“I just cancelled the trip of my representatives going is Islamabad, Pakistan, to meet with the Iranians. Too much time wasted on traveling, too much work! Besides which, there is tremendous infighting and confusion within their ‘leadership.’ Nobody knows who is in charge, including them.”

“Also, we have all the cards, they have none! If they want to talk, all they have to do is call!!!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Saturday, no doubt spiking oil prices.

Substacker G Elliot Morris, aka Strength In Numbers, a guy who kind of knows his shit about polling even if he may not have the years of experience as a pollster himself quite yet, found this week that 21 percent of convicted felon President Trump’s 2024 voters said the fat bastard should be impeached and removed from office. What a fun and novel quantification of just how avoidable this was if those respondents had just listened to literally any real news source.

Checkmate, assholes

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) April 25, 2026

Florida federal Judge Kathleen Sullivan on Friday told convicted felon President Trump and the IRS that no, she won’t be granting them the extension they want and that they need to explain to her in a hearing whether they’re “sufficiently adverse.” Which prooooobably means she’s not going to allow the federal government to just hand the fat fuck $10 billion in a “settlement” if she can stop it.

“People and Companies that have taken advantage of our Country for decades, because of the horrible and ridiculous United States Supreme Court decision on Tariffs, are now supposed to be given back 159 Billion Dollars. All they had to do was one little half sentence, ‘that the United States does not have to pay back monies that were already paid’ — and our Country would be 159 Billion Dollars richer. That’s more than most Countries are worth! Think of it — Just one half sentence, and we would have saved 159 Billion Dollars. Couldn’t they have done that for our Nation?” posted the credited author of “The Art of The Deal” on Friday, his legendary genius at ripping people off and never paying them coming out after the Supreme Court nuked his tariffs.

Remember when Trump wanted to seize control of the Panama Canal again (fucking Jimmy Carter never should have given it away anyway) because the US built it and now someone else is profiting off of it? Now they’re profiting even more because the AP reports some last minute slots for cargo haulers to transit the canal are going for up to $4 million a piece, all thanks to the Iran War.

“With all the bombings, the missiles, the drones… companies are saying it’s safer and less expensive to cross through the Panama Canal,” said Rodrigo Noriega, a lawyer and analyst in Panama City who the AP did not specify if he’s related at all to the country’s infamous former dictator/drug cartel boss Manuel Noriega. “All of this is affecting global supply chains,” the lawyer added.

You may be surprised to learn that the CNN article headlined “US freezes $344 million in cryptocurrency said to be linked to Iran” does not report that said crypto was being held in accounts on Trump failsons Don Jr and Eric’s scam operation World Liberty Financial but another company called Tether, whose CEO is a Trump crony who has attended multiple White House tech events.

Look what Trump posted 🔥 https://t.co/LmwrvguOki

— Catturd ™ (@catturd2) April 24, 2026

“This morning the Inspector General for the Federal Reserve has been asked to scrutinize the building costs overruns – in the billions of dollars – that have been borne by taxpayers. The IG has the authority to hold the Federal Reserve accountable to American taxpayers. I expect a comprehensive report in short order and am confident the outcome will assist in resolving, once and for all, the questions that led this office to issue subpoenas. Accordingly, I have directed my office to close our investigation as the IG undertakes this inquiry. Note well, however, that I will not hesitate to restart a criminal investigation should the facts warrant doing so,” tweeted a very salty DC US Attorney Jeanine “Judge Box-o-Wine” Pirro on Friday, punting it to the IG.

Ohio MAGA Congressman Max Miller, credibly alleged to have punched former White House Press Secretary Stephanie Miller while the two were coworkers and dating during convicted felon President Trump’s first failed administration, is now under investigation for child abuse after his ex-wife, Emily Moreno, alleged that their two year-old daughter returned from a visit with Miller with a broken collarbone and bruised shoulder, the New York Post reports.

In a tweet that he hasn’t yet bothered to repost in English, Israeli dictator and fugitive war criminal Benjamin Netanyahu on Friday wrote “Today, my annual medical report was published. I requested to delay its publication by two months so that it would not be released at the height of the war, in order not to allow the Iranian terror regime to spread even more false propaganda against Israel.”

l’etat c’est moi, toujours, fucking prick. Eventually “Bibi” cuts to the chase, writing that “Upon examination, it turned out to be a very early stage of a malignant tumor, with no spread or metastases whatsoever. Doctors told me that this is very common among men my age, and that there are two options: 1 – It doesn’t have to be treated; it is possible to remain under monitoring alone. You can live with it, and many do so. 2 – Undergo treatment and remove the problem. You already know me. When I’m given information in time about a potential danger, I want to address it immediately. This is true on the national level and also on the personal level,” with that last part being maybe kind of not true considering scattered reports of ignored warnings prior to October 7th.

