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“Did you see that Ron DeSantis said that if he became president he would pardon Trump?  Where are you on the idea of presidents pardoning Trump?” Fox Corp’s second stupidest Doocy, Steve, asks President Joe Biden, who refuses to dignify such a suggestion with an answer.

Mauricio Funes, the former president of El Salvador, was convicted and sentenced to 14 years in prison by a court in San Salvador for negotiating with the country’s various criminal gangs for political favors in an effort to lower the murder rate, the Associated Press reports.  The trial was held in absentia as Funes has lived in Nicaragua for the last several years.

El Salvador’s president from 2009 to 2014, Funes asserted he never negotiated with the gangs, but was sentenced to eight years for illicit association and six years for failure to perform his duties.  Prosecutors said Funes granted jailed gang leaders special privileges in exchange for their orders to cut down on murders and their support for his Party in elections.  (Incidentally, the US State Department has accused El Salvador’s current president, Nayib Bukele, of the same thing.)

“I will wear the arrest warrant issued by Putin’s corrupt and immoral government as a Badge of Honor. To know that my commitment to Ukraine has drawn the ire of Putin’s regime brings me immense joy. I will continue to stand with and for Ukraine’s freedom until every Russian soldier is expelled from Ukrainian territory. Finally, here’s an offer to my Russian ‘friends’ who want to arrest and try me for calling out the Putin regime as being war criminals: I will submit to jurisdiction of the International Criminal Court if you do. Come and make your best case. See you in The Hague!” said Senator Lindsey Graham in a statement Monday, responding to the Kremlin issuing a warrant for his arrest over deceptively edited clips of Graham’s meeting with Volodymyr Zelensky.

A brutal campaign of vigilante violence has delivered some solid results for the rule of lawlessness in the impoverished Caribbean nation, taking the lives of at least 160 suspected gang members in Haiti in just the last month Reuters reports on an assessment by local human rights group CARDH.

“Without making a value judgment, the ‘Bwa Kale’ movement has in just one month produced convincing, visible results, fear has changed sides,” said CARDH in their report. “Both kidnappings and gang-related killings have fallen drastically.” Bwa Kale started spontaneously early on the morning of April 24, when a mob of citizens in the capital city of Port-au-Prince who’d had enough of the gangbanger bullshit lynched and set fire to over a dozen suspected goons.

A 20-year-old Arizona man went on a murder spree because of his hatred of fentanyl and homelessness, killing four and wounding one over Friday and Saturday, while an argument at a bike rally in New Mexico left three dead and five injured.  There have been at least seven mass shootings so far this Memorial Day weekend, according to the Gun Violence Archive.

According to Arizona’s Family (which sounds more like a cult than a group of television stations), Iren Byers would chat with his victims around Mesa for a while, but after they mentioned wanting to use fentanyl, mentioned they were homeless or in the case of his last victim, just made him mad.  He’s been charged with four counts of first-degree murder and one count of attempted first-degree murder (for what is more of a spree shooting than a mass shooting).

Across the border in Red River, New Mexico, a man was arrested after killing three and injuring at least five–one of whom was charged with murder himself in an unrelated case–after a man opened fire during a confrontation at a bar between rival biker gangs, per NBC News.  Three of the wounded were arrested on separate charges not related to the shooting:  one was arrested on an open murder charge, another was booked for cocaine possession, and third was charged with carrying a weapon into an establishment where liquor was served.

The 69-second clip from Mark Levin’s interview with Donald Trump is just the intro to a meaningless question, but my, what an intro it is.  Levin was a pro-Trump propagandist and cult leader before, but this 1:09 demonstrates there are no limits to his ass kissing.

RT chief Margarita Simonyan on Sunday called for Republican Senator Lindsey Graham’s assassination, warning the Putin Regime knows where “Lady Graham” lives, the Daily Beast reports.

Simonyan was responding to a deceptively edited clip of a Friday meeting between Graham and Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky – one deceptively edited by her own goddamned propaganda operation – in which Graham was made to appear to say that Russians dying on the battlefield with the help of American-supplied weapons was “the best money we’ve ever spent.”

“If Lady Graham really said that the money for the killing of Russians is the best money the US ever spent… I hope that in our country, the sons or grandchildren of [Early 20th century Soviet hit squad leader Pavel] Sudoplatov are alive, his pupils, or the descendants of his pupils. It’s not even hard. We have his address,” said Simonyan, echoing the anger of other Putin hardliners.

just wait until they sell the DVD at Target 🎯…. https://t.co/OSQRUfEMqo

— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) May 28, 2023

Turkish dictator Recep Erdogan has defeated challenger Kemal Kilicdaroglu in Sunday’s runoff and secured a third term in the presidency, Al-Jazeera reports citing the state-run Anadolu Agency.

The country’s official Supreme Election Council has yet to confirm the results but with Erdawg at a 52.1 to 47.9 lead over Killer Kili at 97 percent reported… Well, we would need the Turkish version of Dave Wasserman to say he’s seen enough to really be sure here, but it sounds like a done deal.

The shitty, glitchy launch of Ron DeSantis’s 2024 presidential campaign had no detriment to his polling against fat former President Trump in their shared home state of Florida, as a new survey by Victory Insights finds the heels-wearing little bastard tied with the Orange Allah at 40 percent each in a full field, and DeSantis actually slightly leading 40 to 39 percent in a head-to-head.

