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The Department of Justice has informed lawyers for Donald Trump recently that it believes Agent Orange still possesses numerous government documents, once again countering statements Trump and his lawyers have made about the return of documents, the New York Times reports.

The head of the DOJ’s counterintelligence operations unit, Jay I. Bratt, informed Trump’s lawyers within recent weeks that it has evidence did not return all the documents in his possess, as Trump and his lawyers have claimed.  The document did not specify what information investigators have, nor where they believe the documents are kept.

Following solid reports Thursday that Republican Nebraska Senator Ben Sasse would resign from Congress and take a job at the University of Florida, the Donald weighed in with a typical shitpost:

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump
Great news for the United States Senate, and our Country itself. Liddle’ Ben Sasse, the lightweight Senator from the great State of Nebraska, will be resigning. If he knew he was going to resign so early in his term, why did he run in the first place? But it’s still great news! The University of Florida will soon regret their decision to hire him as their President…

693 2,230 Oct 6, 2022, 18:31

“We have enough weak and ineffective RINOs in our midst. I look forward to working with the terrific Republican Party of Nebraska to get a REAL Senator to represent the incredible People of that State, not another Fake RINO!” continued the fatass, as if he ever cared about UF’s leadership before.

That said, we have to wonder if this becomes a flashpoint between Trump and Ron DeSantis once the Orange God Emperor comes to understand that his wannabe successor for GOP Overlord has at least some influence over the hiring decision. Likely not unilaterally, but six of the twelve seats on the Board of Trustees are appointed by the governor of Florida. It’s not clear how many of those six were DeSantis’s picks or if he can replace them at will, but such details would be pretty much irrelevant if and when Donald gets it into his head that Ron has power he could use to either block Sasse from taking the job or make his life miserable afterward (Side note: DeSantis is in fact definitely not averse to fucking around with University of Florida academics on other matters).

So does Sasse end up becoming like the USS John McCain, an affront to his fragile ego that must be erased at all costs? Does this in very short order become not about stupid Ben Sasse at all but actually the first real fiery public salvo between the Orange Pharaoh and the “TOP GOV” we’ve all been waiting for? Stay tuned to National Zero for the exciting conclusion of this contrived storyline!

Justice Department: “An Iowa man was arrested today in Hiawatha, Iowa, for allegedly sending a threatening communication to an election official on the Maricopa County Board of Supervisors in Maricopa County, Arizona, and for allegedly sending a threatening communication to an official with the Office of the Arizona Attorney General. Mark A. Rissi, 64, of Hiawatha, is expected to make his initial appearance today at the federal courthouse in Cedar Rapids. According to the indictment, on or about Sept. 27, 2021, Rissi allegedly left the following voicemail for the election official with the Maricopa County Board of Supervisors: ‘Hello Mr. [VICTIM], I am glad that you are standing up for democracy and want to place your hand on the Bible and say that the election was honest and fair. I really appreciate that. When we come to lynch your stupid lying Commie [expletive], you’ll remember that you lied on the [expletive] Bible, you piece of [expletive]. You’re gonna die, you piece of [expletive]. We’re going to hang you. We’re going to hang you.'”

“Additionally, on or about Dec. 8, 2021, Rissi allegedly said the following in a voicemail message he left for an official with the Office of the Arizona Attorney General: ‘I’m a victim of a crime. My family is a victim of a crime. My extended family is a victim of a crime. That crime was the theft of the 2020 election. The election that was fraudulent across the state of Arizona, that [VICTIM] knows was fraudulent, that [VICTIM] has images of the conspirators deleting election fraud data from the Maricopa County Board of Supervisors computer system. Do your job, [VICTIM], or you will hang with those [expletive] in the end. We will see to it. Torches and pitchforks. That’s your future, [expletive]. Do your job.’ Rissi is charged with two counts of making a threatening interstate communication and one count of making a threatening telephone call. If convicted, Rissi faces a maximum penalty of up to five years in prison for each count of making a threatening interstate communication and up to two years in prison for making a threatening telephone call.”

Fulton County, Georgia District Attorney Fani Willis will soon begin the next stage of her sweeping investigation into the Trump Regime’s failed attempt to overturn the 2020 election in the state and start issuing indictments as soon as December, sources tell CNN.

