The proprietor of a Florida “psychic” establishment can’t even divine which asshole threw an “object” through the front window of their business in the town of Pinecrest, let alone the identity of the person who even tossed it, causing over $1,000 in damages, WPLG reports.

The vandalism incident occurred at approximately 9 PM on December 23rd, according to local police and not the Professor X wannabe who’s supposed to be prescient enough to be there to stop the likely drunk son of a bitch from throwing an “object” into the front window of their business.

“We have a subject goes to the front of business as quickly as it happened and he leaves through alleyway. We want to be able to find this guy and hold him responsible,” said Pinecrest Police Chief Jason Cohen, using the collective “we” as in the police department and not the victim of the vandalism, whose powers are obviously pretty fucking useless when it comes to solving this crime.

You know how you and your friends might have preferred one McDonald’s franchise to another? Like the fries tended to be noticebaly fresher and the service quicker at one – or maybe there was a Taco Bell a little further away from a closer one that you drove an extra 15 minutes to because your dude’s older brother worked there and was extra generous with the cinnamon twists and nachos?

There’s one Little Caesar’s in Kansas City that’s kind of like that, except the thing that’s different about it is that there’s more gun homicides than the others. The Kansas City Star reports that the two men found shot dead in the parking lot outside the LC’s at 8700 Blue Ridge Blvd in the south side of town are the third and fourth victims of a crazy killing fest at the chain pizza joint that began with the October 25th, 2024 death of 48 year-old Reginald Lamar inside the location.

Cops believe Lamar was killed by an acquaintance who obviously didn’t want to be acquaintances with him anymore. The suspected shooter is still at large, but has not been named. Then on December 5th an unidentified man was shot dead in his car by an unknown assailant.

What sucks for the owners of this Little Caesar’s is that they could’ve had a reputation for more garlic parmesan sawdust stuff dumped onto the pizza or crispier pepperoni that’s burnt at the edges. Instead they’re stuck with this whole murder thing that’ll probably require them to hand out more coupons to attract customers willing to risk getting shot for 50 percent off crazy bread.

Outrage as Biden set to award Hillary Clinton, George Soros with Presidential Medal of Freedom https://t.co/ogxyKEFgzv

— Fox News (@FoxNews) January 4, 2025

Fox News on Saturday reported that a wave of outrage has erupted in response to President Joe Biden’s announcement he will be conferring the Presidential Medal of Freedom to former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and foreign-born billionaire George Soros, among other prominent figures.

The implication that this was bad outrage was readily apparent in Fox News’s article, as the story led with foreign-born billionaire Elon Musk’s tweet condemning Soros for “doing things that erode the fabric of civilization,” actions which somehow stand in contrast to Musk’s recent public backing of the Alternative for Germany, ReformUK, and American Republican parties for reasons unstated.

Fox’s article then cited “Online commentator” Blake Habyan who wrote “What a joke – these people have done the exact opposite of what the award is intended for,” and that Natalie F Danelishen wrote that “the news could be a Babylon Bee story given how unbelievable it is,” and that Clinton and Soros are “Seriously, two of the worst people on earth.” It was not made clear if Danelishen is also an “Online commentator” or if she is simply a person posting an opinion in an online comment.

Jason De Leon, who’s more of an Indiana Jones than a Jonathan Turley-type academic, as in he actually puts his ass on the line instead of spewing nonsense “theories” in lame op-eds printed by The Hill, tells CNN that the guias (guides) who walk migrants across Mexico toward and into the US are thrilled convicted felon President-Elect Trump is returning to power as they see him as talking a big game but not doing shit to stop them, while at the same time they can charge migrants extra.

“Smugglers love Trump, because it’s a lot of bluster, and migrants don’t know that, so they can jack up their prices quickly. I would say Trump is good for the economy of undocumented migration,” said De Leon, a professor of anthropology and Chicano studies at UCLA, also the director of the school’s Cotsen Institute of Archaeology, and author of two books about his time on the ground in Mexico spent interviewing guys in the migration industry. So he just might kind of know his shit.

