Last week the Bulwark’s Jonathan V Last put together a pretty compelling if conspiratorial hypothesis that Jaydee’s subtly undermining the fat fuck when it comes to the dead sex-trafficker, closely scrutinizing every one of his statements on the matter, pointing in particular about how, in responding to the birthday letter story that the veep kind of gave away the game, writing “There are plenty of ways Vance could have defended Trump. He could have said that the letter was fabricated; or that it was genuine, but meaningless. He could have said that these sorts of letters were ghostwritten by Trump’s staff. Vance chose the one defense that is falsifiable and then invited the media to demolish it. That’s probably not an accident,” and yeah it’s hard to see how neckbeard isn’t continuing to follow that same script in the above clip. If it is the script.

“Plaintiff President Donald J Trump (‘Plaintiff’ or ‘President Trump’), by and through undersigned counsel and pursuant to Federal Rules of Civil Procedure 26(d), 30(a)(2)(A)(iii), and 32(a)(4)(C), files this Motion to Compel Expedited Deposition De Bene Esse of Defendant Keith Rupert Murdoch (‘Motion’). In support, President Trump states as follows: SUMMARY OF MOTION The Court should grant this Motion and enter an Order compelling the expedited deposition of Defendant Keith Rupert Murdoch (‘Murdoch’) for at least three reasons. First, Murdoch is 94 years old, has suffered from multiple health issues throughout his life, is believed to have suffered recent significant health scares, and is presumed to live in New York, New York. Taken together, these factors weigh heavily in determining that Murdoch would be unavailable for in-person testimony at trial. Second, mindful that there presently is no current scheduling order given the recency of the commencement of this action, the parties have not yet conducted their Rule 26(f) conference, and initial disclosures have not yet been served, the requested discovery sought in this Motion is limited solely to Murdoch.”

“Third, Murdoch has an advantage over President Trump as Murdoch is able to defend himself because he has access to all the information and documents related to the below-defined malicious and defamatory Article, and the decision behind deciding to publish it. On the other hand, President Trump has very limited information related to the Article. For these and other reasons that follow, Murdoch would not suffer any prejudice significant enough to outweigh the good cause that exists to grant this Motion,” write convicted felon President Trump’s lawyers in the motion requesting an expedited deposition of Old Man Murdoch in the fat bastard’s insane lawsuit over the Wall Street Journal’s article about the Epstein birthday letter.

Though the livestream of this is still running below on the homepage, it’s worth flagging that convicted felon President Trump told reporters in Scotland on Monday that he never had the “privilege” of going to the private abode of illegal in the Carribbean territory of the US Virgin Islands.

That sick fuck Epstein definitely knew what he was doing when he was looking for real estate there, but Jeff’s dead and his friend Donald unfortunately isn’t yet. The assertion that he never once visited is worth sticking a pin on because it’s very much a falsifiable one that reporters and researchers would do well to start looking into to see if, like other denials from the fat fuck this month, whether they’re going to collapse under some scrutiny. Hell for all we know there’s some offhand mention from Trump about how luxurious the island is in some interview from like 2002.

Kansas Senator Roger Marshall squeezed in an early morning hit on Maria Bartiromo’s show before hitting the links on Monday and in that hit he squeezed in a mention of the Obama Administration lying to Americans about COVID, which is pretty big if true. If President Obama and his cabinet were untruthful about the COVID-19 virus then who knows what else they were lying about, especially when it comes to issues like renovations of the Federal Reserve headquarters under Jerome Powell or the state of the FBI during now-former Director Chris Wray’s leadership.

Delray Beach, Florida World War II veteran Harold Terens tells the AP he plans to become a man at some point early next year by undertaking the traditional Jewish rite of a bar mitzvah. At age 102.

Which is about 89 or 90 years later than usual but Terens had some familial difficulties back in the 1930s. “My mother came from Poland. My father came from Russia. And my mother was a religious Jew. And my father was anti-religious. So they had two sons. And one son, they compromised. One son got bar mitzvahed, the other son didn’t,” said Terens, explaining the odd arrangement.

