Convicted felon President Trump’s lawyers on Thursday told a federal appeals court they’ll be taking his bid to overturn the US Trade Court’s ruling to the Supremes on Friday if they don’t get immediate relief, the New York Post reports on a quick way to end this tariff shitshow once and for all.

Not-terribly-reliable narrator Michael Wolff tells the Daily Beast that Third Lady Melania Trump this week kind of snapped over a joke about her fat felon husband declaring jihad on Harvard was motivated by son Barron getting rejected from the prestigious Ivy League school not because some libs online were saying it, but staffers inside the White House privately among each other.

“Barron did not apply to Harvard, and any assertion that he, or that anyone on his behalf, applied is completely false,” said a Melania spokesworm this week in a rare public statement issued in response to… somebody. The most prominent name mentioned by the Beast as having cracked the joke was Rhode Island Senator Sheldon Whitehouse, but his tweet got a few thousands likes.

“Because they’re like, ‘What is he doing?’ This is, you know, this is crazy stuff. Why would this be happening? And then they tell the Barron joke,” Wolff said, adding that he’s not sure whether or not Barron actually applied to Harvard. “It’s important not to lend too much calculation and planning to anything” that Trump does, Wolff said. “But the other thing is that, by the way, he didn’t get into Harvard,” he continued, referring specifically to Donald Sr and his vendetta against the college.

“That’s what makes the show great. The Trump show. He picks fantastic enemies. And Harvard, all it represents, fits right into the Trump show. Going after Harvard has proved to be an incredibly reliable headline. So he’s on the money. He’s done what he set out to do. Dominate headlines.”

In related headlines, the New York Times reports a Massachusetts federal judge just extended the pause on the Trump Administration’s ability to block Harvard from enrolling foreign students.

In a lavish celebration feting guests that may or may not have included Arsenio Hall, Cedric the Entertainer, Eddie Griffin, and others, the royal houses of the lords of Black comedy King Edward Murphy and King Martin Lawrence were united as one this month with the wedding of Prince Eric Murphy, son of King Edward and ex-Queen Paulette McNeely with that of Princess Jasmin Lawrence, daughter of King Martin and ex-Queen Patricia Southall, the scribes at E! News report.

Eric, in his thirty-fifth year, and Jasmin, in her twenty-ninth year, were betrothed November last following no fewer than three years of extramarital coupling. Both are the first born of the grand kings of Black comedy. May their blessed union bear the greatest of all in comedic creation – a conqueror of white comedy, Asian comedy, and Latino comedy even – a grand scion whose talents of timing, delivery, and perspicacity of audience reaction shall be forever unrivaled.

This twatwaffle went on Maria Bartiromo’s show Thursday morning and declared some semblance of moral victory in that his bill to allow convicted felon President Trump to run for a third term (but not Barack Obama, because the proposed constitutional amendment stipulates the third term can only come after a non-consecutive one) has been “forcing a conversation” about how great his Orange Allah is compared to Joe Biden and that the economy is so much better now something something.

So yay? Ogles has gotten news coverage that previously would’ve been about how the FBI raided his house in a corruption investigation that was killed off after he introed this dead end bill?

A win’s a win, even when you look like an idiot and a scumbag wasting taxpayer time, right?

At least seven of the sources cited in the footnotes of Brainwormed HHS Secretary Robert F Kennedy Jr’s “MAHA report” – which he lauded as a “gold-standard” roadmap to improving American public health policy in the 21st century – do not “appear to exist at all,” according to a review by NOTUS that does not mention AI-generated text but how the hell else would the idiot’s team have handed in a paper rife with that very telltale and distinct kind of laziness and dumbassery?

“The paper cited is not a real paper that I or my colleagues were involved with,” Epidemiologist Katherine Keyes told NOTUS via email when asked if she ever wrote the MAHA report’s cited works studying the occurrence of anxiety in adolescents. “We’ve certainly done research on this topic, but did not publish a paper in JAMA Pediatrics on this topic with that co-author group, or with that title.”

The study, which ChatGPT or some other AI chatbot titled, “Changes in mental health and substance abuse among US adolescents during the COVID-19 pandemic,” was printed out with a URL pointing to a PDF that does not and never did exist, but at least it was smart enough to attribute it to a real scientist. Even better: The real research the AI cited made some deeply misleading interpretations or flat out misstatements of the findings, such as one citation of a study that found “antipsychotic prescriptions for children increased by 800 percent between 1993 and 2009,” actually found an eight-fold increase from 1995 to 2005. Which would mean that for even Team Brainworms’ evident aim of discrediting psychiatric meds – because Xenu and Thetans or whatever the hell it is – they actually undersold it by lengthening the period in which the increase occurred. Fucking morons.

Drug-addicted billionaire Elon Musk was, according to the Wall Street Journal, “angry” when he found out that OpenAI CEO Sam Altman was joining convicted felon President Trump on his Middle East corruption tour this month and that it’d be then that Altman would ink a deal to partner with the UAE to build a “Stargate” AI server farm in Abu Dhabi and even tried to muscle to Emiratis by telling their state tech company, G42, that there was no chance the Orange Ayatollah would sign off on the deal if Musk’s xAI was cut out of it. When that didn’t work Musk invited himself on the Trump.

