THIS LOOKS FUCKING AWESOME! OH MY GOD THE TRUMP FANBOYS ARE GOING TO BE SO PISSED NOW THAT THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO BE BOYCOTTING DISNEY NOW BECAUSE THEY BOUGHT INTO THAT “GROOMER” BULLSHIT FROM EVIL LITTLE JAWA-SIZED MAN RON DESANTIS!

OH WHO THE FUCK ARE WE KIDDING, THEY’LL JUST LIE AND SAY THEY CANCELED THEIR DISNEY+ SUBSCRIPTION TO THEIR MAGA BUDDIES ONLINE BUT WATCH THE WHOLE THING ANYWAY! YES! OBI-WAN KENOBI IS BACK! MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH YOU! FUCKING SWEET!

Federal prosecutors on Wednesday added one more Oath Keeper to the sprawling seditious conspiracy case against the MAGA terrorist group’s leadership for their plot to hold members of Congress hostage for days on end on January 6th, 2021, to force them to overturn the 2020 election, a plan that was foiled by the chaotic nature of the insurrection.

North Carolina Oath Keeper William Todd Wilson was indicted charges of seditious conspiracy and obstruction of an official proceeding, making him the twelfth member of the group to be hit with the most serious count – just shy of actual treason – related to the insurrection. Two of the eleven Oath Keepers hit with the seditious conspiracy have already pleaded guilty and flipped on their former fellow white nationalist militia men, stacking the deck against one-eyed leader Stewie Rhodes.

Based on the evidence that one Supreme Court clerk once wrote an article arguing for a fundamental right to abortion when she was at Yale law school, MAGA influencers have concluded that clerk is responsible for leaking the draft decision overturning Roe v Wade from the Supreme Court, the Daily Beast’s Will Sommer reports. The main proponent of the theory, second-tier right wing douchebag Will Chamberlain, described by the SPLC’s Mike Hayden as an acolyte of walking genital sore Jack Posobiec, also boldly predicted last year that Derek Chauvin, the Minneapolis cop who murdered George Floyd, would be acquitted by the jury. So his record is a little spotty.

Walker, Michigan city commissioner Carol Glanville flipped the double-digit Trump state House District 74 from red to blue, defeating pro-rape, anti-vax, and anti-semitic QAnon freak RJ Regan in an upset Tuesday night, the Detroit News reports. “I am so grateful to the voters in the 74th district who showed up tonight to stand up to hate and keep it out of the State House, My opponent’s extreme, violent, and antisemitic views have no place in state government, and tonight the people of the 74th District made clear that they won’t stand for extremism,” said Glanville in a statement following her special election win over Regan, whose greatest hits included calling feminism a “Jewish program to degrade and subjugate white men,” claiming he told his daughters that “if rape is inevitable, you should just lie back and enjoy it,” and justifying the Russian assault on Ukraine as a righteous crusade against “massive corruption, bio labs and money laundering.”

How many of the women rallying against overturning Roe are over-educated, under-loved millennials who sadly return from protests to a lonely microwave dinner with their cats, and no bumble matches?

— Matt Gaetz (@mattgaetz) May 4, 2022

The list of targets for the the next round of European Union sanctions against Russian regime figures includes the culty Orthodox Church Patriarch Kirill, “a long-time ally of President Vladimir Putin who has become one of the most prominent supporters,” the AFP reports.

Throughout the last month, you’ve heard Fox hosts and guests decry the indoctrination of children into LGBTQ and liberal causes… like taking care of the poor and helping the sick–otherwise known as Christian values that for some reason the characters at Fox and in the GOP fervently hate despite their rhetoric.

Well, now, disgraced minister, former perpetual GOP presidential campaign grifter and untethered parade balloon Mike Huckabee has his own line indoctrination products into the Republican cult of Trumpism, for which you’ll enter into an endless cycle of increasing credit card charges for a badly drawn monthly eight-page comic book and something like a bumper sticker. Remember that whole part of the Bible about “false idols”? Yeah, that doesn’t count anymore.

The White House Correspondents Association stated that a handful of the 2,600 people who attended the Correspondents’ Dinner on Saturday, where President Joe Biden made remarks, have tested positive for coronavirus, the New York Times reports.

The president of the association, Steven Portnoy of CBS News Radio, said the cases were in single digits.  Steve Herman, a chief national correspondent for Voice of America and Jonathan Karl, ABC News’s chief Washington correspondent have been reported to have tested positive.

The number of active coronavirus cases in Washington, DC had been decreasing steadily after the omicron wave went through the area, but then new cases started increasing again in early April.

The American labor force continues to thrive according to the latest employment data, with 4.5 million workers voluntarily leaving their jobs for other opportunities, while employers advertised a record 11.5 million openings, the Washington Post reports.

The continued high number of “voluntary quits,” as they’re known, shows worker confidence in finding a new job, with most of those quitting to take another job.  The number of new hires–people hired for vacant positions or newly created positions–held at around 6.5 million for the month.

“Demand for workers remains white-hot,” said Julia Pollak, chief economist at ZipRecruiter. “This is very broad, enormous growth. Even though we’ve almost recovered all of the jobs lost in the pandemic, the labor market just keeps getting tighter and tighter.”

Sad hillbilly novel author and Ted Cruz-level courageous gummy worm JD Vance will face Democrat Tim Ryan in the Ohio Senate race this November, Cook Political Report’s Dave Wasserman projects.

Never let it be said Drudge Jerline doesn’t move ahead with commitment even when her information is completely wrong. The modern version of the Titanic captain is certain that there are 63 million abortions in the United States every year–equating to roughly 40% of ALL women in the US getting an abortion every year. “That’s too many!” Jerline slurs. And she’s right: In fact, there have been 63 million abortions in the US in the last 50 years.

