In his disastrous press conference Thursday afternoon, the convicted felon and adjudicated rapist heading the Republican Party, Donald Trump, told an amazing story about sharing a near-death experience with former San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown:  a close call that Trump described as an emergency landing.

It never happened.  According to the New York Times, the confused 78-year-old Trump never shared a helicopter with Kamala Harris’s one-time romantic interest Willie Brown.  He did however, once fly in a chopper with former Democratic California Governor Jerry Brown, definitely not a twin of Willie, who says there was no emergency landing and no discussion at all of Kamala Harris.

Jack Smith’s office filed a motion to delay further action in the Special Counsel’s Washington, DC prosecution of adjudicated rapist and GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump for his attempt to undermine the 2020 election, ABC News reports.  Smith says his office needs more time to consider the impact of the recent Supreme Court decision granting limited presidential immunity for official acts.

Smith’s office must now undertake a review of the four felony counts to decide if they wish to pursue counts based on the SCOTUS decision or if they want to change the arguments offered, knowing that any assertion will be challenged immediately as an “official act” from the Trump legal team.  Trump’s team did not object to the three-week delay request sent to Judge Tanya Chutkan.

Sean Hannity hates Kamala Harris with every fiber of his Flintstone-esque body.  Not just because she’s a Democrat, but also because she’s a woman and she’s not white.  With a smirk on his face, Hannity claims Harris is stuck in “Joe Biden’s basement” even though it’s his sponsor, Donald Trump, who is scheduling only one rally per week.  Here, Hannity mocks Harris saying she enjoys hard work, stopping just short of claiming she’s a lazy n-word.

In his ongoing effort to steamroll migrants’ rights, Republican Texas Governor Greg Abbott issued an executive order requiring all hospitals in the state to collect the immigration status of every patient to track how much money is being spent on migrant health care costs, CBS News reports.

According to the order, Abbott demands hospitals collect the data because Texans need to know how much the state is spending to care for “the illegals” and demand the federal government reimburse the state.  Of course, Abbott won’t demand a similar investigation into how much those same people pay in taxes to the state.

Jesse Watters is scoring points off of Robert F Kennedy Jr now. That’s how bad things have gotten for the gravelly-voiced brainworm sufferer/sexual harasser these last few days.

Former San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown on Thursday told the San Francisco Chronicle that convicted felon former President Trump simply made up the story he told about them being on a helicopter together that nearly crashed. “I went down in a helicopter with him. We thought maybe this was the end. We were in a helicopter going to a certain location together, and there was an emergency landing. This was not a pleasant landing,” Trump said at Mar-a-Lago while claiming Brown had also told him “terrible things” about former girlfriend, now-Vice President Kamala Harris.

“You would have known if I had gone down on a helicopter with Trump. I’ve never been on a helicopter with Trump,” said Brown, adding that, though he did once have an emergency landing while on a helicopter ride, Trump was not on board. So that was either a lie or delusional ramblings.

On Trump’s claims of Brown badmouthing Harris, the former mayor said “It’s just as accurate as all of the other components of what you’re asking me about… Not accurate at all… I wouldn’t say anything bad about any woman to him. I would know better. It might encourage him to take a (verbal) shot.”

Brown, who did once fly on Trump’s plane – without Trump on it – told the Chronicle that he hasn’t spoken to Harris in three or four years and he “can’t understand what Trump has been doing” since Joe Biden “outmaneuvered everybody and put Kamala Harris in a position to make history.”

An Addison, Pennsylvania woman faces one felony count of reckless burning or exploding after drunkenly dumping gas and lighting her husband’s truck following a domestic dispute, an inferno she attempted to put out after realizing belatedly she’d gone too far, The Tribune-Democrat reports.

Stacy Lynn Tressler, 42, told state troopers she had an argument with her husband and went to the local watering hole to throw back a few and chill out. Instead she got angrier, and upon returning home she promptly dumped two large red gas cans on the truck and lit it up. “Tressler said she then tried to extinguish the fire, but the flames had consumed the truck. She called her husband who telephoned 911. Addison Township Volunteer firefighters put out the fire,” the Tribune-Dem wrote.

I hear that Donald Trump has finally committed to debating me on September 10.

I look forward to it.

— Kamala Harris (@KamalaHarris) August 8, 2024

A surprise Ukrainian offensive inside Russian territory – and the actual Russian Federation and not the occupied regions that were seized from 2014 onward – is still ongoing after three days and Kyiv’s tanks have made it to a village about 18.5 miles from the border, ABC News reports.

