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No apologies for three articles about this in the last two hours. This is freaking solid gold how cowardly and cuntish the Republicans look when their white whale – a recovering drug addict con artist under felony indictment who as such should be easy prey – says they have to duke it out in public for everyone to see and it’s the Republicans crying this is unfair. Just beautiful.

“Hunter Biden is trying to play by his own rules instead of following the rules required of everyone else. That won’t stand with House Republicans. Our lawfully issued subpoena to Hunter Biden requires him to appear for a deposition on December 13. We expect full cooperation with our subpoena for a deposition but also agree that Hunter Biden should have opportunity to testify in a public setting at a future date,” writes House Oversight Chairbilly James Comer in response to Hunter Biden attorney Abbe Lowell’s demand his client testify in a public-only hearing.

Spandex-wearing grapple-freak Jim Jordan echoed his only slightly dumber fellow Hunter Biden conspiracy buff, writing “We are glad that Hunter Biden has decided to cooperate and we look forward to hearing from him in a deposition on December 13 and subsequently at a public hearing.”

It might have helped their otherwise nonexistent credibility if Comer and Jordan had at least said something along the lines of “Alright hotshot, deposition the 13th, public hearing on the 14th” rather than just the vague “later date” and “subsequently” which obviously means “never” to the real world.

Koch Brothers-founded oligarchic political corruption cartel “Americans for Prosperity” on Tuesday continued expressing their wish that Mitt Romney had beaten Obama in 2012 by endorsing former South Carolina Gov Nimrata “Nikki” Haley in the 2024 GOP primary, ABC’s Jonathan Karl reports.

“Our internal polling confirms what our activists are hearing and seeing from voters in the early primary states: Nikki Haley is in the best position to defeat Donald Trump in the primaries,” AFP’s public communications team wrote in the waste of the 15 seconds it took for them to compose.

In related news CNBC reports similarly-situated fantasy football player except with democracy Ken Langone also appeared poised to back Haley against the Orange God Emperor as he will meet with the former UN Ambassador in New York next week to get a feel for her willingness to obey orders.

Batshit conspiracy idiot Maria Bartiromo is plainly getting antsy once again after months and months of being strung along by the House Republican dipshits constantly telling her the smoking gun on the Bidens is right around the corner. However the failure on their part raises the question of why Fox News can’t just slap together something plausible to the idiots who watch their garbage propaganda all day, every day. Why can’t it just be “Biden did the ChiComs a favor by running against Donald Trump and beating them because Trump was tougher on them than any president”?

Hunter Biden’s lawyer Abbe Lowell called House Oversight Chairbilly James Comer out on his bullshit subpoena in a letter obtained by the Washington Post, writing “Mr Chairman, we take you up on your offer Accordingly, our client will get right to it by agreeing to answer any pertinent and relevant question you or your colleagues might have, but – rather than subscribing to your cloaked, one-sided process – he will appear at a public Oversight and Accountability Committee hearing.”

“A public proceeding would prevent selective leaks, manipulated transcripts, doctored exhibits, or one-sided press statements,” Lowell added, indicating that he’s not stupid like Comer had hoped.

Republican Curtiss Ostosh and Dem Suzanne Ostosh of the same address in Warren, Michigan have both filed to run in the Spring 2024 special state 13th House District election and, if they both defeat their two respective primary opponents they’ll face off in the general, the Detroit Free Press reports on the plot of Family Guy episode coming to life in the Great Lakes state.

“We’re not running against each other. We’re running for each other,” Curtiss told a Free Press reporter. “We’re running for the city because we want to put people first, so no matter which one of us wins, we’ll be happy with that.” Easy enough for him to say as the district leans heavily Dem.

In an excerpt of his upcoming book The Kingdom, the Power, and the Glory: American Evangelicals in an Age of Extremism The Atlantic’s Tim Alberta on Tuesday delivers a harrowing personal account of the July 2019 death of his father – an atheist NYC-area Italian-American who worked in finance before being born again and eventually becoming pastor to a Michigan Evangelical congregation numbering in the thousands – and meeting the increasingly MAGA members of the flock.

