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Questions are being raised over whether Merrick Garland’s order to raid Mar-a-Lago was a distraction meant to overshadow media coverage of Democrat former Kentucky state lawmaker and Justice Cabinet secretary John Tilley’s arrest on rape charges as the timing seems awfully suspicious to certain conservative commenters. Obviously every political actor knows how to “flood the zone” and divert media attention from damaging stories, and what better for Attorney General Merrick Garland to crowd out a serious allegation against a fellow Democrat than to send the FBI to conduct a raid on the home of the Republican former President of the United States?

And the Mar-a-Lago raid story is probably the biggest news story since the Russian Invasion of Ukraine – which Biden started to distract from the allegations that Hillary Clinton spied on President Trump in the White House – so it’s pretty obvious that Garland was pulling some strings here.

Even if Tilley was appointed by Republican former Kentucky Governor Matt Bevin in 2015 and for whatever reason didn’t stay on with Dem Governor Andy Beshear, which kind of calls into question whether or not Tilley is even a Dem at all, it still makes Biden, Harris, Pelosi, etc look bad that there’s a rapist in the party. So Garland probably did order the raid as a distraction. Case closed.

National Zero will resume our regular news coverage now that we’ve thrown our right wing readers a bone after the awful day they had. We hope they enjoyed this “Just asking questions” article.

“An unsuccessful candidate for Sterling Heights City Council now faces felony charges related to ballot application forgeries, Michigan Attorney General Dana Nessel announced today. Paul Manni, 27, of Sterling Heights, is charged with the following in Macomb County’s 41-A District Court: nine counts of forging a signature on an absent voter ballot application, five-year felonies; and nine counts of making a false statement on an absent voter ballot application, 90-day misdemeanors. He was arraigned August 5. The charges stem from the November 2021 election,” says a Tuesday statement from Michigan Attorney General Dana Nessel’s office.

“Leading up to the election, the City Clerk for Sterling Heights became suspicious when a candidate for city council – Manni – personally dropped off approximately 50 absentee voter applications with his signature and an indication that he was delivering the applications at the voters’ request. Nine of the voters included in the applications were reached by clerk staff to verify if they did, in fact, wish to apply for an absentee ballot. Each of the nine individuals advised they did not seek to apply for an absentee ballot. The Clerk then contacted the Bureau of Elections (BOE) to report the suspected fraud, which prompted an investigation. When that investigation was complete, it was referred to the Department of Attorney General (DAG) for evaluation. To be clear, none of the applications turned in by Manni resulted in a valid ballot going to the voter.”

After an errant pitch beans a batter from Oklahoma in the Little League World Series, the batter makes an amazingly mature and sportsmanlike action, comforting the East Texas team’s pitcher, who is obviously distraught at the possibility of having injured a fellow athlete. Upon taking first base, the batter tosses his helmet to the side and walks to the mound, where the pitcher is tearing up in distress. The Oklahoma player gives the pitcher a hug and says some reassuring words to his opponent, as the pitcher’s teammates and coaches gather to comfort him.

A grand jury in Leflore County, Mississippi has refused to return an indictment for Carolyn Bryant Donham, the woman whose accusations ultimately led to the brutal lynching of teenager Emmett Till in 1955, Mississippi Today reports.

The district attorney had proposed charges of kidnapping and manslaughter for Donham, the white woman who accused Till of whistling at her in the store where she worked.  Donham told her then-husband, Roy Bryant, of the incident, and Bryant and his half-brother hunted down Till, bringing the boy to Donham to ID.

In a recently released draft memoir written decades ago, Donham says Till was defiant after Donham claims she refused to confirm that it was Till who whistled at her; in the memoir, she claims Till confessed, which would be an odd thing for a Black boy in the hands of a drunken, angry Mississippi racist to do.  In other accounts, Donham acknowledges she confirmed Till’s actions to her husband.

An Atlanta judge on Tuesday ordered shitbrain alcoholic Rudy Giuliani to show up and testify to the grand jury investigating the failed Trump 2020 coup next Wednesday unless he can credibly back up his “medical” excuse, Axios reports. Fulton County Superior Court Judge Robert McBurney said Rudy should drive from New York City and break the trip up over a few days if need be.

Dogged by accusations that he isn’t actually a resident of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania and therefore not qualified to represent it in the US Senate, Republican Senate nominee Mehmet Oz is receiving a $50,000 tax break on the $3.1 million estate he bought but still doesn’t live in, the Philadelphia Inquirer reports.

The Ohio native who lives in the New York suburbs of New Jersey–where he films campaign ads and was nominated for the state’s Hall of Fame–Oz purchased a 34-acre property in tony Lower Moreland Township (average household income $107,000, 40% more than the state average).