Terens plans on having the ceremony at the Pentagon, the seat of the military he served as an airplane mechanic before and during the US-led invasion of Nazi-occupied Europe in 1944 and 1945.

The manhood ritual follows his wedding in France during the 2024 80th anniversary of D-Day. “I thought my wedding in Normandy last year was the highlight of my life. Number one of all the moments of my life. You know, that’s the saying, that life is not measured by how many breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away,” Terens said. It’s not clear if the former widower Terens’s current wife Jeanne Swerlin, 97, is a woman or needs to undergo a bat mitzvah.

A new release in the slow rollout of a Wall Street Journal national survey conducted by Trump campaign pollster Tony Fabrizio’s operation finds that two prongs of the Orange God Emperor’s mass-deportation push were opposed by 58 percent of voters: detaining and deporting people believed to be in the US illegally without due process – which ends up getting citizens deported, and the second being shipping them to dungeons in El Salvador and South Sudan.

Worth noting is that this same survey also found Trump at 44 percent approval on how he’s handling inflation and prices, while other pollsters usually find him in the low 30s on that matter.

Tyler Boebert, the shitbag son of white trash QAnon fan Colorado Congresswoman Lauren is not actually in prison where he should be given his felony weapons charge from an incident last year in which he robbed a woman suffering from a brain tumor, but at home with his toddler son who was the victim of an unspecified act of abuse by Tyler as detailed in an arrest affidavit that Westword have yet to obtain, as they write “Details about the circumstances that led to the criminal citation were not publicly available as of July 25.” How the fuck can anything considered an act of abuse toward a two year-old toddler that comes by law enforcement and the justice system be charged as a goddamned misdemeanor like it were shoplifting a budget model flatscreen TV from Walmart?

Probably too much to hope that this crime would be a violation of his probation and send Ty Ty to big boy prison for a few years. Or that he somehow would ever be a political liability for his dipshit mom. God forbid MAGA voters in Colorado’s 4th see him as they did Hunter Biden.

At the bottom of a Guardian story about a rural Missouri county’s hospital teetering on the brink of closure before poll-tested work requirements meant to punish those able-bodied gamers “collecting Medicaid checks” – which aren’t actually a thing – kick in are the shot and chaser from pretty obviously MAGA pharmacist Jim Brands, who tells the paper he’s in favor, even as the question isn’t whether his business will suffer losses from mass un-enrollment but how bad the hit will be.

“Just seeing this community, the situation it’s in, the poverty, we’ve got to get people to work. There are a ton of able-bodied people that could work that choose not to,” Brands said as his brain performed a subroutine implanted by the human software engineers at Fox News.

STDOUT Error: Exception found. “To me, there’s got to be a better way to weed out the fraud and not step on the toes of the people who need it,” Brands then said, as if pleading for that exception to his cold, uncaring masters to figure out a way for his political brainwashing not be at cross-purpose with his desire to not have to sell more loose Oxycontins out the back door to make ends meet because the ivermectin isn’t moving as well as it used to. Back before the people who bought it died.

Here’s more for Oklahoma MAGA voters to be not at all embarrassed about from their elected officials as Senator Markwayne Mullin on Sunday repeatedly and vehemently insisted to CNN’s Jake Tapper that now-dead sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein’s first federal indictment was brought by the Obama Administration in 2009 “way before Trump was even considering to be in office” – which is bullshit itself because Trump ran a brief third-party bid in 2000 – but the larger misstatement is that it was the prior year, during the Bush Administration. Oh and that the then-US Attorney for the Southern District of Florida, who struck the “sweetheart deal” with Epstein was none other than Alex Acosta, who served as Trump’s Secretary of Labor until 2019 when he resigned under pressure after the sex trafficker came under renewed scrutiny from media and federal law enforcement.