The Journal’s White House sources say they heard out Musk’s bitching that he didn’t want a bill that would benefit Altman’s company but then signed off anyway because Trump and his tech sack-licker, David Sacks, wanted something to announce before the trip ended. “Aides discussed how to best calm Musk down” the Journal writes, indicating it must’ve been quite a drug-fueled meltdown.

The reporting comes amid a shit ton of other media coverage and speculation about Musk exiling himself from the White House and, at least for now, from bankrolling Republican campaigns.

“Real gross domestic product (GDP) decreased at an annual rate of 0.2 percent in the first quarter of 2025 (January, February, and March), according to the second estimate released by the US Bureau of Economic Analysis. In the fourth quarter of 2024, real GDP increased 2.4 percent. The decrease in real GDP in the first quarter primarily reflected an increase in imports, which are a subtraction in the calculation of GDP, and a decrease in government spending. These movements were partly offset by increases in investment, consumer spending, and exports. Real GDP was revised up 0.1 percentage point from the advance estimate, reflecting an upward revision to investment that was partly offset by a downward revision to consumer spending” says a Bureau of Economic Analysis report.

Something something the revision doesn’t count that Biden was president for the first 20 days of Q1.

We are living under Jew tyranny.

— ThotBuster (@ThotBuster18) May 29, 2025

Tired of all the bullshit from having a constitutional republic rife with dysfunctional political parties and corruption, more than 20,000 Nepalese monarchists turned out Thursday in Kathmandu to agitate for the re-coronation of the Himalayan country’s King Gyanendra Shah – who was ousted in 2008 – and the restoration of Hinduism as the official state religion, the Associated Press reports.

“Bring king back to the throne and save the country. We love our king more than our lives,” the monarchists chanted to the beat of some traditional drums and musical instruments. “We are going to continue our protests until the centuries-old monarchy is brought back and the country turned in to a Hindu stage for the interest of the country,” said monarchist leader Dil Nath Giri.

Separated by a barrier manned by hundreds of cops across the public square was a rival demonstration by fans of Prime Minister Khadga Prasad Oli. The AP did not put an estimate of the number who showed up but it’s implied that they were considerably fewer. Might’ve helped if they had called up the opposition party and said “Look, obviously we kind of fucking hate each other and are going fight hard next election but there isn’t going to be another election if we can’t stand together against these royalist sons of bitches. Like now, so get your asses down here pronto.”

The last monarchist rally ended with two dead – one of them a TV news cameraman – and several buildings torched after cops began firing live ammunition and tear gas into the raucous crowd.

Chinese communist officials on Thursday spiked the ball over the brutal and possibly fatal setback to convicted felon President Trump’s moronic trade war, with Commerce Ministry spokeswoman He Yongqian telling reporters that “China has consistently maintained that trade wars have no winners and that protectionism offers no way out,” the Wall Street Journal reports from the other side.

The spokeswoman cited domestic US opposition to the stupid, regressive bullshit being forced on consumers, adding China had called on America to “heed rational voices from the international community and within the country, and to completely eliminate these misguided unilateral tariffs.”

What a nice break for Trump: Nice exit ramp from the “TACO” mockery and getting blamed for massive self-inflicted inflation PLUS the Chicom reaction right here lets him and his minions scream how the US Trade Court was doing the Xi Regime’s bidding. Everything’s coming up MAGA.

Caitlin Clark seen carrying a baby at Indiana Fever game amid injury absence https://t.co/T7jIIlWaZP

— Fox News (@FoxNews) May 29, 2025

“WHOA! That baby looks biracial! What the hell’s going on here? We forgave her for clicking ‘like’ on Taylor Swift’s Instagram post endorsing Kamala Harris last year on the condition she continue to be an unwilling champion of white heterosexuality in a league dominated by Black lesbians but here she goes AGAIN arousing our suspicions that she’s coming dangerously close to abrogating the ephemeral social contract with us that she hasn’t read, let alone signed, and never will,” would seem to be the reaction Fox News is looking for from their audience with this “sports news” tweet.

Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed Bonesaw, UAE President Mohammed bin Zayed, and Qatari Emir Tamim al-Thani all told convicted felon President Trump to oppose Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu’s aims to strike Iran during the fat bastard’s visit to their countries this month, Axios reports on just one more piece of evidence that the ultrawealthy Arabs have Donald in their pocket.

The fairly obvious upshot is that the three countries – all of whom host US military bases – would be targets for any Iranian retaliation should Israeli jets and missiles rain hell on Tehran’s nuclear facilities. The corrupt and compromised president on Wednesday confirmed to reporters that he had indeed asked “Bibi” to check himself on attacking Iran, saying he could get a deal signed with Iran within a “couple of weeks.” Such a strong president, total fighter, that Donald Trump.

A federal judge in Boston late Wednesday ruled that the Trump regime ended temporary protected status for hundreds of thousands of Afghan, Ukrainian, Cuban, Haitian, Nicaraguan, and Venezuelan refugees, the AP reports while noting that the immediate impact of the ruling was unclear.

