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Defense Secretary Petey Pee Pants has ordered the military to use its resources to make sure he looks pretty during TV appearances, CBS News reports on the MAGA-est story ever.

Drug-addicted edglelord Elon Musk and former Soros lieutenant-turned-MAGA Treasury Suckretary Scott Bessent got into an explosive screaming match in the West Wing last week, Axios reports.

“They were not physical in the Oval, but the president saw it, and then they carried it down the hall, and that’s when they did it again,” one source said, with another adding the fight, apparently over that fat fucking loser Gary Shapley‘s four days leading the IRS as acting commissioner “was quite a scene. It was loud. And I mean, loud.” Shapley was a Musk pick vetoed by Bessent.

“Scott won that round,” one source told Axios. “But I would not want a guy like Musk as an enemy.”

“Governor Patrick Morrisey issued a statement Tuesday evening in response to the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) denying West Virginia’s request for Individual Assistance in Boone, Cabell, Greenbrier, Kanawha, Lincoln, Monroe, and Summers counties, as well as Public Assistance in Cabell and Kanawha counties. The denial comes two months after devastating flooding hit southern West Virginia. ‘Despite today’s notification, I am grateful to the Trump Administration for their strong support for southern West Virginia’s recovery following the February floods,’ said Governor Morrisey. ‘FEMA has offered the ability to appeal this decision, and I will look at all options to do so.’ FEMA has approved Individual Assistance for residents in Logan, McDowell, Mercer, Mingo, Raleigh, Wayne, and Wyoming counties. Public Assistance has been approved for Boone, Greenbrier, Lincoln, Logan, McDowell, Mercer, Mingo, Monroe, Raleigh, Summers, Wayne, and Wyoming counties,” says the governor if the Oxycontin State in a press release.

Notice the absence of anything like “I plan on calling President Trump immediately to have this rectified. West Virginians supported him strongly three elections in a row and I’m confident that if he knows that some piece of shit FEMA bureaucrat denied us it will be fixed quickly.” Hell this press release wouldn’t exist because Morrisey would’ve already called and gotten it fixed.

Republican Orange County, California Superior Court Judge Jeffrey Ferguson, who shot his wife Sheryl square in the chest during a drunken argument at their home in front of their 23 year-old son back in August 2023, was convicted Tuesday of second degree murder in his retrial that came less than a month after the first one crashed due to some dickhead juror, the AP reports.

On August 3, 2023, the couple’s son Phil said he witnessed Jeffrey and Sheryl first arguing over dinner at a Mexican place where Jeff made a gun-like hand gesture at her chest. Then at home, the argument flared up again in the living room when Sheryl screamed “Why don’t you point a real gun at me?” Jeff did, pulling a .40 Glock he kept strapped to his ankle and promptly shooting her in the chest. Jeff then dialed 911 and when the dispatcher asked if he shot his wife the judge said he wasn’t ready to discuss it at the time. Before the cops came he then texted his clerk and said “I just lost it. I just shot my wife. I won’t be in tomorrow. I will be in custody. I’m so sorry.”

At least 3,000 people were ordered evacuated and 1,320 structures were threatened Tuesday night across Lacey and Barnegat Townships in Ocean County, New Jersey on Tuesday night, NBC10 reports on God’s wrath being inflicted on a Blue State. The fanboys will probably still say that even though this specific county voted 2-1 for convicted felon President Trump in 2024.

Nevertheless this is bad and horses may have been killed. “Someone posted on Facebook that they needed help evacuating their horses, so we took our horse trailer down and got the rest of them out,” said local Leslie Lord DiFrancia as she led a neighbor’s horses out of a farm on the edge of the flames in the Lacey Township area. “It’s nerve-wracking. These horses are our family.”

Considerably more ominous than the fates of some horses: Barnegat police announced that “the status of the power grid in the area of the Oyster Creek nuclear plant is unknown,” meaning that if a wildfire can do to that plant what a tsunami did to Fukushima Daichi in Japan – specifically destroy its backup pump infrastructure – then it’s gonna be a bad time in Jersey for the next 50 millennia.

“Trying to get at President Trump and his agenda”: @SecDef shuts down new group chat allegations. pic.twitter.com/Nfi1RqdxXx

— FOX & Friends (@foxandfriends) April 22, 2025

Just prior to this bit former coworker Brian Kilmeade had to help prime the audience for the damage control by contradictorily admitting that it happened but it was “part of a learning curve.”

