Missouri Attorney General Andrew Bailey on Monday for some reason decided to leave his powerful elected position from which he launched some really simpy MAGA lawsuits and took a possibly completely made-up job as co-Deputy Director of the FBI, a position he’ll share with former podcaster Dan Bongino, Fox News reports on what’d be a self-demotion even if/when Bongino quits.

Bailey’s two predecessors in a row are now the Gateway State’s senior and junior United States Senators and instead of running for governor or waiting for Pam Bondi to quit this needy cumsock instead will take a hired position to work under K$H. God these people are freaking pathetic.

Oh no, we can’t have a politician constantly tweeting ridiculous shit to get a rise out of the opposition party here in America. That’s unbecoming of a respectable and functioning democracy.

A selection of stories from the homepage of The Atlantic on Monday: “The Rise of ‘Cute Debt’,” which is like a trendy new term for buy-now-pay-later services marketed to women. “Why Is Everything Spicy Now?” a really interesting question mark piece that examines the spiciness of everyday life in 2020s America. “The Pull – And the Risks – Of Intensive Parenting” but the URL says “Lighthouse Parents.” Must’ve edited the headline because it’d be too much trendphrasing next to “Cute debt.” Can’t phraseload your monodemo or they might quiet quit. “These Books Won’t Make You a Better Person” which warns that “A new generation of disabled writers isn’t interested in inspiring readers.” This books ain’t your mama’s Chicken Soup for the Soul garbage! No inspiration there! “AI Is a Mass-Delusion Event” and now THAT’s a headline ladies and gents. So freaking provocative. Plus the art used to illustrate is like really abstract and different from what regular audiences are used to. “The Mainstreaming of Zohran Mamdani.” Oh jeez. Now he’s less authentic.

“Essential journalism—and a Free Tote: Get a free tote bag when you start a Print & Digital or Premium subscription*” says the page where you can pay $79.99 a year for a subscription, so what the hell are you waiting for? Go sign up and get your free tote AND all these awesome articles!

“I called President Putin, and began the arrangements for a meeting, at a location to be determined, between President Putin and President Zelenskyy. After that meeting takes place, we will have a Trilat, which would be the two Presidents, plus myself. Again, this was a very good, early step for a War that has been going on for almost four years” posted convicted felon President Trump on Monday, sounding a little Adderall-y because the actual post was considerably longer.

Prosecutors in Oslo on Monday announced the expected indictment of Marius Borg Høiby, the Prince Joffrey-like stepson of the heir to the Norwegian throne Crown Prince Haakon, 32 counts include rape, abuse in a close relationship against one former partner, acts of violence against another, making death threats, and, lastly, traffic violations, the Associated Press reports.

Høiby, 28, was arrested three times last year, the last being on suspicion of rape. Unlike British Prince Andrew he’s not and never will be in the line of succession, so at least Norway can say that.

Following the deposition with former Attorney General Bill Barr, House Oversight Chairbilly James Comer on Monday told reporters that Barr told him convicted felon President Trump was not implicated at all in the crimes committed by his best bud Jeffrey Epstein, Huffington Post reports.

“What Attorney General Barr testified in there was that he never had conversations with President Trump pertaining to a client list. He didn’t know anything about a client list,” said Comer, evidently too dumb and/or complicit to realize that maybe, just maybe, Barr might not be entirely on the level, especially given the evidence that he covered up a shit ton of Trump’s other crimes.

you sound woke

— Governor Newsom Press Office (@GovPressOffice) August 18, 2025

Convicted felon President Trump’s regime will seize (or buy) a 10 percent stake in chip maker Intel for who the hell knows what reason but probably because the fat bastard owns stock in the company, Reuters reports on more of that very Xi-like state intervention in the US economy.

Former Attorney General Bill Barr, who convicted felon President Trump has threatened with prosecution for whatever the fuck it was, who even remembers anymore, showed up in DC Monday for his deposition the House Oversight investigators in the Jeffrey Epstein probe, CNN reports.

Though himself an extremely unlikely candidate for the “client list,” Barr is situated in the arc of Epstein in the most epic of ways: That his own father hired Dirty Jeff to teach math to girls at an elite private high school in Manhattan in 1970 – not just the obvious of having let the wolf in the henhouse but likely having opened doors to building his operation and building his own luxury henhouse – and then not having done shit to prevent Epstein from dying in a jailhouse under his jurisdiction in 2019, no matter which way it happened. Very full circle, kind of like Barr’s shape.

After being ignored for about nine months, the mom and stepfather of murder victim Laken Riley are seeking political relevance again, and have endorsed antisemitic MAGA Congressman Mike Collins in the 2026 Senate primary to take on incumbent Dem Jon Ossoff, the New York Post reports.

“A lot of people go to Washington and it changes them. However, in the short time that we have known him, Mike Collins went to Washington and changed it,” said Allyson Riley and John Phillips said of the Congressman whose campaign spelled “Georgia” wrong in the launch ad. “There is simply no one else in this race who deserves to be in the US Senate more than Mike Collins. He is someone who says what he means, means what he says, and actually delivers results that matter.”