Dem Congressman Tim Ryan has pretty easily won the the Democratic nomination for the 2022 Ohio Senate race, NBC News projects. Meanwhile on the GOP side, Trump-endorsed douchebag JD Vance has taken a slight lead in the count over also-MAGA candidate Josh Mandel and Cleveland Guardians owner Matt Dolan, with Mandel and Dolan shifting back and forth for second place. One-time polling leader Mike Gibbons, establishment lackey Jane Timken, and Jew-hater Mark Pukita have all flamed out. MAGA asshole former Congressman Jim Renacci got completely stomped in the Republican gubernatorial primary by incumbent Governor Mike DeWine, 57% to 25%.

Tuesday saw two Trump Organization losses against Dem Attorneys General: In the first, the Donald settled with DC AG Karl Racine for $750,000 over his 2017 inauguration paying excessive amounts to the Trump DC hotel during the festivities at the dawn of his white nationalist regime.

“Given the impending sale of The Trump International Hotel, Washington D.C., and with absolutely no admission of liability or guilt, we have reached a settlement to end all litigation with Democrat Attorney General Racine. This was yet another example of weaponizing Law Enforcement against the Republican Party and, in particular, the former President of the United States. So bad for our Country!” said Fatboy, not realizing paying the settlement itself is an admission of wrongdoing.

Separately in New York, the Donald lost an appeal Tuesday of the contempt order in the New York Attorney General’s civil case against his corrupt business, racking up fines of $10,000 per day until he turns over the documents subpoenaed. In a statement headlined “Statement by 45th President Donald J. Trump on Racist Attorney General Letitia James’ Continued Harassment” the fat bastard screamed “After handing over millions of pages of documents, perhaps more than any person or entity has ever given before, there is nothing that can be done to satisfy the racist Attorney General of New York State, failed Gubernatorial candidate Letitia James, or the New York State Courts which are biased, unyielding, and totally unfair. With rampant and record setting crime, a 42.8% increase over last year was just announced, and every other unimaginable problem, no wonder everyone is leaving the State, including businesses left and right” and so on and so forth.

Special NatZero correspondent OfJack reports live from the protests for women’s health autonomy in Washington, DC, prompted by the unauthorized release of a draft opinion striking down Roe v. Wade.   The decision, written by Justice Samuel Alito, potentially leads the way to the revocation of all rights protected by the Court’s previous interpretation of privacy, such as birth control, marriage and LGBTQ rights. 

Meet Ethan Schmidt.  He’s single, ladies!  A vocal anti-masker and anti-vaxxer, Schmidt is a supporter Republican Arizona gubernatorial candidate Kari Lake and befuddled as to why the ladies aren’t lining up for his superior semen.  Did I mention he’s single???

“The Department of Homeland Security did not adequately follow its internal processes and comply with applicable Intelligence Community policy standards and requirements when editing and disseminating an Office of Intelligence and Analysis (I&A) intelligence product regarding Russian interference in the 2020 U.S. Presidential election. For example, I&A employees during the review and clearance process changed the product’s scope by making changes that appear to be based in part on political considerations, potentially impacting I&A’s compliance with Intelligence Community policy. Additionally, the Acting Secretary participated in the review process multiple times despite lacking any formal role in reviewing the product, resulting in the delay of its dissemination on at least one occasion,” says the top of a Department of Homeland Security Inspector General’s report titled “DHS Actions Related to an I&A Intelligence Product Deviated from Standard Procedures.”

The whole thing is pretty dense, but basically it appears to center on Acting Secretary Chad Wolf’s pushing various buttons to slow things down because the Orange God Emperor freaked out every time someone would mention Russian election interference, stating that Wolf “asked during the July 8 meeting that the intelligence product be ”held’ because it ‘made the President look bad,” we made a specific effort to understand what occurred during the meeting… it is clear the Acting Secretary asked the Acting USIA to hold the product from its pending release. We interviewed the Acting USIA, who told us the Acting Secretary asked the product be held because it made President Trump look bad and hurt President Trump’s campaign – the concept that Russia was denigrating candidate Biden would be used against President Trump. The Acting USIA also told us he took contemporaneous notes of the meeting, a copy of which we obtained. The notes… read ‘AS1 – will hurt POTUS – kill it per his authorities.’ The Acting USIA told us these notes meant that the Acting Secretary told him to hold the product because it would hurt President Trump.”

A Russian missile attack targeting electrical infrastructure has knocked out power to parts of the western Ukrainian city of Lviv, the New York Times reports. Lviv, near the border with Poland, has become a major transit point for refugees headed out of the country and relief and supplies headed in, as well as the new home of the US Embassy in Ukraine. Attacks have been sporadic on the city, the most recent being on April 18th when a Russian missile strike killed seven people. The worst attack in the area killed 35 on March 13th when a Ukrainian military airfield was struck by missiles.

Cap’n Crunch the numbers and drop the answer below. pic.twitter.com/m1RA5f2qyV

— Cap'n Crunch (@RealCapnCrunch) April 29, 2022

The public relations team behind American cereal brand Cap’n Crunch have not weighed in on the massive pending Supreme Court decision that will ultimately affect over 80 million women’s right to make their own decisions about reproductive health, a review of their Twitter feed showed Tuesday (their the most recent post embedded above). While it’s entirely possible the “Crunch Crew” are still drafting a statement, a late response or none at all could be interpreted as complicity in the right wing’s barbaric assault on women’s health. This in turn could lead to boycott of the original Cap’n Crunch, Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries, Cap’n Crunch’s Oops! All Berries, and Cap’n Crunch’s Peanut Butter Crunch by progressives fed up with the Cap’n’s inaction on the contentious issue.