This story’s a bit idiosyncratic. Not that it comes across as non-credible or inauthentic, but it’s both vague and over-the-top brazen, so it’s best just to go in a straight line with what two members of the Oklahoma State Board of Education told NonDoc.com about what they saw on a screen in far-right extremist state Superintendent Ryan Walters’ office during an executive meeting on Thursday.

Board members Becky Carson and Ryan Deatherage – both right wingers appointed by Gov Kevin Stitt within the last year – were the only ones who could see the screen from their vantage point during the meeting. Neither have any idea whatsoever the context of the footage was or whether it was definitely porn, save for Carson thinking it was kind of “retro” in nature and that the women might’ve been lying on “chiropractic” tables. So not definitely not massage table porn.

“I was like, ‘What am I seeing?’ I kind of was in shock, honestly. I started to question whether I was actually seeing what I was seeing. I was like, ‘Is that woman naked?’ And then I was like, ‘No, she’s got a body suit on.’ And it happened very quickly, I was like, ‘That is not a body suit.’ And I hate to even use these terms, but I said, ‘Those are her nipples,'” Carson said and just gotta stop right there to both lol at she “hates to even use” the word “nipples” and note that it also doesn’t hurt her credibility. At the very least she’s a convincing liar if this is some kind of palace coup plot

“And then I was looking closer, and I got a full-body view, and I was like, ‘That is pubic hair.’ Even right now, I couldn’t even tell you what I was watching,” Carson continued, still having no idea of the exact nature of the footage but crystal clear what she was looking at, adding “the mama bear and teacher in me came out” and she “stopped the meeting cold” by confronting Walters immediately.

Behold, an actually legitimately complex and kind of smart and challenging movie by Michael Bay. Such rare gems exist just as a Steven Spielberg film that is a piece of shit does. BONUS: The Island does in fact reference abuse of innocent bodies of by the rich, but it’s not like Epstein Island. Mostly.

“I have just spoken to the Acting Prime Minister of Thailand, a very good conversation. Thailand, like Cambodia, wants to have an immediate Ceasefire, and PEACE. I am now going to relay that message back to the Prime Minister of Cambodia. After speaking to both Parties, Ceasefire, Peace, and Prosperity seems to be a natural. We will soon see!” posted one of convicted felon President Trump’s minions to his Truth Social account on Saturday, doing a mediocre job of lexical mimicry while reporting back on what Secretary of State Marco Rubio doing an impression of Trump said to some coup-thirsty Thai general who asserted himself as speaking on behalf of the Acting Prime Minister whose name wasn’t important enough for the minion to copy and paste into the post.

Ctrl + C, Ctrl + V and vio-fucking-la: Acting Prime Minister Suriya Juangroongruangkit was installed a few weeks ago after 38 year-old nepo hire Paetongtarn Shinawatra was suspended following the leak of a phone call with Cambodian elder statesman Hun Sen in which she successfully talked into ordering his military to ease up even after one of their soldiers was killed in a skirmish with Thai troops. Paetongtarn called Sen “uncle” out of respect given her family’s previous history with him and badmouthed some of the extremists in her own military, something seen at the time by her opponents as “breaching ethical standards.” Fast forward 25 days and Thailand’s border has been breached, martial law is in effect in eight provinces neighboring Cambodia, at least 14 Thai civilians and eight soldiers are dead along with five soldiers and eight civilians on the Cambodian side, and the fat bastards’s team is pretending to care while he plays golf in fucking Scotland.

Drug-abusing far right Texas Congressman Ronny “Dr Feelgood” Jackson this week met with the White House about a possible Senate bid amid doubts that soon-to-be-divorced for infidelity Picasso-faced serial white-collar criminal Attorney General Ken Paxton can win a general election even as he’s a major threat to incumbent “RINO” John Cornyn, Semafor reports.

This is so fucking stupid. If Jackson gets in there’d be three candidates eating each other and 100 percent adding a runoff with two more months of campaigning. Paxton’s not going to drop out unless Trump turns on him and even then is anyone REALLY sure that would even be enough?