“Smugglers are going, ‘OK, if you want to come now, the price has doubled, because it’s so much more dangerous now,’ even though it’s probably not. I remember having lots of conversations with smugglers, who would say, ‘I love Trump. He makes our job easier and makes it easier for us to justify higher rates,'” De Leon continued, adding he’s unsure what’s actually going to happen after the fat bastard solemnly perjures himself on the 20th. “I’m sure the rates are going through the roof right now. I think we’re going to continue to see that. Then (the question is) whether or not deportations will start in any meaningful way, that’s more unknown right now. I do think we’re going to see this uptick in migration rates, and probably in costs, until January, and then I don’t know.”

No need to copy and paste convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s ongoing tantrum over his upcoming sentencing on Truth Social, it’s the same shit over and over again. The “There has never been a President who was so evilly and illegally treated as I” line and admitting he paid off Stormy Daniels with a “legal expense” are kind of funny though. He really can’t ever be happy.

To the reader who urged this week’s selection to be Shaun of The Dead: I started actually making this a grand triple feature of Edgar Wright’s whole “Three Flavors Cornetto” trilogy, with my personal favorite Hot Fuzz on the top, then Shaun of the Dead, and then The World’s End at the bottom because it just wasn’t nearly as good as the other two, even before the bleak, depressing ending.

Then YouTube pulled a Youtube. Every R-rated movie is “Age restricted” and cannot be embedded on another website, something that wasn’t apparent until now since the previous two selections just so happened to be PG-13. That SERIOUSLY puts a crimp on how much further “Movie Night Friday” can go as it’ll be just weeks until freaking Jurassic World is the best selection available. Which is to say I am going to need a new regular Friday night open thread format far sooner than anticipated.

On that note, was anyone aware that Red Dawn is PG-13? On one hand 1984 was the year the MPAA introduced the medium rating in direct response to the closer-to-R-than-PG violence of Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom so it’s understandable if their content reviewers were still fine-tuning the exact criteria. On the other it isn’t a close call as to whether it would be rated R if the exact same movie, with the exact same level of violence were made today. The actual Red Dawn remake from 2012, the one where the chickenshit studio had to digitally edit it from a Chinese invasion to a North Korean one before releasing the movie, sucked for that and lengthy list of other reasons, a big one was its utter tameness compared to the savagery of the original Cold War classic.

Law enforcement officials in Las Vegas on Friday shared some choice clips from Elontruck self-exploder Matt Livelsberger’s manifesto somehow remained intact in the inferno outside the Trump hooker encounter experience in the city, with the now-dead fanboy pledging “This was not a terrorist attack, it was a wakeup call. Americans only pay attention to spectacles and violence. What better way to get my point across than a stunt with fireworks and explosives,” the AP reports.

“Fellow Servicemembers, Veterans, and all Americans, TIME TO WAKE UP! We are being led by weak and feckless leadership who only serve to enrich themselves,” Livselberger also wrote in the letter, which was maybe, just maybe, hinting that he felt like Trump sold him out.

My bad on the spelling!

— Matt Gaetz (@mattgaetz) January 3, 2025

It’s not clear which 20th century family movie that millennials would have watched repeatedly on VHS – and/or had to read the book it was based on in elementary or middle school – best fits the experience of eight year-old Zimbabwean boy Tinotenda Pudu, who spent five days and nights in a nature preserve evading hungry lions and living off the land in Matusadona Game Park before he was rescued by rangers and returned to his home village 30 miles away, CBS News reports.

Yeah, the setting is totally The Lion King, but there were no people in the movie, which means it was set in the year 9745 AD, thousands of years after genetically engineered, hyper-sentient animals capable of speech rebelled against their human masters and either wiped them out or drove them off-planet, with one group of lions organizing a fascist, caste-based monarchial state in a remote part of New Mexico in which the flora had been altered to resemble that of Sub-Saharan Africa.

