Seven weeks after being suddenly stuck with a far more formidable nominee at the top of the Democratic ticket, the incompetent and dysfunctional House GOP majority will starting Monday fire on all cylinders next week to throw shit at the wall to see what sticks, Punchbowl News reports, rattling off a list of hearings that now have “Harris” in the name: “The Biden-Harris Border Crisis: California Perspectives,” “The Biden-Harris Border Crisis: Victim Perspectives,” “From Gas to Groceries: Americans Pay the Price of the Biden-Harris Energy Agenda,” “Accountable or Absent?: Examining VA Leadership Under the Biden-Harris Administration,” and so on and so forth.

Then there’s the subpoena to running mate Tim Walz over some nickel and dime fraud in Minnesota’s school lunch program, the House Oversight “investigation” into his “China connections,” and the already forgotten “Iran connection” with some crackerjack Harris advisor, Phil Gordon.

“I’m not going to deny that in this season, with a new top of the ticket, that the hearings may be calling out that it was a Biden-Harris administration and a Biden-Harris candidacy until recently,” car thief Congressman Darrell Issa said. “Many may think of it as kind of a congressional ‘Oh, you’re trying to affect an election.’ I think the special prosecutor just re-indicting [Trump] 65 days out, that is more overtly affecting an election. These are messaging [hearings] that we’ve been doing,” Issa added, meaning that he knows this is bullshit but it’s justified because Trump is a criminal.

“Republicans are in a unique situation here. After spending 18 months using their investigative committees to go after President Joe Biden, the GOP has been forced to pivot to hitting Harris just months before the election,” Punchbowl writes, straining not to say outright this is all weak shit.

Russian dictator Vladimir Putin on Thursday fed his supporters in the United States some trolling material by telling fans at an economic forum that he “supports” Vice President Kamala Harris over his actual preferred candidate, convicted felon former President Trump, Bloomberg reports.

“Biden was our ‘favorite’ but he dropped out of the race,” said Putin in Vladivostok “But he recommended that all of his supporters support Harris, so we will as well.” Putin then falsely lamented that Trump had imposed “so many restrictions and sanctions against Russia” during his term, and added Harris “laughs so contagiously and expressively, it shows she’s doing well.”

Trump repeatedly forgets who he is running against: “I can’t imagine New Hampshire voting for him… Anybody in New Hampshire who votes for Biden…” pic.twitter.com/qAv6IFs9Q1

— Kamala HQ (@KamalaHQ) September 5, 2024

Expressing frustration with Israeli political leadership, the families of Americans being held by Hamas in Gaza asked President Joe Biden to negotiate with the terrorist group directly to free their family members rather than rely on Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu, NBC News reports.

While it’s notoriously difficult to negotiate with a terrorist organization, Netanyahu has been pinpointed by critics on various sides of the political spectrum as the sticking point in furthering a long-term cease-fire that would include releasing hostages and prisoners by both sides.

Republican presidential nominee and adjudicated rapist Donald Trump loves the chaos currently happening in the Middle East, and he may be encouraging Netanyahu to continue resisting peace efforts to help Trump’s presidential chances in the United States.

“Susie and I have always said this is the best team in politics. And each day that passes, we are reminded of how true that is. Everyone has made sacrifices and put in the time and effort to help elect President Trump, Senator Vance and all Republicans running for office. Throughout this campaign, we have sent periodic reminders of our comms and press policy when interacting with reporters and media members. Unless you have been authorized by Senior Leadership or have received permission from an authorized member of the Comms Team, you should not be independently speaking or communicating with any member of the press on or off the record.”

“We have done a great job of preventing leaks, and that has been because everyone knows what the policy is and what we expect from everyone. Information is power and the press doesn’t give a damn if you lose your job because you spoke out of school. As this team moves forward with only 61 days left until victory, please do not deviate from this policy. Success requires buy-in from everyone. If just one of us goes off course, it jeopardizes not only the team, but also President Trump and Republicans up and down the ballot. Onward to victory!” write convicted felon former President Trump’s top campaign shitbags Chris LaCivita and Susie Wiles, obtained by Puck political correspondent Tara Palmeri, who says “There must be a hot story in the works.”

Lead singer of the Smashmouth tribute band Smashface and  Republican Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton wants Bexar County–home of sprawling San Antonio–to halt a county-sponsored planned program that would mail unsolicited voter registration forms to more than 200,000 homes, the Houston Chronicle reports.

