Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent might want to think about just not going on CNBC anymore after this dumbassery on Thursday with his failures to do anything to quell recent selloffs in the market.

The Trump Regime has directed senior Defense officials to begin drawing up plans for increasing the American military presence in Panama with the option to use force to re-seize control of the Canal Zone if leadership of the small Central American country resist a build-up, NBC News reports.

There are currently roughly 200 mostly special forces personnel stationed in Panama whom, per NBC’s sources, are there to guard against internal insurgencies or unrest. Though the number fluctuates, it’s nothing on the scale of the pre-1999 Canal Zone territory populated by thousands of members and their families. NBC writes “The officials cautioned that a US invasion of Panama is unlikely and would only come under serious consideration if a larger American military presence in Panama does not achieve President Donald Trump’s goal of reclaiming the waterway.”

So one way or another there are going to be boots on the ground in the country.

Admitting that it was speculation, a French prosecutor in the city of Grenbole says that one-time mafia lord Jean-Pierre Maldera might’ve survived getting shot with a Kalashnikov by an unknown assassin Wednesday morning if he hadn’t stopped and exited his vehicle only to be immediately hit by his pursuer’s and flung onto the opposite lane of the highway, The Telegraph reports.

It’s not that much of a stretch for Francois Touret de Coucy, Grenoble’s deputy public prosecutor, to deem Malerda’s wound survivable given that it he took one or more rounds to his elbow during the chase. He “then stopped his vehicle on the road and got out. The attacking vehicle made a U-turn, drove the wrong way along the motorway and hit him violently. The body was thrown and found in the opposite lane of the motorway. The gunshot wound was not fatal and the cause of death was more likely to be due to the impact with the vehicle or the fall onto the road,” per Touret de Coucy.

Cops found a handgun likely belonging to Maldera near his body. Later they also located a stolen Megane RS matching the assassin’s vehicle’s description set on fire in a parking lot nearby.

Speaking to batshit idiot Maria Bartiromo on Thursday, Ohio Senator Bernie “M4M” Moreno advanced an airtight defense of current economic turmoil under convicted felon President Trump’s second regime: That things would be so much worse if former Vice President Kamala Harris had won the election. “We have to remember that if Kamala Harris had won on November 5, the stock market would be down 50 percent… this country would be on a path to ruin. What President Trump inherited is a disaster from Biden,” said Moreno, his reasoning unfalsifiable given the fundamental nature of entropy and thus completely impervious to any counterargument from the libtards.

“The European Union, one of the most hostile and abusive taxing and tariffing authorities in the World, which was formed for the sole purpose of taking advantage of the United States, has just put a nasty 50 percent Tariff on Whisky. If this Tariff is not removed immediately, the US will shortly place a 200 percent Tariff on all WINES, CHAMPAGNES, AND ALCOHOLIC PRODUCTS COMING OUT OF FRANCE AND OTHER EU REPRESENTED COUNTRIES. This will be great for the Wine and Champagne businesses in the US,” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday, that last bit being as if the Portuguese prime minister announcing that they’re going to start producing their own Kentucky bourbon as champagne cannot originate from anywhere other than Champagne.

It’s “sparkling white wine” if the vintner is even an inch outside of the region defined by European Union law as the aforenamed section of the Champagne-Ardenne province in northern France.

“Senator Mark Wayne Mullin was great on Fake News CNN. Made Caitlin Collins look like the third rate, low ratings reporter, she is!” the fat fuck also posted, praising an appearance in which Mullin so eloquently MAGAsplained to Collins that “Tariffs is a tax. And it will be passed on to consumers. But it also allows us to have open markets” and that “the president understands completely” that tariffs will be passed onto consumers, like champagne drinkers now facing a 200 percent hike.

Far right propaganda network Newsmax on Monday quietly pulled from its website an article headlined “Telecom Company Urges FCC to Reverse Biden-era Fine” quoting the CEO of Telnyx, a digital calling company slapped with a penalty last year for failing to prevent spammers from using its platform to make robocalls pretending to be from government agencies, Semafor reports.

“Biden-era bureaucrats are still in play. They’re still preventing businesses from succeeding in this country,” Telnyx CEO David Casem had complained to Newsmax, adding that the “previous Democrat agenda” was “still clinging to some government bureaus” and the FCC was one of the administration’s “bureaus still bogged down by Biden’s policies,” which could have tempted the wrath of far-right shitbag commissioner Brendan Carr. Sources tell Semafor that Newsmax CEO Chris Ruddy personally ordered the article taken down, and a spokesperson confirmed in an email that it was an “editorial decision,” to take it down but did not elaborate further on why.

Semafor speculates that it could be more about maintaining access to Carr – a regular guest on the propaganda network’s programming – rather than the statist retribution campaign against media companies he’s promised to wage, starting with harassing Paramount over convicted felon President Trump’s bullshit lawsuit against them alleging “election interference” by having applied standard editing to the October 60 Minutes interview with former Vice President Kamala Harris. As a cable-only network, Newsmax faces basically no direct exposure to Carr’s jurisdiction.

Former Texas MAGAchurch Pastor Robert Morris, who served on convicted felon President Trump’s “spiritual advisory council” during his first campaign in 2016 and until June 2024 led the large Gateway Church chain of congregations and, per Morris’s lawyer, had in 2007 told molestation victim Cindy Clemishire she was the one who had “initiated inappropriate behavior” by entering his guest room “and getting in bed with him,” on Christmas in 1980 when Clemshire was 12 and Morris was 20 or 21 and he had been staying with her family in Oklahoma, was indicted Wednesday on five counts of lewd or indecent acts with a child, per the Oklahoma Attorney General’s office.

