Israeli intel agents on Wednesday unleashed a second wave of explosions from small bombs planted in Hezbollah devices, this time blasting from “hundreds” of walkie-talkies carried by the Lebanese terrorist group’s goons a day after all their pagers blew up on them, Axios’s Barak Ravid reports.

Not gonna lie this is pretty fucking badass. Especially because they probably all shifted to using the radios after their handheld pagers kaboomed on them. Not knowing anything more we would guess that the walkie-talkie bombs packed a bigger punch and maybe the Mossad had them make sounds first so the Hezbollahs held them up to their faces or next to their ears before they popped.

A member of Mike Pence replacement JD Vance’s staff last week called Springfield City Manager Bryan Heck’s office to ask if there was any truth to the batshit stories about Haitian Migrants eating pets, to which Heck tells the Wall Street Journal he said no, there’s no evidence supporting it.

Heck said the staffer “asked point-blank, ‘Are the rumors true of pets being taken and eaten?’ I told him no. There was no verifiable evidence or reports to show this was true. I told them these claims were baseless.” That was Monday, September 9th. The next day Vance tweeted “In the last several weeks, my office has received many inquiries from actual residents of Springfield who’ve said their neighbors’ pets or local wildlife were abducted by Haitian migrants. It’s possible, of course, that all of these rumors will turn out to be false,” then following up with “In short, don’t let the crybabies in the media dissuade you, fellow patriots. Keep the cat memes flowing,” meaning it didn’t matter whether or not it was true because they were having fun doing it and it served a political purpose.

That night, convicted felon former President Trump amplified the conspiracy theory to a massive national audience during his debate stage self-immolation. “It induces panic and fear and depletes resources. We’re living the danger that misinformation and created stories leads to,” said Heck, adding that the city’s logged at least 36 bomb threats to public facilities in the past week.

In what’s devastating news to National Zero’s editorial integrity for having operated under an assumption that Sean “Puff Daddy” Combs would await trial in the Manhattan federal lockup where fellow sex trafficking shitbag Jeffrey Epstein committed suicide or was murdered and it was staged to look like a suicide in 2019, the New York Post reports that Combs instead will have to write song lyrics on toilet paper at the infamous Metropolitan Detention Center in Sunset Park, Brooklyn.

Fellow sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell did two years in the joint, which the Post describes as “long been plagued by tales of ‘barbaric’ and ‘reprehensible’ conditions for inmates, and that Maxwell’s defense team described as on par with fictional murderer Hannibal Lecter’s arrangements.

Other famous former guests include other fellow hip-hop sex trafficker R Kelly, Sam Bankrupt-Fried, NXIVUM cult actress Allison Mack, and Donald Trump’s former lawyer Michael Cohen.

🚨WARNING🚨

Dear Democrats,

Donald Trump isn't in New York with only 7 weeks left in a race that will determine the future of America for fun.

He's there because the internal polling shows a legitimate shot at winning New York, and in doing so, obliterating your electoral map.

— Brenden Dilley (@WarlordDilley) September 18, 2024

“MAGA life coach” and “Meme War General” assclown Brendan Dilley really means it. New York is in play. He’s seen the internals from the campaign that refuses to hire him despite his public pleas to do so. Libs should be absolutely terrified by the threat Trump poses in the Empire State, lol.

Lowlife ballsucker “pollster” Mark Penn really shit the bed on this one: A new national survey by his “HarrisX” operation, conducted entirely after last week’s debate, has found Vice President Kamala Harris leading Penn’s Orange Lord and Savior 49 to 45 percent among likely voters.

This is an unacceptable failure and Penn must be forced to explain himself in front of a tribunal of armed Trump fans in a barn in rural northern Alabama. He has to answer – without counsel – for his willing participation in an effort to suppress the Republican vote with a “push poll.”

Members of the Tarrant County, Texas GOP last week voted on a resolution to censure two Republicans elected to the county commission for voting against a measure to remove election precincts from several college campuses, a move the county’s top elected leader had billed as a cost-cutting measure to eliminate redundant polling stations that saw low turnout in past elections.

Thing is however that the censure – a copy of which was obtained by the Texas Tribune – didn’t actually mention anything about the two commissioners being fiscally irresponsible by skipping a chance to save taxpayers a few bucks. Instead it said the two blocking the removal had jeopardized the county GOP’s “ability to maintain robust, conservative leadership in local government.”

