The Massachusetts Republican Party still needs someone to run against Dem Senator Elizabeth Warren next year, Politico reports on an open casting call situation in the Bay State.

Somebody, anybody. Come on. Who doesn’t want to take a shot here? Christ, you could become a member of the most elite legislative body in the United States. Only 100 Americans are Senators. It’s a really big deal! They work on really important issues. And the perks are incredible! You get a staff and office and can even meet the president! Senators get to visit the White House all the time!

Okay, sure. Liz Warren is wicked popular in Massachusetts. She’s got a lot of friends at Harvard and all the other big elite universities. It’s a really blue state and beating her might be tough. But nobody wants to even try? Jeez! You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take, guys. And while everyone says Mass is like so liberal there’s a lot of really patriotic history in the state, something a GOP campaign can easily pick up as a theme. Shit, the freaking Tea Party happened there in 1773 or whenever! You could wear a tricorn hat and yell “The Marxists are coming! The Marxists are coming!” while ringing a bell and riding on a horse! That would be so freaking cool and authentic.

Or you could say “groomers” instead of “Marxists.” Whatever. Or dress up like a pilgrim and wear one of those belt buckle hats instead. People like Thanksgiving. Look, it would be a fun campaign. You could do it if you’re a Massachusetts Republican. Someone’s gotta step up for the team there.