“After almost 43 years, the law has finally caught up with Robert Morris for the horrific crimes he committed against me as a child,” Clemshire told the Texas Tribune. “Now, it is time for the legal system to hold him accountable. My family and I are deeply grateful to the authorities who have worked tirelessly to make this day possible and remain hopeful that justice will ultimately prevail.”

“I have such tremendous respect and admiration for this group and I look forward to continuing to talk about the issues important to Evangelicals, and all Americans, and the common sense solutions I will implement when I am President,” so said the fat fuck when appointed Morris and other freaks.

Standing down from tonight's launch opportunity of @NASA's Crew-10 mission to the @Space_Station

— SpaceX (@SpaceX) March 12, 2025

The headline’s a verbatim quote from Ketamine Brain, whose company SpaceX is delaying sending a craft up to the International Space Station to retrieve astronauts Butch Wilmore and Suni Williams.

Convicted felon President Trump’s Regime deported a 10 year-old natural born citizen girl with brain cancer to Mexico because he parents are illegal immigrants, NBC News reports on where this was always headed. Even better: they were detained by ICE on their way to an emergency checkup.

The Trump Regime’s Guantanamo Bay dick-wagging has ended as all 40 deportees held at the remote naval base on the southern coast of Cuba simply because “GUANTANAMO” makes the fanboys all hard have been moved back to the US, the New York Times reports.

Maybe Republicans should just stick to one message instead of saying both “the market’s overvalued” and that “there’s gonna be some pain but President Trump is setting America on the right track with all this unnecessary back-and-forth over tariffs.”

Dirty white nationalist alcoholic Steve Bannon tells Politico he’s “increasingly serious” about running for president of the United States in 2028 “should President Donald Trump himself not campaign for a third term – a constitutionally barred idea Bannon has proposed.”

“I don’t think like a politician,” the twice-convicted felon Bannon said. “All I do is back President Trump and try to move the populist national agenda and the America First agenda.”

“The Summit County Sheriff’s Office is investigating the death of a skier at Keystone Resort. On March 11, 2025, at approximately 4:00 pm, special operations technicians with the Sheriff’s Office, who also serve as deputy coroners, responded to Keystone Resort following a report of a skier fatality. The preliminary investigation found that a male skier from the Front Range was descending the Haywood trail at a high speed when he lost control, veered off the trail, and collided with a padded light pole,” says the Summit County, Colorado Sheriff’s Office in a Facebook post.

It’s not clear what else there is to investigate here since they’ve already determined what happened to the poor bastard. The rest of the post even lays out that he was wearing a helmet and that there’s no evidence he was under the influence of alcohol or drugs, or if he was the victim of foul play. It’s a pretty open-and-shut case of Sonny Bono-ing via insufficient padding on a light pole.

DC Circuit Judge Beryl Howell on Wednesday blocked the Trump Regime from enforcing the fat fuck’s executive order seeking to block Dem law firm Perkins Coie and their clients from all government business and buildings, Politico’s Kyle Cheney reports.

On a side note there was an exchange prior to the ruling relevant to ICE detainee Mahmoud Khalil, when regime douche lawyer Chad Mizelle said the First Amendment protects calls for overthrow of the government, to which Howell quipped “Unless you have a green card.”

When Mizelle agreed with her, Howell said that was not her understanding of what Khalil is not actually formally accused of. “There are a lot of facts in that case that are tricky and not all public,” Mizelle responded, which sounds like they’re still trying to figure out how to deport him.

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer on Tuesday hinted his caucus are going to need a pound of flesh from Republicans to avert a government shutdown from kicking in at midnight on Saturday, as the House-passed continuing resolution requires 60 votes in the Senate, Axios reports.

“Democrats had nothing to do with this bill. And we want an opportunity to get an amendment vote or two. So that’s what we are insisting on to vote for cloture,” Tim Kaine told reporters after Dems met on Wednesday, adding “There are not the votes right now to pass it.”

The Social Security Administration’s phone-based service for seniors and disabled people is likely to get DOGEd, the Washington Post reports on the Trump regime tempting the wrath of the olds.

Among the ton of stupid shit convicted felon President Trump embarrassed the United States with during an Oval Office presser with the Ireland’s Prime Minister was this gem above. Then there was “Nobody’s expelling any Palestinians,” even though that was supposed to be the plan, before that was “Schumer is a Palestinian as far as I’m concerned. He’s become a Palestinian. He used to be Jewish. He’s not Jewish anymore. He’s a Palestinian,” and “I have a right to adjust” his tariff policy with all this back-and-forth dipshittery, and “I think the markets are going to soar when they see what’s happening,” as if they aren’t seeing what’s happening and reacting accordingly to his failures.

In a media advisory for interviews with Navy SEAL Lt Cmdr Jonny Kim MD, prior to his scheduled mission on Tuesday, April 8, NASA touts his background “a US Navy lieutenant commander and dual designated naval aviator and flight surgeon. Kim also served as an enlisted Navy SEAL. He holds a bachelor’s degree in Mathematics from the University of San Diego and a medical degree from Harvard Medical School in Boston. He completed his internship with the Harvard Affiliated Emergency Medicine Residency at Massachusetts General Hospital and Brigham and Women’s Hospital. After completing initial astronaut candidate training, Kim supported mission and crew operations in various roles, including the Expedition 65 lead operations officer, T-38 operations liaison, and space station capcom chief engineer.” Plus his girlfriend’s probably pretty hot.

Oh but Kim’s Asian. Sounds like a woke DEI hire who needs to get DOGEd yesterday.

A plane carrying former Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte landed in the Netherlands on Wednesday, putting the psychotic mass murderer in the custody of the International Criminal Court on a warrant for thousands of extrajudicial “death squad” killings against suspected drug dealers during Dutere’s six year term, Politiko.com.ph reports.