Sources tell NPR that the two shitbags on convicted felon former President Trump’s cabal who shoved an Arlington National Cemetery employee last week are deputy campaign manager Justin Caporale and Michel Picard, a member of Trump’s advance team. The campaign still hasn’t released their footage of the incident which they claim will exonerate them completely and totally.

Asked by the Daily Beast why the Trump campaign is still so obssesed with “Stolen McValor,” angry, large-headed spokesman Steven Cheung responded in an email asking “Why won’t [Vice President Kamala Harris’s campaign] just provide real documentation and proof [that she worked at an Alameda, California McDonald’s in 1983]? The onus is on them. What does she have to hide?”

We love the Daily Beast, but it’s hard not to notice the quality going downhill since their ownership did a mass buyout of all their top talent like Jake Lahut, Jose Pagliery, Justin Baragona, Emily Shugerman, and other sharp-witted pros. It most certainly shows in this piece, which says “Trump’s attacks on Harris’ Mickey D’s bonafides presented a similar quandary” to the Obama birth certificate scam, “and one that should be addressed. While the Harris campaign may not have wanted to gratify the attack by trying to disprove it, the [former Obama] strategist said, ‘This seems to be an easier biographical question to answer than anything else.'” Jesus freaking Christ.

The Beast is actually dignifying this horseshit, writing this as if everyone’s supposed to keep a fucking “long-form” paystub from a goddamned McDonald’s in case they run for president four decades later. What is this shit?!? Did the New York Times secretly brainwash this reporter?

DC Federal Judge Tanya Chutkan on Thursday did pretty much exactly what convicted felon former President Trump’s lawyers had cried and stamped their feet over during a status conference in the post-2020 election coup attempt case earlier in the day: Ordering Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith’s team to file an evidentiary brief about their case, one likely to be chock full of damning exhibits and grand jury testimony about the Orange God Emperor’s actions following his humiliating defeat to Joe Biden, none of which has been made public before and obviously freaking out the lawyers tasked with shielding the fat fuck from any sort of accountability before the 2024 election, even if it’s just informing voters about the things he said and did privately.

“The Government shall file an Opening Brief on Presidential Immunity by Sept 26, 2024. Defendant’s Response and Renewed Motion to Dismiss Based on Presidential Immunity is due Oct 17, 2024. The Government’s Reply and Opposition is due Oct 29, 2024. After briefing, the court will determine whether further proceedings are necessary,” Chutkan wrote in her scheduling order.

A number of FBI search warrant actions in New York City on Thursday as WABC reports agents raided the homes of two of Mayor Eric Adams’s deputies: the Hamilton Heights, Manhattan abode of First Deputy Mayor Sheena Wright, who is engaged to Schools Chancellor David Banks (not clear if they’re cohabitating and if Banks was the target), and the Hollis, Queens, home of Deputy Mayor for Public Safety Phil Banks, were searched as part of an ongoing investigation, sources said, adding that the whatever the matter is, it does not appear to be connected to the Turkish donation laundering scheme that Adams and his political staffers have been implicated in.

Separately a Twitter account called NYScanner reports that FBI agents has reportedly confiscated the cell phone of NYPD Commissioner Edward Caban and two other high ranking officers. No word if those seizures are connected to the deputy mayors getting raided, but Los Federales tend to do take action in a coordinated fashion, executing warrants simultaneously to catch targets off guard.

Feels kind of like the beginning of a good Batman movie. The plot lines about grimy urban corruption and what not are always solid. Fucking Christopher Nolan should’ve stuck more with that instead of his over-the-top secret energy weapon and sonar cellphone whatever the hell it was. Oh shit, the Penguin series with Colin Farrell is coming to HBO soon. Please God let that one be good. The Batman was awesome even if the ending sort of sucked. Joker: Folie à Deux should be solid too.

In conclusion, we hope federal law enforcement gets to the bottom of this matter swiftly.

A new national survey by Emerson College finds Vice President Kamala Harris leading convicted felon former President Trump 49 to 47 percent. Of course, this being Emerson and their 4 to 6 percent pro-GOP bias it could mean Harris actually leads pretty comfortably.

“Moderate” Republican Texas Congressman Tony Gonzales on Thursday told Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman he’s pretty sure Hakeem Jeffries will be the next speaker. “What’s frustrating me is I firmly believe that House Republicans are going to lose the majority,” Gonzales said at the Texas Tribune Fest, adding “and we’re going to lose it because of ourselves.” The Congressman, who narrowly survived a primary challenge from psychotic gun YouTuber Brandon Herrera earlier this year (Herrera is pals with “Demolitia” Nazi cosplayer Matt Carriker of failed Trump assassin Thomas Crooks’s t-shirt fame) had told CNN in April that he “serves with some real scumbags” in the House GOP.

