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Russian ballet dancer dies of gravity overdose

Famed Russian ballet dancer Vladimir Shklyarov died of a gravity overdose in Saint Petersburg over the weekend after what state media claims was a fall from a 5th floor balcony while Shklyarov was stoned on painkillers he was taking before undergoing back surgery, CBS News reports.

Shklyarov’s “loss is deeply felt by the entire Mariinsky family and the wider ballet world,” his employers at the Mariinsky theater said Monday in a statement that did not address the circumstances of Shklyarov’s death. You will not be shocked to learn that Shklyarov had publicly criticized Russian dictator Vladimir Putin’s regime during the run-up to the February 2022 invasion of Ukraine in a social media post that he later deleted. Other top performers, like prima ballerina Olga Smirnova, a former headliner at Moscow’s famed Bolshoi who left the country in protest, Shklyarov stuck around in Russia to continue performing with the Mariinsky under its pro-Kremlin leadership.

In related news, the Ukrainians on Tuesday began firing US-supplied long-range ATACMS missiles into Russian territory for the first time since President Joe Biden gave them the go-ahead to do so this week, prompting the Kremlin to revise its nuclear doctrine with Putin signing a declaration that a conventional attack on Russia by any nation that is supported by a nuclear power will be considered a joint attack on his country. Kind of funny how this asshole is just pushing paper around as if there are any such doctrinaire constraints on his “presidency,” rather than just retaliating.

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