Illinois Dem Congresswoman Delia Ramirez tells Axios that she’s been pushing her colleagues to start doing all the work now to “build up the case so that when we are in power in January, we’ve created the conditions… we’ve done the fact-checking, we’ve done the shadow hearings, everything we need to be able to to impeach” the Orange God Emperor immediately and without haste.

A leaked email between Pentagon officials discussed “suspending” Spain from NATO for disallowing US aircraft to use their bases for transit on the way to the Middle East, Reuters reports.

The Daily Mail wasn’t ever going to not headline this story “Lesbian sex secrets of Kristi Noem’s ICE leader: Ex lover claims jealous rages over men, screaming through hotel walls… and vile tight bodysuit demand,” putting the salaciousness about the MAGA scumbag up front as they are wont to do, but leaving it to the article that she’s running in the Ohio 9th District GOP primary – as well as disabuse anyone who read too fast of the notion that Noem had an affair with Madison Sheahan too.

‼️ Ted Nugent ENDORSES MAGA Conservative Madison Sheahan for OH-09.

“You want real Ohio and real America? Madison Sheahan, District 9, Northwest Ohio.” Ted Nugent

Vote for Conservative Madison Sheahan in the May 5th Republican Primary.@TedNugent pic.twitter.com/7bnXhsLuUx

— Sheahan For Ohio (@TeamSheahan) April 23, 2026

Just gonna leave that one there all by itself.

Anyway Sheahan, 29, who until January served as Deputy ICE Director in convicted felon President Trump’s regime, is accused of abusive, domineering girlfriend to another MAGA zoomer in a relationship that began during the twilight days of the 2020 campaign. The woman, then 19, tells the Mail that Sheahan, then 23, hosted a house party for young Trump Ohio staffers and talked her into bed. By the end of the next month both had been deployed to Georgia to try to protect the ultimately doomed seats held by now-former Senators David “Chickenshit” Perdue and Kelly “Left-eye” Loeffler but were stationed in separate parts of the Peach State. The younger woman texted Sheahan a pic of herself wearing a tight black outfit as she got ready to go out with other staffers.

“United States Attorney for the Southern District of New York, Jay Clayton, Acting Attorney General for the United States, Todd Blanche, Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (‘FBI’), Kash Patel, and Assistant Director in Charge of the New York Field Office of the FBI, James C Barnacle, Jr, announced today the unsealing of an Indictment charging GANNON KEN VAN DYKE, a US Army Soldier, with unlawful use of confidential government information for personal gain, theft of nonpublic government information, commodities fraud, wire fraud, and making an unlawful monetary transaction. The charges arise from an alleged scheme in which VAN DYKE used sensitive classified information to make wagers on Polymarket, a prediction marketplace. As alleged in the Indictment, VAN DYKE participated in the planning and execution of the US military operation to capture Nicolás Maduro, ‘Operation Absolute Resolve,’ and VAN DYKE used his access to classified information about that operation to personally profit,” says a Thursday Justice Department press release.

Oh look the Trump Regime is getting serious about prosecuting insider trading/bettting – provided it’s some middle management-level (at most) solider nobody’s ever heard of. The White House itself and the Mar-a-Lago member list are off-limits even if they made way more than $400,000.

This month’s Marquette University Law School national survey finds that in “Looking ahead to the November congressional elections, among registered voters, 48 percent say they would vote for the Democratic candidate and 44 percent would vote for the Republican. An additional 6 percent say they would vote for neither, and 1 percent say they would not vote. The slight Democratic advantage increases among likely voters, ie, those who say they are certain they will vote, to 53 percent for the Democratic candidate to 43 percent for the Republican candidate,” emphasis added on the fun part.

A sailor on a US Navy minesweeper bound for the Strait of Hormuz had a little monkey mishap on a beach in Phuket, Thailand and had to be medically evacuated back to base in Japan for treatment due to a scratch inflicted by the small primate, Axios reports without further detail on the attack.

“Weird stuff happens. This was definitely an unknown unknown,” an official said. The assailant is thought to be a long-tailed macaque, both ubiquitous in Thailand and aggressive toward humans. Whether the attack was somehow provoked is unclear but the monkey ought to be spanked.