“President Trump is toeing an economic red line that few before him have dared even consider crossing,” Axios reports, fretting so much that they immediately jump to a bullet point with “Why it matters: The mere possibility that Trump could erode the Federal Reserve’s independence has been enough to unnerve investors and tank the stock market.” Ooooh they big scared.

The article is just one medium-long doomscroll about the fat fuck’s mental breakdown being inflicted on the economy. Trump was cute and silly for Axios last year with the deejaying bit but now he’s so frightening for the money business oh noes now they have to take him super seriously…

There’s an old antisemitic “Christ killer” trope about how the Jews weren’t bothered by Jesus’s religious message but the second he went apeshit and trashed all the money changers’ tables in the Temple he was a dead man. And yeah this is comparing Trump to Jesus technically but the trope maps pretty neatly onto the motives of Axios and the financial industry shitbags they serve. They didn’t give a fuck when Trump was sending innocent men to a gulag in El Salvador or revoking foreign students’ visas or firing hundreds of thousands of federal workers for zero actual reason but the second he started fucking with their money they turned on him, the twats.

Yeah fuck traveling.

One, two, days off is fine.

I’m not cut out for this fucking bullshit. I miss my job, my calling.

“‘Preemptive Cuts’ in Interest Rates are being called for by many. With Energy Costs way down, food prices (including Biden’s egg disaster!) substantially lower, and most other ‘things’ trending down, there is virtually No Inflation. With these costs trending so nicely downward, just what I predicted they would do, there can almost be no inflation, but there can be a SLOWING of the economy unless Mr Too Late, a major loser, lowers interest rates, NOW. Europe has already ‘lowered’ seven times.”

“Powell has always been ‘To Late,’ except when it came to the Election period when he lowered in order to help Sleepy Joe Biden, later Kamala, get elected. How did that work out?” posted convicted felon President Trump on Monday while the Dow Jones continued sliding.

Pope Francis I, formerly Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio, died Monday at the age of 88, having suffered through years of steadily worsening health crises, the AP reports.

It works, right? See he’s the House Majority Whip and he’s a total pussy, afraid to answer a simple fucking question about whether or not he supports convicted felon President Trump’s constant threats to send American citizens to a gulag in El Salvador. “Tom ‘Pussywhip’ Emmer” is perfect.

“Melania and I would like to wish everyone a very Happy Easter! Whether you are heading out to Church or, watching Service from home, may this day be full of Peace and Joy for all who celebrate the Resurrection of Jesus Christ. HE IS RISEN!!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Sunday, playing along with the legions of batshit evil MAGA “Christians” in his fanbase.

Then he got real in a subsequent post: “Happy Easter to all, including the Radical Left Lunatics who are fighting and scheming so hard to bring Murderers, Drug Lords, Dangerous Prisoners, the Mentally Insane, and well known MS-13 Gang Members and Wife Beaters, back into our Country. Happy Easter also to the WEAK and INEFFECTIVE Judges and Law Enforcement Officials who are allowing this sinister attack on our Nation to continue, an attack so violent that it will never be forgotten! Sleepy Joe Biden purposefully allowed Millions of CRIMINALS to enter our Country, totally unvetted and unchecked, through an Open Borders Policy that will go down in history as the single most calamitous act ever perpetrated upon America. He was, by far, our WORST and most Incompetent President, a man who had absolutely no idea what he was doing – But to him, and to the person that ran and manipulated the Auto Pen (perhaps our REAL President!), and to all of the people who CHEATED in the 2020 Presidential Election in order to get this highly destructive Moron Elected, I wish you, with great love, sincerity, and affection, a very Happy Easter!!!“

The greatest “Creepypasta” of all time, celebrated right here on National Zero just because. This playlist is pretty much impossible to describe other than to say it’s disturbing without being graphic.

A Trump fan who’s been a US citizen for 10 years got what he voted for after crossing into Vermont on return from a trip to Canada last Sunday, suffering from a blood pressure explosion or something after being cuffed by Border Patrol agents for five hours, the man’s sister tells Newsweek.

Celine Atallah says her brother, Bachir “voted for President Trump. What he and his wife regret is the trauma they endured on US soil – both handcuffed without cause, separated, humiliated, and treated like threats instead of citizens. I’m a Democrat. He’s a Republican. Our political views might differ, but we are united in one belief: no American should ever be treated this way. Not for how they look. Not for how they vote.” Maybe CBP would’ve left him alone if he was wearing a MAGA hat.

