President Biden on Monday will preside over a ceremony in which two particularly stupid-looking and unintelligent dinosaur-like creatures will be spared from the slaughter that will see tens of millions of their kin consumed in a gruesome annual ritual. Other “traditions” commonly associated with “Thanks-Giving” include heavy alcohol consumption, throwing footballs, political arguments between racist Fox News-watching uncles and nose-pierced vegan lesbian nieces fueled by heavy alcohol consumption, political arguments between less-stereotypically arrayed combatants fueled by heavy alcohol consumption, and hand-traced turkey decorations cut from construction paper.