Just so you can “appreciate” this Trump post, coming right after he delivered indisputably the worst presidential speech in American history, even including William Henry Harrison’s inaugural address that led to his death, here’s the whole thing, in one single 487-word block of text, as posted:

Convicted felon President Trump is, no joke, at some dump of a casino in the fucking Poconos to deliver a speech in front of a banner that reads “LOWER PRICES, BIGGER PAYCHECKS” to kick off his long-awaited roadshow aimed at turning his piece of shit fascist party’s political fortunes around going into what’s expected to be a rough midterm year. Who the hell on his political team picked the goddamned “Mount Airy Casino Resort” over some kind of more normal setting that people won’t automatically associate with disabled boomers pissing away their reverse mortgage payouts on penny slot machines over the smell of roller grill hot dogs and cheap whiskey sour mix? What was wrong with, say, a historic railroad depot, a steel foundry, a high school gym, or a church?

Then again those more prosaic, everyday settings are a little less authentic to MAGA than a gutter casino with a 70-acre parking lot outside. The constant doubling down on the ephemeral promise of a big payout that never comes while every last drop of blood is sucked out of you and then you’re tossed aside is in fact much more on-brand for Trumpism than any union hall or worksite could be.

For the second time this week one of the eight or nine global conflicts that convicted felon President Trump claims to have solved is unsolving itself as the Associated Press reports that the Rwanda-backed M23 rebels have made gains in an offensive toward the strategic city of Uvira in the eastern Democratic Republic of the Congo, displacing over 200,000 civilians and sending troops fleeing.

“There’s a risk of a massacre, and many people will perish,” said local leader Marafiki Masimango, who himself had fled from Uvira as the rebels approached the city. A “senior Congolese army officer” told the AP that soldiers were fleeing the rebel offensive and heading south and east toward the border with Burundi. Always a good sign when your generals are telling the media stuff like that.

One of convicted felon President Trump’s minions anonymously tells CNN that he and other minions are begging the fat bastard to stop trying to blame “Crooked Joe” and get real on economic issues.

“Joe Biden is no longer a threat to them because he’s out of office, he’s never going to be in office again,” the “them” being MAGA voters increasingly pissed with the Orange God Emperor. “You’ve got to feel their pain. You’ve got to talk about it every day,” the advisor continued. Problem is that Trump has been talking about it every day, and by talking he’s lying and calling it a “hoax.”

Another one of Donald’s handlers says they’ve started putting “policy time” on his daily schedule to try to coach him on taking the economy seriously and lol they are so completely, utterly fucked.

NASA’s Voyager 1 probe, launched in 1977 to survey the outer solar system and is still ticking long after it drifted away from Saturn all the way back in friggin 1980, will be one light-day away from Earth in November 2026 if it doesn’t collide with an asteroid or something, CNN reports.

To put in perspective how much of a pain in the ass it is to continue to monitor and make any software/hardware tweaks to a spacecraft that old and far away, NASA/Jet Propulsion Laboratory Voyager project manager Suzy Dodd says “If I send a command at 8 am on a Monday morning, I’m going to get Voyager 1’s response back to me on Wednesday morning at approximately 8 am.”

Dodd thinks Voyagers 1 and/or 2 can make it a few years past their 50th anniversary in 2027.

Fans of the once-novel and interesting but now overhyped and over-merchandised Netflix series Stranger Things are noticing that the characters’ dialogue in the show’s now-ongoing fifth and final season has gotten considerably dumber, Kotaku reports. Many of these fans cite a January deep-dive on the company (be warned, this piece is a freaking black hole and a good one) by N+1 alleging Netflix execs instructed writers to make changes like “have this character announce what they’re doing so that viewers who have this program on in the background can follow,” because viewers are staring at their phones or laptops while “watching” the filler-content-filled service’s catalog.

The series, which in development titled “Montauk” and set in the far-eastern Long Island community home to an abandoned military base purportedly to have been the site of some bizarre government experiments, was never truly great – and it was especially maddening that for some fucking reason the characters in the second season reacted with disbelief to the presence of interdimensional aliens in their town when that was what exactly fucking happened in the first season. Still it was charming, unique, and often pretty freaky on top of all the 80s nostalgia – not something to be half-watched and thus all the actual dedicated fans are pissed over this dumbed-down final season.

Two things can be true at the same time: That people don’t pay enough attention so why even bother especially because Spartan could have some downmarket AI chatbot like Perplexity crank out the rest of this paragraph and a significant fraction of the audience won’t even notice before they scroll down to post a resistance meme from 2019. Then there’s also that maybe Netflix should try to fix that on their end by making more movies and series that people actually want to pay attention to.