“The traveler’s accusations are blatantly false and sensationalized. CBP officers acted in accordance with established protocols. At the port of entry the traveler was appropriately referred to secondary inspection – a routine, lawful process that occurs daily, and can apply for any traveler. Officers worked to ensure an attorney-client privilege was respected during the electronic media search,” said CBP Assistant Commissioner Hilton Beckham in a statement to Newsweek – the last part about privilege apparently a nod to Bachir Atallah being a real estate lawyer and that avoiding compromising cases about real estate that have jack shit to do with Border Patrol.

In response Celine Atallah said that Homeland Security and Border Patrol “gave us no answers. No reason. No explanation. Instead, they issued a public statement calling this a ‘routine inspection’ and dismissed my brother’s account as ‘false and sensationalized.’The fact that they continue to downplay it is not just dishonest – it’s disgraceful. He was handcuffed without justification, separated from his wife, locked in a freezing cell for over five hours, denied legal counsel, and under duress, had to grant CBP access to his privileged attorney-client communications.'”

“There is before the Court an application on behalf of a putative class of detainees seeking an injunction against their removal under the Alien Enemies Act. The matter is currently pending before the Fifth Circuit. Upon action by the Fifth Circuit, the Solicitor General is invited to file a response to the application before this Court as soon as possible. The Government is directed not to remove any member of the putative class of detainees from the United States until further order of this Court.”

“See 28 USC §1651(a). Justice Thomas and Justice Alito dissent from the Court’s order. Statement from Justice Alito to follow,” wrote the Supreme Court in an order issued around 1 AM on Saturday.

On April 9th, as the stock market continued its weeklong meltdown after “Liberation Day,” Trump Regime economic dipshits Scott Bessent, Howard Nutlick, and their minions took advantage of complete fucking assclown Peter Navarro’s meeting with other chode Kevin Hassett and cornered the Orange God Emperor in the Oval Office, successfully getting the fat bastard to back down, the Wall Street Journal reports on more of this classic “adults in the room” shit.

In very much related news, actually basically the same story, the New York Times reports that the fat fuck backed off from moving forward on firing Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell by the threat of more market turmoil that would no doubt ensue if he does it… He probably still will, eventually.

Convicted felon President Trump on Friday announced that he will be further purging the federal government of his enemies real and percieved, posting “Following my Day One Executive Order, the Office of Personnel Management will be issuing new Civil Service Regulations for career government employees. Moving forward, career government employees, working on policy matters, will be classified as ‘Schedule Policy/Career,’ and will be held to the highest standards of conduct and performance. If these government workers refuse to advance the policy interests of the President, or are engaging in corrupt behavior, they should no longer have a job. This is common sense, and will allow the federal government to finally be ‘run like a business.’ We must root out corruption and implement accountability in our Federal Workforce!” the last part a non-ironic fuck you to Americans.

A 20 year-old Latino Georgia man was released from a Florida jail Thursday after spending the night there on a false accusation from a state trooper, CNN reports. Juan Carlos Lopez-Gomez, 20, was cuffed Wednesday when the car he was riding in was stopped by Florida Highway Patrol, said his lawyer Mutaqee Akbar. The US citizen – born and still lives in Grady County, Georgia – was crossing into Florida to work at a construction site in Tallahassee, about 45 minutes from home.

Lopez-Gomez would’ve been released earlier, as his mom drove to a courthouse and handed a judge his fucking birth certificate, but the state-level jurist, had no jurisdiction because ICE had imposed a hold. “In looking at it, and feeling it, and holding it up to the light, the court can clearly see the watermark to show that this is indeed an authentic document,” said Judge LaShawn Riggans.

Pussy ass bitch Secretary if State Marco Rubio on Friday told reporters that the US is “now reaching a point where we need to decide whether” a peace deal between Russia and Ukraine “is even possible or not,” DW reports. “We need to figure out here now, within a matter of days, whether this is doable in the short term, because if it’s not, then I think we’re just going to move on,” Rubio continued, admitting the failure and impotence that has defined his career in government. “If it is, we’re in. If it’s not, then… we have other priorities to focus on as well.” L-O-fucking-L.

Well go ahead and scratch that Trump campaign promise to end the war between Russia and Ukraine. Not the “within the first 24 hours” part, that was scratched roughly 2,087 hours ago.