The specifics of this New York Times report “Hunter Biden Sought State Department Help for Ukrainian Company” don’t actually matter. Well if you’re interested, there’s nothing even close to a smoking gun that would implicate Joe Biden. At best it’s just another pretty bad look for Hunter himself, that he had violated FARA and was lobbying for a foreign entity without being registered.

But you already know that in the alternate timeline where State of The Union Joe Biden showed up to the debate on June 27th and Kamala Harris had ran circles around Marco Rubio in the CBS Veep showdown that was originally scheduled for last night, James Comer would be lighting Twitter up with 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨, setting a hearing for the State Department staff Hunter had emailed, sending letters to then-Secretary of State John Kerry demanding he come testify, amplifying all the dipshit right wing “whistleblowers” suddenly coming out of the woodwork to alert the public about a culture of corruption in the Biden vice presidency, and booking himself for Hannity the next five nights in a row.

In this universe however we’ll probably get a tweet or two from Comer. Maybe a brief daytime hit on Fox News or Newsmax. Nothing even remotely on the scale of the saga surrounding those loser “IRS whistleblowers” and certainly not a moment of actual oversight work by his committee.

Comer’s too busy trying to launch a last minute probe of Kamala Harris’s time as “border czar.”

President Joe Biden’s still having some mixed feelings over how top Dems former President Barack Obama, Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer, and, most importantly, Nancy Pelosi handled their effort to get him to hand the nomination to Vice President Kamala Harris, Politico reports.

While Biden is upset with Obama not saying it to his face and Schumer for leveraging his position in the Senate – “an institution [Biden] reveres” – to force the capitulation, Politico writes that Biden “is still smarting but has told people in recent days that he grudgingly respects Pelosi’s actions.”

“She did what she had to do” in order to give Dems the best chance to win in November, Biden told a source, adding that Pelosi “cares about the party,” and not anyone’s feelings. The story hints that the last straw prompting Biden to drop out were indications that Pelosi was about to go public with a plea for Biden to drop out, which would have been extremely freaking ungly.

Faced with a 15.5 percent approval rating amid a corruption scandal and inflation kicking the shit out of the middle class, Japanese Prime Minister Fumio Kishida on Wednesday announced he’ll be stepping down next month leader of the ruling Liberal Democrat Party (despite its name they’re pretty right wing) and thus the premiership of the island nation following an Liberal Dem convention to elect a new party leader ahead of the 2025 general election, the BBC reports.

“In the upcoming presidential election, it’s necessary to show the people that the Liberal Democratic Party will change,” said Kishida at a press conference on Wednesday announcing his decision. “A transparent and open election, and free and open debate are important. The first easy-to-understand step that indicates that the LDP will change is for me to step back,” he said.

'QUIT WHINING': @NikkiHaley's blunt message to Trump and Republicans as the 2024 election nears: focus on policy and messaging instead of other attacks against VP Kamala Harris. https://t.co/vpTjyRRdBZ pic.twitter.com/k2vjjN3TWz

— Fox News (@FoxNews) August 14, 2024

“My conversation with Elon last night was heard by a RECORD audience, and was really something special, as Elon himself is very special – and I thank him for such a strong Endorsement!”

“Unfortunately, because of the complexity of modern day equipment, and cellphone technology, my voice was, in certain areas, somewhat different and strange. Therefore, we have put out an actual, and perfect, recording of the conversation. ENJOY!!!” posted convicted felon former President Trump on Tuesday night. He didn’t link to the “actual, and perfect, recording of the conversation” in the post. It probably doesn’t exist because how the hell do they fix that it post-production.

He wasn’t wearing his dentures That’s it. Blaming “the complexity of modern day equipment, and cellphone technology” for Venezuela coming out as “Venethuela” is meaningless.

Minnesota Democratic Congresswoman Ilhan Omar fought off a challenge from the same local politician and activist who came close to unseating her in 2022, the Politico reports.  Omar held off Don Samuels, who came within two percentage points of winning the nomination in the midterms.  Omar’s reelection bid came after fellow Squad members Cori Bush (Missouri) and Jamaal Bowman (New York) lost their primaries.

Precinct chairs in Texas’s 18th Congressional District chose former Houston mayor Sylvester Turner to replace the late Democratic Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee on the November ballot for the House seat, virtually assuring Turner will be the next Representative in the heavily Democratic district.

