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Orange Fatass spending his weekend productively

“Why would Fox and Friends Weekend (of all things?) put on a ‘Stockbroker’ named Peter Schiff, a Trump hating loser who has already proven to be wrong. Either the show made a mistake, or it is heading in a different direction. He thinks prices are going up when, in fact, they are coming substantially down. Gasoline hit $1.99 a gallon yesterday, in certain states, and is down BIG since Biden. Other prices are almost all down. Biden caused the AFFORDABILITY CRISIS, I’M FIXING IT, along with everything else! Much of it, like the Border, is already fixed. Check out the ‘booker’ who put this jerk on!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Saturday morning.

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Grijalva says she was pepper-sprayed by some ICE asshole

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MAGA Florida gov hopeful’s former underage girlfriend speaks up

Longshot MAGA Republican Florida gubernatorial hopeful James Fishback appears to be even a longer shot as state propaganda outlet Florida’s Voice decided to do some actual journalism for a change and wrote a deeply reported piece on how Fishback, about 30 or 31, had a then-16 year-old girlfriend living with him as recently as 2021. The now-legal adult woman, Keniah Fort, laid it all out in a petition for a restraining order filed back in January, accusing Fishback of effectively grooming her.

It’s not like this asshole ever had a serious chance against Trump-endorsed ex-felon Congressman Byron Donalds but it’s just funny how rigorous and professional a freaking Pravda like Florida’s Voice can be when they want to squash a pest skittering around the state Republican Party.

Otherwise it’s just styrofoam agitprop starring assclowns like “Randy Fine rips Democrats, calls illegal immigration the top driver of unaffordability” as though that fat fuck doesn’t have a Papa John’s employing undocumented workers from Pakistan on speed dial. Or a Little Caesars, whatever.

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Netflix buying up Warner Bros… in theory

Netflix on Friday announced they’ve outbid Paramount-Skydance in the quest to buy up Warner Bros, a merger that will theoretically happen if for some reason convicted felon President Trump and his incel fanboy Brendan Carr don’t find a way to block it because Netflix is “woke” and signed that multi-million dollar documentary production deal with Barack Obama, CNBC reports.

However the acquisition will still end up seeing CNN, TNT, the Discovery Channel, and other cable networks spun off into a separate entity that would be prey for some MAGA billionaire to gut CNN and inevitably turn it into a state media propaganda outlet like the Ellisons did with CBS.

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K$H used FBI agents as Uber drivers for his woman’s drunk friends

FBI Director K$H Patel, already taking shit from all sides due to his profligate waste, fraud, and abuse of federal taxpayer resources – as well as just overall gross incompetence – appears to have topped even himself sources tell MS Now that Patel on at least two occasions ordered FBI agents on the security detail protecting his girlfriend, 27 year-old country “star” Alexis Wilkins – who shouldn’t even have a security detail in the first place – to escort her friends home after a night out drinking.

At least one of these times Patel personally called the agent in charge of the detail and yelled at them to drive Wilkins’s friend home from some club in Nashville, over that agent’s objections.

“Not only is the assignment of FBI SWAT personnel to a security detail to protect his girlfriend inappropriate, directing these highly trained professionals to babysit his girlfriend’s friend is outrageous, and demonstrative of Kash Patel’s complete lack of judgment and integrity,” said former FBI agent and MS Now contributor Christopher O’Leary. “FBI agents serve the public and swear an oath to protect and defend the Constitution. This is clearly a long way from that.”

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Chicago’s Christians too liberal, says Jewish conservative

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ChiComs impose 13 percent tax on condoms

In a bid to reverse what’s pretty much already an inevitable demographic dead end that will have catastrophic consequences in the coming decades, Chinese communist officials this week imposed a 13 percent tax on condoms as their means of increasing birth rates, NewsNation reports.

Decent quality standard Trojan-brand condoms, despite global inflation, cost 45 cents each going by a $15.97 price on Amazon for a 36 pack, which a 13 percent take would jack up to $18.04 or 50 cents each. Going further into speculating what folks in China are paying for their condoms or what a minimum viable product runs for would just be belaboring the point about how panicky and stupid this looks to outsiders, that a 13 percent sales tax on condoms is going to undo the societal damage caused by 36 years of the one-child policy. They’d seriously be better off officially adopting the Catholic Church as the state religion if they want to encourage more procreation.

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Bondi commands DOJ to pursue evil leftist groups

Dipshit Attorney General Pam Bondi on Thursday remembered she was supposed to be making a big thing out of pursuing Antifa and other leftist groups, commanding her minions to do just that in a memo obtained by Reuters. “These ‌domestic terrorists use violence or the threat of violence to advance political and social agendas, including opposition to law and immigration enforcement; extreme views in favor of mass migration and open ⁠borders; adherence to radical ​gender ideology, anti-Americanism, anti-capitalism, or ​anti-Christianity,” Bondi wrote.

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Toy Soldiers, or why you only matter if Democrats can be blamed

First, foremost, and no matter what else it’s a horrific tragedy that two young members of the West Virginia National Guard were shot last week while on deployment in DC – Spc Sarah Beckstrom, 20, who succumbed to her wounds last Thursday, and Staff Sgt Andrew Wolfe, 24, who WVNews.com reports is able to make a thumbs up, still faces a long road to recovery after taking shots fired by deranged Afghan refugee Rahmanullah Lakanwal, who entered in 2021 after Kabul fell to the Taliban.

