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Philadelphia youth football players caught trying to shaft Dick’s

Eight boys, aged 14 or 15, all players on the Philly’s United Thoroughbreds were arrested in Polk County, Florida over the weekend when they were caught trying to shaft a Dick’s Sporting Goods store out of $2,000 worth of products of an unspecified nature, NBC Philadelphia reports.

The squad, visiting Florida for a championship game in some sort of travel conference, immediately suspended the players, which may or may not have cost the team the Saturday night game. All eight of the teens were taken to a juvenile detention center in Florida and face two felony charges: retail theft over $750 and conspiracy to commit retail theft, according to the Sheriff’s office.

In almost completely unrelated news, CNN reports the University of Michigan fired football head coach Sherrone Moore on Wednesday after the school said he was “engaged in an inappropriate relationship with a staff member,” which means that he was staffing her with his member. Or he liked to be touched down there. He was totally scoring. Going deep. Getting new stuff from Dick’s.

Nobody talk about “end zones” or “tight ends” here. That’s going too far, okay? Keep it semi-classy.

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Blakeman ignored Trump’s command not to run for governor

Republican Nassau County Executive Bruce Blakeman was “encouraged” by convicted felon President Trump not to launch a gubernatorial campaign and thus have to face Donald’s already-anointed favorite scumbag Elise Stefanik in a primary but that command was ignored and Blakeman last week went ahead and launched his bid anyway, New York Magazine reports on the Orange God Emperor yet again being disrespected by his once-far-more-fanatically loyal minions.

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Former “Real Housewives” star released from Club Fed

Former “Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” star Jen Shah, who did 33 months into what was originally sentenced as a 6.5 year bid for some telemarketing scam, was released Wednesday morning from the Club Fed in Bryan, Texas, having cashed out her good behavior credits to get out early, People Magazine reports on the reality TV bullshit National Zero mostly ignores until it matters.

If someone’s enough of an attention whore as to want to be on a reality show in the first place then where better to be than positioned to command a shit ton of media coverage after having lived for the past four or five months with a notorious sex offender who for some reason gets unlimited free toilet paper? As a known-enough entity, Shah can and hopefully will do a shit ton to refocus the public on the bubble-wrapping of Ghislaine Maxwell after having bore witness to it firsthand.

One catch though: The Bureau of Prisons confirmed to People that “Jennifer Shah transferred on December 10, 2025, from the Federal Prison Camp (FPC) Bryan to community confinement overseen by the Bureau of Prisons’ (BOP) Phoenix Residential Reentry Management (RRM) Office. Community confinement means the inmate is in either home confinement or a Residential Reentry Center (RRC, or halfway house). For privacy, safety, and security reasons, we do not disclose an individual’s specific location while in community confinement.” Which sounds more like Shah is still under their thumb and subject to re-incarceration if they piss her off than it doesn’t. Hell for all the rest of us know a “gag order” from talking about Maxwell or really anything FPC Bryan could be a term of this halfway house/home confinement transfer. It’s not clear how long Shah has left until her real release.

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“France and Israel killed Charlie Kirk” evidently a bridge too far for the “Venezuela and China stole the 2020 election” crowd

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First and Second Amendment under assault by fascist deep state

“On December 8, a pair of twins in Absecon, New Jersey, threatened to kill Department of Homeland Security (DHS) DHS Assistant Secretary Tricia McLaughlin and called to ‘shoot ICE on sight’ on social media. DHS and the Absecon Police Department SWAT team executed a search and arrest warrant for US citizens Ricardo Antonio Roman-Flores and Emilio Roman-Flores. Emilio Roman-Flores is being charged with unlawful possession of an assault weapon, possession of prohibited weapons, conspiracy terroristic threats, criminal coercion, threats, and cyber harassment. Ricardo Antonio Roman-Flores is charged with conspiracy terroristic threats,” says a DHS press release.

