A very weak and pathetic magnitude 2.4 earthquake centered in the shopping mall town of Paramus weak hit northern New Jersey on Friday afternoon at approximately 1 PM EST. So lame and soft was the tremor that the Weather Channel picked it up for content using their own employee’s account.

“I thought it was a large truck passing by, but then my neighbors started texting each other, sharing reports via Ring cameras and Bergen County Facebook groups,” Weather Channel staffer and Bergen County, New Jersey resident Carmen Molina said to colleague Jan Wesner Childs, who must be the outlet’s expert on seismology, which it need not be said has nothing to do with weather.

Oh wait, this is what Childs wrote further down: “‘Quakes are not common in this area, but they do happen and can be quite strong,’ Weather.com meteorologist and natural disasters expert Orelon Sidney said. ‘April 2024 saw a quake that was felt in NYC of 4.8.'” Holy shit they really can’t even just call up an actual geologist for a fucking quote – or someone who can speak in complete sentences.

Was this Orleon Sidney assclown drunk on absinthe and/or stoned on Xanax when they sputtered out “April 2024 saw a quake that was felt in NYC of 4.8”? Jesus Christ, maybe go see a neurologist about that. An actual one and not someone who calls themselves a “brain disaster expert.”

“I am writing to request the transfer of inmate George John Hanson from the US Bureau of Prisons to state custody. He is currently incarcerated at the United States Penitentiary, Pollock, which I understand is a facility within the South-Central Region. Your agency’s records indicate that Inmate Hanson is currently assigned the BOP Register Number 08585-062. I request that he be transferred to Lexington Assessment and Reception Center in Lexington, Oklahoma. As Oklahoma’s executive authority responsible for law enforcement, I am submitting this request to you pursuant to 18 USC § 3623 and your agency’s policies. As you know, the statute creates certain obligations for the Director of the Bureau of Prisons. The Director has delegated that authority to you.”

“I have enclosed a certified copy of the judgment of conviction indicating that Inmate Hanson was sentenced to death in Oklahoma state court. On August 31, 1999, Inmate Hanson and his accomplice, Victor Miller, carjacked and kidnapped 77-year-old Mary Bowles from the parking lot of a mall in Tulsa, Oklahoma, before Inmate Hanson eventually executed her with a semi-automatic pistol as she lay on the ground by an isolated dirt pit near Owasso, Oklahoma,” writes Oklahoma Attorney General Gentner Drummond in a letter to Bureau of Prisons official Danon Colbert.

“The next execution in Oklahoma is currently scheduled for March 20, 2025. I request that you effectuate Inmate Hanson’s transfer to state custody in advance of that date, so that he is eligible for the next available execution date. Please contact me immediately if you are unable to comply with my request,” Drummond continued in the letter after bitching about the Biden Administration holding up the transfer for two years. That sure sucks for George John Hanson.

During a meeting with local officials in western North Carolina on Friday, in between saying he’s looking to abolish FEMA and that Canadians would have much better health care if they were the 51st state, convicted felon President Trump told a reporter he won’t take any responsibility if something happens to John Bolton or Anthony Fauci, brushing it off as them simply no longer working in government and having enough money to pay for it themselves, thus justifying this.

Set aside the fact that Trump not only had enough money to pay for his own security the past four years of his unemployment, and not only did he bleed taxpayers for the regular cost of Secret Service operations but he actually charged agents more than the normal rates to house them at his various properties because “Wow, Trump’s being a hypocritical cunt!” isn’t really news.

Been meaning to get to this, but it’s the “responsibility” thing that actually points to a major liability elsewhere: It’s not terribly likely that Fauci or Bolton or Mike Pompeo will get murdered, despite Trump’s best efforts to make that more likely. It’s the actual near certainty that someone’s going to be killed by one of the 1,500 Capitol rioters the fat fuck just pardoned. There were legitimate hardened criminals in that group, guys whose rap sheets had nothing to do with right wing politics, ones who couldn’t even vote for Trump because they were already felons, who are now back out on the streets. Donald’s not going to “take responsibility” for that either, but that’s not going to matter when Laken Riley’s blood was on Joe and Kamala’s hands because open border blah blah blah.

Trump literally let these fucking animals out of prison and a few of them are going to end up making him look very responsible for whatever they end up doing. It’s a near-mathematical certainty.

