IN A STUNNING UPSET, the Tampa Pirateers defeated the Wisconsin Green Boys in the football match by having a higher quantity of scoring units than their opponent when the clock expired at the end of the game time on Sunday night. It was very exciting at Lambeau Field, which is reportedly going to be demolished early Monday morning to make way for a community center now that the Green Boys have been defeated permanently. We wish all of the talented players on the Green Boys luck in their new careers – some of whom have already been hired as maintenance and administrative staff for the new community center.
IN A STUNNING UPSET, the Raytheon-built cyborg killing machine XOR-9991-C5 a.k.a. “Dustin Poirier” spared the life of escaped mental patient Connor MacGregor after defeating him in a brutal contest of unarmed combat while locked in cage. MacGregor, who had consumed twelve servings of Monster Energy Drink mixed with thirty servings of Jameson Irish Whiskey prior to the contest, is said to be resting comfortably in the arms of his girlfriend Dana White.
IN A STUNNING UPSET, the New York Mets fired their general manager for sending a dick pic to a female reporter back in 2016. We don’t tolerate that kind of behavior in NYC. And yeah, Brett Favre did the same thing when he was on the Jets, but technically that happened in New Jersey.