“‘Let this be a warning to anyone who dares threaten or attack our brave law enforcement officers,’ said Acting ICE Director Todd Lyons. ‘We will find you, we will arrest you, and we will prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law. We are NOT afraid of you. The extreme rhetoric of the news media, sanctuary politicians, and activists is leading directly to our law enforcement officers facing an 8,000 percent increase in death threats against them. If you threaten our law enforcement or DHS officials, we will hunt you down and you will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.’ Both twins are American citizens. They are currently being held by the Absecon Police Department in New Jersey.”

Interesting how these two were nailed within a day of their posts but there doesn’t seem to be any news about MAGA assholes being cuffed for threatening Mark Kelly or Ilhan Omar, etc.

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Jim Jordan forces House GOP to wrestle with reality on ACA

Spandex-wearing grapple-freak MAGA Congressman Jim Jordan on Wednesday spoke up at the morning’s all-hands House GOP meeting and, per Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman’s sources, said the party faces two choices on handling healthcare: One is that they suck up to it and add “reforms” to any extension of Obamacare subsidies – as in simply making it shittier and harder to obtain like they did with Medicaid – or the swing-seat “moderates” in the conference will end up joining with Dems on a discharge petition, which would pass easily, and thus no “reforms” to the ACA.

“VERY interesting. Made a lot of ears perk up in the room,” Sherman writes of the reaction.

Meanwhile Politico reports the meeting was otherwise a shitshow. “There was a general uneasiness because nothing is coming together,” one member said. “We wasted so much time,” said another.

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Jaydee runs clip of the actual economy stuff from Trump speech

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Court orders Epstein grand jury materials released

On Wednesday National Zero reported that New York federal Judge Paul Engelmayer had complied with his now-statutory duty and ordered the release of the grand jury materials in the case against now-bubble-wrapped Club Fed inmate Ghislaine Maxwell – while copiously citing his previous objection to doing so from August, back when it’d been a matter of his discretion. The jurist at the time mulled granting the request if only to show that it was a bullshit effort by the Trump Regime to make it look like they were being “transparent” by seeking to unseal what the vast majority of had already been made public during Maxwell’s trial but decided to stick with SOP on grand jury secrecy.

Engelmayer’s colleague Judge Richard Berman – who presided over the 2019 case against convicted felon President Trump’s ex-bestie Jeffrey Epstein and would have overseen the trial had Jeff not been found dead in his federal lockup cell under questionable circumstances that year – had also last summer issued a similar ruling denying the Trump regime’s motion to unseal the grand jury materials in that case. Berman wrote the materials were a “mere hearsay snippet” of Dirty Jeff’s conduct, of “limited value” at best and, of course, a potential “diversion” from the DOJ’s files. Yet on Wednesday Berman followed Engelmayer – and the law – and ordered that material released.

Still, simply because Epstein never actually went on trial, there will still be more previously non-public information in this material and even if there aren’t any smoking guns it will be useful to journalists and OSINTers working on filling in gaps in the current understanding of Jeff’s exploits.

The largest well of files remains with the DOJ/FBI and the question isn’t whether there’s going to be fuckery but how much and whether it can be overcome through collective grit and determination.

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Judge rules in favor of Newsom, orders troops out of Los Angeles

“The Founders designed our government to be a system of checks and balances. Defendants, however, make clear that the only check they want is a blank one. Six months after they first federalized the California National Guard, Defendants still retain control of approximately 300 Guardsmen, despite no evidence that execution of federal law is impeded in any way-let alone significantly. What’s more, Defendants have sent California Guardsmen into other states, effectively creating a national police force made up of state troops. In response to Plaintiffs’ motion to enjoin this conduct, Defendants take the position that, after a valid initial federalization, all subsequent re-federalizations are completely, and forever, unreviewable by the courts. Defendants’ position is contrary to law. Accordingly, the Court ENJOINS Defendants’ federalization of California National Guard troops,” wrote US District Judge Charles Breyer in a ruling dropped Wednesday morning in the case of Newsom v Trump. Breyer stayed the ruling until Monday to give the regime time to appeal.

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Machado smuggled out of Venezuela

Trump Regime officials tell the Wall Street Journal that Nobel Peace Laureate activist Maria Corina Machado was smuggled out of Venezuela to the nearby Dutch territorial island of Curacao on Tuesday so she could travel to Oslo for the Wednesday award ceremony – which she didn’t make.