Seriously. “Tarrant County Commissioners Manny Ramirez and Gary Fickes, Republicans elected with the support of the Republican brand and the Republican base, voted with Democrats on a key election vote that undermines the ability of Republicans to win the general election in Tarrant County,” said one of the “whereas” lines in the resolution. On top of them saying the loud part out even louder, the resolution’s authors bitchily tossed in a “democracy” troll in direct contradiction of all the other shit, stating that Tarrant County Republican voters expect their officials to “work to advance policies that support free and fair election, that do not favor one party over other.”

Dallas-area Tarrant County, encompassing the city of Fort Worth, is Texas’s third most populous, and was once far more reliably red than it is now: Convicted felon former President Trump won it by 8.6 percent in 2016, but it flipped to Biden in 2020, with Joe winning by just 0.22 percent. The win was affirmed by an “audit” the fat bastard had angrily commanded Texas to undertake in 2021.

Billionaire hedge funder John Paulson says he’ll yank his money from market if Kamala Harris wins election https://t.co/aotTM0opgl pic.twitter.com/kH4gxl37ry

— New York Post (@nypost) September 18, 2024

Now to be completely fair all those lefty celebrities who say they’re going to move to Canada if Trump wins are lame too (even if there are certain people, like former Trump White House whistleblower Alex Vindman, who maybe legitimately should have a plan). Still, Paulson’s less like them and more like the Colorado slumlord who in October 2020 sent renters in a trailer park he owned a flyer reading “TO ALL TENANTS: Please understand IF Joe Biden is elected as our next President, everything you do and have to pay for will change completely. Everything will be increased” or the Florida factory owner who, the same month, issued to workers a memo reading “If Trump and the Republicans win the election, [this company] will hopefully be able to continue operating, more or less as it has been operating lately… However, if Biden and the Democrats win, [we] could be forced to begin permanent layoffs beginning in late 2020 and/or early 2021.'”

Meaning he’s just being a bitch because he’s scared his guy might not win, irrespective of the actual market conditions under Harris’s boss. Last we checked the Dow and S&P were at record highs.

Loser former House Speaker Kevin McCarthy will show up to a House GOP meeting Wednesday to do the only thing he was (legitimately) good at in the years prior to his humiliating exit: distributing money he raised from donors to vulnerable incumbents in the party, Punchbowl News reports.

So far in this cycle, McCarthy has given $40.5 million to members, candidates, the NRCC and state parties, and plans to stay politically engaged – with money, which again was the only thing he ever really brought to the table for the party – to try to help Mike Johnson hang on to the majority.

“Finally everyone is agreeing that I won the Debate with Kamala. It was like a delayed reaction but, as one Political Pundit said, ‘Trump is still the GOAT'” posted convicted felon former President Trump on Tuesday night, declining to name the “Political Pundit,” or which propaganda outlet they serve.

There is so much at stake in this election, including restoring the freedoms that have been taken away from us. If Donald Trump gets the chance, he will sign a national abortion ban, and these horrific realities will multiply.

— Kamala Harris (@KamalaHarris) September 18, 2024

“Can someone list the exact things that Trump has supposed to have done that makes them hate him. And then tell me why having democrat and Soros policies that are about globalism and endless wars is better for people,” All-American conservative commenter [checking notes] Oz-Australian-Male unironically on the Fox News story covering Howard Stern saying he thinks Trump fans are “stupid.”  “So, these people that hate Trump supporters i.e. the working class, do they haver [sic] any practical skills? Elon said it, JD Vance said it, the attacks are focused on Trump, what they did not say if attacks were committed on media personalities what would happen?”

Fresh off shitposting nonsense like “BIG LEAD IN THE JUST RELEASED RASMUSSEN POLL, ONE OF THE FEW THAT GOT IT RIGHT!” convicted felon former President Trump will take the stage in Michigan to be interviewed by the Ozempic version of former press secretary, now Arkansas Gov Sarah Huckabee Sanders, supposedly taking some actual questions from the crowd at this “town hall” event.

We’ve seen MAGAmerica go through some rough patches before but the current one is starting to feel considerably different. Every time their Orange Allah was investigated, impeached, sued, or indicted many of his fans actually secretly and often not-so-secretly enjoyed it, like the righteous validation of him being a threat to the system was a rush, the defiance of “establishment” norms and laws in pursuit of maintaining and/or restoring his power was focusing and electrifying. Same when he got shot in the ear too. Even losing in 2020 was a galvanizing moment in a way it gave them a unifying cause to fuel their movement and torment the Biden Administration they saw as illegitimate.