This CNN yapfest show is pretty stupid. This line, from author Jen Welch, was pretty goddamned funny however: Douchebag Kevin O’Leary was bullshitting as usual about how convicted felon President Trump’s lawsuit against CBS was somehow valid and defensible when Welch cut him off with “I have a question. How do you guys constantly defend the biggest whining titty baby ever?”

Simple. Effective. Funny. All too rarely employed means of shredding and slicing his loyal fanboys.

“A Pakistani-American businessman awaiting sentencing on federal charges developed close ties to members of Joe Biden’s inner circle and met multiple times with him when he served as vice president, emails show. A longtime aide to Biden urged Hunter Biden to cultivate a relationship with the businessman, Imaad Zuberi, and other major Democratic donors, in order to ‘pull them in a little closer to Team Biden,’ one email shows. Zuberi later met multiple times with Joe Biden, according to the emails. In one meeting, Zuberi told Saudi Arabia’s ambassador about Biden’s comments about the Iran nuclear deal. Zuberi and two business partners also met with Joe Biden in November 2014 in Morocco, emails show,” wrote the Daily Caller in a February 15, 2021 article, copied verbatim because it just screams “ZUBERI BAD! HUNTER BIDEN BAD! ZUBERI CORRUPT! BIDENS CORRUPT!”

Aaaaaaaaaaand the New York Times just reported that convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday commuted Zuberi’s 12 year prison sentence he got after pleading guilty in 2020 to funneling a $900,000 donation to the fat fuck’s 2017 inauguration committee, among other scams.

No way the Daily Caller feels stupid for making Zuberi into a “Biden crime family” crony. Seriously, there’s no way they feel stupid about it because they’ve already completely walled it off mentally.

“BREAKING! In a major WIN in our powerful lawsuit against the Pulitzer Prize Board regarding the illegal and defamatory ‘Award’ of their once highly respected ‘Prize,’ to fake, malicious stories on the Russia, Russia, Russia Hoax, by the Failing New York Times and the Washington Compost, the Florida Appellate Court viciously rejected the Defendants’ corrupt attempt to halt the case. They won a Pulitzer Prize for totally incorrect reporting about the Russia, Russia, Russia Hoax.”

“Now they admit it was a SCAM, never happened, and their reporting was totally wrong, in fact, the exact opposite of the TRUTH. They’ll have to give back their ‘Award.’ They were awarded for false reporting, and we can’t let that happen in the United States of America. We are holding the Fake News Media responsible for their LIES to the American People, so we can, together, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!” posted convicted felon President Trump on his shitty Twitter clone Wednesday.

It’s not clear what the fat bastard means with “Now they admit it was a SCAM,” but it seems he actually thinks that an appellate court in Florida refusing to toss the case is the same thing as “they,” as in the defendants, have decided to settle. However he feels better after the tariff beatdown.

On that note, the fat bastard’s lawyers have already filed an appeal against the Trade Court ruling.

The judicial coup is out of control. https://t.co/PRRZ1zU6lI

— Stephen Miller (@StephenM) May 28, 2025

“The Constitution grants Congress the exclusive power to ‘lay and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises’ and to ‘regulate Commerce with foreign Nations.’ The central question in these two cases is whether the International Emergency Economic Powers Act of 1977 (‘IEEPA’) delegates these powers to the President, effectively authorizing the imposition of unlimited tariffs on goods from nearly every country in the world The court does not read IEEPA as granting such sweeping authority and, as a result, sets aside the challenged tariffs imposed under it” says a US Court of International Trade ruling in VOS Selections Inc, et al v the United States, et al. Probably a bad day for the fat bastard.

Axios’s two-sentence article says the ruling “could bring the trade war to a screeching halt.”

Convicted felon President Trump’s legal team have rejected a $15 million settlement offer from Paramount/CBS to capitulate on his fucking stupid lawsuit over standard edits applied to former Vice President Kamala Harris’s interview with CBS, as the Wall Street Journal reports, Trump wanted $25 million plus an apology. The fat fuck’s lawyers also threatened them with another lawsuit over CBS’s coverage of his failed second presidency at some point during these talks, per the Journal’s sources.

“Wednesday is the deadline for Trump to respond to Paramount’s motion to dismiss the lawsuit,” the Journal writes. Copied that sentence verbatim because it’s unclear what’ll happen next. Still, fuck the brass at Paramount for even entertaining settling with the fat bastard over this bullshit case.

Utterly detestable piece of shit Republican Wisconsin Senator Ron “RonAnon” Johnson on Wednesday hinted to the crowd at a press club event in the Cheesehead State that he doesn’t want to run for a fourth term in 2028 but isn’t ruling it out, per the AP’s Scott Bauer, who quotes RonAnon as saying “I’m just a guy from Oshkosh just trying to save this country.” Ughhh, just fuck off and die.

RonAnon famously pledged only to run for two terms and then more famously and typically cuntishly he reneged on that and ran again in 2022, which was a good year for incumbents of both parties pretty much everywhere. He’s up again in 2028 which just might not be a good year for Republican incumbents, especially in a tight swing state. Ron’s probably going to hold out as long as he can.