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Hick Congressman James Comer on Wednesday subpoenaed FBI Director Chris Wray for June 2020 documents which include allegations of a “criminal scheme involving then-Vice President Biden and a foreign national relating to the exchange of money for policy decisions,” Punchbowl reports.

Not to spoil the ending, and of course we could be wrong about this, but the key word here is “allegations.” Meaning that in June 2020, probably some Russian-allied Ukrainian scumbag told the FBI that Hunter Biden promised them access to Joe for a payoff and blah blah blah some shit like that and agents looked into it, found nothing, documented that they found nothing, and that was the end of it. Now three years later they dredge it back up to try to get some new mileage out of Hunterghazi ahead of the 2024 election because it’s not like they have anything else to work with.

Disgraced former President Trump’s sole live defense witness, an “expert” whose name and field are unspecified, will not be testifying in the EJ Carroll trial, Law and Crime’s Adam Klasfeld reports.

Republican Kentucky state Representative Danny Bentley apologized Tuesday and sayid he “meant absolutely no harm” by falsely claiming earlier in the day that abortion drug Mifepristone originated as Zyklon B, the deadly gas used to slaughter millions of Jews in the Holocaust, and that “the person who developed it was a Jew,” during a debate session, the Louisville Courier Journal reports.

Well that and the bizarre rant about Jewish women’s sex lives that came shortly before it. A Democrat in the chamber had proposed an amendment to an omnibus anti-abortion bill allowing a religious exemption for Jews when Bentley – a licensed pharmacist should know the fucking difference between Mifepristone and Zyklon B – responded with “since we brought up the Hebrew family today… Did you know that a Jewish woman has less cancer of the cervix than any other race in this country or this world? Because the Jewish women only have one sex partner… They don’t have multiple sex partners. To say that the Jewish people approve of this drug now is wrong.”

In an interview last month former Biden executive assistant Kathy Chung told House Oversight Committee investigators she had no idea there were classified documents in the boxes she unpacked and stored in his office at the Penn Biden Center in DC in 2017, CNN reports on another dead end in the already overhyped and underwhelming “scandal” about Biden’s docs fuckup.

Chung has already spoken with special counsel Robert Hur’s team during an initial review. CNN’s report also mentions she had to explain to investigators she has no links to the Chinese Communist Party, a question that got asked of her simply because of her last name.

Talk about graduating from a Happy Meal to an Extra Value Meal! Two enterprising 10 year-olds from the Louisville, Kentucky area were Lovin It so much they took on jobs working the fryer, the cash register, and in the burger prep area, some nights until 2 AM! That’s some McGumption!

Anyway, CBS News reports the US Department of Labor cited franchisee Bauer Food, LLC for gross child labor violations. Owner Sean Bauer tried to pull some bullshit excuse saying the kids were just helping out their parents who ran the locations “and that any work the children did was at the direction of, and in the presence of, the parent.” What a prick, trying to put the blame on his workers.

Sources tell the Washington Post that Delaware US Attorney David Weiss – a Trump appointee that Biden did not replace to avoid any appearance of interference in an ongoing investigation – is nearing a decision on whether or not to charge halfway-decent painter Hunter Biden on three tax fraud counts and one for lying about having a drug problem on his gun permit application.

Title 42 ends in EIGHT days.

Get ready for even more chaos at the southern border when it does.

— House Judiciary GOP (@JudiciaryGOP) May 3, 2023

Once again, even if this tweet was posted to the House Judiciary GOP’s account, there’s almost zero doubt it was actually written by spandex-wearing grapple freak Chairman Jim Jordan himself. You can tell by the excitement he shows in anticipation over a problem he constantly bitches about getting worse, a phenomenon we’re seeing more and more of these days from the right where they horseshoe too far into what’s supposed to be bad for all Americans being good for them.

Like it’d be one thing for him to be amped over, say, Hunter Biden having to disclose information about his finances next month in a deposition with his baby mama in Arkansas since there’s political value in making the Biden family look bad and that there might be some disclosures in there that they can spin as “BOMBSHELL” proof of Joe Biden’s corruption. Even if there’s nothing that’ll catch on with swing voters at the very least they get some “base maintenance” out of it where they can keep the dumbasses in MAGA nation tuned into the bullshit fantasy that the “smoking gun” that’ll bring down the “Biden crime family” is always just around the corner. More importantly, it doesn’t actually negatively affect the life of the average voter what happens in Hunter’s child support suit.