“Despite the attempts of the Russian joint forces group to stop the advance of Ukrainian mobile groups, the scale of the crisis is widening,” wrote Russian military blogger Rybar. The scale of the offensive is much larger than initially known as the Ukrainians appear to have at least two divisions on the ground on the Kursk Oblast, and seem to be headed toward a crucial highway.

“The current situation requires a certain amount of courage and concentration on ways to solve these complex, difficult, extraordinary tasks that are now facing all branches and all levels of government,” Russian dictator Vladimir Putin said at a meeting with Kursk regional acting Governor Alexei Smirnov on Thursday, which meant “If you don’t get your shit together now and find some way to unfuck this will window your ass so fast the pavement won’t even know you hit it.”

President Joe Biden, Egyptian President El-Sisi, and the Emir of Qatar on Thursday issued a joint statement calling for an Israeli ceasefire in Gaza by August 15th, Axios’s Barak Ravid reports

Maybe we could’ve waited until Harris actually overtook Trump, but fuck it. Still funny that one Black woman or another combined are more likely to win than him, according to the shitbags who would post “BuT tEh bEtt1Ng MuRkeTs sAy TRUMP iS aHed!!!!111!!” under every poll that had him behind Biden since 2019 or whenever this circlejerk became a thing. The best part is that less than a month ago on July 16th – two days after he got shot – Trump was as high as 72 percent.

Things are even more dire on PredictIt, the original site for lame political bets, where Harris is up 57 cents to Trump’s 41 cents on the dollar, whatever that actually means in real life.

Trump campaign pollster Tony Fabrizio tells Politico that the American electorate is in some sort of paranormal fugue state, and the “honeymoon” he promised is now an ethereal miasma of psychic energy that will dissipate once the otherworldly forces swirling around us release their grasp.

That’s not that much of an exaggeration of what he actually said: “We are witnessing a kind of out of body experience where we have suspended reality for a couple of weeks, and in that suspended reality, it’s almost like Kamala Harris never met Joe Biden, you know, they were passing acquaintances,” and that the campaign will work day and night tirelessly to prevent Harris from claiming “she has no responsibility for anything that happened in the Biden administration.”

It might help if they had candidate who would do that instead of claim Harris can’t be biracial, that the Capitol insurrection drew more people to DC than Martin Luther King, and apparently believes that being an “asylum seeker” simply means that a person has escaped from a mental asylum.

It’s not clear what happens when a Pennsylvania groundhog sees his reflection inside of one of those claw game machines filled with stuffed animals. Maybe it means the summer will last another six weeks. Or that the moon will collide with the planet and wipe out all life. We’ll find out sooner or later as UPI reports a groundhog got trapped inside such a machine at Meadows Family Fun Mini Golf in Duncansville on Tuesday and indeed saw his reflection inside of it. A state game warden (like animals game, not arcade games) responded and freed the rodent, setting him loose in the wild.

Convicted felon former President Trump on Thursday decided to try to do something stupid to insert himself back in the news cycle and hastily called a press conference at Mar-a-Lago.

“In the race for President, the survey revealed that Harris is starting with a slim lead – earning 44.4 percent of the vote compared to 41.6 percent of likely voters casting their support for Trump. The 2.8 point lead is within the survey’s margin of error. Harris’ lead is bolstered by 86.5 percent of the Democratic base, whereas Trump is earning 79.5 percent of the Republican base, a slippage that was also witnessed by other MAGA candidates in Arizona in 2022. Essential independent and unaffiliated voters are also initially breaking by about 7.2 points for Harris,” says a poll release from Highground, a consultancy run by Arizona Republican strategist Chuck Coughlin.

The same survey also found Dem Congressman Ruben Gallego leading psychopath Kari Lake by a wider 49.6 percent to 38.6 percent in the race to take over assclown Senator Kyrsten Sinema’s seat.

Looking back at what seems to be their final poll from 2022, they put Katie Hobbs ahead of Lake 45.8 to 44.8 percent, the margin of Hobbs’s win ended up being 0.67 percent. In the Senate race they had Mark Kelly leading reptilian creep Blake Masters 42.4 to 39.6 percent, Kelly ended up winning by just under 5 percent. So Coughlin’s crew got pretty close on the winner and margins last time around, which is helpul if you’re inclined to credit this poll as sacred prophecy of future victory.

If not you can go with fat Donald’s preferred pollster. “RASMUSSEN POLL, JUST OUT: TRUMP UP BIG OVER KAMALA!” he just posted on Truth Social. We sure he’s up big in that one.

