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🇺🇸 Most Famous Mugshot In The World
🇺🇸 Trump Trading Card – Graded Mint 10

— Proud Patriots (@ProudPatriots1) August 28, 2023

“This one-of-a-kind collectible features three different images of the 45th President of the United States, Donald J Trump, in what is now the most famous mugshot in the world. Each card is graded mint 10 perfect condition and comes in a protective case to protect your investment,” says the page for “trading card” at ProudPatriots.com where you can purchase “your investment.” For some reason the price is $5 more than what they’re charging if you click on it from their home page.

The other “investments” in the “TRUMP NEVER SURRENDER COLLECTION” include a “Trump Mugshot – Genuine Legal Tender US $2 Bill,” also for $29.99, a “Trump Mugshot Phone Case” for the same price but surprisingly offered in dozens of different iPhone and Android models (no Freedom Phone though), and a “Trump Mugshot Bumper Sticker” for $14.99, a little much for a regular sticker.

This keepsake is genuine United States currency, made in the USA, and “Guaranteed to melt snowflakes”, claims the item page.

“I love this $2 bill! The Right to Keep and Bear Arms! Love the package and the protection this comes with. I give them to good friends who love our Constitution!” says verified buyer Tommy H. in one of the few properly spelled and capitalized product reviews on the page.

“Commemorate America’s 250-year journey with the official Mint-issued Semi-Quincentennial Circulating $1 Coins, available in collector 25-coin rolls and 100-coin bags. Created to celebrate this historic national milestone, these special circulating dollar coins combine everyday American coinage with a once-in-a-generation anniversary design destined to become a standout addition to modern collections. Celebrate a historic American milestone, the official United States Mint-issued Semiquincentennial $1 Coin was struck to honor 250 years of American heritage.”

“The obverse features a portrait of the sitting President, Donald J Trump, with the inscriptions ‘LIBERTY,’ ‘IN GOD WE TRUST,’ and ‘1776 ~ 2026.’ The reverse (tails) design features the Presidential Seal, which shows an eagle holding an olive branch and a bundle of arrows, with a shield on its breast and a banner inscribed ‘E PLURIBUS UNUM’ in its beak. The shield contains the additional inscription ‘250’ to honor the Semiquincentennial of the United States. The additional inscriptions are ‘UNITED STATES OF AMERICA’ and ‘ONE DOLLAR,'” says the announcement that the US Treasury is now basically ProudPatriots.com or whichever scam outfit sold those “Real Trump Coins.”

The price for 25 coins is $61.00, working out to $2.44 each, rather than, you know, $1 each. To be fair, before the fat bastard returned to power the US Mint did sell all sorts of similar tchotkes which, like this one, are legal tender while also designated “non-circulating” currency distributed by the Federal Reserve. Meaning your local 7-Eleven is technically legally obligated to accept it as if it’s a $1 bill (if you’re dumb enough to want to take the $1.44 loss). It’s the only loophole that the Orange God Emperor was able to exploit to get his face on a legal tender, falling well short of his $250 bill fantasy and all the other zero-day hacks he’s been attempting to get around federal statute.

What won’t be zero is the number of the coins that will, sooner or later somewhere in MAGAmerica, be handed to a heroin dealer. Or a family court clerk as part of a monthly child support payment.

The Fayette County Record, a very obscure local Texas weekly whose marketing is apparently about on par with National Zero’s – meaning effectively non-existent – 29 days ago reported that Roland Beainy, the managing partner of the Trump Burger chain in the Houston area, was facing a litany of legal issues, including civil disputes with his partners over money and the landlord at one of the locations who has reportedly “commandeered” the business and rechristened it as “MAGA Burger.”

Those are just the regular, day-to-day shitshows of the dregs of the service industry. The real problems for Beainy are a one-two from the Orange God Emperor himself, the president who Beainy told Fox Business News in January is a “gentleman that makes peace, even before he took office, he made peace in the Middle East already between Lebanon and Israel”: A cease-and-desist from the Trump Organization for trademark infringement and, per an ICE statement to the Houston Chronicle on Thursday, that “Despite false claims to the contrary, Roland Mehrez Beainy does not have any immigration benefits that prevented his arrest or removal from the United States. Beainy is a 28-year-old illegal alien from Lebanon who entered the United States in 2019 as a non-immigrant visitor, but he failed to depart by Feb 12, 2024, as required under the terms of his admission. ICE officers arrested him on May 16, 2025, and he was placed into immigration proceedings. On June 13, an immigration judge granted his request for bond while he undergoes his proceedings.”