It’s an improvement for Ron as the previous Victory Insights survey last month found Trump ahead of DeSantis 46 to 32 percent among Republican primary voters in the Sunshine State.

A review by the Associated Press finds that DC federal prosecutors are increasingly asking judges to impose fines on January 6th defendants to offset donations from MAGA scumbags, particularly in cases where the rioters raised money for legal fees but then ended up using public defenders.

In the case of Markus Maly, a Virginia insurrectionist who raised $16,000 calling himself a “January 6 POW” on MAGA GoFundMe knockoff GiveSendGo but then used a public defender at his December 2022 trial where he was convicted of multiple violent felonies, prosecutors are asking the judge to impose a $16,000 fine at his sentencing next month. Same story with dickhead Daniel Goodwyn, who called himself a “political prisoner” in an appearance on Tucker Carlson’s show, raising $25,000 for himself two months after he pleaded guilty. Earlier this month a judge dinged Nevada insurrectionist Nathaniel DeGrave for the same amount after his lawyer William Shipley provided the court with receipts showing the $120,000 DeGrave raised was $25,000 more than Shipley had charged in legal fees. Judges aren’t greenlighting all the fines, putting the burden on prosecutors to prove that the defendants’ fundraising hauls are clearly above and beyond legal fees and other costs associated with throwing their lives down the toilet out of cultish devotion to a failed tyrant.

Please join me in wishing Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani a Happy Birthday.

Thank you for your lifetime of service to others. You took down the Mafia (literally THE Mafia), charged corrupt public officials including three borough presidents and a congressman, handled the biggest… pic.twitter.com/f3Vw0tHqlm

— Rudy W. Giuliani (@RudyGiuliani) May 28, 2023

New York Times reports the two sides have reached an agreement to raise the debt ceiling, forging a deal that will be taken to the floor of the House where the House Freedom Caucus will have the opportunity to return the nation’s economy to chaos.

The Texas state House of Representatives on Saturday voted by a 121 to 23 to impeach Picasso-faced piece of shit state Attorney General Ken Paxton, a Republican criminal who has been under state-level indictment for securities fraud since 2015, under federal investigation for a public corruption crime spree since 2020, who single-handedly led a failed multi-state crusade to overturn fat former President Trump’s defeat at the US Supreme Court in 2020, thus suspending him from his position until the resolution of a state Senate trial, the Texas Tribune reports.

Saturday’s a working day for the Texas state House of Representatives as they debate and vote on the 20 articles of impeachment against piece of shit insurrectionist Attorney General Ken Paxton.

This moment has been a long time coming for the far right asshole who once blocked National Zero on Twitter for pointing out that his wife’s country music sucks so we get why he cheated on her. Fun fact: Ken’s wife Angela Paxton is a Texas state Senator who will vote in the trial.

The fat bastard continued in another post: “…I love Texas, won it twice in landslides, and watched as many other friends, including Ken Paxton, came along with me. Hopefully Republicans in the Texas House will agree that this is a very unfair process that should not be allowed to happen or proceed – I will fight you if it does. It is the Radical Left Democrats, RINOS, and Criminals that never stop. ELECTION INTERFERENCE! Free Ken Paxton, let them wait for the next election!”

We did our part by buying Bud Light from Target this weekend, now it’s time to do yours. Support these two iconic American brands for your Memorial Day needs. Even if you don’t like Bud Light just buy a better beer and then drink it later on when you’re too shitfaced to care. Also be sure to buy Pride gear and Disney-branded merchandise if you happen to need any of that at Target too.

Bold reporting here from The Messenger, aka The Hill 2.0: A Starbucks location in Los Angeles removed their tables and chairs and switched to takeout-only because too many scumbags were lingering there harassing employees and other customers. Their source is former NBC Universal Senior Executive Mike Sington who tweeted about the change on… April 27th, 2023.

Just stopped at the Starbucks in Studio City, California. Discovered they’ve eliminated all indoor seating. I asked, “why?”, and they told me “because of incidents of crime, and the safety of our employees”. Very sad. pic.twitter.com/yL1q3Zjoxk

— Mike Sington (@MikeSington) April 27, 2023

They also cite a story from Fox affiliate KTTV published on May 24th with some follow up and quotes from an city council member who represents the Studio City neighborhood. And the Messenger got a statement separate from Starbucks that was almost verbatim the same statement KTTV. So it’s not like they didn’t do any “reporting.” So the story was “fresh,” kind of.

• AM radio works better and more reliably than Twitter Spaces.  And DeSantis’s message was definitely from the pre-war heyday of AM radio.
• Republicans in 2018:  “We need these tax cuts for the richest Americans to stimulate the economy!  They’ll pay for themselves!”  Republicans in 2023:  “Look at how much budget deficit we have!  We must cut Medicaid! We can’t afford it!”
• Josh Hawley is the man Tucker Carlson thinks about when he laments the loss of testosterone.  Other than himself, of course.
• Hey, Florida, instead of removing literature from shelves because a snowflakey parent complains–thereby having that single parent prevent not just their child from reading the material but preventing all children from reading it–maybe advise the parent to instruct their individual child to not read it.  One parent should not have the power to make an entire school ignorant.
  Read More ▶ “Random thoughts Friday, Volume CXXIII”