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House Budget Committee chair calls it quits on 2026 reelection bid

In what just might be a not great sign for the GOP’s midterms outlook, Texas MAGA Congressman Jodey Arrington, chair of the powerful House Budget Committee on Tuesday told Fox News in a statement he will not be running for reelection in 2026, claiming he has “a firm conviction, much like our founders did, that public service is a lifetime commitment, but public office is and should be a temporary stint in stewardship, not a career” (eyeroll_and_jerkoff_hand_motion.gif goes here).

Last year Arrington – privately derided by other Republicans as a mental child – won reelection to his seat in Texas’s 19th District by 70 percent. The Dems didn’t even run a candidate against him, instead Arrington beat an independent and a Libertarian who combined for less than 20 percent of the vote. And no, the Trump-ordered gerrymander of the Lone Star State’s maps did not change that picture – because it’s literally the only district of the 38 whose borders were not redrawn.

Thus, barring any scandal like an active Grindr account or a hard drive with some child porn or both, it seems that Arrington is giving up his powerful post in what’s supposed to be another two years of a Republican trifecta under the belief that it won’t actually be a trifecta anymore come 2027 and would rather not have to sit there bitching powerlessly all day as the ranking member.

Arrington’s exit brings the House GOP’s pre-2026 attrition to 16. There were 19 Republicans in the chamber who had announced they were ghosting from their 2018 bids as of November 11, 2017.

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ChiComs nuke two popular gay dating apps

Blued and Finka, China’s two most popular LGBTQ+ dating apps, were abruptly disappeared from both the Apple app store and the localized version of the Android platform on Tuesday, with Apple confirming that “Based on an order from the Cyberspace Administration of China, we have removed these two apps from the China storefront only. We follow the laws in the countries where we operate,” CNN reports without carrying any similar statement from Xinnie the Pooh’s commie regime.

There was none issued because the authoritarian state is unaccountable to its citizens. Same-sex relations were decriminalized in 1997 but that hasn’t stopped Xi’s goons from cracking down on Pride parades, erasing LGBTQ+ accounts from domestic social media apps like WeChat and Weibo.

If irony were not dead it’d be noting the Xi regime’s ties to global gay dating app Grindr, banned by Beijing in 2022, but still in business globally and almost definitely a crucial resource for blackmail on members of a certain political party in a certain rival country. Particularly its elected officials.

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Utah judge orders new map with guaranteed Dem district

In a very late night ruling, Utah Third District Judge Dianna Gibson took her remand from the state Supreme Court’s recent ruling against Republicans in the legislature finding their congressional map unconstitutional and ordered one of the four US House seats be drawn to encompass Salt Lake City and thus end up a Dem +24 district, the Salt Lake Tribune reports on another L for MAGA.

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Maryland firemen acquitted in vandalism feud with baseball field

After a nearly three year absence from the pages of National Zero, Montgomery County, Maryland Fire Department press officer Pete Piringer makes his return in another ridiculous story, this one from within his own ranks: A judge last week acquitted Captain Christopher Reilly of malicious destruction of property and disorderly conduct and also tossed the same charges against Firefighter Alan Barnes for their July 17th anti-baseball hate crime against an adjacent diamond, NBC4 reports.

Basically the firemen stationed there got sick of baseballs flying over the fence and inflicting damage on both the company’s equipment and their personal vehicles. Rather than using their axes to enact their revenge, the firemen decided to employ less-lethal methods at their disposal: Turning the firehoses on and just flooding the shit out of the field during a minor league team’s game.

“With the criminal case resolved, our internal administrative process will move forward,” Piringer said in a statement. “Duty status remains unchanged, non public contact, pending that review,” he added, which appears to mean that Barnes and Reilly have been ordered to stay away from the Takoma Thunderbolts. Them two had faced up to three years in prison for the damges they inflicted.

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“Funko Pop” company facing doom because MAGAnomics

The CEO of Funko Pop, the company that flooded every freaking store in America with these little collectible dolls that depict Batman, Spider-man, Wolverine, Darth Vader, Cthulhu, late painter Bob Ross, Dr Frank N Furter from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and thousands of other cultural icons, warned investors last week that the company’s about a quarter billion in the hole, Kotaku reports on what Joe Biden would have been blamed for had he still been president at this point.