There’s a joke going around on the smart political writers and podcasters these days. It might be old, it might be new, and would absolutely credit whoever came up with it if they could be identified, but it goes like this: A JFK assassination truther dies and, having lived an otherwise pious and virtuous life, he’s welcomed into Heaven and given an audience with God. Naturally the first thing the departed soul asks is “What actually happened in Dealey Plaza?” and God says “Lee Harvey Oswald took a Carcano .38 up the Texas Book Depository and fired three shots at Kennedy’s car, with two of the bullets fatally striking the president. He was the only shooter and he acted alone.”

The truther then says “Oh no. This goes higher than I thought. They even got to God himself!”

MAGA will persist. There will still be the hats, the rallies, the stupid bullshit from ProudPatriots.com, the Trump flags, and everything in between. The fascist batshittery of the American right wing that preceded the rise of and then was supercharged by convicted felon President Trump in 2016 will remain energized for decades and will in all likelihood be picked up by another sui generis leader who can channel it. Maybe more masterfully, maybe less, maybe the same level. The right wing grift-o-sphere has plenty of future ahead of it even if its Dear Leader has both a constitutional and gerontological expiration date within sight by the end of the decade (subject to change).

Convicted felon President Trump’s team, obviously feeling like right wing media isn’t up to the task of being state media 100 percent of the time, have gone ahead and set up their own state media apparatus, White House Wire, a curated feed of the most ball-lickiest of propaganda articles.

Feels like it’s been a while since we highlighted any products from “Proud Patriots” or similar MAGA fan merchandise sites. Maybe drifting away from relying on shit like “The Trumpinator Bobblehead” and the “Never Surrender Limited Edition Trading Card” for content is a sign that there’s only so much mileage in the fucking garbage collectibles being hawked to the fanboys. It’s true that a few months ago we did pick up $149 “gold Never Surrender plates”, but that article was more about the deepfake video of Trump telling his fans that the plates could be redeemed for $10,000 cash each at any bank branch – if he wins the election (That’ll probably directly cause bloodshed either way).

The most common threads in the comments under all our articles on the gold coins and collector’s plates and all sorts of other shit was either that (A) readers mistakenly believed that Trump himself was the one hawking this garbage or (B) more often they understood it wasn’t “licensed” (there is no “licensing” required for these things as Trump is a public figure and his likeness and name aren’t copyrighted) and got a laugh out of the fact that these dogshit operations were making money selling worthless collector’s coins and stuff to Trump’s fanboys and he wasn’t seeing a dime of it.

About that…

Actual product on ProudPatriots.com, a MAGA ecommerce site that was near and dear to our crank filler content-hungry hearts back in an earlier era of National Zero. The “Trumpinator Bobblehead,” which retails for $39.99 plus shipping, has a pretty solid 4.9/5 star rating on Proud Patriots, with one not-confirmed buyer let alone real person named “Frank N” writing “People loved the Trumpinator. Even my liberal associates. They made fun of a Busted Up Bidenator being introduced next. I guess liberals do have a sense of humor after all. Who knew?” Act fast patriots!

A review of the One America News Network web store reveals its offerings are pretty boring in comparison to other right wing news outlets’ dumb insane shit, National Zero staff concluded Saturday. In total, Store.OANN.com offers three different types of t-shirt, one Polo shirt, one hooded sweatshirt, one coffee mug, one metal “Tundra” bottle, one baseball cap, one mouse pad, one bumper sticker, and one “Pop Socket” phone grip, all of which bear the standard OAN logo.

There are no ball gags, male or female “vitality” supplements, scam e-learning courses about crypto trading, “IonCluster technology”-powered air filters, defaced currency, fake currency, bobblehead dolls, or 7 Lobster Tails and 3 King Crab Legs for $199.99, normally $299.99. So lame.