Convicted felon President Trump on Thursday pulled former National Institute of Health Director Dr Anthony Fauci’s security detail, CNN’s Kaitlan Collins reports. Guess it was the least Trump could do to terrorize the old doctor given that Biden preemptively pardoned him over no actual crimes but all sorts of anticipated Justice Department harassment by the new MAGA Reich.

Per Collins, Fauci is now paying for his own security after the Biden Administration had armed personnel with the NIH protect him. What makes this considerably more fucked up than pulling it from Bolton, Pompeo, and that other guy was that Iranian jihad on them is an extrinsic threat that Trump is supposed to be deterring through being tough and all that bullshit. It was Trump himself who started the MAGA jihad against Fauci, channeling the blame for his own failures during the COVID pandemic toward the doctor. Might as well make it worse on him five years later, right?

The governor of the Democratic Republic of the Congo’s North Kivu province was killed fighting on the front lines against the Rwanda-backed the M23 rebels this week, the AP reports.

Further details about the death of Major General Peter Cirimwami were not available but it’s clear he was tougher and likely taller than than Ron DeSantis. Cirimwami’s KIA is just the latest setback for the Congolese government’s forces on the violent eastern frontier with Rwanda, as the M23 sons of bitches have in recent weeks virtually encircled the provinical capital Goma, home to two million people as well as a towering volcano that regularly spews fast-flowing basaltic lava onto the town.

Panic broke out in the city Thursday as the M23 captured the town of Sake, just 16 miles from Goma, yet Cirimwami was killed even closer in a village only eight miles outside of the city. It’s not clear if the late general was elected or appointed governor under martial law or whatever. His LinkedIn page would seem to indicate the latter, as it says “Gouverneur militaire du Nord-Kivu” as the first title.

United Healthcare has a new CEO after former chief Brian Thompson was abruptly terminated by an unforeseen adjustment to the company’s leadership team last month, CNBC reports.

New CEO Tim Noel is an internal hire, promoted from leading the team in charge of the insurer’s Medicare Advantage plans, which CNBC notes “have been the source of skyrocketing costs for insurers,” and thus policy holders constantly getting fucked over by nihilistic pencil pushers.

Noel “brings unparalleled experience to this role with a proven track record and strong commitment to improving how health care works for consumers, physicians, employers, governments and our other partners,” UHC said in a statement on their website. It’s not clear what if anything Noel will actually do to address the root causes of Luigi Mangione getting famous. Just about the only change of note that UHC had undertaken since Thompson’s assassination is taking down their executive leadership page and given the C-suite security details, the freaking pussies.

Convicted felon President Trump expressed confusion on Friday when asked about his invitation to California Senator Adam Schiff to tour the damage wrought on Los Angeles by the still-ongoing fires. Schiff’s office had on Thursday night publicly declined the invitation, saying “Senator Schiff greatly appreciates the President’s visit to see the devastation of these wildfires firsthand and the invitation to accompany him, and regrets that he’s unable to join the President in Los Angeles due to scheduled nomination votes.” So Trump doesn’t remember it or one of his minions did it for him.

Either way he doesn’t know what the hell’s going on has been apparent for years.

The funeral procession for Border Patrol Agent David “Chris” Maland, killed Monday by a still-unidentified German national during a traffic stop on I-91 in Vermont, will apparently not involve any campaign stops by politicians as Maland’s remains will be escorted to Albany, New York on Friday and then flown to his native Minnesota where he will be laid to rest, per the Burlington Free Press.

The Free Press’s article is devoid of any mention whatsoever of a visit to a funeral home by a certain politician. This is in contrast to the March 2024 wake of fallen NYPD officer Jonathan Diller and the August 2024 ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery in honor of the 13 service members killed in a 2021 suicide bombing during the exodus out of Kabul. It would seem that just by simple timing of his death alone, there is no political advantage to be gained by inserting one’s campaign into his family’s mourning, thus it’s not worth the time to do so. Or even publicly acknowledge it.

'Bolder than Most' serial attacker released into community despite opposition from victims https://t.co/8lDPdpJ7TG

— Fox News (@FoxNews) January 24, 2025

Immigration stormtroopers raided a Newark, New Jersey seafood store on Thursday, arresting three suspected undocumented workers and ordering several more to appear before a judge, owner Luis Janota tells PIX11 News, adding that among the “detained” was a Puerto Rico-born military vet – as in a citizen. It’s not clear from the article whether “detained” means the man was arrested and taken away or if he was subjected to a lengthy interrogation on-site and then left alone.

