There’s this ultra expensive, ultra exclusive theme hotel in Florida where guests immerse themselves in a fictional universe. The place is filled with unsavory criminal scum and misshapen freaks from the dregs of society, jockeying for advantages over one another in the aftermath of a destructive civil conflict. There’s mystery, intrigue, and a lot of cosplayers who pretend to believe the out-of-this world mythology behind the “experience” to earn a paycheck.

Well there are actually two places like that in Florida. The first is Mar-a-Lago (Hahaha! We’re so clever!) and the second is the Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser at the Walt Disney World Resort. Galactic Starcruiser is quite literally as described above. It’s a two-night “immersive experience” at a hotel inside the grounds of Disney World made to look like a spaceship from Star Wars (taking place after the end of The Last Jedi on the Star Wars timeline, specifically).

It costs about $6,000 for a two night stay for two adults and two children to play with lightsabers and interact with actors dressed as Star Wars aliens and drink regular booze made all Star Wars-y.

Think about that for a bit. It’s not that people would piss away $6,000 on an “immersive” theme park experience that so far has gotten some tepid reviews. People buy stupid shit all the time. What’s really remarkable here is that Disney’s resorts division did the math and built the place so Star Wars fans can piss away that much money on such a thing if they so choose.

And it’s 100% marketed at adults. For virtually the entirety of its history and its portfolio, everything Disney produced under its main marque – as in literally “Disney” and not its other properties like Touchstone Pictures – was made exclusively for children. Yeah, they sprinkled into films like The Lion King some jokes only adults would get (and they weren’t that good of jokes, just be honest with yourselves) and made some brilliantly funny and genuinely moving stories with Pixar, but at the end of the day their market was children. They made animated movies in the 90s with jokes aimed at adults for the same reason they sold beer in the hotels at Disneyland and Disney World: So parents didn’t want to blow their fucking heads off while indulging their children. Nowadays people visit Disney World without bringing children with them at all.

This is a “toy” like a grenade launcher is “personal protection”.

There’s this semi-coherent theory I have about geek fandom and adult nostalgia that relies on a lot of generalizations, but I think it’s ultimately correct if in need of refinement: Thirty years ago an adult man who collected action figures was in all likelihood a loner and a weirdo who worked a menial job and drove a shitty car. He’d be laughed at for wearing a Darth Vader t-shirt.

Back then the highest paying jobs most widely available that didn’t require an intensive specialized education were in finance and sales – industries largely the province of high school jocks who would piss away their disposable income on other, more successful jocks by buying season tickets, courtside seats, autographed collectibles like jerseys and sportsballs, and of course gambling.

Around the turn of the millennium forward was when jobs in the tech industry proliferated. With it, the buying power of the geeks who collect Star Wars toys came to rival that of the finance bros drinking Bud Heavy in a luxury box at Fenway. With it came a wider social acceptance of those wearing an Atari t-shirt or a Star Wars hoodie around in public which in turn encouraged other adults to indulge their favorite childhood fantasy worlds a little more openly and freely.

That’s my theory as to how we as a nation got to the point where a fucking $800 Lego AT-AT sells out frequently, a $6,000 Star Wars hotel was opened, and this guy below did wrote what he wrote.

Last year this month the Orlando Sentinel a guest op-ed titled “I love Disney World, but wokeness is ruining the experience” written by that unambiguously sad, portly man. In it he complained “When I stand in Galaxy’s Edge or Fantasyland, I know I am in a theme park but through immersion and my willingness to set the real world aside, something magical happens. That spell is broken when the immersive experience is shattered by the real world. And boy, has Disney been breaking the immersion. Recently, Disney announced that cast members are now permitted to display tattoos, wear inclusive uniforms and display inclusive haircuts. Disney did all of this in the name of allowing cast members to express themselves… More broadly, like many corporations, Disney has been politicizing its business. Full disclosure: I am a Christian and a conservative Republican, so the people who run Disney and I do not see eye to eye [exceptionally poor choice of words there].”

Forget the question of why the hell a major metropolitan newspaper would print such insane shit, put aside the culture wars nonsense for the moment at least, and think about the writer. He’s a chunky, lazy-eyed man in his mid-50s sitting there with Disney statues on his shelf. But Jonathan Vansboskerck is also the Chief Deputy District Attorney for Clark County, Nevada. Meaning the second highest ranking state prosecutor in a region home to 2.2 million people and a global tourist destination decided it was socially acceptable to tell the entire world how much he loves going to Disney World to live out his childhood fantasies. Again, ignore the bitching about the woke stuff – pretend he was writing something positive about visiting Disney World several times a year.

That should tell you how much weight this behemoth carries. If not then consider that 15 of the top 20 highest grossing films of all time were either produced or now owned by The Walt Disney Company (maybe 15.5 if you include Titanic which was jointly released by 20th Century Fox and Paramount – Disney bought all Fox entertainment properties from the Murdochs in 2018).

So now that we’re done with all exposition that takes up about 15 to 20% of every Marvel movie, be ready to unforget the woke stuff as the Disney Empire confronts the MAGA Empire…

This summer get your kids outdoors enjoy all that America has to offer… don’t waste your money on overpriced bullshit and junk food at Disney World.

— Donald Trump Jr. (@DonaldJTrumpJr) April 5, 2022

…in the sequel to this blockbuster National Zero Cinematic Universe article. Coming Thursday.