Category: Uncategorized

…and so on and so forth as CNN reports that Chief of Staff Susie Wiles and incompetent binge drinking douchebag FBI Director K$H Patel have been ordering White House and other federal government employees to turn in their phones in an effort to track down the source(s) of various outlets’ reporting on the security flaws in convicted felon President Trump’s Qatar Force One plane.

CNN cites an administration official in the story – the very existence of which speaks to the efficacy of the “WITCH HUNT” thus far – writing that Trump “fumed” over the reporting on Friday night and ordered K$H to ditch his plans to watch his idiot girlfriend perform at some country music show in Chicago, with the witch hunt quickly leading to subpoenas for New York Times reporters.

The fucking dumbest and most on-brand part of it all is this: The White House press pool was with him on the real Air Force One on the way back from Turkey. Then they landed in England to switch to Qatar Force One to head to DC. Asked why, Trump made up some stupid excuse that didn’t make sense. It doesn’t take a federal criminal investigation to conclude that the most likely chain of events was that one or more of the reporters pulled an airman aside and had a 30 second conversation about the switch, probably even leading the questions by saying “That’s bullshit, right? Qatar Force One isn’t as safe from Iranian attack as the real deal, so you guys told him he had to take the old one. Do I have that correct?” and then running with it. Examining people’s phones serves no purpose other than preventing K$H from getting fired. And finding other, unrelated kompromat on them.

“Patel posted up in an office next to Wiles’ for roughly seven hours, as the two established what one source referred to as a ‘war room’ in the West Wing,” CNN wrote and lol.

“More than 4 in 10 voters in the Keystone state (44 percent) say they are worse off financially than they were a year ago, 36 percent say they are better off financially than they were a year ago, and 19 percent volunteer they are the same financially as they were a year ago, according to a Quinnipiac University poll of registered voters in Pennsylvania released today. This is a change from QU’s February 25 poll, when 36 percent of voters said they were worse off financially than they were a year ago, 40 percent said they were better off, and 22 percent volunteered they were the same financially as they were a year ago,” says the intro to Quinnipiac’s Pennsylvania survey.

Guess it was supposed to be a pulse check since Gov Josh Shapiro’s up for reelection in November but obviously it’s not his policies that are making Keystone Staters’ lives suckier. Shapiro, job approval 51 percent to 33 disapprove, leads some Republican scrub named Nancy Garrity 53 to 40.

The Texas counties of Medina, Frio, Uvalde, Kinney, Maverick, Zavala, Val Verde, Edwards, Real, and Bandera are under a threat of cataclysmic flooding on the scale of 10 to 20 inches of rain over the next two days, the Texas Tribune reports on a potential repeat of last year’s July 4th deluges that killed 119 people – including 25 young girls at a camp in nearby Kerr County.

“Texas is positioned to respond quickly and effectively,” Gov Low Energy Greg Abbott said in a statement declaring a state of emergency in the counties and 49 others in the surrounding region. “I urge all Texans in affected areas to monitor local weather forecasts, avoid driving through flooded roadways, and have emergency supplies ready,” Abbott said from his comfy perch in Austin.

“The men and women of ICE are doing a GREAT job, one that has to be done. CRIME IS WAY DOWN IN AMERICA, in many cases with numbers that haven’t been seen in decades. The Open Border Policy of Sleepy Joe Biden allowed 25,000,000 people to pour into our Country, unchecked and unvetted. Many were Criminals, and we have to get them out. In order to do this, we must be strong, tough, and smart, and we CANNOT give up one of ICE’s most important and effective Crime Fighting tools, THE TRAFFIC STOP! Once we do, we are playing right into the criminal’s hands.”

“The Radical Left Dumocrats would like to see this done, but it won’t happen on my watch. ICE, be judicious, fair and smart, and go back and do your very important job. Keep those Crime Stat Records coming! Remember, you are loved and respected in America,” posted convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday, that last part being an obviously knowing lie.

Trump then gave his “complete and total endorsement” to Mike Lindell for Minnesota governor, lol.

“As of July 13, more than 400 people infected with Cyclospora have been reported to CDC from 4 states in connection with this multistate outbreak: Michigan, Ohio, West Virginia, and Kentucky. CDC is aware of additional cases that are still under investigation. Sick people reported symptoms on or after June 22, 2026. The true number of sick people in this multistate outbreak is likely higher than the number reported, and the outbreak may not be limited to the states with known illnesses.”

“This is because some people recover without medical care and are not tested for Cyclospora. In addition, recent illnesses may not yet be reported as it can take several weeks to determine if a sick person is part of an outbreak. Public health officials collect many different types of information from sick people, including their age, race, ethnicity, other demographics, and the foods they ate in the week before they got sick. This information provides clues to help investigators identify the source of the outbreak,” says the CDC in a bulletin about the cyclosporiasis outbrak, causing explosive diarrhea and presumably other, maybe less salient or debilitating symptoms in the infected.

So bad has the spread become that doctors are recommending people just avoid consuming any fresh produce for the next week or two. The CDC isn’t saying the same and more puzzlingly they aren’t recommending any alternative remedies for those infected by the parasite, such as chipmunk semen, mercury, powdered barnacle shells, fermented crabapples, plutonium, live termite larvae, or anything else from the brainwormed mind of the Health and Human Services Secretary himself.

Wonder if everything’s okay with him. Maybe a raccoon he thought was dead suddenly woke up and attacked his face when he reached for its cock to retrieve for his prized collection of specimens.

The MAGA reich have ordered ICE agents to cease stopping vehicles until further notice after the second fatal shooting of an unarmed man in under a week, CNN reports on the Trump Regime going all woke and pussified because of public outrage over their white nationalist brutality.

