promptly implode when Blanche found emails in which Martin had shared with outsiders the details of those “investigations.”

Again, this is as though Blanche gives a shit about misconduct when they’re already blatantly (and incompetently) weaponizing the federal criminal justice system against the Orange God Emperor’s political enemies and in favor of his friends. Blanche himself moved a profligate convicted sex offender to a cushy Club Fed for white collar criminals even when she had lied to him in an interview.

He just thinks Martin’s a thirsty amateur who never should’ve been allowed to work with men and wants him gone. Martin, who doesn’t know how to work with men, gave Blanche a reason.

There’s not a lot of info available Marshfield, Wisconsin man Mathew Samson’s actual campaign for a seat on the school board in the town about 100 miles west of Green Bay and, as such, the lack of any online presence for his bid is an early sign that he’s not going to win on the 17th.

Another, more perilous sign however might be the four felony charges of child abuse and one count each of first-degree recklessly endangering safety, false imprisonment, strangulation and suffocation, and a misdemeanor count of battery, all as a domestic abuse incident, that he was hit with last week, according to the Marshfield News Herald, who laid out the allegations against him in exhaustive and wince-inducing detail that will not be reprinted here. It was however both Samson’s wife and kids who have suffered physical and psychological abuse – including him constantly threatening suicide – at his hands for which Samson, 41, faces 48 years in the clink.

And yeah, Samson is MAGA. “I recently posted about the shooting in Madison in anger and frustration. It was a response post out of anger and frustration with the continued youth Trans epidemic and the anger was against those that harm Christian children, and underneath it those that enable these youths to be like this. I took it down because my conscience weighed on me over how un Christ like it was,” he wrote in a December 2024 Facebook post on his personal profile.