Curiously, Oz claims he “inherited” the estate, but in fact, he actually bought it in December 2021 for $3.1 million from the Academy of the New Church, the educational arm of the General Church of the New Jerusalem, according to sales records.  The General Church of the New Jerusalem is a conservative offshoot of the Swedenborgian Church of North America, so unless Oz is claiming he’s a religious deity, it’s difficult to justify a claim that he inherited the property.  Oz’s in-laws are prominent members of the church, but that doesn’t mean they owned the property… ’cause they don’t. 

“I think this is clearly a situation where they’re looking for a way that they can easily prosecute President Trump.  They want to do it under a national security-type guise because they can hide things from the public, so they can say, oh, we can’t tell you, we can’t give you the details because it’s privileg– oh, it’s confidential information subject to national security concerns that we can’t tell you but we’re just going to prosecute the most famous, umm erm umm, the most popular president, and probably the most famous president in American history.  So, um, it’s, er, cloak and dagger tryin’ ta shield what they’re doing and prevent the American public from really understanding it and it, it’s disgusting.”

Wait, what?  Not those kinda CHiPS?  Sorry, it was a long night.  On Tuesday morning, President Joe Biden signed the CHIPS and Science Act, which will boost the US microchip manufacturing market with a $200 billion investment over the next five years, reports CNN.

“Today America is delivering, delivering, and I honest to God believe that 50, 75, 100 years from now from people who will look back on this week, they’ll know that we met this moment,” Biden said at the signing ceremony.

Much of the supply chain problems impacting the US economy stems from a shortage of microprocessors and computer chips used in everything from computers to cars to cell phones to toys.  The US is reliant on foreign manufacturers, mostly from China, which puts the nation in a precarious situation when chip production falls short.

At least eight people are dead after a torrential downpour in Seoul, South Korea, between Monday and Tuesday, with as much as 5.5 inches of rain falling in a single hour Monday, Sky News reports.

Among the hardest hit areas of the capital was the upscale Gangnam district, made famous in 2012 by some asshole “rapper” who went “viral” on YouTube like the douchey “Harlem Shake” and Rebecca Black’s excruciating “Friday” among other bullshit in an era when “viral” stopped being solely an adjective describing an infectious pathogen. Seoul officials warned- Oh goddamn it can we just forget the flood and keep going on about how much that “Gangnam Style” fucking sucked?

Seriously this article isn’t going to end well anyway so might as well just mock Psy and his stupid punchable face. Wonder where he is now. Really hope Kim Jong Un kidnapped him and forced him to change the lyrics to “Pyongyang Style,” performing live on demand under pain of electric shock if he fucks up the new lyrics. Him and the “Far East Movement” assclowns that did that “Like a G6” song. Holy shit that one’s bad, like want to break your own nose with a cinderblock bad.

Republicans–particularly those in the Trump sect–are lambasting federal law enforcement authorities for doing their jobs because the laws they’re enforcing are being applied to themselves.  Calling for defunding every federal law enforcement agency and a complete dismantling of the judicial system, MAGAts are ready to destroy the nation to save it.

So it’s no surprise that the right-wing propaganda tabloid The New York Post is now attacking one of their own:  Bruce Reinhart, the magistrate for the U.S. District Court in South Florida who reportedly signed the warrant authorizing the raid of Trump’s manse, Mar-a-Lago.

The Post does some yellow journalism to claim a link between Reinhart and notorious child sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein.  The link?  While an attorney in private practice, Reinhart represented a couple of Epstein’s employees; in other words, he provided them with their Constitutional right to counsel.  Within 15 minutes of it hitting the interwebs, the Daily Caller and Townhall started echoing the smear.

To the AG & FBI Dir:

RELEASE THE WARRANT NOW.

The American people deserve to see it. NOW.

And, as even Cuomo acknowledges, “it MUST be more than a search for inconsequential archives,” or it will be obvious that this is nothing more than a blatant political persecution. https://t.co/FO3fgtTls2

— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) August 9, 2022

True President Trump, Americans watched with tears in their eyes as your beautiful, sacred home was defiled by the evil, Satanic corruption that Dark Brandon with his glowing red laser eyes wrought upon our once great nation. Our suburbs are under occupation by Antifa, our cities are overrun with groomers, our rural countrysides threatened by Bill Gates buying property. Top 40 radio plays songs by Black, Latino, and homosexual artists. Disney, Star Wars, and Marvel movies have no Jesus in them. America was wonderful before the 2020 election was stolen from you by the mules and Italian satellites. Old Crow Mitch McConnell and his gay sidekick Lindsey did nothing to stop this. They even “work with” Dark Brandon on “bipartisan” socialist legislation sometimes.

