Dominion Voting Systems, in partnership with a research team provided by Smartmatic Inc, the Soros Open Societies Foundation, and the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela, has conducted a thorough investigation of MyPillow products and found that nearly universally they were already infested with common head lice, especially those bought directly from MyPillow’s website.
“The results are clear,” said Dominion CEO John Poulos in a meeting with the various actors who funded or provided expertise for the effort “Mike Lindell’s product is shit and it’s harmful for Americans – and pretty much everyone around them. Those fuckers can jump more than seven feet from one human head to another, so even if you buy a pillow from Casper like a normal person, the asshole in line behind you at 7-Eleven could be a MyPillow fan – and a walking colony of head lice.”
When pressed on if he was worried about retaliatory defamation lawsuits from Lindell or MyPillow, Poulos laughed maniacally and said “Maybe he can pawn the cross on his neck to retain counsel.”