“I want to reiterate the sense of urgency and opportunity around our Make Culture Pop strategy, executing across the intersection of culture, creativity, and commerce,” Josh Simon, who just joined as CEO in September after five years at Netflix, said during the call. “In the short term, I’m looking to maintain the momentum [the chief financial officer] discussed,” Simon continued. It’s not clear if he’d seen the Q3 report – which said straight up that “here is substantial doubt about the Company’s ability to continue as a going concern for the next twelve months” given the $241 million in loans coming due – before he took the job. Simon did hype the upcoming Stranger Things Season 5 Funko lineup to try to lighten the mood for investors troubled by the dire situation for the company.

Oh and these were like actual investors, not dipshits who have garages full of Guardians of the Galaxy Funko Pops still in their boxes they think will appreciate in value someday, eventually.

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Demented old man yells from other side of television: Live video

The fat bastard has already begun complaining about Marjorie Taylor Greene, albeit gently, without any real name-calling or viciousness. It’s still a form of discipline for “catering to the other side.” The president also asserted that “nobody knows what magnets are” and gas would be $2 a gallon soon.

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Fat grifter freaks out over tariff clawbacks

“The ‘Pay Back’ Numbers being quoted by the Radical Left Lunatics, who would love to see us lose on Tariffs because of how bad it would be for our Country, are much higher than those being stated by our Fake Opposition – Opposition mainly from Foreign Countries that would do anything to be allowed to charge us Tariffs without retribution. The actual Number we would have to pay back in Tariff Revenue and Investments would be in excess of $2 Trillion Dollars, and that, in itself, would be a National Security catastrophe. Those opposed to us in the United States Supreme Court are giving low Numbers so that the Court will think it is easy to get out of this terrible situation that these Anarchists and Thugs have put us into!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Monday.

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Oscar Isaac meh on more Star Wars until Disney grows some balls

Star Wars sequel trilogy actor Oscar Isaac tells GQ he’d be down for acting in future projects but for a small catch: “Right now I’m not so open to working with Disney. But if they can kinda figure it out and, you know, not succumb to fascism, that would be great… if that happens, then yeah, I’d be open to having a conversation about a galaxy far away. Or any number of other things.”

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Froot Loops launches new hip-hop-themed jewelry collab

“Did you know Kellogg’s® Froot Loops® has been name-dropped in more than 1,000 hip-hop tracks across generations?” asks a Kellogg’s press release at its open and just gotta stop them there to ask out loud how many of those were not “name-dropping” it as a homophobic slur. A few dozen?

Anywayyy, “To celebrate hip-hop’s creative energy, Froot Loops has teamed up with renowned Chicago-based jeweler Kristopher Kites to hand-craft wearable art inspired by how Froot Loops shows up in the genre with a chance for fans to win. The cereal that encourages fans to follow their nose is now inviting them to follow their ears — with a new campaign that honors lyrical shoutouts in art, fashion and collectible jewelry. The collaboration bridges cereal nostalgia with culture and creativity – honoring the artists and neighborhood voices that have always fueled culture.”

“We’ve been proud to watch Froot Loops grow from breakfast table to cultural staple,’ said [really generic-suburban-looking Caucasian dude] Ryan Versfeld, Brand Marketing Director at WK Kellogg Co. ‘With our Follow Your Ears™ [They fucking trademarked a slight variation of the Froot Loops slogan] campaign we’re spotlighting the brand’s connection to music and community while giving fans a chance to win one-of-a-kind jewelry inspired by Froot Loops’ part in hip-hop history,'” the press release continued as though Froot Loops was Hennsessy or Ecko or Old English malt liquor.

“And if you don’t win, you could always just take some pieces of the cereal, string some yarn through them, and tie them up into a little necklace or bracelet to make your own Froot Loops ‘jewelry.’ And technically that’d actually be more authentic than this collab that’s really just overpriced, branded merchandise,” Versfeld did not add, but should have if he was going to be honest with people.

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Mike Johnson to swear Adelita Grijalva in this week

Dem Arizona Congresswoman-Elect Adelita Grijalva will officially be sworn in within days, prior to whenever the House convenes to vote on government funding, Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman reports, of course mentioning that this will finally put the Epstein files discharge petition at 218 signatures.

