“Spike the Bearded Dragon saved the day today when he woke his owner up from a nap to find the home’s bathroom on fire! Spike’s owner, Donald, was napping on the couch when Spike leaped onto his face, insisting he wake up. Donald was then able to quickly extinguish the fire before it spread to the rest of the home. Who knows how far it would have spread without Spike’s help, as Donald was so tired that he even slept through the sound of the smoke alarms!” says a Facebook post by the South King Fire Department, whose district covers wide swaths of the southern Seattle metro area.

Did some research on reptile intelligence and have concluded that in all likelihood that this was actually Spike reacting to the fire by seeking his owner out and jumping on his face when stressed by the smell of the smoke. Not the same as a dog or cat acting with intent like “DONALD! DONALD WAKE! DONALD! SOMETHING WRONG! SMELL BAD! STRONG! HOT HOT! IS GLOWING! UNFUCK NOW! DO HUMAN SOMETHING TO MAKE STOP! WAKE NOW!” but a response to the same effect.

Spike could’ve just said “fuck this” and crawled into the basement or whatever but he chose to seek safety and comfort with his owner when stressed by an unfamiliar stimulus in his environment.

The Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped 789 points as of 2:55 PM EDT on Wednesday, which CNBC reports is due to “30-year Treasury bond yield last traded around 5.08 percent, the highest level going back to October 2023. The benchmark 10-year Treasury note yield traded at 4.59.”

Which is due to, you guessed it, the amount of debt the “Big Beautiful Bill” is going to add to the US deficit, pushing interest payments up to like reverse mortgage on Fox News ads levels.

SCOOP:

In the House of Representatives, the 3 Cuban Republican reps Rep. Carlos Giménez (R-FL) @RepCarlos, Rep. Mario Díaz-Balart (R-FL) @MarioDB, Rep. María Elvira Salazar (R-FL) @MaElviraSalazar, all of whom represent districts in South Florida full of Venezuelan illegal… https://t.co/0YSZNMn0y7

— Laura Loomer (@LauraLoomer) May 21, 2025

A Boston federal judge on Wednesday found that the Trump Regime “unquestionably” violated a lawful court order when it abruptly deported seven men to fucking South Sudan on Tuesday and suggested the officials who had knowingly defied it are liable for criminal contempt, Politico reports.

“It was impossible for these people to have a meaningful opportunity to object to their transfer to South Sudan,” said Boston US District Judge Brian Murphy during a hearing.

Cops in Durango, Colorado on Monday were, for the second time in under a year, forced to chase, tackle, and detain a kangaroo that had escaped from its owner’s home in the town, drive him back, and tell the owner to keep his fucking exotic marsupial penned up securely, KOAA reports.

This week’s escape of Irwin the kangaroo at least occurred during the early evening hours, unlike the first one in October 2024 when officers had to chase the son of a bitch down at freaking 4 AM.

Ignoring literally everyone who isn’t them to not fucking do this, the Trump Regime on Wednesday formally accepted Qatar Force One as a “gift,” the New York Times reports, citing the Pentagon.

“The secretary of defense has accepted a Boeing 747 from Qatar in accordance with all federal rules and regulations,” said wife beater/sado-sexual freak Pentagon spokesman Sean Parnell. “The Department of Defense will work to ensure proper security measures and functional-mission requirements are considered for an aircraft used to transport the president of the United States.”

Love how the White House bills this as a “bilateral meeting” in the YouTube description. It’s trilateral, with convicted felon US President Trump, South African President Cyril Ramphosa, and the sovereign state of unaccountable drug-addled billionaire cunt Elon Musk represented here in the sit-down. Now it absolutely could go fine and Ramaphosa will just let all their shit about a fake white genocide being condoned or even perpetrated by Ramaphosa’s government slide or that Musk will play nice because his native country is considering opening up its market to Starlink, but it’s probably more likely than not to get a little heated… Wait, is Musk even in the room?

Obviously enraged over their failure to obey his commands, convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday summoned the Freedom Caucasians to his White House for some discipline as the House is unable to schedule a vote on his Big Beautiful Bill due to some holdouts within the far right white nationalist contingent hell-bent on reducing government spending and deficits, Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman reports, adding that Jesus Dork Speaker Mike Johnson, House Majority leader Steve Scalise, and whip Tom Emmer will be present at the 3 PM meeting to pretend like they’re in charge.

The fat fuck cannot be happy that his shitposting/TV watching time will be cut into by the actual work of pretending to govern, especially when he’s going to be spending a good chunk of the day with Elon Musk publicly abusing South African President Cyril Ramaphosa in front of cameras.

