The Iowa State Fair will kick off on Thursday to a presidential hopeful-free celebration of the vast cornfield’s culture and heritage, starting with a parade headlined by fat, tattoo-faced caucasian rapper Jelly Roll, Christian recording artist Lauren Daigle, the Des Moines register reports.
Absent this year will be Mike Pence, Ron DeSantis, Asa Hutchinson, Nikki Haley, Tim Scott, Doug Burgum, Vivek Ramaswamy, Ryan Binkley, and the rest of them, trailed around by national political press and being photographed talking about farm policy to some dude in a John Deere hat who brought his prize piglets to the fair while eating deep fried cotton candy sprinkled with bacon bits and raspberry sauce drizzled top, served with a cup of funnel cake batter for dipping.
If Iowans are lucky it might not be until 2026 when Marjorie Taylor Greene, Mike Pompeo, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Vivek Ramaswamy, Tucker Carlson, and Kristi Noem and whoever else show up for such tedious photo ops. If America is unlucky that would mean that Pete Buttigieg, Gretchen Whitmer, Josh Shapiro, Wes Moore, etc will too, just in case there will actually be a 2028 election.