You can’t say the same about the expected surge of migrants, or at least as Republicans would have you believe about the “open border” (and let’s skip the tangent about how next week it’s going to be somehow more “open” than it already is now, or that Jordan’s ignoring the Biden Administration’s actions to manage the problem). If hard-working Americans are suffering terribly because Mexicans are coming to take their jobs washing dishes in dank kitchens and ripping apart dead chickens in nightmarishly Sinclairian poultry plants then maybe, just maybe, the excitement over the potential political benefit of a “border surge” shouldn’t, you know, pretty blatantly appear to override the feigned concern for the physical and economic safety of American voters and their families.

Brazilian federal police officers raided the home of disgraced former President Jair Bolsonaro and seized his phone on Wednesday, executing a warrant in an investigation into whether the scumbag faked his vaccination record in order to enter the US in December, the Guardian reports.

Six minions of Bolsonaro were arrested in simultaneous actions, including Lt Colonel Mauro Cid Barbosa, described as the embittered loser’s “right-hand man,” as well as two bodyguards. Cops also reportedly seized Bolsonaro’s wife’s phone. The “Trump of the Tropics” is now targeted in an investigation that started with a person falsely entering data indicating Jair had been vaxxed into a national health database in fall 2021. Which is some funny shit considering the sheer amount of other crimes Bolsonaro’s been accused of, not least of which was all sorts of “Stop the Steal” fuckery before, during, and after the 2022 election which saw his loss to leftist now-current Brazilian President Luiz Lula, culminating in the January 8th Brasilia Capitol riot.

Russian officials on Wednesday claimed they disabled two Ukrainian drones on approach to the Kremlin in Moscow overnight, decrying the alleged “terrorist act” without offering any evidence to back up the allegedly successful defense of the seat of the Putin Regime’s power, the AP reports.

A statement to the TASS news agency described it as an attempt on Putin’s life ahead of World War II Victory Day celebrations on May 9 and that the Russian military reserves the right to respond “when and where it sees fit.” Like with last month’s alleged crash of two Ukrainian drones outside of Moscow it’s not clear why the Putin Regime would make something like this up. If the whole point of a “false flag” is to create a pretext and self-permission for attacking Ukraine why do it when they’re already bombing Kyiv and other cities and have been doing so for over a year now? Are the Ukrainians really getting that close to hitting Vlad where it would really, really fucking hurt?

Audio obtained by heroic muckraker Lauren Windsor and reviewed by the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reveals a billionaire Georgia Republican donor interrupting fascist “Stop the Steal” lawyer Cleta Mitchell’s presentation to last month’s RNC donor retreat to tell her there was no fraud in the 2020 election and pleading to stop “promoting stuff that absolutely just didn’t happen.”

“I want to, unfortunately, say something that’s probably not very popular in this crowd. So, to keep you from throwing things at me, I figure I’d say it,” said Tommy Bagwell in the audio, adding he was once a big Trump donor but had since given up on supporting the Orange Defendant.

“One of the worst things you can do in this stuff is start repeating and promoting stuff that absolutely just didn’t happen. And Georgia’s election was pretty damn clean,” said Bagwell, adding that the lies were “beyond insane” and “Everything, especially that Mr. Trump promoted that I heard was roundly and convincingly debunked.” Mitchell then responded by repeating the same bullshit, telling the crowd that “There are problems in Fulton County. There are problems in DeKalb County. And we know what they are now,” and “I just want to prepare for those before 2024,” she said to applause. Mitchell famously sat in on the January 2, 2021 “Find 11,780 votes” call between disgraced former President Trump and Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger.

A 14 year-old student opened fire at a school in Belgrade, Serbia on Wednesday, killing at least eight children and one security guard while injuring another seven teachers and students, CNN reports.

The scumbag was arrested at the scene. To the assholes who want to say “See libs? Serbia has gun control laws and kids got murdered at school anyway!” this is the first mass shooting of any kind since a mentally disturbed Balkan War veteran slaughtered 13 people in a rural village in 2013 – in a country that still has plenty of weapons lying around after multiple conflicts in the 1990s.

A court in Belarus sentenced dissident blogger Raman Pratasevich to eight years in prison on Wednesday, nearly two years after he was pulled off a Ryanair flight from Greece to Lithuania that had crossed into Belarusian airspace and was forced to land in Minsk, the AP reports.

Intent on propping up the flailing presidential ambitions of their globetrotting governor, Republicans in the Florida House allocated another $12 million to fund Ron DeSantis’s human trafficking as performance art. DeSantis will ship undocumented migrants to destinations he perceives to be left-wing meccas, dumping them without notice on unsuspecting communities as he did to Martha’s Vineyard in September 2022.

