Quite a row in the constabulary on the Isle of Wight, as the Telegraph reports PC Tia Johnson-Warne and her bloke are no longer seeing each other given the slaggish behaviour she exhbited at a Wetherspoon’s in Ryde recently. Worse yet, she faces misconduct charges for the incident. The row began when Johnson-Ware and ex-bloke PC Kane Brookes were enjoying pints in the pub with their mates on the service when she started grabbing the wanks of two of them other male officers.

Police Constable A, who cannot be named for legal reasons, testified Monday that Johnson-Warne groped him whilst Brooks was chatting elsewhere in the pub. When PC A moved away, Johnson-Warne immediately sent him a text message “Don’t you want to fuck me?” accompanied by a photo of her intimates. PC B, also sexually assaulted by Johnson-Warne on the night in question, told the inquiry that their entire group had been cut off by the barkeep due to her piss drunkenness.

“It was incredibly awkward, I have not had to deal with that behaviour before. I did not know how to process or deal with it. It was not anything I invited or wanted, I wanted that situation to stop,” PC A testified, while PC B still feels traumatized. “I did feel that I was a victim of something sexually inappropriate. I’m not as sociable nowadays. I have tried to ignore what happened and move on.”

Johnson-Ware faces other charges for punching Brookes after he broke up with her over the incident and violating her bail from the assault charge. It’s not clear if she’s going to be fired.

The first of who knows how many military flights to the Guantanamo Bay Naval Base took off on Tuesday, CNN reports on the internment of the poor souls indefinitely at a highly secured base on the island of Cuba almost certainly simply because its name evokes a godforsaken imprisonment.

Brainwormed conspiracy freak Robert F Kennedy Jr’s nomination to HHS advanced out of the Senate Finance Committee on a party-line vote on Tuesday, with Louisiana Republican – and actual doctor – Bill Cassidy capitulating at the last minute after weeks of wavering on Bobby.

In very related news, Tulsi Gabbard’s nomination to serve as Director of National Intelligence got a similar boost when Indiana Senator Todd young, another wavering Republican, announced he would support her in the Senate Intel Committee. That vote is expected later Tuesday.

Alerting the nation to a massive health crisis, President Trump on Tuesday posted that “20 years ago, Autism in children was 1 in 10,000. NOW IT’S 1 in 34. WOW! Something’s really wrong. We need BOBBY!!! Thank You! DJT,” effectively guaranteeing that “BOBBY,” as in Health and Human Services Secretary nominee Robert F Kennedy Jr, would find a cure for the neurodevelopmental disorders affecting millions of Americans. Trump did not elaborate on the nature of said cure.

Nor did he address the assertion that the increase in autism diagnoses could be attributable to advances in pediatric healthcare that expanded the criteria for said diagnoses. But since Trump is a talented polymath possessing a vast array of expertise in so many different fields of knowledge it would be foolish to question his mastery of the neurological sciences or the statistics he cited.

Could probably keep going with the sarcasm, but any day now the adult autism sufferer Trump placed in charge of the entire federal funding apparatus is probably going to cut off payments to agencies and specialists that provide therapy services to children suffering from autism.

“The continuing egg shortage caused by HPAI (Bird Flu) has caused a dramatic increase in egg prices. Consumers and restaurants are being forced to make difficult decisions. Effective February 3, Waffle House has implemented a temporary .50 per egg surcharge to all menus. Rather than increasing prices across the menu, this is a temporary targeted surcharge tied to the unprecedented rise in egg prices. As long as they are available, quality, fresh-cracked, Grade A Large eggs will remain a key ingredient in many of our customers favorite meals. While we hope these price fluctuations will be short-lived we cannot predict how long this shortage will last.”

“We are continuously monitoring egg prices and will adjust or remove the surcharge as market conditions allow,” says a notice from the breakfast chain picked up by WSOC Atlanta’s Joe Bruno.

Wow, that bird flu epidemic is bad. Well we should all be extra understanding and realize that President Trump can only do so much to help keep prices down for everyday Americans. Some things are just out of his hands and he said as much on the campaign trail. And even if he actually did specifically mention the price of eggs as being too high that was just rhetoric and most people know that. Nobody should be politicizing this. It’s better to just cut back or pay more than being divisive and trying to blame Trump for the increased costs for eggs at Waffle House.

The time that Chick-fil-A had a major sauce shortage was completely different. Oklahoma Governor Kevin Stitt was right to tell supporters that “Chick-fil-A has a sauce shortage. And you want to know why? Because of Joe Biden’s radical liberal policies” in a 2021 fundraising email. It wasn’t political.

