Incumbent republican presidential nominee Donald Trump held a rally in Tucson, Arizona Monday night as he enters the final fortnight of his failing presidential campaign. I did not watch it.
But allow me to summarize his key talking points: Nothing is his fault. Everyone would be millionaires if it wasn’t for the China virus. Hunter Biden will never be president. If we had listened to medical professionals, the US would have had 6 gagillion dead. Ivanka is his favorite. He doesn’t know QAnon, but they’re very fine people. She should be locked up; it is unclear if this means Gretchen Whitmer, Hillary Clinton or Greta Thunberg. The election will be rigged.
Trump won three Noble Prizes, more than Obama. His health care plan will be great, if he ever releases it. Joe Biden likes to sleep. Despite all evidence, he’s a great businessman. Those cameras back there are run by the Crooked Media. Ivanka is his favorite. Dr. Fauci is an idiot. He’s worth a LOT of money. He personally defeated the China or Wuhan or whaddeveh you call it virus. If you don’t count the last year, the economy is doing great!
And now, to soothe your ears, a video of goats screaming.
And Ivanka is his favorite.