Cornhole told Semafor he’s got it all figured out. “We just have to do two things. One is to remind people what I’ve done and my record of support for the president during his first and now second term. And, secondly, to remind people what a crook Ken Paxton is.” Lol. They know what a crook he is. They’ve known for years. And yet here you are John, sounding like Joe Biden in the twilight.

Meant to get to this over a week ago but on the 18th NBC News reported Cornyn had confirmed to them he personally went to Trump to beg for his endorsement. “I’ve talked to him about it a number of times. He is not ready to make that endorsement. I think as we start advertising and closing the gap in the polls, hopefully he’ll see fit to make that endorsement, but we can’t wait. I pointed out to him, and he knows this, that if he endorsed me, the race would be over.” And yet…

What was already a pretty fucking sick and horrifying story from WVTM about seven Alabamans getting arrested and charged with running a sex trafficking ring out of a bunker in some third-world rural county gets an added dose of MAGA absurdity from the (emphasis added) sentence quoted in the headline. “The Department of Homeland Security is investigating potential gang connections and the immigration status of the suspects,” WVTM writes in the article about the arrests of William (Chase) McElroy, Dalton Terrell, Andres Trejo, Timothy St John, Rebecca Brewer, Ricky Terrell, and Sara Terrell, for pimping out children between the ages of 3 and 15 for at least the last two years.

How’s that angle of the investigation going? Trejo was arrested back in April, which is probably enough time to figure out where he was born and then send him to CECOT or South Sudan for the rest of his life instead of standing trial in the American justice system. What about McElroy, St John, Brewer, and the Terrells? Are they secretly Canadians or Australians who were toddlers when their parents overstayed their tourist visas while they were vacationing in rural Alabama in 1993?

Homeland Security has jurisdiction over sex trafficking investigations because of the tragically common overlap with the larger world of transnational human trafficking. It’s just easier to exploit minors from third world countries than those born in the first world parts of the United States. But those two words, “immigration status” – for which WVTM provides no attribution or sourcing because they’re a rural Alabama NBC affiliate owned and likely neglected by Hearst Media – speak volumes about the MAGA cult reality-warping infecting the story of a heinous and evidently thus far solely US-based sex-trafficking ring. It’s as if someone at DHS knew the base needs a teeny tiny hook to paint this as part of their larger war against all enemies foreign and domestic that could theoretically, if you use your imagination and squint really hard, be kind of foreign too. In a way.

Look, they were hanging out with a rough-looking Latino pedophile (who probably is American but let’s keep that vague). That makes them just a little less white and Alabaman, sort of.

Whatever helps them process the fact that unspeakable sex crimes against minors aren’t just for rich Jews, British royals out of the line of succession, and Hillary Clinton. That Methstein Island is no better than the original, which actually when you think of it has indoor plumbing and nice beaches. And fewer Klan members as neighbors. Hell it might kind of hurt to realize that one’s fellow MAGAmericans were doing pretty much the same thing, just by and for the poor and filthy, so casually alluding to an immigration angle without any further detail whatsoever is actually the responsible thing to do to protect the pride of those who regard themselves as the hard-working, God-fearing, flag-waving, honest, and morally decent folks out there in real America.

“As President Trump continues desperate attempts to quell public interest in the release of files related to his long-time friend, convicted sex offender, and child sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, we write with deep concern regarding potential public corruption, abuse of power, and failures in the federal law enforcement response to the Epstein case. Recent public reporting indicates that the Estate of Jeffrey Epstein is in possession of a document commonly referred to as ‘the birthday book,’ compiled by Ghislaine Maxwell in 2003 in celebration of Mr Epstein’s 50th birthday, with clear relevance to this case. To assist in bringing transparency and accountability, we request that you provide a complete, unredacted copy of the 2003 ‘birthday book’ no later than August 10, 2025, which may provide information essential to further our constitutionally obligated congressional oversight efforts,” write House Dems Ro Khanna and Robert Garcia to the attorneys for dead sex trafficker and personal friend to the President of the United States of America, Jeffrey Epstein.