But there’s one thing you can do to owns the libtards and the RINOs by exposing DOJ corruption under the Jewish junta of Merrick Garland and leftist scumbag Chris Wray: Release the warrant for their illegal, unconstitutional search of Mar-a-Lago. You have it. You can show it to the world. Take a photo of the paper the FBI imperial stormtroopers left after the search. You can blow up the Department of Injustice in one fell swoop. The Supreme Court will rule 9-0 that you’re the legitimate president and order Dark Brandon, Mike Pence, Hillary Clinton, Ted Cruz, AOC, Tom Hanks, and all the other traitors to be immediately hanged on the National Mall without trial. The American people will celebrate. Please post a photo of the warrant and post it on Truth Social immediately.

National Zero will resume our regular news coverage now that we’re done sandbagging our right wing readers with this impossible situation couched in lame fan fiction. We hope they enjoyed it.

Biden administration first in history to pursue predecessor and his supporters criminally. Just like a fascist state. pic.twitter.com/WNJGHLEcrE

— Rudy W. Giuliani (@RudyGiuliani) August 9, 2022

The unrelenting horrors of August 2022 for the “Let’s Go Brandon” assclowns continued Tuesday as GasBuddy reported the national average price of a gallon of gasoline dropped to $3.99, making it difficult if not impossible to act like consumers care about it more than the House January 6th Committee hearings, for example. It’s not clear if Team “Fuck Your Feelings” were busy dispatching their field operatives to hastily remove the “I did that!” stickers with President Joe Biden pointing at the sale amount display they had placed on gas pumps nationwide several months ago. They might want to prevent those from becoming a major self-own should prices fall even further.

On Monday morning we were staring at three months to go until the 2022 Midterms with the Dems inching upward in the generic ballot polls as the GOP’s extremism and shitty candidates really dragged them down for the last few months while Biden racks up serious political and legislative wins. This might be his best month in office so far. The Red Wave’s been canceled, though Republicans were still far more likely than not to end up clinching a slim majority in the House while the Dems more likely than not would gain a seat or two in the Senate, as well as a gain in state governorships. The door was probably starting to close on Trump “officially” announcing his “not yet official” 2024 comeback run prior to the Midterms, as it seemed like RNC Chair Ronna Not-Romney McDaniel had successfully lobbied him to hold off and not fuck things up for the GOP.

Now on Tuesday morning, after the Great Raid on the Orange Caesar’s palace blew up in the news, are there going to be any electoral implications? Does this change anything? Who the hell knows.

Seriously. It’s a black swan.

Kevin McCarthy is considering launching a Select Committee to investigate the Department of Justice following the raid on the Holy Orange God Emperor’s palace, Punchbowl News reports. “I gotta talk to my members and see where we go,” McCarthy told Punchbowl, adding “We have to follow it wherever it goes.” It’s unclear if Jim Jordan was hiding behind McCarthy with a box cutter, ready to slash his puppet’s throat should he say the wrong words to the reporter.

What are you going to do about it then?

Nothing.

— Ryan Fournier (@RyanAFournier) August 9, 2022

Kaitlan Collins of CNN reports on-air about the background on the FBI raid at Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago in Florida, and it has a couple odd turns. To summarize:

On June 8th, Trump’s lawyers met with federal lawyers about getting the final papers that Trump held in Mar-a-Lago.  (I’m still not clear on why Trump still had boxes of documents from his term in office in Mar-a-Lago after the 15 boxes were found.)  Trump himself stopped by the meeting of the two sets of lawyers.  Trump’s lawyers showed the federal lawyers the room where the boxes were being stored, in a locked room in the basement.

A couple days later, the government sent the Mar-a-Lago lawyers a letter instructing them to put additional security on the door leading to the room where the papers were being kept.  Mar-a-Lago put a padlock on the door.  (Really.  That’s not snark.)

https://twitter.com/scrowder/status/1556830994354905094

The Biden Administration will phase out a controversial Trump-era requirement that migrants seeking asylum coming across the southern border must remain in Mexico until their asylum is granted, the Washington Post reports.

During the Trump administration, evildoers like soul sucker Stephen Miller undertook xenophobic policies to put people from Mexico and Central American countries in dangerous and inhumane conditions to discourage them from coming into the United States.  One of those was to make them stay in squalid conditions in Mexico instead of allowing them to stay in the United States while their asylum request was reviewed.

Under the new plan, asylum seekers will stay in Mexico until their hearing date with US immigration officials, after which they will be allowed to stay in the US while their case is reviewed.  On June 30th, the Supreme Court confirmed the ability of the Biden Administration to cease the “remain in Mexico” program, knocking down lawsuits by Republican fear mongers like Texas Governor Greg Abbott and Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (whose state doesn’t border Mexico).