While previously allocated funds were targeted at getting undocumented migrants out of Florida, DeSantis’s first performance of the migrant ballet moved his unwitting human props from Texas to Massachusetts, with a brief stopover in Crestview, Florida.

A series of racist text messages sent by unemployed frozen food heir and general asshole Tucker Carlson around January 6th and uncovered during the Dominion Voting Machine defamation case contributed to the ultimate downfall of Fox’s highest-rated host, the New York Times reports.  The Fox board reportedly first saw the messages the day before the trial was supposed to start, pushing Fox to agree to a $787 million settlement after a jury had been seated.

Texts from the day of the Republican-led domestic terrorist attack on the Capitol show Carlson describing watching a video of at least three white Trump supporters ambushing and beating up a person Carlson determined, without evidence, to be “antifa.”

A couple of weeks ago, I was watching video of people fighting on the street in Washington. A group of Trump guys surrounded an Antifa kid and started pounding the living shit out of him. It was three against one, at least. Jumping a guy like that is dishonorable obviously. It’s not how white men fight. Yet suddenly I found myself rooting for the mob against the man, hoping they’d hit him harder, kill him. I really wanted them to hurt the kid. I could taste it. Then somewhere deep in my brain, an alarm went off: this isn’t good for me. I’m becoming something I don’t want to be. The Antifa creep is a human being. Much as I despise what he says and does, much as I’m sure I’d hate him personally if I knew him, I shouldn’t gloat over his suffering. I should be bothered by it. I should remember that somewhere somebody probably loves this kid, and would be crushed if he was killed. If I don’t care about those things, if I reduce people to their politics, how am I better than he is?

Ever the petulant wannabe autocrat, Twitter owner Elon Musk threatened to reassign the @NPR handle to another company unless the public radio organization started to post on the social media platform again, according to reporting from NPR itself.

National Public Radio stopped posting on Twitter on April 4th, except for a series of tweets on April 12th in which it posted its account names on various other platforms, as well as a link to the app.  Like many other organizations, NPR has broadcast stories critical of Musk’s takeover of Twitter, and it has not bought into Musk’s badging system, although the account has a legacy blue check mark.

More importantly to NPR, it is protesting a designation Musk assigned it as a state-controlled media outlet.  While NPR does receive some federal funds, it is largely funded through member station fees and donations.  In support of NPR, publicly-funded PBS and Canada’s CBC also stopped using Twitter after they too were so labeled by Musk.

NBC reports the end of the four-day manhunt for Francisco Oropeza, the man suspected in the murder of five people–including an nine-year-old child–in Cleveland, Texas on Friday after the family asked him to stop firing his assault rifle because their daughter was trying to nap.  Officials believe they have the man in custody and are awaiting fingerprint confirmation.

Oropeza was caught in Cut and Shoot, Texas, a town about forty miles north of Houston.  MSNBC reports Oropeza’s now-ex-wife filed for a protection order against him in 2020, but the court order was never enacted by her.

Apparently unable to find a weapon with which to fire them, a man threw shotgun shells at Buckingham Palace four days before King Charles III’s coronation, the BBC reports.  The man was detained, and security officers carried out a controlled explosion of material thrown at the building.

Officials say the unnamed man was having a mental health episode when he drove up to the Palace and threw the cartridges.  The King and Queen Consort were not at the Palace at the time of the incident, which happened around 7 p.m. local time Tuesday.

The Texas state Senate on Tuesday passed SB 1993, giving the Secretary of State unilateral power to throw out the results of elections and order them redone in counties with a population of over 2.7 million – which of course only applies to Harris County, home to Houston, whose population is currently estimated at around 4.7 million, Marc Elias’s Democracy Docket reports.

The bill, which goes to the state House next where it’ll probably end up passing, sets an extremely low threshold for the election overturn to be triggered – if more than 2 percent of polling places run out of ballots on election day, an extremely common occurrence that isn’t actually that big of a deal in practice – then the overturn option is in play. Democrat Harris County Attorney Christian Menefee has vowed to sue the Secretary of State if the bill is enacted into law.

A Montana state judge rejected an appeal by transgender state representative Zooey Zephyr and a number of her constituents to order Zephyr’s return to the state house floor after Republicans barred her from attending, the Associated Press reports.

The state’s Republican Attorney General Austin Knudsen argued that due to the separation of powers, the court could not intervene in the operations of the state house, saying the chamber has “exclusive constitutional authority” to discipline its own members.  Republicans claim Zephyr, one of the few Democrats in the state legislature, breached decorum by stating supporters of a bill to ban gender-affirming care for teenagers would lead to “blood on [Republicans’] hands” due to the high rate of suicides among transgender youth.