“Public reporting indicates that President Trump submitted a poem and drawing for the ‘birthday book’ and that it contains messages and illustrations from wealthy and powerful friends and associates of Jeffrey Epstein. The book is relevant for ongoing congressional oversight of the Department of Justice’s handling of the Epstein investigation and prosecution, as well as the Trump Administration’s decision to declassify and release only a handful of documents from the its Epstein files while withholding others from the public. In addition, the Comittee has issued a subpoena to depose Ms Maxwell, the book’s alleged creator, and should be permitted to review its contents.”

“Information gathered from this document may also inform the development of legislative reforms addressing sex trafficking networks, financial regulation, or other critical matters of public policy.”

Cops in a suburb of India’s capital city of New Delhi have tossed diplomatic immunity out the window and taken into custody Westarctica’s ambassador to India, the Honorable Harshvardhan Jain, on suspicion of forgery, impersonation, and possessing fake documents, the AP reports.

Officials did not comment on why Jain would be the ambassador to Westarctica when he’s actually Indian or how he managed to secure the ambassadorship from Seborga as well… and there’s only so much mileage in the joke so tonal shift here: This fucker really did say he was an ambassador, consult, representative, etc of Westarctica, Seborga, and a number of other fictitious countries.

Jain’s scam, taking payments from locals seeking lucrative employment opportunities in friggin Westarctica worked in part because he was somehow able to rent office space in a district full of embassies and diplomatic missions, lending credibility that would otherwise be hard to come by when the nation(s) he’s representing doesn’t have a Wikipedia pages. Cops seized four vehicles with fake diplomatic plates as well as 4.5 million Indian rupees ($52,095) and other foreign currencies in cash from the fugazi embassy. No word on whether there was a fake globe in there too or whether Westarctica is nearer to the North or South Poles. Seborga sounds Scandinavian though. Probably just pasted it over Denmark or maybe as a little island in the Baltic Sea somewhere around there.

Senate Majority Leader John Thune picked RNC chairman Mike Whatley, the second choice for his current post after stupid Ronna Not-Romney was finally decapitated last year, as his second choice to be the next North Carolina Senator after after stupid Lara Trump decided she didn’t want to risk losing to a popular two-term former gov in what could be a rough year for MAGA, Axios reports.

Of course being the not-actually-a-paper of record for a distinct subspecies of donor class douche who fondled with happy groans over their Youngkin 2024 fantasy on-and-off in 2023, Axios (not-incorrectly) identifies Whatley’s fundraising chops as secret sauce going into the race and does not at any point identify what other public, general elections Whatley has actually won.

Instead it’s a “thrilling” minute-by-minute recall of how Whatley 2026 was born. “Then, on July 16, Whatley attended a reception hosted by the Thune-aligned Senate Leadership Fund PAC. During the gathering, which was attended by about 75 top donors and senators, the Republican leader introduced Whatley as the party’s nominee for North Carolina Senate,” Axios writes like they think Robert A Caro might see it and send a handwritten note praising their masterful composition.

Republican Texas state Representative Giovanni Capriglione, fresh off his announcement that he won’t be running for reelection because of what that stripper blabbed about to MAGA website Current Revolt, tells the Texas Tribune in a statement that his last extramarital affair was “years ago” and that the other allegations like paying her and other women for sex are “categorically false and easily disproven” adding he had “never, nor would I ever, pay for an abortion.”

Oh wait he said “pay for an abortion” and not “get a donor or a staffer or someone to pay for the abortion of a fetus that was formed from my sperm.” Sharp dude, getting all precise with his language like that on that very specific assertion. Almost offsets the part where he said that it’s “easily disproven” as though he then immediately supplied a full ZIP file of the system image of every smartphone he’s ever owned, every phone bill, his email passwords, his bank accounts, credit card bills and any other conceivable method of not actually directly disproving it let alone “easily.”

But hey, a limited hangout where he quits politics because he fucked around on the side years ago, which seems awfully goddamned extra, is wage enough for the sin of his conservative values.