“I am very grateful to them. And this is a measure of what this recognition means to the Venezuelan people,” Machado told Nobel Committee Chair Jørgen Watne Frydnes in a phone call. “We feel very emotional and very honored, and that is why I am very sad and very sorry to tell you that I won’t be able to arrive in time for the ceremony, but I will be in Oslo, and I’m on my way to Oslo right now.”

Venezuela’s attorney general, Tarek Saab, has said that Machado will be considered a fugitive if she travels to Norway. What happens next and whether Machado returns to Venezuela is unclear.

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Tired: Pepe the Frog / Wired: Franklin the Turtle

There’s only so much a single green cartoon herpetofauna character can be abused and mutated into a symbol of fascist white nationalism and the “official” Pepe’s been dead for eight years anyway, so why not switch things up and ruin a completely different once-innocent and carefree creation?

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Michigan Dem intros impeachment articles against Brainworms

Dem Michigan Congresswoman Haley Stevens – a Senate primary candidate – tells the New York Times she’s had enough of Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F “Bobby Brainworms” Kennedy Jr’s batfuckery and will be introducing articles of impeachment against him.

“I am not one for political theater,” Stevens told the Times. “I am for standing up for the health and safety of the people I represent. It’s pretty clear that these are life-and-death issues for folks.”

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Would-be new US citizens abruptly denied oath by Trump Regime

A citizenship oath ceremony in Indianapolis on Monday ended with 38 of the 100 would-be new Americans turned away without their certificate after the Trump Regime arbitrarily and capriciously fucked them over in their cruel response to the murder of a National Guard soldier in DC last month by an Afghan national that had been granted asylum by the regime’s officials in April, NBC reports.

Indianapolis USCIS official Zhibo Zhao confirmed the oaths had been canceled due to new travel restrictions on Afghanistan, Burundi, Chad, Cuba, Equatorial Guinea, Eritrea, Haiti, Iran, Laos, Libya, Myanmar, the Republic of Congo, Sierra Leone, Somalia, Sudan, Togo, Turkmenistan, Venezuela, and Yemen. Asked if the 38 rejects – who have spent years and likely thousands and thousands of dollars in the insane grind of the legal immigration system – would have their oaths rescheduled or if they’re now subject to deportation, Zhao said “that is up to whoever’s in charge in Washington.”

“We just receive orders from the chain of command,” Zhao said. “I was in the military. Everything we do here in the federal government is just like in the military. Follow the chain of command and so on.”

Marion County Clerk Kate Sweeney Bell, who regularly sends her staff down to the oath ceremonies to register newly-eligible voters, issued a statement ripping the Trump Regime for fucking these people over: “These prospective citizens worked incredibly hard to reach this milestone. They studied our history, learned our laws, and demonstrated their commitment to our country. They arrived with their families, filled with pride and excitement, ready to take the oath of citizenship, only to have their dreams denied at the last minute by a racist policy from the federal government.”

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At least 315 piles of cremated remains found outside Las Vegas

Investigators combing through at least 315 piles of cremated human remains found last summer in empty desert land about an hour outside of Las Vegas have managed to identify just three of them and don’t expect to be able to make any progress on the remaining 312, KLAS 8 News Now reports.

Still pretty impressive that any of them could’ve been identified but it’d seem the large sample size helped. Cops still have no idea why the remains were dumped out there, though one theory is that a funeral home/crematorium went out of business and this was how they disposed of unclaimed ashes. Seems slightly too tidy though and one would think that if they have three names then they’d be able to match them with three death certificates and thus track down the culprit. Plus why wouldn’t the owners of that defunct business have found some other means of dumping the ashes better than friggin 315 (or more) distinct piles in the same patch of desert? Why not Lake Mead?

Something’s really weird and dark about all this. Maybe the failed funeral home/crematorium is the most plausible, prosaic reason but that it’s also the least bad one says a lot and nothing good.

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Regime requiring give years’ social media history from tourists

“In order to comply with the January 2025 Executive Order 14161 (Protecting the United States From Foreign Terrorists and Other National Security and Public Safety Threats), CBP is adding social media as a mandatory data element for an ESTA application. The data element will require ESTA applicants to provide their social media from the last 5 years,” says an update to the federal register printed Tuesday.