As much as we mocked the old “YOU LIBS JUST REELECTED TRUMP” over the past five or six years it’s never actually truly been a hollow threat. Ron DeSantis can tell you that, before his campaign was even over he literally fucking admitted that if there’s anything he could’ve changed about his failed presidential campaign it would have been that he wished Trump wouldn’t have gotten indicted in March 2023. Put aside the absurdity of Tiny D saying he would have changed something out of his control and that he could have simply backed out since Trump was first charged was two months before DeSantis had officially launched his 2024 primary campaign, Ron ain’t wrong: GOP 2024 primary polls had been pretty tight between them up until that point but Trump pulled away after he was indicted. Last year a Republican primary voter told a focus group “I would have preferred DeSantis. But I have to support Trump because we have to gain back our country. I only switched over to support Trump because indicting him is an outrage and threatens democracy.”

It simply doesn’t matter whether you think that’s demented beyond parody. It’s the reality we live with, that people actually say and believe that kind of horseshit. There’s no point in lamenting the fact that, where anti-MAGAs see Trump as Jabba the Hutt, an obese, foul-smelling orange slug who enslaves women, surrounds himself with all sorts of bizarre freaks and abject sycophants, his fans prefer to see him as Han Solo, a charming outlaw always one step ahead of the established order.

Guess the conspiracy theorists are rights AGAIN!!!

There ARE reports of house cats being taken by Haitians. pic.twitter.com/2ToZyNSmNL

— Gunther Eagleman™ (@GuntherEagleman) September 17, 2024

An 8 year-old Ohio girl was found safe and unhurt Saturday, two hours after a neighbor saw her parents’ 2020 Nissan Rogue being stolen out of the driveway with the girl inside, NBC News reports.

The girl was in the driver’s seat. She snuck out of the house at 7 AM, stole the car, and drove it to a Target location 11 miles away. Cops found her sitting inside, drinking a Frappucino from the Starbucks counter. The only thing that was hurt was a mailbox the girl hit on the way.

A Manhattan federal magistrate judge on Tuesday denied bail to Sean “Puff Daddy” Combs, ordering him held until trial at (what we assume) is the same Manhattan lockup in which fellow notorious sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein either killed himself or had some help back in 2019, the AP reports.

Say no more 🌴🥥 pic.twitter.com/HIttu6NMh0

— Nicholas J. Fuentes (@NickJFuentes) September 17, 2024

Wyoming Senator Cynthia Lummis, an advocate for crypto, told the Huffington Post’s Igor Bobic that the structure of convicted felon former President Trump’s new crypto venture makes her “a little uncomfortable,” adding that “if I were a Trump advisor, I’d say, Mr President-Elect, put it in a blind trust.” Typical MAGA asshole calling him “Mr President-Elect” already, and also meekly saying if she would advise him to avoid conflicts of interest, not that she’s actually going to vote to put in place any kind of safeguards forget about ever actually holding him accountable.

“Russia and Iran have both undertaken cyber influence operations headed into the 2024 presidential election. In our last report, published on August 8, we detailed how Iranian cyber-enabled influence operations sought to undermine the Republican campaign through targeted hack-and-leak operations, covert social media personas, and imposter US news sites. In the past two months, Microsoft has observed a notable shift in Russian influence operations tactics reflecting the changing US political environment. Specifically, we have observed Russia pivot towards targeting the Harris-Walz campaign, with actors disseminating fabricated videos designed to sow discord and spread disinformation about the new Democratic nominee Vice President Harris.”

“Initially, Russian influence operations struggled to evolve their efforts following President Biden’s departure from the 2024 US presidential race. However, in late August and September, we observed two Russian actors MTAC tracks closely, previously reported as Storm-1516 and Storm-1679, using videos designed to discredit Harris and stoke controversy around her campaign.”

“Specifically: Storm-1516, identified by news reports as a Kremlin-aligned troll farm, produced and disseminated two inauthentic videos, each generating millions of views. One video depicted an attack by alleged Harris supporters on a supposed Trump rally attendee, while another used an on-screen actor to fabricate false claims about Harris’s involvement in a hit-and-run accident. This second video was laundered through a website masquerading as a local San Francisco media outlet which was only created days beforehand, ” says a Microsoft Threat Analysis Center blog post.

Actually legitimately kind of surprising that the “hit and run” video turned out to be a Russian disinfo operation. Even though our first instinct was correct, in retrospect it was so freaking amateurish that it is a tad shocking that Ivan was so terrible at it. Maybe we’ve been overestimating the Russians?

Vice President Kamala Harris will sit for an interview with a National Association of Black Journalists panel on Wednesday and hopefully it’ll go better than Trump’s time with them.