No shit. Time for Tony to grab his balls and switch parties. Or at least become an independent. If he can survive a MAGA primary challenge it means his personal base is durable in the district.

The fallout from the Biden Administration’s lightning offensive against Russian propaganda operations continued Thursday as federal prosecutors announced an indictment against former Trump 2016 campaign advisor and current Moscow state TV propagandist Dimitri Simes, alleging that Simes and his wife received over $1 million dollars and a personal car and driver in exchange for work they did for Russia’s Channel One since June 2022 in violation of sanctions, the AP reports.

Meanwhile Semafor reports bright-pink former Fox News propagandist Glenn Beck’s Blaze TV fired Lauren Chen, co-founder of Tenet Media, the production company that took at least $10 million in Russian funding to pay to its shitwad podcasters such as Benny Johnson, Tim Pool, and Dave Rubin.

A very sad, very sleepy, convicted felon former President Trump on Thursday complained to the New York Economic Club that OPEC nations aren’t helping him get elected again by inflicting pain on Americans by jacking up oil prices. The fat fuck also announced he’s appointing Elon Musk to some bullshit government spending panel and warned of legal retribution for Biden and Harris.

As expected, Vice President Kamala Harris’s campaign raked in over $300 million in contributions in the month of August, eclipsing convicted felon former President Trump’s $130 million haul more than twice over, NBC News reports citing a campaign announcement. Sucks for fat Donald.

Irresponsible crackhead-turned-halfway decent painter Hunter Biden’s lawyers announced to a California federal court they will attempt to enter a no contest plea just moments before jury selection started in his tax fraud trial on Thursday, CNN’s Marshall Cohen reports. The plea – in which Hunter accepts punishment but maintains innocence – is apparently up to the judge to accept.

But ABC News reports he actually changes his plea to guilty, so maybe the judge didn’t accept.

https://t.co/V8WcQPnIQj pic.twitter.com/zbvEPpgdSs

— Trump War Room (@TrumpWarRoom) September 5, 2024

Following a brief arraignment where they pleaded not guilty on behalf of their lazy fatass client in for the four charges superseding indictment over his failed post 2020-election coup attempt, convicted felon former President Trump’s scumbag defense lawyers on Thursday pissed and moaned to DC Circuit Judge Tanya Chutkan that Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith’s team’s proposal to shake off the Supreme Court’s fuckery on presidential immunity and get the case on track toward trial would be “enormously prejudicial” because you know why. Smith’s team told Chutkan they could have their brief ready in two-to-three weeks and then hold an evidentiary hearing, reasoning they want to get this all out of the way before another delay-inducing appeal from Trump.

From what we can tell from live tweet threads by top dudes Scott MacFarlane of CBS, Josh Gerstein and Kyle Cheney of Politico, Adam Klasfeld from Just Security, and NOTUS’s Jose Pagliery, both the brief and the hearing would include previously non-public evidence exhibits and grand jury transcripts that would – judging by the bitching from Team Orange – not be a good look for Trump.

As you might have guessed, Chutkan isn’t suffering their bullshit. The hearing is still going on as of 10:51 AM EDT on Thursday, but here’s some of it from the live tweets by the guys above.

National elections poindexter Allan Lichtman on Thursday told the New York Times that Vice President Kamala Harris has eight of “The 13 Keys to the White House,” and thus will win the 2024 election, dooming convicted felon former President Trump to another four years of misery.

Well there you have it. We can all just sit back and not do anything else. It’s in the bag.

Or you can not rely on this fucker, even if his system did call eight of the last nine correctly ahead of time, his only miss being Al Gore’s very questionable loss to George W Bush in 2000.

President Trump is the only man who can save America 🇺🇸 pic.twitter.com/mhwPye9OEw

— Benny Johnson (@bennyjohnson) September 5, 2024

Former Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein has been completely and totally exonerated in the sexual assault hoax charges brought by some dirty cops in the UK, the failed, biased BBC reports.

People can’t even believe this, what has happened with this witch hunt against Weinstein. London is a dirty nightmare of a city. You can’t even walk across the street to get a crumpet or a McTea at McDonald’s without getting shot by someone. It’s horrible what they’ve done to that city and the Royal prosecutor tried to go after Weinstein based on some women he doesn’t even know and never met. He doesn’t even know their names. It’s a fake story and it was horrible after everything Weinstein did for Britain. People barely even knew who William Shakespeare was before he did the Shakespeare movie in 1998 and this is the thanks he gets? No wonder the UK is a failing nation.

