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🇺🇸 Most Famous Mugshot In The World
🇺🇸 Trump Trading Card – Graded Mint 10

— Proud Patriots (@ProudPatriots1) August 28, 2023

“This one-of-a-kind collectible features three different images of the 45th President of the United States, Donald J Trump, in what is now the most famous mugshot in the world. Each card is graded mint 10 perfect condition and comes in a protective case to protect your investment,” says the page for “trading card” at ProudPatriots.com where you can purchase “your investment.” For some reason the price is $5 more than what they’re charging if you click on it from their home page.

The other “investments” in the “TRUMP NEVER SURRENDER COLLECTION” include a “Trump Mugshot – Genuine Legal Tender US $2 Bill,” also for $29.99, a “Trump Mugshot Phone Case” for the same price but surprisingly offered in dozens of different iPhone and Android models (no Freedom Phone though), and a “Trump Mugshot Bumper Sticker” for $14.99, a little much for a regular sticker.

This keepsake is genuine United States currency, made in the USA, and “Guaranteed to melt snowflakes”, claims the item page.

“I love this $2 bill! The Right to Keep and Bear Arms! Love the package and the protection this comes with. I give them to good friends who love our Constitution!” says verified buyer Tommy H. in one of the few properly spelled and capitalized product reviews on the page.

Feels like it’s been a while since we highlighted any products from “Proud Patriots” or similar MAGA fan merchandise sites. Maybe drifting away from relying on shit like “The Trumpinator Bobblehead” and the “Never Surrender Limited Edition Trading Card” for content is a sign that there’s only so much mileage in the fucking garbage collectibles being hawked to the fanboys. It’s true that a few months ago we did pick up $149 “gold Never Surrender plates”, but that article was more about the deepfake video of Trump telling his fans that the plates could be redeemed for $10,000 cash each at any bank branch – if he wins the election (That’ll probably directly cause bloodshed either way).

The most common threads in the comments under all our articles on the gold coins and collector’s plates and all sorts of other shit was either that (A) readers mistakenly believed that Trump himself was the one hawking this garbage or (B) more often they understood it wasn’t “licensed” (there is no “licensing” required for these things as Trump is a public figure and his likeness and name aren’t copyrighted) and got a laugh out of the fact that these dogshit operations were making money selling worthless collector’s coins and stuff to Trump’s fanboys and he wasn’t seeing a dime of it.

About that…

Actual product on ProudPatriots.com, a MAGA ecommerce site that was near and dear to our crank filler content-hungry hearts back in an earlier era of National Zero. The “Trumpinator Bobblehead,” which retails for $39.99 plus shipping, has a pretty solid 4.9/5 star rating on Proud Patriots, with one not-confirmed buyer let alone real person named “Frank N” writing “People loved the Trumpinator. Even my liberal associates. They made fun of a Busted Up Bidenator being introduced next. I guess liberals do have a sense of humor after all. Who knew?” Act fast patriots!

A review of the One America News Network web store reveals its offerings are pretty boring in comparison to other right wing news outlets’ dumb insane shit, National Zero staff concluded Saturday. In total, Store.OANN.com offers three different types of t-shirt, one Polo shirt, one hooded sweatshirt, one coffee mug, one metal “Tundra” bottle, one baseball cap, one mouse pad, one bumper sticker, and one “Pop Socket” phone grip, all of which bear the standard OAN logo.

There are no ball gags, male or female “vitality” supplements, scam e-learning courses about crypto trading, “IonCluster technology”-powered air filters, defaced currency, fake currency, bobblehead dolls, or 7 Lobster Tails and 3 King Crab Legs for $199.99, normally $299.99. So lame.