National Zero will resume our regular coverage after Chuck Todd-ifying the completely apolitical, non-partisan nature of the bird flu outbreak-induced egg surcharge at all Waffle House locations.

A Texas man demonstrating at a recent pro-immigrant protest in El Paso told the Texas Tribune that he’s worried that his father – who works at a farm in nearby New Mexico could end up being deported back to Old Mexico if caught up in an ICE raid. The man, who only identified himself as Alan, said he’s a police officer and was also angered by President Trump’s pardon of every single Capitol rioter, even ones who brutally assaulted cops during the January 6th, 2021 insurrection.

Alan is just one of tens of millions of Americans holding deep concerns that the 47th president’s unconventional policy decisions could affect them and their families personally, wishing that something had been done last year to prevent him from taking office and doing the most abhorrent and disgraceful things that he had repeatedly and emphatically promised to do while campaigning.

The Tribune writes that “Alan said he voted for Donald Trump because of worries about the economy and because he believes Trump is pro-police and would combat the public’s negative perception of law enforcement. He said he believed Trump’s promises to make everyday items affordable for middle-class families,” and then quoting him as saying “I just don’t agree with how he’s going about the mass deportations.” It’s not clear if eggs are cheaper yet at the store where Alan buys groceries.

Come for icy monster Laura Ingraham sparing most, but not all, of her venom for convicted felon President Trump’s capitulation to Mexico and Canada, stay for the unfortunately too brief defense (clip got cut off) from this Patrick Bet-David ballsucker who lamely begins his spin with “I think President Trump is a guy, that my opinion, who likes to ask people ‘What do you think?’ behind closed doors. But at the end of the day he’s a strategist, he’s thinking five, 10, 15 moves ahead.” Lol.

“I am pleased to announce that Sean Parnell will be the Assistant to the Secretary of Defense for Public Affairs, and Chief Pentagon Spokesman. A Great American Patriot, Sean is a fearless Combat Veteran, who led one of the most decorated units in the Afghanistan War. He earned two Bronze Stars and a Purple Heart, while his platoon achieved an incredible record of eliminating over 350 enemy fighters. During my First Term, Sean was also instrumental helping pass the MISSION ACT, the BIGGEST VA Reform in History. Congratulations to Sean, his wonderful wife, and their five children!” posted convicted felon President Trump on his shitty Twitter knockoff late Tuesday.

Sean Parnell hasn’t been mentioned here in a few years. He kind of fell off the radar in late 2021 when he withdrew from the race to succeed now-retired Republican Pennsylvania Senator Pat Toomey just hours after a judge had denied him custody of his three kids in a contentious court battle with his ex-wife. The former Mrs Parnell had alleged Sean was verbally and physically abusive to both her and the children, with the judge finding her the more credible witness. It did not at all help that Parnell’s military novels contained multiple depictions of graphic violence against women.

Probably hurt actually. Altogether Parnell’s shittiness as a husband and father made him too toxic for a swing state GOP primary and for any position that would require Senate confirmation, but obviously just perfect for a hire role where Trump is the only one deciding whether he’s fit.

Two of the six punks who stole two New York City subway trains parked overnight in a tunnel under Brooklyn’s 4th Avenue late last month were arrested Monday – one of them taken out of class at his high school – and charged with reckless endangerment, possession of burglary tools, criminal mischief, and criminal trespass for their brief joyride, the New York Daily News reports.

Four others are still being sought in the January 25th incident in which the unnamed 15 and 17 year-old males – whose names were not made public due to their age – and their dudes stole not one but two R trains and drove them down an empty express track being used for overnight storage. The local chapter of the Transport Workers Union had offered a $3,500 reward for information leading to their arrests, a snitches’ prize that seemed to indicate the union were upset a bunch of punk kids made them look lazy and incompetent by easily stealing two freaking subway trains.

As for the utter void of anything resembling even the most basic of security measures to prevent such joyriding, the New York City Transit Authority on Monday announced plans to address that by adding alarms and brighter lights to train controls to warn when cars are moved without permission. Not sure what that would have done in this situation besides maybe have made it easier to catch these kids after they had already stolen the train. The article also mentions that the MTA is looking at having biometric security installed, but who knows how the hell long that will take.

