The President of the United States on Sunday told reporters assembled at some golf course in Ireland that a full-blown economic depression is imminent and unavoidable as he conditioned the downturn upon the quite likely event that the Democrats win a majority in the House of Representatives as well as the less likely but still more so than not that the opposition party also nets at least 51 seats in the US Senate. Given that the president’s supporters consider him an economic luminary of unrivaled acumen when it comes to the American economy in the 21st century, this is the equivalent of a NASA scientist telling fans an asteroid the size of Texas had a 95 percent chance of hitting Earth in November but NASA’s more interested in building monuments to its glory, renaming the Moon to “The Sphere of America,” and rug-pulling $NASA crypto.

That hypothetical of course would also have to presuppose that NASA had long ago squandered every atom of its credibility among the wider public and that only about 20 to 30 percent of Americans actually still believed everything the space agency said. So price in the rest of us knowing that academia and the Japanese, Euro, and Indian space agencies had actually determined that the odds of impact were in fact effectively zero and that the asteroid is composed of extraordinarily fragile silicates and hydrogen ice crystals that will disintegrate into particulates after a few days’ exposure to the inner solar system’s sunlight anyway. That still leaves those NASA die-hards at the mercy of an agency simultaneously issuing warnings of an extinction-level impact, posting a lot of content about how bad the impact will be, and sending fans spam emails urging them to donate money to support NASA’s efforts at increasing awareness of the asteroid’s danger.

Actually does this proposition even need to go outside the realm of economics? What if it was JP Morgan Chase, the Dow Jones “consensus,” all the eggheads in the Ivory Tower, a bunch of Fed branches, everyone and anyone with a record of reliable-enough forecasting of the ebbs and flows of the economy, all warning with 95 percent confidence that a full-blown depression is imminent in under two months and only serious action from the president and his party will head it off?

Yeah, that’d probably crash the stock market on its own. Then Trump would be screaming that he was going to ban short-selling, which would then make the selloff even worse and then credit would dry up and then within weeks his prophecy would be self-fulfilled… more or less right on time.

Still, why is any hypothetical needed here at all when there’s Trump’s very own proposition and the context in which it was delivered? Any fanboys want to just take it for what it is and do so in the plainest terms possible? Just answer this: If Democrats winning the House and/or Senate will lead to a depression and that threat is meant to be taken seriously, then why was it issued from a fucking golf course in Ireland rather than, say, the Oval Office or a joint session of Congress? And what’s he doing to stop it besides emptily promising $5,000 stimulus checks that he could call on the GOP to return to Washington and pass via reconciliation immediately and get to voters before the midterms?

Oh and some true or false questions: The greatest economic president of all time should be able to prevent a depression without cuntishly blaming Chuck Schumer and Hakeem Jeffries.

True or false: Tom Emmer shouldn’t be such a little bitch about the $5,000 payout. He should be supportive of his ultra-powerful, ultra-invincible president’s awesome idea.

True or false: Mike Lawler’s face is pleasant to look at. And he should also be e supportive of his ultra-powerful, ultra-invincible president’s awesome idea to send out $5,000 checks.

True or false: Warning about a Dem win-caused depression shouldn’t be the answer to the question of why not just work on getting the $5,000 checks sent out immediately, before the midterms.

EXTRA CREDIT: Tom Homan should actually move to denaturalize and deport Ilhan Omar instead of tantalizing you fanboys by just talking shit about it on Fox News on a Sunday morning. True or false?