For a conservative who says he couldn’t care less about Hollywood and celebrities and the arts because it’s all run by Liberal Elites (which is not the name of the top R&B band in Sewell County, Kansas), Fox host and prep school Latin teacher all the girls find creepy Tucker Carlson apparently hate-watches an awful lot of awards shows to find out who’s popular, like English pop star Sam Smith, who’s everything Carlson hates: Gay, genderqueer, popular and talented. Smith’s over-the-top performance infuriates (and likely titillated) Carlson, a fact you can tell by the amount of his girlish laughter. “Tonight’s transgender Satanism brought to you by Pfizer. [Laugh] Inject it into your bodies! [Chortle],” Carlson emotes after his guest’s voice breaks into something out of the Land of Misfit Toys.