Since New Jersey Congresswoman and Governor-Elect Mikie Sherrill is has yet to resign, once Grijalva is notched the petition is past the point of no return and the vote cannot be avoided, only delayed. Assuming that every Republican who refused to sign also votes no – unlikely but not impossible – and all members are present, there will be a liminal window after Sherrill resigns in which there would be only 217 yes votes. If Johnson can corral 218 no votes, that would be the time.

Otherwise the petition passes and then let’s just not talk about what Senate Dems would or could try to do with it given certain raw feelings toward that chamber’s blue caucus right now.

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Orange Fuhrer falsely promises bonuses to loyal ATCs

“All Air Traffic Controllers must get back to work, NOW!!! Anyone who doesn’t will be substantially ‘docked.’ For those Air Traffic Controllers who who were GREAT PATRIOTS, and didn’t take ANY TIME OFF for the ‘Democrat Shutdown Hoax,’ I will be recommending a BONUS of $10,000 per person for distinguished service to our Country. For those that did nothing but complain, and took time off, even though everyone knew they would be paid, IN FULL, shortly into the future, I am NOT HAPPY WITH YOU. You didn’t step up to help the USA against the FAKE DEMOCRAT ATTACK that was only meant to hurt our Country. You will have a negative mark, at least in my mind, against your record.”

“If you want to leave service in the near future, please do not hesitate to do so, with NO payment or severance of any kind! You will be quickly replaced by true Patriots, who will do a better job on the Brand New State of the Art Equipment, the best in the World, that we are in the process of ordering.”

“The last ‘Administration’ wasted Billions of Dollars trying to fix antiquated ‘junk.’ They had no idea what they were doing! Again, to our great American Patriots, GOD BLESS YOU – I won’t be able to send your money fast enough! To all others, REPORT TO WORK IMMEDIATELY,” posted convicted felon President Trump on Monday, again writing checks that his flabby ass can’t cash.

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MAGA Congressman’s healthcare plan is more exercise

Wow, what a great proposal from Virginia MAGA Congressman John McGuire here for Americans to simply eat right and exercise more instead of relying on Obamacare subsidies to pay for their health insurance. This next sentence would normally be some rote sarcasm about how excited voters should be to see McGuire’s proposal to facilitate such lifestyle changes in the form of publicly-funded gym memberships and organic produce deliveries but let’s just skip that beat this time.

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“Mar-a-Lago face” the new trend in plastic surgery

A year ago this week there were these lofty dreams and ambitions espoused by the MAGA propaganda-industrial complex of a total reordering of so much of so many aspects of American culture – that entertainment would become more conservative-friendly, that more people would go to church but only the ones where you learn how to hate others, that maybe with just a tiny bit more nudging it’d become socially acceptable for white people to use the n-word again, and so on.

Now it’s 2025 and sure, America is certainly far more of a miserable dystopian shithole than it would’ve been had Kamala Harris won the 2024 election, however it’s not like Sound of Freedom II is ruling the box office either. Sound of Freedom II hasn’t even been produced and likely won’t be.

Still, some sectors have been indeed been almost wholly remade in the image of Caligulan corruption and decadence, few more so than crypto and – as Axios reports – plastic surgery, where the “Mar-a-Lago face” is now all the rage. DC-based practitioners tell the bullet-point factory that, in contrast to past eras in which subtlety was the main ingredient, making the work obvious is a big part of the fun, to hell with all pretenses of modesty – and safety for that matter.

Dr Anita Kulkarni tells Axios she’s had to turn down some business from “patients” that wanted to flaunt the work and did not care that there could be some adverse health effects. Other facial sculptor Troy Pittman says he’s “seeing people who want to look like they had something done.”

Could probably go on for quite a while about how goddamn on-brand this is for the MAGA wealthy.

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French court orders Sarkozy released

A judge in Paris on Monday ordered former President Nicholas Sarkozy released from prison just weeks into his five year bid following his September 25th conviction on charges he accepted cash from now-dead Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi his 2007 election campaign, Reuters reports.

Sarkozy, 70, and the brother-in-law of one of the Olsen twins from terrible late 1980s/early 1990s family sitcom Full House, is banned from leaving France and will be under probationary supervision by law enforcement until his appeal trial begins, a date for which has not yet been set.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

Midwest’s Tuesday weather forecast is… not great

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