While any charges, especially against Trump, who was the reason this whole fucking shitshow started because he called Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger to “find 11,780 votes,” would be welcome, we think it should be before the midterms. He’s not on the ballot, nor are the vast majority of the other would-be defendants. Indict his fat ass now and save the others for later Fani.

Republican Nebraska Senator Ben Sasse will on Thursday announce his resignation from the US Senate to pursue to academic job, KFAB news reports. Sasse was among the seven Republican Senators who voted to convict disgraced former President Trump in his second impeachment trial. Other than that he did basically jack shit to oppose the rising fascism within the party. Fuck him.

In what’s sure to be a serious blow to Enrique Tarrio and the other leaders of 21st century American Sturmabteilung, DC federal prosecutors on Thursday charged Proud Boys captain Jeremy Bertino by criminal information, a technical term for a motion preceding a plea agreement signaling one has been reached and that Bertino intends to testify against at least five of his former comrades facing trial on charges of seditious conspiracy for their failed attempt to overthrow the United States government on January 6th, 2021, the Washington Post reports. According to the Post, Bertino will plead guilty to one count of seditious conspiracy and one on possession of a weapon by a convicted felon. Unlike Tarrio and the others, Bertino had not yet been formally indicted, he was however named as one of several unindicted co-conspirators following the execution of a search warrant earlier this year.

First: I’m pardoning all prior federal offenses of simple marijuana possession. There are thousands of people who were previously convicted of simple possession who may be denied employment, housing, or educational opportunities as a result. My pardon will remove this burden.

— President Biden (@POTUS) October 6, 2022

Continued – “Second: I’m calling on governors to pardon simple state marijuana possession offenses. Just as no one should be in a federal prison solely for possessing marijuana, no one should be in a local jail or state prison for that reason, either. Third: We classify marijuana at the same level as heroin – and more serious than fentanyl. It makes no sense. I’m asking @SecBecerra and the Attorney General to initiate the process of reviewing how marijuana is scheduled under federal law. I’d also like to note that as federal and state regulations change, we still need important limitations on trafficking, marketing, and underage sales of marijuana. Sending people to jail for possessing marijuana has upended too many lives – for conduct that is legal in many states. That’s before you address the clear racial disparities around prosecution and conviction. Today, we begin to right these wrongs.”

The Democrat secret police force at the FBI think they have a strong case against Hunter Biden on gun and tax charges, the Washington Post reports. Should federal prosecutors in Delaware move forward with charging the widely respected attorney and businessman, Hunter Biden would become just the latest victim of Merrick Garland’s campaign of state-sponsored terror against anyone who threatens the Biden Administration’s destructive quest for absolute power. The FBI stormtroopers know their case is solid because they planted the evidence themselves. It was just a gun storage issue and his taxes are under audit. These are just process crimes. They’re not crime crimes.

It’s undeniable that Hunter Biden stands in the way of Joe Biden’s reelection chances. There’s simply no way Joe didn’t order his enforcer Merrick Garland to take him out. There needs to be a special prosecutor and special master appointed to uncover this horrific abuse of power.

National Zero will resume our regular news coverage now that we’ve preemptively annoyed the absolute shit out of our MAGA readers with this nonsense. We enjoyed writing this way too much.

Fat former President Trump is so enraged at a national institution he almost certainly didn’t know even existed until they started sending him letters asking where the fuck are all the papers he stole after he left office in disgrace that he wants part-time seafood salesman and full-time shitty journalist John Solomon in charge should he win a comeback attempt in 2024, Rolling Stone reports.

Yes, Trump would nominate John Solomon to run the National Archives, which would be like nominating Bernie Madoff to Treasury Secretary or Jim Jordan to run the Boy Scouts. A guy whose defilement of the truth was so brazen even the fucking Hill told him to leave would be the gatekeeper for our nation’s official history and heritage. That’s like the MAGA-est thing we’ve ever heard.

Two Russian nationals were detained by the US Coast Guard on Tuesday after local officials in the village of Gambell on St Lawrence Island in the Bering Strait said the men had landed at their town and informed villagers they were fleeing conscription into Putin’s army, Alaska’s News Source reports. The men said they’d sailed about 300 miles from the Siberian coastal city of Egvekinot.