An FBI “External Collection Priorities Message” produced by the bureau’s Seattle field office dated September 4, 2019 and obtained this week after an FOIA request from UFO-centric government secrets investigative reporter John Greenwald’s Black Vault reveals that, after heavy redactions likely detailing efforts to surveil potentially violent extremist incels, federal law enforcement agents deemed it necessary to include “Cock Carousel” in a glossary of the indescribably toxic online community of sexless males’ common shibboleths, and defining it as “Belief by Incels on what females do before they settle down.” Greenwald sort of buried that lede by headlining his story with a prosaic “FBI Monitored ‘Incel’ Ideology Nationwide, FOIA Documents Reveal Threat Assessments and Surveillance Priorities,” though it’s otherwise quite excellent and deeply reported piece of work.

“A subset of individuals who subscribe to Involuntary Celibate (Incel) ideology, Involuntary Celibate Violent Extremists (IVEs), have been responsible for at least 27 fatalities in the United States and in Canada since 2014. Violent idolization of past acts of violence, embedded within Incel ideology, may encourage future acts of violence. Unidentified Incel adherents are likely present within Washington State and may remain anonymous presenting Law Enforcement challenges in the identification of potential Incel-related threats. Law enforcement may not recognize Incel ideology during encounters due to a lack of familiarity of Incel terminology and the potential threat posed by IVEs,” says the intro to what little else isn’t redacted in the file on what’s still clearly an ongoing terroristic threat.

White House economic wiener Ken Hassett on Wednesday told Fox Business’s Stuart Varney that everything will be fine despite the massive deficit increases about to be self-inflicted by the “Big Beautiful Bill” and the US is looking at 4 percent economic growth, so it’s cool, Stu. In the latter third of the clip, when asked about how the whole trade war thing was going and why his fat idiot boss hasn’t gotten one, let alone “90 deals in 90 days” as they sold it, Hassett told Varney “Well there’s a lot going on in the world, as you know,” while Hassett no doubt in his mind thought “PEOPLE LIKE YOU HAVE FUCKED WITH ME MY ENTIRE LIFE AND NOW I WORK IN THE ACTUAL FUCKING WHITE HOUSE, YOU BRITISH PIECE OF SHIT! YOU WILL RESPECT ME OR I WILL MARCH INTO YOUR FUCKING STUDIO WITH A 12 GAUGE AND BLAST YOU NOT IN THE FACE BUT YOUR CROTCH SO I CAN WATCH YOU WRITHE IN AGONY AS YOU BLEED TO DEATH! I ALMOST DID IT TO A KID ON THE FOOTBALL TEAM IN HIGH SCHOOL AND I FUCKING SWEAR I WILL DO IT TO YOU! FUCK YOU!”

Seeing the fruits of the antivax movement’s labor spreading medical liberty across their state, Texas parents in April made a different “medical freedom” decision for their babies and got them vaxed for measles at a rate trigintuple – or 30 times in normie-speak – over the previous month, NBC News reports, citing data published by public health research firm Truveta capturing the surge.

The article’s a little vague on the exact age group, specifically as to whether the data captured was just for babies six months old – the minimum age an MMR shot can be administered – or if it was six-months-and-up, but there’s no doubt about what’s been achieved in response to one of Bobby Brainworms’ “achievements.” The surge among six-monthers “means parents aren’t just getting the vaccine early, they’re getting it as early as they can,” said Truveta scientist Nina Masters.

Really fucking dumb Republican Alabama Senator Tommy Tuberville will give up the ghost on pretending he’s got the bare minimum intellectual capacity to represent his third-world country of a state in the chamber and this weekend announce that he’ll instead run to succeed term-limited evil grandma Kay Ivey as governor of Skynyrd Land next year, Punchbowl’s Andrew Desidero reports.

Tuberville, a former NCAA football coach who last year told Fox News he believed then-VP Kamala Harris is secretly a cyborg, has been telling allies in DC and Alabama the launch will come during the Memorial Day recess. Here’s Mo Brooks‘s opening to grab that Senate seat he always wanted, lol.

Assessing why drug-addicted billionaire Elon Musk announced on Tuesday he’s stepping back from politics – save for a sit-down with his native South Africa’s president and convicted felon President Trump in the Oval Office on Wednesday, which will surely go very smoothly – Fox Business News host Jackie DeAngelis said, in not so few words, that the libs setting Tesla dealerships on fire and all the political blowback from the DOGE circlejerk achieved their goal by forcing Musk to step away.

It amounts to waving the white flag at George Soros for having supposedly funded and encouraged the terrorist campaign against Tesla and DeAngelis basically just straight-up admitted it.