There’s not much lending itself to listing off quick anecdotes, as it’s not like a Trump White House insider account preview where we would pick out this or that damning detail. It’s more of a slow burn, with Tim recounting how since his old man’s passing came just weeks after the release his first book, American Carnage: On the Front Lines of the Republican Civil War and the Rise of President Trump, the congregants had been hearing Rush Limbaugh bitching about the book. And yeah, they went there, even as they were supposed to be offering their condolences to Alberta.

Toward the end Alberta recounts the parallel story of his father’s successor, Chris Winans, the congregation’s young-adults minister whom took the lead in early 2018 with Pastor Alberta serving in an emeritus role up until his death. Winans’ first big mistake was citing a Biblical justification for protecting the Earth from climate change. By February 2021 he was “barely hanging on” to the job after that hellish year of COVID, civil unrest, and Stop the Steal, with Alberta describing Winans nervously looking over his shoulder as they met in a bar. Asked what he thought was wrong with Evangelicals these days, Winans said simply “America… Too many of them worship America.”

OAN is effectively broke, so much so that earlier this year anchor Dan Ball started carrying a pistol around the MAGA propaganda network’s San Diego headquarters after a vagrant wandered into the building without being stopped by security – since there is none, the Daily Beast reports.

“It can be kind of scary at the studio on the early morning shift when you are pretty much the only person there,” an employee told the Beast. “Especially on weekends when you are basically alone.”

Owner Robert Herring and his sons have become incredibly cheap bastards since DirecTV dropped OAN from the lineup, giving employees gift cards in lieu of bonuses, usually $15 to $25, but sometimes $0 as at least two formers staffers said they got empty Shell gift cards. One time they gave out Target gift cards despite the network being all in on boycotting the “woke” big box retailer.

Employees were furious when the Herrings still tried to offer Tucker Carlson tens of millions to join the team earlier this year – especially Ball, who thinks of himself as much better at the game than Tucker. “He was sitting in his office with glass walls pacing up and down, he was so mad,” one staffer told the Beast about the “star” anchor’s reaction. “Go print your lies, like you always do… You are just a lying POS propagandist for the left. Oh, and go fuck yourself. Print that,” Ball wrote in an email to the Daily Beast’s “fucking hack” Justin Baragona when reached for comment on the matter.

Just returned from an Iowa stronghold for @realDonaldTrump Person to Person told me they are done with him.

While they long to leave the topic of ‘golden showers’ and return to the discussion of gold standards,The final straw…his lies about @KimReynoldsIA#ChooseWell2024

— Bob Vander Plaats (@bobvanderplaats) November 25, 2023

“The indictment in this case reflects little more than partisan advocacy designed to sabotage President Trump’s leading campaign for the 2024 Presiblah blah blah blah…” And so goes the latest motion from Donald Trump’s lawyers in the DC federal case accusing him of attempting to fraudulently undermine the 2020 election.  Trump’s team baselessly accuses the Special Counsel’s office of trying to “suppress and withhold from President Trump information that supports this defense,” a serious accusation if true. (Spoiler alert:  it’s not.)  Basically, the motion relies on the argument that the Special Counsel works for Joe Biden; Joe Biden wants Donald Trump to lose; therefore, everything the Special Counsel says is a lie because the world is out to get Donald Trump and we’ve intentionally misrepresented a bunch of precedents, and did we mention Joe Biden is trying to jail his political enemies (namely the aforementioned Donald John Trump)?

Seriously, there’s a section in the 37-page filing titled, “Coordination With The Biden Administration,” in which they claim, “Communications regarding these investigations by members, relatives, or associates of the Biden Administration are discoverable because they support President Trump’s defense regarding the politically motivated nature of the prosecution.”

