Asked by CNN’s Manu Raju on Wednesday if she’s going to cave to convicted felon President Trump’s pressure and pull her name from the Epstein files discharge petition, 37 year-old grandma Congresswoman Lauren Boebert said simply “No” as the precious few minutes left ticked away.

Meanwhile Nebraska Republican Don Bacon told MSNBC’s Katy Tur he’s going to be a yes on the vote after the discharge petition is effected, but it was not clear if that also meant he would sign the discharge petition because if he could just go ahead and do that now this can all be over with…

Also he’s a fucking asshole because this all could’ve been over with two months ago if he’d signed.

“Due to ongoing global urbanization, some animals have settled in urban environments and rely increasingly on anthropogenic resources. One such urban adapter is the European herring gull, Larus argentatus, whose presence in towns has led to conflict with humans. Previous research has found gulls perceive men’s shouting as a threat. We conducted a playback experiment on wild urban herring gulls in a foraging context to determine whether gulls perceive the difference between men shouting versus speaking the same words at the same volume, and whether those stimuli represented the same level of threat. Gulls reacted similarly to men shouting and speaking, as they flinched at the playback, exhibited vigilance, pecked less at the human food source and left the apparatus sooner than when exposed to robin song,” says the abstract to groundbreaking new research helmed by Dr Neeltje Boogert of the University of Exeter’s Cornwall, England campus.

“However, gulls differentiated between the acoustic properties of men’s vocalizations, as they flew away from men shouting but walked away from men speaking. When attempting to deter gulls from exploiting anthropogenic resources, talking might stop them from foraging, but shouting is more effective at making them flee,” the abstract continued. It’s not clear if the team is planning a follow-up study to see if a 9mm round to the seagull’s head is more effective than yelling at them.

“The Democrats are trying to bring up the Jeffrey Epstein Hoax again because they’ll do anything at all to deflect on how badly they’ve done on the Shutdown, and so many other subjects. Only a very bad, or stupid, Republican would fall into that trap. The Democrats cost our Country $1.5 Trillion Dollars with their recent antics of viciously closing our Country, while at the same time putting many at risk — and they should pay a fair price. There should be no deflections to Epstein or anything else, and any Republicans involved should be focused only on opening up our Country, and fixing the massive damage caused by the Democrats!” posted Jeff’s buddy on Wednesday. Donald uber alles.

“In other words, the Democrats are using the Jeffrey Epstein Hoax to try and deflect from their massive failures, in particular, their most recent one — THE SHUTDOWN!” the fat bastard later added.

Notice how he didn’t actually say the emails are fake or were generated by AI or something.

Full explainer on the situation: All 213 currently-serving House Democrats have signed onto rogue Kentucky Republican Congressman Thomas Massie’s discharge petition to force a vote to compel the Justice Department to release everything they have on Jeffrey Epstein. Four Republicans signed on: Massie, Crazy Nancy Mace, QAdulteress Marjorie Taylor Greene, and high school dropout Lauren Boebert, which makes 217. Arizona Dem Congresswoman-Elect Adelita Grijalva, who won a special election to succeed her late father Raul back in fucking September, will at 4PM be officially sworn in.

Within an hour she’ll sign the petition and it’ll be submitted to the clerk, Rubicon crossed. Then there’s no backing out from forcing every member of the House on the record of whether the Justice Department should release the Epstein files. Assuming every member who signed the discharge petition votes yes it will pass and then nothing will happen because the Senate won’t take it up. If they somehow do and it gets 60 votes then it still has to be signed into law by convicted felon President Trump, which it won’t be, requiring a veto-proof majority in both chambers.

Maybe don’t bet too much against that, who knows. Just having the vote at all will still be a massive coup for Democrats. Some schoolteacher in rural Missouri with a $13,000 war chest can campaign on saying incumbent Congressman Chester Roy McKlansman voted against releasing the Epstein files if they vote no, risk the wrath of the Orange God Emperor if they vote yes. Which makes it very important for the regime to stop this discharge petition from hitting 218 votes in less than five hours from now and the only way to do that is to put pressure on the four Republicans. Massie’s going to be a no since he literally fucking started the petition. Forget Greene. Mace earlier told CNN’s Manu Raju she’s not backing out but she’s gravely mentally ill and can’t be trusted by either side of this.

The House Oversight Dems “cherrypicked” more emails sent and received by dead sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein on Wednesday, this exchange between Jeff and former Obama White House counsel Kathy Reummler on August 23, 2018 around the time now-former enforcer Michael Cohen pleaded guilty to federal charges related to the Stormy Daniels coverup. First Ruemmler emailed with: “Here’s a story from The New York Times that I thought you’d find interesting: The principled case for impeachment is clear. What’s missing is the courage,” linking to a Bret Stephens column apparently sent when you click on the “Share this story via email” button on the Times website.