“I was confused, they took three people who did not have any documentation on them,” Janota said about the unfriendly visit by about 10 to 12 agents acting on a tip, likely from some local MAGA asshole and/or competitor. “I asked them [the agents] what documentation they were looking for, and they said it was a license or a passport. I thought, who walks around with a passport?”

Janota told PIX111 that “One of the guys was a military veteran, and the way he looked to me was because he’s Hispanic. He is Puerto Rican and the manager of our warehouse. It looked to me like they were specifically going after certain kinds of people – not every kind, because they did not ask me for documentation for my American workers, Portuguese workers, or white workers.”

Convicted felon President Trump will hold a campaign rally in Las Vegas on Sunday, his sixth day back in office, (for now) unable to run for a third term, with no endorsed MAGA candidates for other offices to rally with him, yet will simply stand on stage at an arena and yell bullshit at the crowd of his faithful for 90+ minutes as if it were October again, the Associated Press reports.

The rally will cap a domestic trip to visit disaster zones in Western North Carolina and Los Angeles, the latter stop California Governor Gavin Newsom was not invited to meet with the illegitimate president but plans to “crash” anyway by awaiting Trump at the airport, according to Politico.

Deportation flights have begun.

President Trump is sending a strong and clear message to the entire world: if you illegally enter the United States of America, you will face severe consequences. pic.twitter.com/CTlG8MRcY1

— Karoline Leavitt (@PressSec) January 24, 2025

Complete moron 37 year-old grandmother Congresswoman Lauren Boebert on Thursday freaked out when she thought she saw transgender Delaware Dem Congresswoman Sarah McBride in a Capitol ladies’ room, shouting “you shouldn’t be here” to the “intruder,” the Daily Beast reports.

Problem was it wasn’t McBride, but another congresswoman. McBride is the only transgender woman in the House, meaning the dumbass thought another biological woman was trans.

“I made an error regarding a mistaken identity. I apologized, learned a lesson, and it won’t happen again,” Boebert said in a statement to the Beast after they reported the story, sourced from a GOP congresswoman who was present in the ladies’ room during the confrontation.

Nobody was reported shot by a firearm, fatally or otherwise, for a stretch of five days between Saturday and Thursday evening in New York City, the New York Post reports. “This is the longest we’ve gone without a shooting victim since the beginning of the CompStat era,” said NYPD Commissioner Jessica Tisch, referring to to the police management system it created in the 1990s.

The fact that it’s cold as fuck probably had something to do with the lack of shootings, but it’s also been pretty damn cold plenty of times over the last 30 years in a city that’s supposed to be a violent, crime-ridden nightmare, where you can’t even cross the street without getting blasted.

I just introduced a resolution to amend the 22nd Amendment to allow President Trump to seek a third term. Read the details.👇https://t.co/OTacpt3ggE

— Rep. Andy Ogles (@RepOgles) January 23, 2025

A number of Trump minions bitched to Politico about President Elon Musk publicly trashing whatever the fuck it is Assistant President Donald Trump thinks he’s doing by announcing the “Stargate” AI project this week, with one saying it’s “clear he has abused the proximity to the president. The problem is the president doesn’t have any leverage over him and Elon gives zero fucks.”

The minion described people as “furious” with Musk for going on a daylong tweet binge ripping the project while a White House official cried over Ketamine Brain getting “over his skis,” but they’re now “working with him to make sense of his ideas – ideas are innovative. Execution not so much.”

Asked on Thursday by a reporter if it bothered him that Musk was publicly ripping the initiative, the Orange God Emperor said “No, it doesn’t. He hates one of the people in the deal,” referring to OpenAI founder Sam Altman, whose cult of personality is fierce but still a fraction of Musk’s fanbase.

Drunken white nationalist former Fox News host Pete Hegseth told Massachusetts Senator Liz Warren that he had paid $50,000 to the woman who accused him of raping her in a hotel room in 2017, the AP reports on this shitshow continuing even as the Senate advanced Petey Pee Pants’s nomination to lead the United States Department of Defense by a vote of 51 to 49 on Thursday.

Convicted felon President Trump on Thursday signed an executive order declassifying all files on the investigations into the assassinations of John F Kennedy, Robert F Kennedy, and Martin Luther King Jr, but not anything about Jeffrey Epstein, MAGAlyn Manson aka Laura Loomer reports.