“FIRST ON FOX: A House Republican is mounting an effort to make it easier for women to keep and raise their babies after birth. Rep Ashley Hinson, R-Iowa, is unveiling a bill called the Supporting Healthy Pregnancy Act that would ensure pregnant mothers get financial support from the father even before their child is born, Fox News Digital learned first,” says the lede to a press release in support of Hinson’s Senate campaign to replace quitter Joni Ernst laundered through Fox News.

Watch out deadbeat dads. This messaging bill is coming right for you negligent sons of bitches.

Also does not appear that Hinson is especially afraid of the whole mens’ rights activist movement coming after her for this. Maybe she’s onto something with that since men who can’t even get women to want to eff them aren’t exactly thinking about the next step in the dating thing.

Soon-to-be-former-Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene on Tuesday told CNN she feels “very sorry for President Trump. I genuinely do. It has to be a hard place for someone that is constantly so hateful and puts so much vitriol, name calling, and really tells lies about people in order to try to get his way,” and “It’s easy for me to say a prayer for him and forgive him. But the part that I have had a very hard time with is the fact that he called me a traitor, and because of his words, that brought serious threats against myself and my family,” before going on and on about what it’s like for MAGA to be making her life miserable while Trump basically tells her she deserves to live in constant fear.

“A CME is anticipated to arrive at Earth early to midday on 09 December causing elevated geomagnetic field activity, and dependent upon the orientation of the embedded magnetic field, potential exists for G3-Strong storm levels. Limited, minor effects to some technological infrastructure possible, but usually mitigatable. The aurora may become visible over many of the northern states and some of the lower Midwest to Oregon. The general public should consider monitoring our webpage for the latest information and updates,” says NOAA in a bulletin anticipating a massive, satisfying, and forceful release of solar spray in Earth’s direction.

Back in August New York federal Judge Paul Engelmayer responded to the Trump Regime’s bid to unseal grand jury testimony from the case against Jeffrey Epstein accomplice Ghislaine Maxwell with a denial, pointing out that it was a bullshit fake-out attempt at political ass-covering during a time when fat Donald was feeling an insane amount of heat over his refusal to be more transparent on the matter and, importantly, that most of the sealed info was already public anyway.

“The evidence put before the Maxwell grand juries is today, with only very minor exceptions, a matter of public record. The Government admitted as much in response to the Court’s order: ‘The enclosed, annotated transcripts show that much of the information provided during the course of the grand jury testimony – with the exception of the identities of certain witnesses – was made publicly available at [Maxwell’s] trial or has otherwise been publicly reported through the public statements of victims and witnesses.’ And because the Government proposes to redact the witnesses’ identities, the exception it noted does not reflect information that the public would learn were the grand jury transcripts unsealed. The Court’s review confirmed that unsealing the grand jury materials would not reveal new information of any consequence,” Engelmayer wrote.

Further down he lit into Attorney General Pam Bondi and her clown car even harder, writing “The one colorable argument under that doctrine for unsealing in this case, in fact, is that doing so would expose as disingenuous the Government’s public explanations for moving to unseal. A member of the public, appreciating that the Maxwell grand jury materials do not contribute anything to public knowledge, might conclude that the Government’s motion for their unsealing was aimed not at ‘transparency’ but at diversion – aimed not at full disclosure but at the illusion of such.”

Been a while since chairbilly James Comer’s committee has had a good live show here so what the hell, why not, right? Sometimes it’s these low-key meetings that produce the greatest laughs.

“A Fierce Declaration: Reclaiming Our Nation’s Promise My mandate in Congress was simple: safeguard our fundamental Constitutional rights and our freedoms. I immediately began work to protect the rights to reduce crime, safeguard gun ownership, protect life, ensure homeland security, and secure our freedom from burdensome taxation. The head of the FBI has firmly attested that a rogue element within the Bureau is engaged in political warfare against conservatives and Christians. I know firsthand the chilling truth of what the FBI director describes,” writes Republican former Texas Congressman Steve Stockman in a very lengthy, very self-important, very “please endorse me Orange Jesus” statement announcing his second House comeback bid.

Stockman served one term in the House from 1995 to 1997, another from 2013 to 2015, and then in federal prison from 2018 to 2020 on what would’ve been a 10 year bid for 23 counts of money laundering had convicted felon President Trump not commuted his sentence in December of that year. Why Trump did not fully pardon Stockman is unclear but the asshole was still stuck with $1,000,000 in restitution costs and supervised release conditions after being let out.

In yet another preview of the kind of investigative headaches looming for the Trump Regime if Republicans can’t salvage the Midterms, Senator Liz Warren and Congressman Jamie Raskin on Tuesday sent a letter seeking answers on corruption in deportation industry contracts, writing that fat Donald’s “plans to deport millions of non-violent immigrants have ushered in a ‘gold rush’ for private contractors that provide immigration detention, surveillance, and deportation services.”