“These two individuals that came over from Russia in a boat and were detained in Gambell, my understanding is, they are in Anchorage now being dealt with by federal authorities,” said Alaska Governor Mike Dunleavy said. “We don’t anticipate a continual stream of individuals or a flotilla of individuals. We have no indication that’s going to happen, so this may be a one-off,” Dunleavy added, as if other Russians don’t also own boats. America now joins the long list of countries neighboring Russia seeing military age men fleeing near certain death on the business end of American supplied artillery and drone missiles in Ukraine. Not sure if that’s worse than drowning in the Bering Sea in December as no doubt at least a few will if others see these two guys granted asylum.

The House January 6th Select Committee have scheduled their next (and possibly last for now) public hearing for 1pm Eastern on Thursday, October 13th, Politico’s Nicholas Wu reports. Here’s hoping the extra time since the abrupt cancelation of the September 28th hearing due to Hurricane Ian means for a longer and more explosive show from Bennie, Liz, and the rest of the crew.

A former member of the Oath Keepers testified Thursday that he was under the impression that the founder of the MAGA terrorist militia was in contact with a member of the Secret Service, NBC’s Ryan J Reilly reports. On the stand in the Oath Keeper leadership’s trial on charges of seditious conspiracy, John Zimmerman said he overheard the other end of a phone call between Rhodes and a person whom Zimmerman thinks was a Secret Service agent. The apparent implication was that this person was to inform Rhodes if and when Trump would invoke the Insurrection Act, which was key to the Oath Keepers’ plans for an extended siege of the Capitol starting on January 6th.

It would seem from a new Monmouth survey of Pennsylvania voters that Republican state Senator Doug Mastriano’s chances of prevailing over Dem Attorney General Josh Shapiro are about as existent as Mastriano’s hair, with Shapiro leading the QAnon fan former Army Colonel 54% to 38% among likely voters. “Shapiro’s support has solidified with Democrats over the past few weeks, but it’s unlikely that Republicans who are unsure about Mastriano will actually switch sides. The bigger question may be whether they will vote at all,” said Monmouth polling egghead Patrick Murray.

A great Conservative once said “When you’re a star, they let you do it… You can do anything,” when speaking about how his importance gave him unlimited license to grab women’s private parts free of the burdens imposed by prior consent. Inspired by those timeless words, in late August the up-and-coming Blaze TV host and Capitol riot misdemeanant Elijah Schaffer was sitting next to colleague Sara Gonzalez at the premiere of the Schaffer-produced documentary Uncle Tom II and went for it. But alas, as the Daily Beast reports, the intoxicated Schaffer had misjudged his star power, and Gonzalez would not just let him do anything. In fact, by grabbing her breasts without permission, Schaffer has, for now at least, found his star power depleted dramatically as pinkish blob Glenn Beck has fired him from the shitty propaganda outlet Blaze TV for the transgression.

Schaffer’s first mistake – well beyond breaking the “don’t commit sexual assault” norm of polite society which we’re now years past treating as a given among the denizens of MAGA World – was that he preyed upon a woman of similar age and professional standing rather than a young intern who would be easier to control. Gonzalez is a host on Blaze TV too and has about 245,000 followers on Twitter to Schaffer’s 471,000. That “Great Conservative” we mentioned earlier wasn’t talking about Gwenyth Paltrow or Nicole Kidman when he said “they” let you do anything. The “they” he meant were young does in their early 20s with an H&M modeling contract or an assistant executive assistant job at Mark Burnett productions. The bottom line is Schaffer’s a fucking amateur who thought he could commit sexual assault and get away with it like a pro.

For the second time in as many elections in the hotly contested Minnesota’s 2nd Congressional district, the GOP-backed would-be spoiler candidate running on the Legal Marijuana Now ticket has died just a few weeks before facing voters, adding to returning Republican challenger Tyler Kistner’s headaches in his rematch against incumbent Dem Congresswoman Angie Craig, WCCO reports.

Legal Marijuana Now Party candidate Paula Overby died of heart complications Wednesday, according to her family, a little over two years after 2020 MN-2 Legal Marijuana Party nominee Adam Weeks died of a fentanyl overdose. Overby had helped sink Craig’s 2016 bid for the seat, taking 28,869 votes while Republican Jason Lewis squeaked by Craig with a 6,655 vote win. Craig then won the 2018 rematch – without Overby on the ballot – by more than 18,000 votes. Following Weeks’s death in 2020, which came after he told a friend Republicans had paid him $15,000 to run and then unofficially withdrew (while still remaining on the ballot), Craig won a lawsuit her campaign had filed to prevent the election from being postponed as required by state law in the event of a candidate’s death under 79 days before the vote. The Secretary of State’s office on Wednesday declared the 2022 election will proceed as scheduled in absence of a federal court order, an unlikely prospect as the Kistner campaign’s appeal of the 2020 case was rejected pretty quickly.