County Commissioner Justin Rodriguez proposed the plan months ago to boost voter participation in the county, something that most normal people who believe in small-d democracy would think is a good thing, but Republicans don’t.  Republicans have described it as an effort by Democrats to impact the November elections.  Supporters say the focus is on getting people to the polls, not telling them who to vote for.

In his motion, Paxton called the voter registration program an effort to “create confusion, facilitate fraud, undermine confidence in elections,” arguing that the entire county-sponsored program is illegal.  Rodriguez notes, however, that there’s nothing nefarious about registering voters, and the county’s lawyers cleared the funding.

Vice President Kamala Harris’s campaign on Wednesday notified ABC they’ve accepted the Trump campaign’s condition to keep the microphones muted while the other candidate is speaking, citing a risk that the fat bastard might pussy out of the throwdown, CNN’s MJ Lee reports.

OMG! IT REALLY HAPPENED! LIZ CHENEY ENDORSED KAMALA HARRIS! BREAKING NEWS!

Iowa Sentrs Charles Grassly n Joanie Ernest r seekng help from Mxcan police to help fnd woman who has ben kidnpped / Her name is Chris Leguisano n she is frm Iowa / Des Moines register rprts.

Assume Mxican gangsters want ransum / Sorry fr famly. Need hlp from State Deprt // If Leguisano is n danger then need FBI 2 go investgate. Prayng fr safe retrn. Ambassador Ken Salazr pls help.

Convicted felon former President Trump’s campaign ended August with $295 million in cash on hand, $32 million less than he started the month with, Bloomberg reports.

The fat fuck’s third run for the White House also raised $130 million in August, which was $2.5 million less then they pulled in the prior month. Vice President Kamala Harris’s campaign has not disclosed any numbers specific to August yet, but they did however on Sunday say they pulled in $540 million since launch on July 21st, so no question she absolutely crushed the fat bastard.

The “US Company-1” not actually identified by the Justice Department in Wednesday’s announcement of charges brought against two Kremlin agents running propaganda ops here in the US is, according to the New York Times’s Aric Toler, almost certainly Tenet Media, the concern that produces and promotes content by sword-owning bald incel Tim Pool, four-eyed penis Benny Johnson, complete fucking dildo Dave Rubin and others. The indictment alleged that the two agents, Kostiantyn Kalashnikov and Elena Afanasyeva, paid $10 million to a media company based in Tennessee that touts itself as a “network of heterodox commentators that focus on Western political and cultural issues.” Tenet is based in Tennessee and uses that exact language on its YouTube page.

Thus Pool, Johnson, and Rubin are Russian assets, witting or otherwise and should not be permitted to live it down. Let everything they say or do be forever painted as Kremlin agitprop.

A new Economist/YouGov national survey of registered voters finds Vice President Kamala Harris’s favorability rating at 48 percent to 47 percent unfavorable, 13 net points above lazy convicted felon degenerate former President Trump’s rating at 42 percent favorable to 54 percent unfavorable.

“An indictment charging Russian nationals Kostiantyn Kalashnikov, 31, also known as Kostya, and Elena Afanasyeva, 27, also known as Lena, with conspiracy to violate the Foreign Agents Registration Act (FARA) and conspiracy to commit money laundering was unsealed today in the Southern District of New York. Kalashnikov and Afanasyeva are at large,” says a DOJ press release.

“According to the court documents, RT, formerly known as Russia Today, is a state-controlled media outlet funded and directed by the Government of Russia. Over at least the past year, RT and its employees, including Kalashnikov and Afanasyeva, deployed nearly $10 million to covertly finance and direct a Tennessee-based online content creation company (US Company-1). In turn, US Company-1 published English-language videos on multiple social media channels, including TikTok, Instagram, X, and YouTube. Since publicly launching in or about November 2023, US Company-1 has posted nearly 2,000 videos that have garnered more than 16 million views on YouTube alone. Many of the videos posted by US Company-1 contain commentary on events and issues in the US, such as immigration, inflation, and other topics related to domestic and foreign policy. While the views expressed in the videos are not uniform, most are directed to the publicly stated goals of the Government of Russia and RT – to amplify domestic divisions in the United States.”

These fucking people, man. All of them. Not just Tim Walz’s relatives, but the entire MAGAverse acting like the rules of spelling don’t apply to them. Forget acting like whoever the hell these Walzes are and how closely they are related to him are somehow more significant than Donald Trump’s own niece and nephew, former running mate, former lawyer, and so on opposing his campaign. And what goddamned t-shirt printer is going to take their money without correcting it.