As this intrepid reporter journeyed into the depths of MAGALand by checking Donald Trump’s page on his floundering Troop Slacker Troth Sleeker Truth Social platform to confirm his post about dismantling Obamacare, a chunky green bud popped up on the screen.  (From a company shipping a cannabinoid called Delta-8, a less psychoactive form of THC, the product is perfectly legal, if somewhat deceptively promoted.)  As Republicans complain about private citizen, Donald Trump is literally making money from–to paraphrase George Santos–drug-ish traffickers.

With Donald Trump promising to reignite his effort to revoke “Obamacare”–the popular 2010 Affordable Care Act that slashed the percentage of people in the US without health insurance–President Joe Biden is planning on holding Trump to that campaign promise during election season, the Washington Post reports.

“Forty million people — more than 1 in 10 Americans — have health insurance today because of the Affordable Care Act and Donald Trump just said he would try to rip it away if he returns to power,” Ammar Moussa, a spokesman for Biden’s campaign, said in a statement. “He was one vote away from getting it done when he was president — and we should take him at his word that he’ll try to do it again,” adding, “Donald Trump’s America is one where millions of people lose their health insurance and seniors and families across the country face exorbitant costs just to stay healthy. Those are the stakes next November.”

The continued existence, and popularity, of “Obamacare” has grated on Trump for years.  In the 2016 campaign and into his first months in office, Trump promised multiple times to deliver a health care plan “in two weeks” or another timeframe, but never put a serious program out.  After Republican Arizona Senator John McCain kiboshed the GOP effort to repeal the Affordable Care Act in 2017 with a loud thumbs-down, Trump said there was no need to release his plan.  He then promised again, in 2020 during his reelection campaign, to produce a health care plan; he never released one.

“They said Trump was booed.  Do you hear booing?” Fox dumbass Jesse Watters inquires.  “I don’t know if I heard much booing.”  Oh, yeah, Jesse, we heard a lot of booing when Donald Trump attended the Clemson-South Carolina football game.  There was much booing, and a number of “Fuck you”-s, too.

President Biden so screwed with young voters, Black voters, white voters, Latino voters, Jewish voters, Chinese-American voters, Mongolian-American voters, Catholics, Scientologists, Muslims, furries, bottoms, dominants, bears, cubs, cougars, studs, Chads, Staceys, and other demographics crucial to his win in the 2020 election who may not show up next time, the New York Times reports.

“Could President Joe Biden and Donald Trump really be locked in a close race among young voters – a group Democrats typically carry by double digits – as the recent Times/Siena polls suggest? To many of our readers and others, it’s a little hard to believe – so hard to believe that it seems to them the polls are flat-out wrong,” writes polls egghead Nate Cohen before telling readers why he’s right.

For those of us no longer apprehensive but now actually bored with this doomerism the reality is that Biden’s all-but-certain opponent lost the last presidential election as did nearly every single one of his “complete and total” endorsed candidates in the last midterm, will very likely have been convicted of multiple felonies by next November, and wants to put people in camps, so maybe Cohn and his buddies at the Times should dial back on this cunty narrative-building about the incumbent’s age and economy “vulnerabilities” and start introducing some of the other guy’s “vulnerabilities.”

That’d be one way to un-jump the shark here for the paper that reported “Republicans who have disputed the legitimacy of the 2020 presidential election – and who could affect the outcome of the next one – are on a path toward winning decisive control over how elections are run in several battleground states,” back in August 2022. Just a reminder for those keeping score at home.

A recount in the Caddo Parish, Louisiana sheriff’s runoff election wrapped up Monday, finding three additional ballots cast for each candidate thus affirming Dem candidate Henry Whitehorn’s 21,621 to 21,620 vote, 00.2 percent win over Republican John Nickelson, the Shreveport Times reports.

Let me get this straight.