The state’s a caste system in which the herbivores willingly submit themselves for ritual sacrifice and consumption by their lion overlords, even bowing at the birth of their newest destroyer and – Oh yeah. The setting is like The Lion King , but unless the animals secretly spoke to Tino – or he thought they did because sometimes kids believe wacky shit – it wasn’t like The Jungle Book.

That one took place in India. Anyway, the CBS News article, based on posts from a Zimbabwean MP, seems to indicate that Tino wandered away from home on purpose, so it’s not really an African version of Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. The lad’s definitely got some Huckleberry Finn in him, as he lived off the land, eating fruit and drinking water he dug out from a dry riverbed.

Manhattan Judge Juan Merchan on Friday ordered convicted felon President-Elect Trump into court next Friday to sentence him on 34 felony counts for interfering in the 2016 election by unlawfully paying off pornstar Stormy Daniels to stay quiet about their two-minute sexual encounter.

Undeterred by the GOP logjam forcing his chosen Speaker of the House candidate into a second round of voting on Friday, President-Elect Donald Trump doubled down his unwavering support for Mike Johnson in a defiant early afternoon Truth Social post, writing “The Democrats are all ‘giddy’ about our magnificent American Flag potentially being at ‘half mast’ during my Inauguration. They think it’s so great, and are so happy about it because, in actuality, they don’t love our Country, they only think about themselves. Look at what they’ve done to our once GREAT America over the past four years – It’s a total mess! In any event, because of the death of President Jimmy Carter, the Flag may, for the first time ever during an Inauguration of a future President, be at half mast. Nobody wants to see this, and no American can be happy about it. Let’s see how it plays out.”

Huh. Nothing about Mike Johnson in there, actually. But there is another post before it:

“Biden gave Liz Cheney a Medal yesterday, even though she has proven to be totally corrupt. She, ‘Bennie’ Thompson, and the rest of the Unselect Committee, destroyed and deleted all evidence from their crooked investigation of January 6th. Cheney has the distinction of losing her Congressional seat by the largest margin in History! The people of Wyoming understood how bad for our Country she was, but Biden rewarded her only because she hated ‘TRUMP.’ She’s a Warmonger of low intelligence. All she wants to do is kill people in ‘Endless Wars,’ with no gain other than to defense companies. Liz Cheney, Cryin’ Adam Kinzinger, Bennie Thompson, and the rest of these dishonest Thugs have gotten away with horrible things under the pretense of January 6th. Nancy Pelosi refused to accept the help which was offered for security. She is responsible, and admitted as much, for all to see, on her daughter’s tape. They have destroyed the lives of many people, and are rewarded by getting Biden Fake Medals. This is not America. January 20 cannot come fast enough.”

Well guess there’s nothing about Mike Johnson in that one either. Whoops.

Another Congress with a House GOP majority, another complete fucking shitshow in works for performing the most basic of functions: Electing a Speaker of The House. That, unlike feckless worm now former Congressman Kevin McCarthy was during the absolute embarrassment that was the chamber’s election in 2023, Mike Johnson already is the Speaker of the House is meaningless, there’s still no placating these freaks. Worse, there’s an even smaller Republican majority than there was last time and even more uncertainty that Johnson will still hold the gavel next week. All that said, the uncertainty works both ways and Señor Jesus Dork really could have it over and done with after one vote. McCarthy faced 20-odd defections in the worst of the 15 rounds he went. Johnson’s will very likely be lower, maybe even low enough to clinch in the first vote. Maybe.

Members of Chicago’s Lincoln United Methodist Church who prefer to attend services in Spanish will have to do so via Zoom for the foreseeable future as the congregation’s leadership have decided to take convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s incoming regime seriously on their stated goal of raiding religious services to detain undocumented immigrants, the Chicago Tribune reports.