Lakanwal, wounded in the shooting, suffers from severe mental illness and who the hell knows what prompted him to drive from Washington state to DC to fire at some National Guard troops just doing their job, even if the “job” was just bullshit optics for the Trump Regime. As much as the deployment was unnecessary and Trump just playing toy soldiers – and ballsucker West Virginia Gov Patrick Morrisey playing along to gain political favor with the Orange Toddler – nobody can seriously argue either were putting the troops in any more danger than the regular federal law enforcement agents/cops posted outside of major sites/buildings in and around the National Mall area.

Before last week’s shooting a freaking Subway sandwich to the torso was the worst thing that happened to any of the personnel on the streets during this “surge” into the nation’s capital. It’s not like DC is Fallujah and Trump was ordering them into deadly battles with armed insurgents.

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“Shade” is “Gen-Z slang for ‘disrespect'”: MassLive.com

Yo Boomers, Gen Xers, and Millennials, check it: “Shade” means “disrespect” in Gen Z slang, according to MassLive.com’s article about a Brookline, Massachusetts teenager whose prank Google Maps submission ended up becoming a real street name. Pretty ratchet, right?!?

Ughhh man. Hasn’t “shade” been around for like 10, maybe 15 years by now? Jesus Christ, lol. What makes it even more ridiculous is that the “clarification” distracts from the overall point of the article, which is pretty funny and interesting in and of itself, a 21st century version of the “Paper Town” of Agloe, New York. Shortest version possible: Back when commercially-produced paper maps were the only way to get driving directions, plagiarism was rampant. If you owned a printing press why bother with putting in all the work to create and draw your own maps when you could just buy one from a bigger company and copy their drawings? It got to the point where mapping drafters selling their work to Esso in the 1920s started putting fake towns on their maps in order to catch scammers, one of them being “Agloe,” placed at the intersection of two country roads in Delaware County.

Then in the 1930s Rand McNally printed a map with Agloe on it and Esso thought they caught them stealing their work, buuuuut turned out that some family had opened up “Agloe Lodge Farms” at the intersection, thus making the paper town real. The name persisted for decades – even though nobody actually lived there after the lodge closed – into the 1990s when Rand McNally removed it.

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Navy pew-pews 22nd “narcoterrorist” boat

“On Dec 4, at the direction of Secretary of War Pete Hegseth, Joint Task Force Southern Spear conducted a lethal kinetic strike on a vessel in international waters operated by a Designated Terrorist Organization. Intelligence confirmed that the vessel was carrying illicit narcotics and transiting along a known narco-trafficking route in the Eastern Pacific. Four male narco-terrorists aboard the vessel were killed,” says US Southern Command in a press release Thursday.

Note how they didn’t actually name this “Designated Terrorist Organization.”

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Virginia grand jury no bills regime’s retry against Letitia James

Convicted felon President Trump’s regime took a big L on Thursday as a grand jury in the Eastern District of Virginia no true billed their bullshit “mortgage fraud” case against New York Attorney General Letitia James, ABC’s Katherine Faulders reports on what’s gotta be getting close to a hundred fails at this stage of the criminal justice system for Team Orange so far this year.

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Newly-freed MAGA terrorist Taranto spotted near Raskin’s home

Capitol rioter Taylor Taranto, who was wanted by the FBI when he was arrested in DC while likely attempting to kill former President Barack Obama in 2023, pardoned on the riot charges in January, and then sentenced to time served in October for the Obama charges, has been spotted near Maryland Congressman Jamie Raskin’s home just outside the capital, Politico’s Kyle Cheney reports.

Cheney adds that Taranto, who drove from Washington state, has been in the area for a few days now, stalking around the Pentagon and Raskin’s neighborhood. Federal prosecutors are seeking to have the asshole tossed in the clink for violating the terms of his supervised release.

Of course they could’ve just imprisoned him for whatever the maximum would’ve been two months ago but, considering two Assistant US Attorneys faced harsh discipline for having accurately blamed Trump for posting a link to an article containing Obama’s DC address hours before Taranto was arrested there in late June 2023, it would seem pretty obvious that someone wanted him off the hook… if not Trump himself. So now they have to lock him up again before he does anything stupid for which the Trump Regime could very accurately be blamed for having allowed Taranto out.

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Car thief to stay put in California

Grand theft auto suspect Darrell Issa confirmed to the AP on Thursday he will not be moving to Texas to run for a House seat there. “I appreciate the opportunity, but California is my home. I told them I’m going to stay in Congress, and I don’t need to go to Texas for that,” said Issa.

Sources said convicted felon President Trump had commanded Issa to stay put because he has the best chance to win his reelection campaign in a district that was drawn specifically for him to lose.

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“Tonight is a sign 2026 is going to be a bitch of an election cycle”

You wouldn’t know it from the RNC’s tweet above that Congressional Republicans – on Tuesday into Wednesday following their dude Matt Van Epps’s 8.9 percent win in Tennessee’s 7th District special election – are not looking forward to next November, with one who was “granted anonymity to speak candidly” telling Politico that “Tonight is a sign that 2026 is going to be a bitch of an election cycle.”

“Republicans can survive if we play team and the Trump administration officials play smart. Neither is certain,” the weasel continued, the lack of “certainty” in that an understatement at best.

GOP Strategist Matt Bartlett was even less sanguine, saying “None of it bodes well for the GOP in the midterms. Being an ostrich with your head in the sand on the key issues that matter most to Americans is not a strategy, or certainty not a winning one.” Canadian-American Texas Senator Ted Cruz told Fox News the situation “was dangerous. We could have lost this district because the people who showed up, many of them are the ones that are motivated by how much they dislike President Trump. In a year, it’s going to be a turnout election, and the left will show up.”

“Hate is a powerful motivator,” Cruz added because even if irony’s dead he can still abuse its corpse.

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