“Today, Rep Warren Davidson (R-OH) introduced the Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS) Research Act of 2025. This bill would direct the National Institutes of Health (NIH) to study the psychological and social roots of what is known as Trump Derangement Syndrome, a phenomenon marked by extreme negative reactions to President Donald J Trump. He was joined by original cosponsor Rep Barry Moore (R-AL),” says a press release/desperate cry for attention from Davidson’s office dated May 15th, stories about which do not appear in any articles on Fox News, Breitbart, The Hill, Mediaite, the New York Post, Axios, or any other such outlet in the six days since. The highest profile coverage it got was in shitty British rag The Daily Mail and some mockery from Wonkette.

“‘TDS has divided families, the country, and led to nationwide violence – including two assassination attempts on President Trump. The TDS Research Act would require the NIH to study this toxic state of mind, so we can understand the root cause and identify solutions,’ said Rep Davidson. ‘Instead of funding ludicrous studies such as giving methamphetamine to cats or teaching monkeys to gamble for their drinking water, the NIH should use that funding to research issues that are relevant to the real world,'” the press release continued. Neckbeard Davidson must be especially crushed thinking about that part, definitely having thought to himself something like “Watch the libs go EVEN CRAZIER over me trolling them with it’s ‘relevant to the real world,’ LMAO,” and then six days later not even disposable content mills like Raw Story or Newsweek have picked it up and propagated it.

Virginia Dem Congressman Gerry Connolly has passed away, CBS’s Scott MacFarlane reports, making him now the third D to die in office this term and increase breathing room for Speaker Mike Johnson ahead of a crucial showdown over the “Big Beautiful Bill” as Jesus Dork needs every vote.

“It is with immense sadness that we share that our devoted and loving father, husband, brother, friend, and public servant, Rep Connolly, passed away peacefully at his home this morning surrounded by family,” said Connolly’s family in a statement. The ranking Dem on House Oversight was 75 and had recently announced plans to step down from the post amid declining health.

Trump to meet leader of ‘out of control’ South Africa at White House https://t.co/DWdXEa4dyO

— Fox News (@FoxNews) May 21, 2025

“In the first quarter, our team navigated a highly challenging environment and focused on delivering the outstanding assortment, experience and value guests expect from Target. While our sales fell short of our expectations, we saw several bright spots in the quarter, including healthy digital growth, led by a 36 percent increase in same-day delivery through Target Circle 360, and our strongest designer collaboration in more than a decade, kate spade for Target. While these highlights reinforce our confidence in the underlying health of our business, we’re not satisfied with current performance and know we have opportunities to deliver faster progress on our roadmap for growth,” says Target CEO Brian Cornell in the retailer’s Q1 2024 earnings statement, not mentioning the boycott movement over its rollback of DEI policies in submission to the Trump regime.

That’s upfront in the Wall Street Journal’s reporting on the earnings statement, crediting the pro-DEI movement’s impact for a 3.8 percent sales decline from Q1 2024. Cornell did acknowledge this on a call with reporters that must’ve been held at some ungodly hour this morning, saying that, while he couldn’t estimate how much the boycott was responsible for the loss, it “played a role in our first-quarter performance.” The CEO vaguely committed to a correction by making Target a place where their “guests and our teams and our partners feel included,” whatever that’s going to mean.

Cornell also blamed lower spending on discretionary items amid a broad decline in consumer confidence but did not assign blame to you-know-who for creating that environment rather than fulfilling his bullshit campaign promises to lower costs for all Americans. Obviously having enough self-inflicted problems to deal with, Cornell barely mentioned tariffs, saying only “we have many levers we can use to mitigate this impact, and price is the very last resort” to mitigate their impact.

Drug addicted billionaire Elon Musk will be present in the Oval Office during Wednesday’s meeting between convicted felon President Trump and South African President Cyril Ramaphosa to help falsely accuse the leader of perpetrating a white genocide in the country, NewsNation’s Libbey Dean reports on what’s sure to be even more of an embarrassment than the Zelensky meeting.

Responding to convicted felon President Trump’s Justice Department opening up a probe into him over last year’s testimony to the House, disgraced former New York Governor Andrew Cuomo’s spokesman Rich Azzopardi tells the Daily Beast “We have never been informed of any such matter, so why would someone leak it now? The answer is obvious: This is lawfare and election interference plain and simple – something President Trump and his top Department of Justice officials say they are against.” Silly Rich, hypocrisy isn’t a vice, it’s a virtue to these fascist animals.

I very much appreciate President Trump and my Senate colleagues’ leadership on Golden Dome for America. President Trump’s significant down payment on building Golden Dome will make America immensely safer and should be one of our top national security priorities.
 
I look forward… https://t.co/TDPNg0YLFN

— Lindsey Graham (@LindseyGrahamSC) May 21, 2025

Hahaha… Get it? Lindsey wants to “give Trump some nice dome” which is slang for [CENSORED]? It works because it’s both a “golden dome” and that Lindsey Graham is… Well, you know.