“My family and I are tired of this,” said parishioner Francesca Lino, a US citizen a mom to six, weary of another four years of MAGA bullshit – only worse this time. Pastor Emma Lozano made the call to go online-only en Español as she girds her flock for the coming tribulations, getting ahead of it after being targeted by right wing harassment and vandalism repeatedly over the last decade. “We must take their threats seriously and prepare for the worst,” Lozano told the Tribune.

Sad. Weak. New research by a team of geophysicists and volcanologists indicates that the Yellowstone Supervolcano just doesn’t have the stuff to erupt anytime soon and it will be thousands of years if not longer before even a small-to-moderate eruption occurs at the national park.

The paper – lead authored by Hawaii Volcano Observatory geophysicist Ninfa Bennington – is a shit ton of jargon about the current underground hellscape of magma at the park, and reading from a new type of telemetry device. The findings from which lead to the conclusion that the present mix and distribution of red hot melty basaltic magma and ultra-pasty rhyolitic magma is not conducive with conditions that preceded prior eruptions. Right now there’s simply not enough pressure being put on the rhyolitic magma as it’s not concentrated in any one particular spot in the caldera.

Wow. Amazing that Jim Jordan comes out of a TV hit looking smarter and more informed than the person interviewing him, correcting Brian Kilmeade’s dumbassery after the couch guy cited a tweet by now-former Freedom Caucasians Congressman Bob Good. The funniest part is that Good actually did tweet “I will NOT be voting for Mike Johnson for Speaker todat [sic],” which is factually correct, and Kilmeade was unaware that he lost the primary to MAGA challenger John McGuire.

“Good luck today for Speaker Mike Johnson, a fine man of great ability, who is very close to having 100 percent support. A win for Mike today will be a big win for the Republican Party, and yet another acknowledgment of our 129 year most consequential Presidential Election!! – A BIG AFFIRMATION, INDEED. MAGA!” posted convicted felon President-Elect Trump on Friday, ahead of the big vote.

No idea what the hell “129 year most important election” is supposed to mean, but otherwise his intent is pretty clear: The fat fuck wants zero problems for certifying his win on Monday and he will bring a world of shit down onto whoever he doesn’t like if they don’t vote for Jesus Dork. At the same time, as soon as Trump learns that the House Republican majority could simply vote to modify the chamber’s rules and allow the certification to proceed without a speaker – or elect an “acting” one – he’ll realize he doesn’t need Johnson and that’ll (probably) be the end of “MAGA Mike.”

Donald also posted “The UK is making a very big mistake. Open up the North Sea. Get rid of Windmills!” at 12:18 AM while linking a November article about some American oil company pulling out of the region because of “windfall” taxes. “US oil firm Apache has announced plans to exit the North Sea because the windfall tax has made its UK operations ‘uneconomic,'” said a local British chamber of commerce’s article, its wording raising the very strong possibility that the orange fucking idiot believes “windfall” taxes means the oil producers have to pay to help install windmills or something, just like how he almost certainly thinks “asylum” claimants are from insane asylums.

Worth noting that Britain’s wind power infrastructure literally works too well, that operators have to disconnect them on the windiest days because the loads could fry the country’s electrical grid.

The makers of Tryngolza™, Keytruda®, Taltz®, Niktimvo™, PiaSky®, Pombiliti™, Velsipity®, Cobenfy™, Exxua™, Xdemvy®, and other pharmaceutical cocktails are concerned that brainwormed nutcase Health and Human Services Secretary nominee Robert F Kennedy Jr could make serious dent in their free rein to advertise their on Fox News and other TV content mills, even if his crusade against their insufferable commercials falls short of a full ban, the Wall Street Journal reports.

TV ad data aggregator iSpot estimate says prescription drug brands accounted for 30.7 percent of ad minutes across evening broadcasts on ABC, CBS, CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, and NBC last year through December 15th, the industry spending literally hundreds of billions on hawking their cures for ailments people don’t even know existed. Abbvie’s Skyrizi® – whose side effects include upper respiratory infections, headache, joint pain, stomach (abdominal) pain, injection site reactions, low red blood cells (anemia), fever, back pain, urinary tract infection, and rash – accounted for $400 million in spending on linear TV spots in the US alone. And well it is pretty much the US alone as, save for New Zealand, America is the only developed country where pharmaceutical companies are permitted to advertise on TV. They have to make do through other means elsewhere.