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You’ll see Trump accusing the NYT of treason if you read all this

Just so you can “appreciate” this Trump post, coming right after he delivered indisputably the worst presidential speech in American history, even including William Henry Harrison’s inaugural address that led to his death, here’s the whole thing, in one single 487-word block of text, as posted:

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

Orange God Emperor cancels landmark bill signing

2 hours ago

Dan Sullivan sues to run against Dan Sullivan

18 hours ago

MAGA Congressman assumes Trump has evidence of pool plot

1 day ago

Iranians now even more better off than they were a year ago

1 day ago

UK cuffs thousands with alcohol ankle monitors during World Cup

1 day ago

Amphibians do eat algae, so maybe Trump’s onto something here

2 days ago

Cocaine Mitch’s staff insists he’s still alive

2 days ago

Axios reports Maine Dems have a growing mess on their hands

2 days ago

WATCH LIVE: Scared grownups surround tantrum-prone toddler

2 days ago

Federal judge nukes Regime subpoenas to Walk, Frey, Ellison

2 days ago

Detroit transit safety officer fired for complaining about bus driver effing supervisor on job, other top official drunkenly chasing pigeon

2 days ago

Comer still dumber than the sow he lost his virginity to in 1989

2 days ago

Dem leads Iowa Senate race 47 to 45 percent: poll

2 days ago

Alan Greenspan’s lifespan is over

2 days ago

Fox News reports they got her now

2 days ago

Keir Starmer officially announces resignation

2 days ago

Heard and McDonald Island’s baby seals clubbed hard by bird flu

3 days ago

President to sue treasonous criminals

3 days ago

Mountain Dew marketing team still has their edge

3 days ago

Baby duckling found dead in National Mall reflecting pool

3 days ago

Iranians walk out of negotiations after Trump threats

3 days ago

Fox News reads bellicose comment by deranged, elderly viewer

3 days ago

Fat toddler all but admits he’s ordering “Reflecting Poll” arrests

4 days ago

Texas woman killed when self-driving Tesla plows into home

4 days ago

Regime arresting people for taking National Mall pool paint chips

4 days ago

Orange mental patient doubles down on Italy lie

4 days ago

Newsmax guy pretty butthurt over inconsequential Trump failure

5 days ago

Scientology seizes control of public street

5 days ago

Hegseth minion tells Congress $80 billion needed to cover Iran war

5 days ago

Orange Scumbag slurs his way through some event: Live video

6 days ago

Trump threatens Americans with a good time

6 days ago

WATCH LIVE: Jaydee subs in for Karoline on lying duty, again

6 days ago

Hunter Biden wins big at Supreme Court

6 days ago

Mad Fuhrer issues signature all-caps bunker rant

6 days ago

BREAKING: UFC terror attack plotter a Mexican DACA recipient!!!

6 days ago

Tropical Storm Arthur to dump up to 20 inches of rain on Texas

7 days ago

“Pastors for Trump” founder forsaken by his true God

7 days ago

WATCH LIVE: Orange God Emperor snaps at reporters in France

1 week ago

Jon “Os(jerk!)off” pretty clever for Trump

1 week ago

“Incensed by the dissent”

1 week ago

You can kind of tell why they wanted to hang Mike Pence

1 week ago

Rick Jackson defeats Trump-endorsed scumbag in Georgia gov primary, Trump-endorsed scumbag Collins takes Senate primary

1 week ago

Trump needs Modi to help him climb single step

1 week ago

Regime to allow Iranians to start selling oil immediately

1 week ago

Jaydee x The View kind of sucked for Jaydee

1 week ago

McDonald’s celebrates America250 by reviving fried apple pies

1 week ago

Taxpayers covering at least $300 million of Trump ballroom costs

1 week ago

“Most of that is basically Iranian propaganda”

1 week ago

Muslim Republican leaves Texas GOP convention in tears

1 week ago

“Dumocrats” propagating Trump capitulation

1 week ago

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