Brainwormed independent candidate Robert F Kennedy Jr on Wednesday sued the Wisconsin Election Commission to remove himself from the ballot, the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reports.

“The only way he gets to not be on the ballot is to up and die, which I’m assuming he has no plans on doing. The statute is absolutely clear on this,” WEC chairwoman Ann Jacobs, a Democrat, said last week after denying Bobby’s pleas to strike his name from the ballot. A court in Michigan on Tuesday tossed his lawsuit seeking removal from the ballot in the Great Lakes State.

“The US House Committee on Education and the Workforce (Committee) is engaged in ongoing oversight of the United States Department of Agriculture’s (USDA) and the Minnesota Department of Education’s (MDE) administration of federal child nutrition programs and Feeding Our Future.”

“As the chief executive and the highest ranking official in the state of Minnesota, you are responsible for the MDE and its administration of FCNPs. Article V Section 3 of the Constitution of the State of Minnesota which lays out the powers and duties of the governor, states in part that the governor ‘may require the opinion in writing of the principal officer in each of the executive departments upon any subject relating to his duties,’ and ‘he shall take care that the laws be faithfully executed.’ Copies of our letters to the MDE were sent to you for your awareness of our oversight of the USDA’s and the MDE’s administration of the FCNP and oversight of FOF. You are well aware of the multi-million-dollar fraud that has occurred under your tenure as Governor” and blah blah blah, writes evil old hag MAGA Congresswoman Virginia Foxx to Minnesota Gov Tim Walz in a subpoena.

Fun fact: Foxx is from North Carolina where GOP gubernatorial candidate and current Lt Gov Mark Robinson did not oversee a state food aid program scammed by a non-profit he and his wife actually ran a scam non-profit that paid them at least $830,000 in salaries over the last decade. The operation served meals to “child care providers,” so it’s not totally clear if that’d be in Foxx’s bailiwick or not. But it doesn’t matter because she wouldn’t subpoena him either way.

Fox host: Kamala Harris’ new plan for a $50,000 tax credit for small businesses coupled with less red tape, I've got to say that is a good idea

RNC Chair: Well, that may be a good idea… pic.twitter.com/0OLP0T9Ocv

— Kamala HQ (@KamalaHQ) September 4, 2024

The Biden Administration on Wednesday will publicly condemn the ongoing Russian election interference efforts to return convicted felon former President Trump the White House, identifying the actors and networks involved, and announcing a federal criminal investigation into Russian assets, CNN reports on shit suddenly getting realer than Team MAGA would like it to.

Maybe it’d be too much to expect, but it would be especially awesome if they would call out specific propaganda ops to help Jill Stein and Cornel West split votes off from Kamala Harris.

“I am proud to represent our Failing Nation in fighting the GREATEST POLITICAL WITCH HUNT IN HISTORY. REMOVE THE GAG ORDER SO THAT I CAN SHOW HOW CORRUPT OUR COURT SYSTEM IS. PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES ARE NOT TO BE GAGGED!” posted convicted felon former President Trump on Wednesday morning. It’s not even clear which gag order he’s referring to. Our guess is it’s Manhattan and he thinks that telling his fans that Judge Juan Merchan’s daughter works for a firm connected to Kamala Harris’s campaign is going to be a total game-changer, but it could also be the DC gag order imposed by Judge Tanya Chutkan – which we’re pretty sure he violated last week.

Whatever. Any time he’s upset and raging like this is a good time, especially with his campaign still spinning its wheels. On that note, top Trump Campaign Reichsminister Chris LaCivita on Tuesday dropped another memo on their website, promising a breakthrough is coming soon, hopefully.

Like literally he used the words “hope” and “breaks through” in it. “Most recently, the media is running cover for Kamala as she shamefully attacks Gold Star Families who invited President Trump to a wreath-laying in honor of their children… Despite the bias, if the election were held today, Donald Trump would be reelected,” and blah blah blah “President Trump and his growing team of American patriots remain focused and will spend the next nine weeks traveling the country bringing hope and the promise of endless opportunity to an America in decline. We hope it’s only a matter of time before the public – through the Trump Campaign, millions of citizen journalists, and alternate media – breaks through and hears the real Kamala Harris record. The American people deserve no less,” LaCivita wrote, emphasis ours on the hopium words. Great way to rally the MAGA troops.