Police in South Korea on Friday gave up on cuffing shitnag conservative President Yook Suk Yeol after an hourslong standoff between law enforcement serving his arrest warrant on sedition charges and a throng of his fanboys, plus his security detail, CNN reports. Yoon’s evasion further intensified the ongoing political crisis a month after the conspiracy-pilled assclown stupidly declared martial law in response to a bunch of conspiracy shit he saw on YouTube and got himself impeached for it.

The warrant remains in effect until January 6, but it’s not clear if police will try again to arrest Yoon at the presidential compound. He currently is appealing the warrant in the court system.

“Interesting how these stories are written and they always find a relative that says the bad actor was a ‘huge Trump fan.’ Funny how there is never a story regarding a bad actor that was a ‘huge Biden/Obama fan,’ right?” – Top comment on the New York Post article “Cybertruck bomber Matthew Livelsberger was ‘Rambo-type’ patriot who loved Trump, uncle reveals,” posted Thursday.

It is pretty interesting how more often than not such chaotic, over-the-top batshittery turns out to be perpetrated by “huge Trump fans,” right? And also that, for all we know, Livelsberger’s self-immolation very well could have been some “protest” by a “huge Trump fan” disappointed and angered by Donald betraying his white nationalist base on the matter of foreign worker visas by siding with the drug-addicted billionaire asshole who designed the hideous electric shitbox. Hell if there’s a better explanation for why Livelsberger did what he did on Wednesday then let’s hear it.

Either way, yes it is pretty damn funny too how this guy is fucking childish enough to impotently cry how there’s never a story about a “huge Biden/Obama fan.” Once again, it doesn’t matter if he’s a lib troll simply because dozens of other Post readers upvoted him in agreement. They’re just pissed that maniacs like Livelberger are disproportionately Trump fans, as if the average schmuck on the MAGA internet theirselves don’t regularly post and upvote shit about the “tree of liberty being watered with the blood of woke tyrants” or whatever. Quite a unique vintage of fanboy abjection.

And, not for nothing, he might as well be angry with the Post for not being as diligent with picking up what few recent stories there have been involving (likely) Dem voters and political violence. The paper did not run any articles about Issac Sissel and John Pollard, two libs who were arrested in during the campaign for threatening Trump fans. National Zero printed them with alacrity.

“On January 1, 2025, at approximately 1754 hours, Payette Police Department Officers were dispatched to the area of the 600 Block of North 8th Street, regarding a suspicious subject who was observed near a parked railroad car, attempting to light something on fire. Upon arrival in the area, officers observed fresh footprints in the snow and were able to track them to a train car, where they located a suspected undetonated Improvised Explosive Device (IED). Officers followed the fresh prints in the snow to a camp trailer that was parked near a residence in the 600 Block of N 8th St.”

“The suspect (identified as 40-year-old Payette resident, Brent Sharrai) attempted to flee from the camp trailer on foot but surrendered to Payette Police Officers after a short foot pursuit. Sharrai was taken into custody at that time on outstanding Payette County warrants. He was later booked into the Payette County Jail on those warrants, as well as additional charges for possession of a destructive device (felony), possession of a controlled substance (felony), possession of paraphernalia (misdemeanor) and resisting and obstructing officers. Due to the dangers posed by the IED, the Nampa Bomb Squad was requested for assistance in rendering the device safe.”

“Union Pacific was also notified and all trains scheduled to travel through the incident site were put on standby for approximately 5 hours, until the scene was determined to be safe. An agent with the FBI also responded to the scene to assist with the investigation. The Nampa Bomb Squad utilized their specialized robot to remove the IED from the train car and later detonated the device to render it safe,” says a Facebook post by the Payette, Idaho Police. The guy doesn’t look like a “liberal.”