As described by the Washington Post, the precinct chairs seemed to play a version of musical chairs because they physically had to stand in specific corners of the room to signify their support for candidates.  After an initial voice vote saw no one win a clear majority, the precinct chairs stood in groups to show support for a candidate, until it was down to won the final stand-off against former city council member Amanda Edwards.  Turner, who left office after two terms in January, will now face a Republican sacrificial lamb in November.

During an interview with Hannity advisor and Fox host Sean Hannity, independent upstart and guy no one invited to the party Robert F. Kennedy Jr. says that despite not polling higher than single digits in any state, he’s staying in the presidential race.  And then he made a bold claim:  “And if they let me, if Fox News lets me on stage for the debate, I will win the election.”  It’s an assertion that drew a chuckle from the Flintstone-Rubble hybrid as he made vague excuses why Kennedy won’t be invited to the event.

A past political loser, Eric Hovde, captured the GOP Senate nomination for Wisconsin, where he’ll take on incumbent Democratic Senator Tammy Baldwin, who went unopposed in Tuesday’s primaries.  The battleground state is trending blue in the upcoming election, with the latest polls showing a strong push for presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Kamala Harris.

In Connecticut, Republican Matthew Corey will undertake the uphill challenge of unseating popular Democratic Senator Chris Murphy.

As the “… for Harris” Zoom calls–for Childless Cat Ladies, Black Women, White Dudes, etc.–continue, one call could have a disproportional impact on the national race is an unlikely one:  1,400 people, primarily from Utah and swing-state Arizona, joined the Latter-Day Saints for Harris-Walz call that occurred last week, according to the Idaho Capital Sun.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the second-most popular denomination in Arizona with more than 490,000 members, about six percent of the state’s population and they are not happy with Trump:  although they’ve voted for him in the past, more than half of Mormons have a negative view of Trump.

Rob Taber, one of the organizers of the Zoom call, noted that Mormons can be very effective at recruiting people given their experience “from missions and ministering (make them) pretty good at reaching out to people and building bridges.”

Vice President Kamala Harris and running mate Minnesota Gov Tim Walz’s campaign plans to hold a rally in Milwaukee, Wisconsin next Tuesday on day two of the Democratic National Convention in Chicago, at the very same venue in which the RNC was held, the New York Times reports.

“The planned rally on Tuesday would most likely take place before the prime-time speeches in Chicago, where former President Barack Obama is set to be the night’s featured attraction. Fiserv Forum in Milwaukee is about 80 miles from the United Center in Chicago, where Democrats will gather for their convention. Holding a rally in the same arena where Republicans gathered last month would provide a direct contrast between the Harris-Walz ticket and Mr Trump and his running mate, Senator JD Vance of Ohio,” the Times writes in their reporting on the now not-so secret plans.

Algerian gold medialist Olympic boxer Imane Khelif has filed a criminal complaint against ketamine-brained billionaire Elon Musk and magical wizard world creator JK Rowling for “acts of aggravated cyber harassment” against Khelif over false claims she is male, Variety reports.

A team of scientists with the International Ocean Discovery Program last week presented a paper about the awesome time they had last year drilling for core samples from a region of the Mid-Atlantic Ridge called the Lost City, a hydrothermal feature teeming with extremophiles.

Originally expecting only to drill at a depth of 200 meters below the seabed but with such little resistance they just said fuck it and went as far as they could before a weather window closed. They made it down 1,268 meters and scratched at the surface of the Mohorovičić discontinuity, the legendary Shangri-La of geology nerds, and the boundary between the crust and the mantle.

“On August 8, inspectors from the North-West Interregional Administration of Rosselkhoznadzor monitored compliance with veterinary and sanitary conditions during the loading of 447 heads of goats intended for further shipment from the Leningrad Region to the city of Rason in North Korea.”

“The officials of the Department carried out documentary and physical control of small cattle, the veterinary and sanitary condition of the vehicle and the presence of animals in the component of the FGIS ‘VetIS’ ‘Horriot.’ Following veterinary inspection, 432 non-pregnant female goats and 15 male goats were sent to a Korean trading company. It should be noted that this is the first batch of live animals exported to North Korea,” says Russian agricultural ministry Rosselkhoznadzor in a statement translated by Google. Pretty big win for North Korean government officials.

An Indiana-based triathlete says his latest attempt to swim across Lake Michigan – his third unsuccessful try since June 2023 – was foiled by a dead battery in his GPS device leading him to turn north when he was supposed to be swimming west from Michigan to Wisconsin, the AP reports.

