An action-packed Monday Seattle Police Department blotter report decisively falls apart in the third act, ending anticlimactically with the deranged villain simply tiring out prior to his arrest:
“At 1052 hours, a Safeway employee approached an unhoused male requesting he move along from the parking garage owned by the business. The unhoused then became ‘unhinged’ and hit the employee in the forehead with a 4-foot-long metal pole causing serious injury. As officers were arriving the suspect had just discharged a fire extinguisher in the garage making it difficult to see as he fled. Approx twenty minutes later the suspect was located six blocks away and was still armed with the metal pole. The suspect menaced officers with the pole and then took off running before he could be subdued. The suspect then jumped on a Lime bike attempting to get away from officers.”
“However, he eventually tired after riding approx four blocks where he was taken into custody without further incident,” the report ended disappointingly. Even if the suspect had, say, jumped off an overpass intent on landing on the top of a passing commuter train but miscalculated and landed on the tracks before being splattered by the locomotive that would’ve at least left plenty of space for some darkly comedic interpretation of futility. This is almost as bad as Joker Folie à Deux.