“I think [Cohen] makes the argument that it was his, trumps money, making it not illegal. though he also said he only found out afterwards? and the fact according to the indictment was billed as services rendered and grossed up. im sure his [accountant] has flipped anyway. I did talk in detail to [Epstein’s former lawyer Ken] starr yesterday re indictments how trump can make a deal (special counsel). clintons trash can yes starr gave me more. YECHHHH!” Epstein wrote in reply.

“It makes no difference whether it was his money. Issue is failure to disclose. Plus, fact that he has lied his ass off about it makes clear that he knew it was illegal,” Reummler wrote.

“you see i know how dirty donald is. my guess is that non lawyers [New York] biz people have no idea. what it means to have your fixer flip,” Epstein wrote cryptically in the end of the exchange.

Well at least the MAGA kids get something out of this with Reummler evidently being all palsy with this sick fuck just four years after she left the White House on good terms with her boss.

“The Democrats selectively leaked emails to the liberal media to create a fake narrative to smear President Trump. The ‘unnamed victim’ referenced in these emails is the late Virginia Giuffre, who repeatedly said President Trump was not involved in any wrongdoing whatsoever and ‘couldn’t have been friendlier’ to her in their limited interactions. The fact remains that President Trump kicked Jeffrey Epstein out of his club decades ago for being a creep to his female employees, including Giuffre. These stories are nothing more than bad-faith efforts to distract from President Trump’s historic accomplishments, and any American with common sense sees right through this hoax and clear distraction from the government opening back up again,” said White House Press Secretary Krazy Karoline in a statement Wednesday reacting to House Oversight Dems’ release of some pretty freaking damning emails indicating that convicted felon President Trump knew that his best bud was sex trafficking teenage girls. She’s taking the podium in just under two hours so this’ll be fun.

Meanwhile on CNN this morning MAGA Congressman Rob Stutzman lied and said that House Oversight Chairbilly James Comer “has done a very good job handling” the Epstein files shitshow “methodically.” If that were true then Slutzman would be doing a little victory dance to Wolf Blizter like he wanted to (and tried to) instead of being blindsided by these goddamned emails that Comer’s tormentor Ranking Dem Robert Garcia obtained. Comer has fucking sucked at this and if anything Republicans should be screaming at him to resign from the chair over his utter fecklessness in preventing these kinds of massively damaging releases they have to get asked about.

Panamanian officials on Wednesday announced they had seized 13 tons of cocaine bound for the United States that was on a boat they had not exploded prior to the interdiction, CBS News reports.

“A total of 11,562 packages with suspected illegal substance were confiscated in diligence developed by the Drug Prosecutor’s Office with @aeronavalpanama, units to the southwest of San Jose Island, where 10 people of different nationalities were apprehended [rather than summarily executed by a munition fired from a Navy aircraft],” the canal country’s top prosecutor posted.

The Bongos – as in former Gabon First Lady Sylvia Bongo and her son Noureddin Bongo – got 20 years in the clink following their conviction on charges of concealment and embezzlement of public funds, money laundering, criminal association and forgery, which was a W for the Gabonese justice system but an L for the actual justice part since that’s almost certainly 20 years more than they’ll actually spend inside of a prison cell since they fled to the UK in 2023, the AP reports.

During the trial, prosecutors had released pics of two private jets bought with laundered money and listed land holdings including a mansion in London and Morocco. Patriarch and deposed ex-president Ali Bongo for some reason was permitted to leave the country too and now lives in Angola.

Chinese customers have all but completely stopped buying soybeans from American producers despite convicted felon President Trump’s claims there’s been a deal to relieve farmers, Bloomberg reports.

From an April 2, 2011 email dead pimp Jeffrey Epstein sent to accomplice Ghislaine Maxwell: “i want you to realize that that dog that hasn’t barked is trump.. [REDACTED VICTIM’S NAME] spent hours at my house with him, he has never once been mentioned. police chief. etc. im 75 percent there.”

Ghislaine’s reply a few hours later, marked “High importance”: “I have been thinking about that…”

This one’s been acquired by House Oversight Dems, per Politico’s Kyle Cheney, and while it’s hard to fill in the blanks on exactly what it might mean it is EXTREMELY unlikely that it’s anything that would make Trump look innocent. Not to mention it was the better part of a decade after he had supposedly unfriended Dirty Jeff over whatever the latest version of the story’s supposed to be.

Bad as that is, it gets possibly worse…

Convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday sent a letter to Israeli President Isaac Herzog commanding him to pardon dictator Benjamin Netanyahu, who currently faces trial on charges of bribery, fraud and breach of trust, Bloomberg reports on a bold move to help make Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas presents more affordable for millions of Americans this holiday season.

“I hereby call on you to fully pardon Benjamin Netanyahu, who has been a formidable and decisive War Time Prime Minister, Netanyahu has stood tall for Israel in the face of strong adversaries and long odds, and his attention cannot be unnecessarily diverted,” Trump wrote in the letter and God knows how much Miriam Adelson kicked in to the ballroom to get him to send that bullshit.