Jim Dreyer, 60, was informed that he had made the wrong turn by the crew of a support boat after he had been swimming in the wrong direction all day Thursday. Why the fuck the support boat crew had not informed him earlier is unclear. “I should have been in the home stretch, well into Wisconsin waters with about 23 miles (37 kilometers) to go. Instead, I had 47 miles (75 kilometers) to go, and the weather window would soon close,” Dreyer wrote in an after-action report.

Creepy, skeleton-like Florida Senator Rick Scott on Tuesday self-contributed another $725,000 that he stole from taxpayers while running some Medicare scam in private sector job, Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman reports, adding that it comes after $31,996.67 on Sunday and $850,000 last Wednesday.

Scott is really unpopular, his favorability rating 14 points underwater at 35 favorable to 49 unfavorable in Tuesday’s USA Today/Suffolk University poll, which did not for some goddamned reason test him in a head-to-head against Congresswoman Debbie Murcarsel-Powell. For comparison’s sake, Ron DeSantis is 9 percent positive in approval. Other Senator Marco Rubio is +7.

Even Joe Biden’s net job approval rating (41 to 55 percent approve/disapprove) is higher than Rick Scott’s favorability. It’s very possible the lazy, entitled piece of shit is in real trouble.

In a clear boost for Democrats, Missouri Secretary of State Jay Ashcroft’s office on Tuesday announced that they had certified enough signatures on the petition for a measure adding a right to abortion to the state constitution for the November ballot, the Missouri Independent reports.

Ashcroft, who probably wasn’t happy to approve it given that he had threatened to resign from the governorship as a conscientious objection if he was elected and the abortion ballot had passed. The threat turned out to be moot because Ashcroft lost last week’s GOP gubernatorial primary to Lt Gov Mike Kehoe, who had secured the endorsement of term-limited incumbent Gov Mike Parsons.

Kehoe, Ashcroft, and racist bookburner state Senator Bill Eigel had all been endorsed by convicted felon former President Trump so he could simply claim that the candidate he backed had won.

Import the third world

Become the third world pic.twitter.com/MVawiHQSpm

— Trump War Room (@TrumpWarRoom) August 13, 2024

“I spent 2 1/2 hours last night talking to Elon, a fantastic guy, getting all-time record Views/hits, and all the Fake News wants to report is that the servers crashed (because of the tremendous volume!), and the show opened a little late. What they should be reporting was the incredible number of people that were listening. I absolutely HATE the Fake News Media. So bad for our Country!” posted convicted felon/teenage girl former President Trump on Tuesday. We were to understand that the “interview” was an absolute triumph, so why does he care what the “Fake News Media” thinks?

Before that the fat bastard posted “The NYT/Siena Poll has way over sampled Democrat voters, and way under sampled people who voted for me in 2020. The Fake News York Times insisted they do this so that it would look as bad as possible in comparison to their last poll, which was very good for me, way up, and made the very biased Times look ‘stupid,’ just like in 2016. I am actually up on the San Francisco Liberal, despite all of Crooked Media.” That last sentence he didn’t actually finish.

It is true that the Times poll they put out on Saturday did have a high Biden 2020 recalled vote sample relative to the actual result that year (Michigan: Biden +6, Pennsylvania: Biden +5, Wisconsin: Biden +8). It’s also true that on May 13th they put out a set of swing state polls that found Trump up 49 to 42 percent in Michigan (2020 recall was also Biden +6), 47 to 42 percent in Pennsylvania (2020 recall was Trump +4), and tied in Wisconsin (2020 recall was also Trump +4).

A Tampa, Florida man upset after being ejected by the Emperors Gentleman Club at about 4:00 AM Tuesday morning over what one can safely assume was ungentlemanly behavior decided posting a negative Yelp review wasn’t going to do it, so he drove his semi truck at full speed into the entrance of the establishment, killing one man and injuring two others, the Tampa Bay Times reports.

“This is an unbelievably tragic and completely avoidable incident. We will work to get justice for the victims and their families,” Tampa police Chief Lee Bercaw said a prepared statement. “Even the families embarrassed that their loved ones were at a strip club at 4 AM on a Tuesday. God, I can’t imagine having to go through that, especially the family of the guy who died. Shit, I mean how do you look people in the eye at the funeral home? ‘Oh Marty was such a great husband, I’ll miss the way he came home at 7 AM smelling like stripper’? Damn” Bercaw did not add, but probably thought.