Monday’s victim Johan Sebastian Duran Guerrero was a 26 year-old Colombian immigrant and father to a three year-old daughter who had a valid work permit and thus no reason to flee ICE agents.

…except a completely valid fear of getting locked in a gulag for months and then possibly deported anyway after the Reich found some bullshit pretext to revoke his visa and spending thousands of dollars in legal fees no matter how it ended. That’s probably why he fled from the traffic stop.

“Oil is flowing like never before, thanks to the awesome Power of the United States Military. A special salute to Secretary of War, Pete Hegseth, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Dan Caine, and Commander of the United States Central Command, Admiral Brad Cooper. Because of them, and all members of the Most Powerful Military anywhere in the World, BY FAR, the Strait of Hormuz is open to ALL Ship traffic except for Iran – and that is because of their lying, violent, malicious leadership, which is taking them down the path of TOTAL DESTRUCTION.”

“We will therefore have a FULL Blockade, but only on Ships coming to and from Iranian ports, or carrying anything have to do with Iranian cargo. Based on highly productive conversations with Middle East leadership, I have decided to replace the 20 percent United States Reimbursement Fee with Trade and Investment Deals that the various Gulf States will be making into the United States. Those Investments will be MASSIVE but, at the same time, extraordinarily good for them, and their future. As everyone is aware, we have the largest Dollar Investment into the United States, of any Country in History, but these new Investments will make that Number even larger, and we will see Factories, Plants, and Equipment pour into the United States at Historic levels, which will create additional millions of High Paying AMERICAN Jobs! America is WINNING again, winning like never before. The days of Iran killing hundreds of thousands of people, including 52,000 protestors, are OVER and, most importantly, IRAN WILL NEVER HAVE A NUCLEAR WEAPON!” posted King Taco on Tuesday, emphasis added to relevant portion of TACOing with more vaporware “investments” unlikely to be anything other than more graft for the fat fuck… if he’s even getting that out of it.

More than three years after a jury awarded her the amount after finding that convicted felon President Trump had sexuallly abused her – which the judge then determined was rape under New York State law – writer EJ Carroll’s lawyers on Tuesday received a $5.6 million wire transfer from the Orange Tyrant’s legal team, having only taken the actual fucking US Supreme Court quietly declining the case and then another few weeks of kicking and screaming, TV lawyer Lisa Rubin reports.

The other $80 million+ judgment for the defamation verdict remains in appellate limbo.

Centibillionare Warren Buffett’s Berkshire Hathaway has ceased donating shares to the Gates Foundation following this year’s reveal of – among other suspicious details – Dirty Bill’s little venereal disease problem in an unsent email draft written by none other than Jeffrey Epstein, CNBC reports.

“My goal is to dispose of all of my Berkshire shares within about eight years,” Buffett said in a statement announcing the gifts but not mentioning the omission of the Gates Foundation’s usual annual haul – totaling $47 billion since 2006. “As I explained last year, my children are unfortunately growing older. I have every hope that the three of them are able to carry out the disposal of my shares by December 31, 2034,” the 95 year-old Cherry Coke aficionado added.

You will not be terribly surprised to learn from Semafor that convicted felon President Trump’s minions attempted to talk him out of his batshit plan to charge tolls for ships in the Strait of Hormuz.

“This is what he’s always wanted to do, but people tried to talk him out of it,” a White House official said. “To him, this was his instinctual decision always, and he’s sort of just come back around to it.”

Per convicted felon President Trump’s wishes, Darlene Graham Nordone will serve as junior Senator from South Carolina until a replacement is elected in November and sworn in on January 3rd, Palmetto State Gov Henry McMaster announced on Monday. Nordone immediately swore fealty to Trump, making it unlikely he fucked up and accidentally put a decent human being in the seat.

Florida federal Judge Kathleen Williams on Monday nuked convicted felon President Trump’s rigged settlement with the IRS, quashing both the $1.776 billion “weaponization fund” that supposedly was already dead AND the exemption from future audits for the fat bastard and his family.

“The Court determines that Plaintiffs improperly employed this lawsuit to justify a particular award in this matter—access to taxpayer funds and exemption from audits and other investigations – which was accomplished by leveraging control over Defendants,” wrote Williams.

“The Hormuz Strait is OPEN, and will remain OPEN, with or without Iran. We are reinstating the THE IRANIAN BLOCKADE, so named because it is only stopping Iran’s ships or customers from entering or leaving. All other countries will have fair and open use of the Strait. The USA will be, from this point forward, known as ‘THE GUARDIAN OF THE HORMUZ STRAIT,’ but as such, and as a matter of FAIRNESS, will be reimbursed, at the rate of 20 percent on all cargo shipped, for any and all costs necessary to do the job of providing safety and security to this very volatile section of the World.”

“The process and formation will begin immediately,” posted convicted felon President Trump on Monday and yeah, it does seem significantly more deranged and delusional from an octogenarian who already wasn’t all there to begin with. How the fuck does this idiot think this is going to work? Is the US Navy going to be boarding and inspecting every single goddamned ship that passes through to check its cargo manifest and print an invoice to each captain? They going to have a little Square Pay terminal on hand so the skipper can tap his MasterCard or AMEX and process the fee? Will the tips to the enlisted sailors on the boarding team at least be optional if a vessel is carrying under 5,000 gross tonnes of cargo? Do they have to pool those tips with everyone else in CENTCOM?

Oil prices immediately spiked over $75 a barrel of Brent Crude in the minutes after the post.