President Trump’s team tell CNN they’re in the early stages of planning a lengthy series of MAGA rallies to address the affordability crisis that has been steadily growing source of concern for White House officials. “You can’t convince people that their experience, what they’re feeling at home, isn’t reality,” one source said about the domestic itinerary being launched to try to convince people that high prices are what the president repeatedly called a “con job” by the Democrats.

“The president gets it. He knows this is an issue,” a senior White House official said the same week that Trump called polls with his economic approval rating in the low 30 percent range “fake” during an interview. “But he’s frustrated he’s not getting credit for what he’s doing,” the official continued, naming energy deregulations and the extension of his 2017 tax cuts as major accomplishments that voters just need to learn more about so they can feel better about the economy and job market.

Once they see him talking about how he brought $25 trillion in deals in just nine months they will know they made the right choice last year. Trump previewed this argument during a speech to wealthy investors at a conference held in an air conditioned auditorium, saying “I tell Republicans, you want to win elections, you got to talk about these facts,” on his record of economic accomplishments. “You know, it’s really easy to win elections when you talk about the facts.”

“Attorney General Pam Bondi and FBI Director Kash Patel have produced to Congress a new cache of documents showing how Bill and Hillary Clinton’s foundation collected donations from foreign and domestic interests seeking influence – raising fresh concerns that such evidence was kept from federal prosecutors who tried to investigate pay-to-play allegations against the former first family a decade ago,” says the lede to a BLOCKBUSTER new report by crusading muckracker John Solomon.

Lol. There’s no real point in rehashing the why of all this stupid bullshit, the Trump Regime was always going to be resurrecting their old grievances for Solomon content this year, no matter what else happened. Worth pointing out however is that, right up front in that lede (but not in the typically clickbaity headline of “‘Clinton Corruption Files’: Bondi, Patel unleash new evidence about former first family foundation”) is the dismally sad what: The nation’s top two federal law enforcement officials gave this “new” evidence of alleged Clinton family corruption to Republicans in Congress.

Genericize that for a moment. “Gotham City District Attorney Paula Bundy and Police Chief Pat L Cash have produced to the City Council a cache of documents proving former Mayor Clint Bilton and his wife Harriet took multiple bribes from the Joker and the Penguin.” Does that sound like the DA and the cops are actually trying to put Clint and Harriet in Arkham Asylum anytime soon? Does the city council have any more investigative powers than law enforcement? Might one think that the actual point of the story is to encourage costumed vigilantes to attempt to bring them to justice?

Japanese Prime Minister Sanae Takaichi on Wednesday told Parliament that her government will soon “compile a package of measures soon and implement them using a supplementary budget,” to provide funds for local municipalities to mitigate the ongoing threat of bear attacks that, for reasons still unknown, have massively surged this year and left 12 dead, the Japan Times reports.

An in-media-res clip from TechnicalSafetyBC’s Incident Summary #II-1919912-2025, a final determination on the investigation into a non-fatal injury incident at a carnival in Port Hardy, British Columbia on May 31st, 2025: “The two patrons were loaded into the PCU by two experienced operators and one younger attendant who was the child of the Foreman of the Zipper ride and had been helping and was described as ‘really good at cracking buckets.’ (An industry term for loading and unloading a caged style ride). The younger attendant had been trained in the specific procedures of loading and unloading the PCU but did not have the experience or assertiveness necessary to deal with situations that deviated from the normal routine. The Foreman had left the area for a brief time after repairing a component to wash up. The younger attendant, who travels with the carnival, was left around the Zipper ride where they were helping the loading and unloading of passengers, which they had done several times previously at different fair locations. Neither attendant was able to intervene or prevent loading of intoxicated passengers despite the posted rules and manufacturer and code requirements indicating intoxicated riders were not allowed.”

“The younger attendant later described the rider as ‘half asleep and half awake,'” lol. Meaning the kid was “qualified” to operate a “Zipper” but didn’t know how to identify drunk people.

As tempting as it is to say “Fucking Democrats” there wasn’t really any point in dragging the shutdown on much longer since Republicans have made it obvious that they don’t want to make healthcare more affordable for tens of millions of Americans. It was clear enough from Jesus Dork Speaker Mike Johnson and it should be even clearer now from the Senate GOP who NBC reports want to add all sorts of abortion-related restrictions on the vote to extend the ACA subsidies.

The shutdown ended stupidly and abruptly, Chuck Schumer’s a wuss, and so on and so forth. The legislative part of this was never going to wind up differently. Democrats can now campaign on having tried to prevent the massive increase in health insurance costs while Republicans can just ramble their contradictory bullshit about Obamacare being flawed from the start and that they have a new plan they’ll implement if you vote for them next year, just wait, you’ll love it…

Dems tried and failed to save Republicans from a cataclysm of their own making. Fin.