“After last night’s debate, two things are clear. One, futile exercises like last night’s debate only serve to further divide our Republican Party and two, no one on that stage will be our Republican nominee. Division is the last thing we need – we need to rally behind our candidate for 2024 and we need to do it fast. The Democrats are already making excuses for their candidate, and their excuses are working because they’re speaking with one voice… It’s time to face the Democrats with a united front and rally behind Donald Trump. Trump won all 77 counties in Oklahoma in 2016 and 2020, and we’ll deliver all 77 counties again in 2024 in the primary and then in the general election as our nominee. I look forward to helping him beat Joe Biden and take back the White House,” says MAGA Congressman Kevin Hern in a statement that we trimmed down because it was lame and boring.

It’s only newsworthy because… Well, “newsworthy” is doing a lot of work there even with the additional context: Hern’s endorsement comes just a week after Trump’s enforcers Susan Wiles and Chris LaCivita sent Hern a letter saying, among other angry, hateful shit “You are no better than out-of-control Democrats, Never Trumpers, and enemies of the Make America Great Again movement,” and “We will not allow you or a scam PAC to mislead the American people in order to steal their hard-earned money through dishonest and deceptive tactics usually employed by other scam PACs,” ripping Hern a new asshole for “openly and flagrantly disregard[ing] our clear guidelines” for pasting the “Campaign’s formal ‘Seal of Approval'” on his PAC’s mailers without actually having “earned” it.

Juxtaposing that with the obviously non-reciprocated endorsement is why Hernie earns our seal of a dog so happy for an opportunity to lick his abusive master’s face… And if he’s lucky he might get the chance to have some peanut butter too if master smears it somewhere lower.