New York Gov. Hochul signs law protecting abortion pill prescribers after doctor indicted in Louisiana https://t.co/awC57W3mEI

— Fox News (@FoxNews) February 4, 2025

The Chinese Communists on Tuesday responded to convicted felon President Trump’s declaration of a trade war with 15 percent tariffs on coal and liquefied natural gas exports, 10 percent on oil, and opening an investigation into Google, with the levies taking effect Monday, the AP reports.

“The US’s unilateral tariff increase seriously violates the rules of the World Trade Organization,” the State Council Tariff Commission said in a statement. “It is not only unhelpful in solving its own problems, but also damages normal economic and trade cooperation between China and the US.”

Remember The X-Files episode when Mulder and Scully got temporarily reassigned to investigate a white nationalist terrorist group, arrested a shit ton of them, and then a fictional far right president got elected in 1996, pardoned the terrorists, and fired the two agents in an act of petty retaliation?

No? You nerd! Only a total dweeb would know that was never a real X-Files episode. Anyway Politico reports that not only is there kind of a real-life X-Files unit inside the FBI dedicated to investigating UFOs, but several agents on the squad are concerned that they’re going to have to be honest about the non-paranormal cases they’ve worked when convicted felon President Trump’s thoughtcrimes enforcers come around asking if they were involved in any investigations related to January 6th.

“I have spoken to several agents from the UAP Working Group who are afraid of losing their role and the investigation getting unintentionally compromised,” said Ryan Graves, UAP truth activist and former Navy pilot. “I am concerned that the FBI’s UAP Working Group could be affected by transition changes, and these leaders might not be aware of the incredible work these agents are doing and how their investigation could be empowered as part of a formalized intergovernmental effort.”

Maybe it’d help to print out the Dominion Voting Systems logo and tape it over the UFO on their “I WANT TO BELIEVE” poster in their basement office under the J Edgar Hoover Building. Kash Patel’s loyalty squad might see that and just say “Alright, these guys are America First. On to the next one.”

Please Trump fans, PLEASE go on at length in the comments below to explain to us libtards how much wining you got over Canada and Mexico. Just dunk on us with these AMAZING triumphs for America First.

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau on Monday announced that convicted felon President Trump had agreed to pause the implementation of tariffs on Maple-Land for 30 days for concessions almost certainly as meaningless as Mexico sending 10,000 troops to the border, the CBC reports.

Michigan state Senator Mallory McMorrow is expected to launch a bid to replace retiring US Senator Gary Peters in 2026, the AP reports. McMorrow first shot to fame in 2022 when she absolutely flayed some MAGA scrub going through the motions over the “groomer” bullshit in a fiery speech.

The Dow Jones Industrial Average on Monday afternoon pared back its losses after convicted felon President Trump announced Mexican president Claudia Sheinbaum had made a token gesture of deploying 10,000 troops to the border, CNBC reports. The fat fuck didn’t even get a wall out of it.

“It was good to work with the DOGE team this weekend. We must keep all our American government employees safe and we must protect the American people’s property. Anyone imperiling others violating our laws. I recognize that some of the staff at DOGE has been targeted publicly.”

“At this time, I ask that you utilize me and my staff to assist in protecting the DOGE work and the DOGE workers. Any threats, confrontations, or other actions in any way that impact their work may break numerous laws. Let me assure you of this: we will pursue any and all legal action against anyone who impedes your work or threatens your people. We will not act like the previous administration who looked the other way as the Antifa and BLM rioters as well as thugs with guns trashed our capital city. We will protect DOGE and other workers no matter what,” writes Acting DC US Attorney Ed Martin in a very, um, obsequious memo to President Elon Musk

Apologies for the tame headline. It was either that or just say Martin is sucking Musk’s cock on the taxpayer dime. Trying to be marginally less vulgar here. Also note the “We will not act like the previous administration who looked the other way as the Antifa and BLM rioters,” because this cocksucker thinks Joe Biden was president in 2020 during the riots over George Floyd’s murder.

“Sheinbaum is just stalling, nothing will change until the tariffs are enforced. President Trump knows this but after 30 days are up she can’t whine about not being given the opportunity to correct the situation” – Top comment on the Breitbart article “Mexico Folds: Sending Troops to Secure Border to Avoid Trump Tariffs,” posted Monday. The article itself of course paints this as a victory.

Lol. A week ago the Wall Street Journal reported there would be no negotiations before the tariffs actually kicked in, that Trump was dead-set on doing it and THEN he would hear Sheinbaum out. He just fucking played by a woman who’s been in office for four months. Even the commenter – a semi-regular from The Hill back in the day – seems to know it but is putting it as delicately as possible.