Now Weinstein faces another hoax trial from fat Alvin Bragg, the Soros-paid so-called “District Attorney” of Manhattan, in a case brought by the Harris-Biden Regime. It’s a sick joke, even worse than the case he was wrongfully convicted in by Gavin Newscum’s crooked prosecutor in Los Angeles after everything Harvey and his highly respected brother Rob did for that city. They actually want to imprison him for life in both of those terrible, filthy shithole towns. It’s shameful and wrong.

National Zero will resume our regular coverage after MAGA-contextualizing the criminal cases against former Democratic donor Harvey Weinstein. We hope our right wing readers enjoy it.

Vice President Kamala Harris and her team are going into lockdown mode for debate prep ahead of Tuesday’s big showdown with convicted felon former President Trump, leaving as little to chance as possible, with sources telling NOTUS the veep is running through back-to-back 90 minute sessions against Dem operative Philippe Reines, who also played Trump in Hillary Clinton’s prep runs.

The advantage of toiling under such conditions, one source familiar said, is that “It creates muscle memory. You can’t always anticipate the questions, but you can pretty much anticipate topics.” The main goals are going on the offensive on policy, doing the fact-checking even before the moderators can, and – most importantly staying cool while Trump gets nasty and personal. “There won’t be no walking behind her,” said one aide, referencing Trump’s ADHD wandering against Hillary in 2016.

“Temperament, temperament, temperament,” said another. “It is a demonstration of strength and fortitude, because Trump is going to try her,” said a third. “What she wants to be able to do is to continue to draw the contrast right between her vision of the future and his living in the past.”

National Zero is going to try to manage expectations better than we did ahead of Joe Biden’s implosion on CNN in June. But the fact remains that at a time when Trump was marginally leading in the polls and feeling supremely confident against Biden, he did not at all win it so much as Biden lost it (very badly). The fat fuck rambled and lied and put on a terrible performance. As such, Harris has an outside chance to completely annihilate Trump and put this away once and for all on Tuesday.

A political head shot rather than a political clipped ear, if you will. That’s what’s at stake here.

Republicans advocating for more Christianity in public schools face pushback https://t.co/QEA5qUNlaB

— Fox News (@FoxNews) September 5, 2024

Seven weeks after being suddenly stuck with a far more formidable nominee at the top of the Democratic ticket, the incompetent and dysfunctional House GOP majority will starting Monday fire on all cylinders next week to throw shit at the wall to see what sticks, Punchbowl News reports, rattling off a list of hearings that now have “Harris” in the name: “The Biden-Harris Border Crisis: California Perspectives,” “The Biden-Harris Border Crisis: Victim Perspectives,” “From Gas to Groceries: Americans Pay the Price of the Biden-Harris Energy Agenda,” “Accountable or Absent?: Examining VA Leadership Under the Biden-Harris Administration,” and so on and so forth.

Then there’s the subpoena to running mate Tim Walz over some nickel and dime fraud in Minnesota’s school lunch program, the House Oversight “investigation” into his “China connections,” and the already forgotten “Iran connection” with some crackerjack Harris advisor, Phil Gordon.

“I’m not going to deny that in this season, with a new top of the ticket, that the hearings may be calling out that it was a Biden-Harris administration and a Biden-Harris candidacy until recently,” car thief Congressman Darrell Issa said. “Many may think of it as kind of a congressional ‘Oh, you’re trying to affect an election.’ I think the special prosecutor just re-indicting [Trump] 65 days out, that is more overtly affecting an election. These are messaging [hearings] that we’ve been doing,” Issa added, meaning that he knows this is bullshit but it’s justified because Trump is a criminal.

“Republicans are in a unique situation here. After spending 18 months using their investigative committees to go after President Joe Biden, the GOP has been forced to pivot to hitting Harris just months before the election,” Punchbowl writes, straining not to say outright this is all weak shit.

Russian dictator Vladimir Putin on Thursday fed his supporters in the United States some trolling material by telling fans at an economic forum that he “supports” Vice President Kamala Harris over his actual preferred candidate, convicted felon former President Trump, Bloomberg reports.

“Biden was our ‘favorite’ but he dropped out of the race,” said Putin in Vladivostok “But he recommended that all of his supporters support Harris, so we will as well.” Putin then falsely lamented that Trump had imposed “so many restrictions and sanctions against Russia” during his term, and added Harris “laughs so contagiously and expressively, it shows she’s doing well.”