“The influx of $170 billion in new immigration enforcement and border militarization funding through Trump’s ‘Big Beautiful Bill’ has resulted in a historic transfer of taxpayer dollars to immigration contractors. We are concerned that some contractors are potentially receiving lucrative, no-bid contracts because of their close ties to high-level Trump administration officials. Notably, President Trump’s ‘Border Czar’ Tom Homan previously ran a firm that helped contractors secure homeland security contracts and, now from inside the government, may be helping his former clients secure federal contracts. Before the election, he allegedly accepted $50,000 in cash in a Cava bag in exchange for the promise that, if President Trump took office, Mr Homan would help certain companies win contracts. Since entering government, Mr Homan reportedly has participated in meetings with immigration contractors about contracts, potentially in violation of ethics rules, and some companies with ties to Mr Homan have been short-listed to compete for lucrative contracts”

Japanese officials on Tuesday issued an advisory warning of a potential megathrust earthquake of magnitude 8.0 or higher off the northeast coast of the main island of Honshu following Monday’s 7.5 tremor that sent a 20-inch tsunami crashing into the shoreline, the Associated Press reports.

The Japanese Meteorological Agency – which despite its name, also has geological hazards in its remit – justified the warning by reminding locals that the March 11, 2011 magnitude 9.0 quake and tsunami that killed nearly 20,000 people had a 7.3 magnitude precursor just two days earlier.

Honduras’s attorney general on Tuesday ordered a warrant for the arrest of drug cartel boss/former President Juan Orlando Hernandez, just days after convicted felon President Trump pardoned him and released him from a US federal prison, the New York Times reports on the case against Hernandez not really being a “Biden con job” the way fat Donald insisted it was.

This was David Ellison this morning, talking about how great of a working relationship he and his dad have with convicted felon President Trump, three minutes before the fat bastard posted a lengthy Truth Social meltdown over CBS’s 60 Minutes interview with Marjorie Taylor Greene.

A few hours later Semafor printed this all-too-brief, likely snactioned leak: “Paramount’s aggressive quest for Warner Bros – which escalated into a hostile $108 billion bid for the company Monday – is backfiring in Washington, where some officials have grown frustrated with widespread speculation that a politicized Justice Department would play favorites for the conservative Ellison family.”

Then this quote from a Trump ally, that the Ellisons “believe the worst possible tropes” about the Trump administration’s rampant corruption and are “leaning into all the stereotypes” about said corruption and bribery opportunities. L-O-fucking-L. What the hell were they supposed to think?

“They thought they were playing 5D chess and they were playing tiddlywinks,” this Trump minion added, evidently trying to imply that Donald has the coordination necessary to play tiddlywinks.

Royal Carribbean Cruise Lines tells CBS News that they “were saddened by the passing of one of our guests, worked with authorities on their investigation, and will refrain from commenting any further on pending litigation,” after getting slapped with a lawsuit by the widow of passenger Michael Virgil, 35, who died on board their “Navigator of the Seas” vessel in the Pacific last December after an… altercation with the crew en route from Los Angeles to Ensenada, Mexico.

To call the incident “alcohol-related” might be an understatement as Virgil was alleged to have consumed no fewer than 33 alcoholic beverages prior to the savage struggle with the crew. The nature of these beverage was unspecified but even if we’re talking watered-down screwdrivers with shitty well vodka and/or those lame 8oz Dos Equis that’s still the equivalent of about 17 to 20 real servings. Stumbling back to his cabin, Virgil got lost and became “agitated.” Exactly how “agitated” was not really specified but first the crew tried to physically subdue him, then hit him with “multiple” cans of pepper spray. Then at some point the captain got involved and ordered the ship’s sick bay staff to inject him with a powerful anti-psychotic called Haloperidol. And then Virgil died.

The lawsuit specifically calls out the cruise line’s all-you-can-drink package as being the main contributor to Virgil’s death, the second such complaint filed in recent months to identify that very obvious factor in a fatal incident. The family of a 66 year-old woman – who fell overboard and drowned during an October 2024 Taylor Swift-themed cruise off Florida – accused the line of the same negligence in a similar lawsuit. “Because of that drink package, she did overdo it, trying to maybe get her money’s worth. She was completely intoxicated in a way I haven’t seen before. It saddens me that that is my last memory of her,” said Megan Klewin of her late mother, Dulcie White.

For the third time in as many weeks, New York Attorney General Letitia James has dickpunched convicted felon President Trump’s regime in court as US District Court Judge Patti Saris on Monday ruled in favor of James and a shit ton of other blue states who had sued to block the fat fuck from enforcing his ban on wind energy projects, a ban put in place simply because Trump hates windmills.

“After review of the parties’ submissions and a hearing, the Court concludes that the Wind Order constitutes a final agency action that is arbitrary and capricious and contrary to law. Accordingly, the Court ALLOWS Plaintiffs’ motions, DENIES the Agency Defendants’ motion, and declares unlawful and VACATES the Wind Order,” Saris wrote, lording over the pile of dead birds.