The Marine Corps veteran Kistner was clearly devastated by the loss of a key tactical force multiplier, something he’s never experienced on the battlefield because he’s never served on a battlefield. “This is a very sad day for Minnesota’s Second District. Paula Overby cared deeply about our state, and the principles she believed in. It was an honor to have gotten to know Paula throughout this campaign. My thoughts and prayers go out to Paula’s family and friends during this difficult time,” Kistner said Wednesday, obviously deeply saddened by the waste of time and money invested in propping up Overby to siphon votes from Craig. May he find solace in the fact that Overby will remain on the ballot just as Weeks did. He drew 24,000 votes from people who didn’t know he was dead.

Really smart guy Herschel Walker on Thursday laid out for right wing grundle Hugh Hewitt his ingenious plan for handling the credible reporting that Walker had paid for at least one abortion for a sex partner he had impregnated – an allegation that threatens to doom his chances of prevailing in a tough race against Senator Reverend Raphael Warnock. Since for now he has yet to be publicly confronted with undeniable evidence that he did in fact pay for the abortion(s), he’s denying it ever happened, which is the standard script. But should that change, he’s got a hell of an ace up his sleeve: Just say it was a mistake and declare that God’s already forgiven him. Savvy!

Comedian Russell Brand: ‘Fascist,’ ‘Nazi’ just convenient terms for ‘people you don’t agree with’ https://t.co/FoDlygcJGt

— Fox News (@FoxNews) October 6, 2022

“I think that any Christian who engages in the political process – and especially someone who’s a pastor – you’re always going to be confronted with someone that is either less than ideal, or something that flat-out contradicts what you believe in,” says pro-Herschel Walker Georgia Evangelical Pastor Anthony George in an interview with Politico. “The dilemma is, do you wait for a candidate who is perfect? Do you wait for a candidate who perfectly aligns with everything you not only want them to do when they’re elected, but all of your cultural and moral beliefs? Or do you take what’s given to you and make the choice between the options?” Sounds like the second option.

“Heavy rainfall thunderstorms are forecast across southern Queensland, New South Wales, Victoria and Tasmania on Thursday and continuing over the weekend, leading to renewed and prolonged flooding. Rain is likely to lead to renewed river level rises across many already flooded rivers in southern Queensland, New South Wales, Victoria and northern Tasmania with minor to major flooding likely, particularly across inland NSW. A Severe Weather Warning for damaging winds is still current for parts of north-west Tasmania. Flood Watches are also current for many river catchments in Queensland, New South Wales, Victoria and Tasmania,” says an advisaroo from the govaroo.

“From late Friday, the more intense system will bring widespread heavy rain over New South Wales, in particular the eastern half, including the western slope and ranges and the central and southern coast. Renewed river rises and the possibility of flooding is expected with the rain. The Northern Rivers are not expected to be affected by river rises. The Bureau continues to monitor the situation closely and update forecasts and warnings regularly. Communities should follow the advice of emergency services and stay up to date with the latest forecasts and warnings on the Bureau’s website and through the BOM Weather app by enabling notifications.”

“This is kind of really offensive on the level that we’re disrupting these beloved characters,” gadfly Raymond Arroyo proclaims about Velma coming out as a lesbian in a new Scooby Doo cartoon feature.

“There’s no innocence.  You can’t have a moment of just fun without an agenda,” whines propagandist and Trump advisor Laura Ingraham.

“I’m waiting for them to tell us that Scooby and Shaggy shared more than a Scooby Snack in that, y’know, Mystery Mobile.  What other beloved characters are they going to sex up, Laura?” Says the pervert who’s intent on hearing about a man-dog relationship.  And it’s the Mystery Machine, you feckless twit.  You obviously care about the character so much.

What the intellectual vacuum of the right fails to grasp is that these retro cartoons aren’t geared for children; they’re nostalgic entertainment for adults who watched the cartoons as children.  And guess what?  Virtually everybody knew Velma was a lesbian, unless you were incredibly sheltered in a bubble where you only heard information that reinforced your preprogrammed biases…. which may explain why Ingraham and Arroyo didn’t see it.