The Republican majority controlled Congress has ousted a Republican Speaker and is now on the verge of expelling a not yet convicted Republican member, but we can’t even impeach Mayorkas or Biden or stop the weaponized DOJ against Trump and all their…

— Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene🇺🇸 (@RepMTG) November 27, 2023

This embed stupidly cuts her off like five more characters than the ellipses. “We can’t even impeach Mayorkas or Biden or stop the weaponized DOJ against Trump and all their political enemies?” is what she wrote in the tweet. Either way it was clear enough she’s bitching about the supposedly imminent vote to finally send George Santos packing as being more of a waste of time than the wastes of time that are important to her. Love the nod to “due process” for Santos as if she hasn’t filed God knows how many fucking impeachment articles against Biden and Mayorkas with the intent of them being rubber stamped and sent to the Senate for trial without a formal inquiry.

Winter Haven, Florida pest control worker and registered Republican voter Tyler Mountain was arrested twice last week for for exposing his ding-dong to an elderly female client of his (now-former) employer Massey Services while claiming his zipper broke, WFLA reports.

The first incident for which Mountain was charged on November 22nd and then fired happened on October 26 in Lake Wales when a 76 year old woman reported that the 27 year-old MAGA ginger had asked to use her bathroom and then complained that his zipper was broken and that he needed her help. After learning that another customer had recently complained about Mountain the Polk County Sheriff’s Office for flopping his weenie out they then arrested him again on November 25th.

“This man used his work position to gain access to the homes of these women, and then sexually exposed himself,” Sheriff Grady Judd said. “This behavior is disgusting and predatory.” Mountain is the second Florida man arrested this year for exposing his winkie to women while claiming he had a zipper mishap in the restroom to merit coverage on National Zero. To our knowledge no similar incidents have been reported in any of the 49 other states since January 1 of this year. Or any year.

DC Circuit Judge Tanya Chutkan on Monday tossed fat former President Trump’s moronic and overly broad request to subpoena for testimony from the National Archivist, former House January 6th Select Committee Chairman Bennie Thompson, and insurrectionist MAGA Congressman Barry Loudermilk, and supposedly exculpatory “missing” documents that Team Orange couldn’t even specify what they were, just that the Committee had somehow hidden them.

“Rule 17(c) subpoenas are not appropriate where the moving party seeks materials ‘procurable reasonably in advance of trial by exercise of due diligence,’ or operate ‘as a general ‘fishing expedition.’ ‘Courts must be careful that rule 17(c) is not turned into a broad discovery device, thereby undercutting the strict limitation of discovery in criminal cases…'” Chutkan wrote, citing case law rather than just telling the loser straight up that she knew he’s playing games.

Leadership of violent fundamentalist terror group Hamas on Saturday took a cue from the ideologically and operationally similar administration of disgraced former President Trump by separating a mother and daughter in their custody, CNN reports. Israeli man Yair Rotem said his 13 year-old niece Hila Rotem was released to the Red Cross on Saturday without Yair’s sister Raaya, who he believes is still alive inside Gaza. “Hila told me, ‘Look at my hair, my mother cut it when we were in captivity.’ So they were together,” Yair said. IDF officials said the separation violates the terms of the deal, but words just that and honoring them is for losers and suckers.

In very related news CNN also reports the Red Cross on Monday announced they had received another group of 11 hostages from Gaza and are currently en route back to Israel.

A pack of vicious and likely stray dogs earlier this month quite literally caught at least five cars unguarded on the lot of a Houston, Texas dealership over the course of several nights earlier this month, ripping the absolute shit out of them by biting into the fenders and tires, KRTK reports.

G Motors sales manager Gaby Fakhoury thinks the dogs might’ve been chasing a cat through the lot when they found their way under the used car dealership’s gate but returned at least twice after getting their first taste of havoc. Fakhoury claims there was between $100,000 and $350,000 in damage done but surveillance video (which is freaking hysterical if you can sit through the news anchors in their studio) shows the dogs trashing a Dodge Charger, a Hyundai, and a Honda – all of them older models and not even close to totaled by the pack. So maybe the dogs got those cars and the “dogs” of insurance fraud bit the 2021 Jeep Gladiator “Apocalypse” or the 2022 Range Rover.