“In December 2023, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton opened an investigation into the major fundraising platform ActBlue to determine whether ActBlue’s operations are compliant with all applicable laws. ActBlue has been the subject of numerous allegations of illicit activity, including that its platform may enable fraud. One major focus of Texas’s investigation is ActBlue’s failure to require that donors provide ‘CVV’ codes when making donations by credit card on the ActBlue platform.”

“‘CVV’ codes are a commonly required security measure. Today, the OAG issued a supplemental civil investigative demand to obtain additional information relevant to the latest allegations regarding ActBlue,” says Picasso-faced Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton in a statement.

Lol. MAGA world has been sore at ActBlue the last few weeks after Vice President Harris raised $94 million on the first day of her campaign, with the fanboys claiming it’s a Chinese money laundering operation and all sorts of other bullshit, so here comes Pax to make it look like asking questions about the alleged lack of a CVV requirement is moving the ball down the field against the Dems.

“Funny the Politics she supports are the very ones that keep these terrorists alive. You can’t make this stuff up!!” – Top comment on the Breitbart article “Taylor Swift Cancels Several Concerts After ISIS Terror Plot Thwarted,” posted Thursday. The second most-upvoted comment did a slightly better job at making the same point, “Hey Swiftie this is what you championed! Inclusiveness! Ain’t it grand!” except the dumbass used an exclamation point instead of a question mark at the end.

The politics these guys support does not acknowledge the existence of ISIS since Trump defeated them years ago, nor would it countenance well with NBC’s reporting that US intel helped thwart the attack on the concert that was canceled out of precaution rather than turning into a bloodbath like the Jason Aldean show on the Las Vegas Strip did back in 2017, while Trump was president.

Unearthed: JD Vance supported a congressional candidate who egregiously lied about his military service and claimed he was deployed to Afghanistan when he never was.

Vance said he is “proud to support him” despite learning about his stolen valor. pic.twitter.com/XFMMlcW3dY

— Kamala HQ (@KamalaHQ) August 8, 2024

We’re of the mind that this ought to be the end of any more time spent addressing attacks on Tim Walz’s military record. The worst, and really only, time he came close to misrepresenting it was one word in one sentence “Those weapons of war that I carried in war” while talking about the need for better gun laws, emphasis ours, which by itself does make it sound like he said he fought on a battlefield. He does not seem to have implied anywhere else otherwise, unlike Texas MAGA Congressman Troy Nehls, who was ordered to stop wearing a combat veteran pin on June 26th.

The accusation that Walz abandoned his unit right as they shipped out to Iraq? Walz retired two months before they got their deployment notice. It wasn’t due to “bone spurs.” That he got demoted from Sergeant Major? Retired before he could fulfill the three year requirement in order to retain the title. Ronny Jackson got demoted for different reasons. Harris-Walz could use some guys who Walz served with to work the media as surrogates, but one single word said one time is all they’ve got.

And “BASED” guy JR Majewski, they have him too. JD Vance never saw combat either, he churned out press releases from an office, but at least he went to Iraq. The same can’t be said about the QAnon freak Majewski, whose false claims of serving in Afghanistan and in the special forces blew up his first campaign in 2022 and STILL Vance was defending the sick fuck from the “dishonest smears” last year as Majewski was mounting a comeback that eventually imploded as well.

Sources tell the Washington Post that convicted felon former President Trump is expected to agree once again to debate Vice President Kamala Harris on ABC News on September 10th, less than a week after he demanded it be moved to Fox News in front of a live audience and lied that some made-up conflict of interest over a defamation lawsuit against ABC prohibited the debate.

“Now, Trump is likely to return to ABC News or propose a debate on NBC News with Univision, according to people close to him who spoke on the condition of anonymity to describe private deliberations. These people expect his proposal in the coming days and potentially as early as Thursday afternoon. Both networks are interested in the debate, along with others, the people familiar with the matter said. Trump has discussed both networks with advisers,” the Post writes.

Four adults and a juvenile were really injured in Wildwood, New Jersey when a speed-governed golf cart rigged to simulate the experience of drunk driving got a little too real and veered off its course in a police-run safety exhibit at a local fair, the Cherry Hill Courier-Post reports.

The golf cart has apparently had an otherwise perfect 20 year safety record at making drivers feel like they’re shitfaced behind the wheel. Three of the injured were discharged from a nearby hospital after treatment of unspecified wounds. Other details were unclear, like exactly how the simulation works and if the driver has to wear some kind of goggles to make their vision blurrier.