A Russian general is out a pound of flesh – well actually probably more like 60 or 70 pounds – after a Ukrainian strike on a column in the Kursk region left him minus one arm and leg, Reuters reports.

General Esedulla Abachev, deputy commander of the Kremlin’s Northern group of forces, was traveling in a convoy toward the front in the western Russian region Kursk, where the Ukrainians have captured and held onto a good amount of Russian soil -though a pittance relative to the square mileage of Ukrainian territory under Russian occupation – when he was very badly WIA at some point in the last few days. Abachev is a native of Russia’s Dagestan region, whose leader Sergei Melikov posted on Telegram that the general was in a serious but stable condition in “one of the best military medical centres in the country.” Key word there being “in the country” which means they fed him 100 proof vodka – and poured plenty of it on the bonesaw to disinfect it – instead of the lower-quality grog the enlisted guys get before they undergo their amputations.

“I am totally convinced that if Russia raised their hands and said, ‘We give up, we concede, we surrender, we will GIVE Ukraine and the great United States of America, the most revered, respected, and powerful of all countries, EVER, Moscow and St. Petersburg, and everything surrounding them for a thousand miles, the Fake News Media and their Democrat Partners would say that this was a bad and humiliating day for Donald J Trump, one of the worst days in the history of our Country.’ But that’s why they are the FAKE NEWS, and the badly failing Radical Left Democrats. Thank you for your attention to this matter!!!” posted a deeply upset convicted felon President Trump on Monday as he continued his lengthy shitposting binge.

“DC gave Fake Crime numbers in order to create a false illusion of safety. This is a very bad and dangerous thing to do, and they are under serious investigation for so doing! Until 4 days ago, Washington, DC, was the most unsafe ‘city’ in the United States, and perhaps the World. Now, in just a short period of time, it is perhaps the safest, and getting better every single hour! People are flocking to DC again, and soon, the beautification will begin!” Trump also posted and again this was about three and a half months after the DOJ issued a press release headlined “US Attorney Ed Martin Jr Credits President Trump’s First 100 Days with 25 percent Drop in DC Violent Crime.”

“Campbell’s Chunky, known for its hearty, flavor-packed soups, is teaming up with Pabst Blue Ribbon, the American beer brand known for its iconic look and taste. Together, the brands are serving up a new collaboration: two soups that bring together the crave-ability of Chunky and the smooth taste of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Just in time for soup season, the two new varieties will be available exclusively at Walmart starting this month: Campbell’s Chunky x Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer Cheese with Potatoes & Chorizo Soup is packed with savory chorizo sausage and hearty potatoes simmered in creamy cheese infused with Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer flavor. Pair it with a soft pretzel, serve it in a bread bowl, or top it with extra shredded cheese. Campbell’s Chunky x Pabst Blue Ribbon Beef, Bacon & Beer Chili with Beans is the perfect addition to brisk fall days and features seasoned beef, hearty beans and smoky bacon, all infused with Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer flavor. Enjoy it straight from the can, load up a hot dog or drizzle it on top of nachos,” says a press release from Campbell’s after they were evidently turned down by Rolling Rock for a collab.

Three innocent people were killed in Florida because Gavin Newsom’s California DMV issued an illegal alien a Commercial Driver’s License—this state of governance is asinine.

How many more innocent people have to die before Gavin Newsom stops playing games with the safety of the… https://t.co/QrEMOsDnIL

— Homeland Security (@DHSgov) August 18, 2025

They probably should’ve picked a tweet that didn’t say upfront which year this truck driver entered the United States to quote for this rant about Gavin Newsom issuing the guy a commercial driver’s license… A lot of this is pretty fishy and there’s no independent sourcing on how this Collin Rugg wiener knows the guy entered in 2018 or when the CDL was issued, but either way both the first and second Trump Regimes had very ample time to track him down and deport him. They failed.

“I am going to lead a movement to get rid of MAIL-IN BALLOTS, and also, while we’re at it, Highly ‘Inaccurate,’ Very Expensive, and Seriously Controversial VOTING MACHINES, which cost Ten Times more than accurate and sophisticated Watermark Paper, which is faster, and leaves NO DOUBT, at the end of the evening, as to who WON, and who LOST, the Election. We are now the only Country in the World that uses Mail-In Voting. All others gave it up because of the MASSIVE VOTER FRAUD ENCOUNTERED. WE WILL BEGIN THIS EFFORT, WHICH WILL BE STRONGLY OPPOSED BY THE DEMOCRATS BECAUSE THEY CHEAT AT LEVELS NEVER SEEN BEFORE, by signing an EXECUTIVE ORDER to help bring HONESTY to the 2026 Midterm Elections,” posted convicted felon President Trump on Monday, getting a head start on Stop the Steal 3.0 for the big 2026 midterms.

“Remember, the States are merely an ‘agent’ for the Federal Government in counting and tabulating the votes. They must do what the Federal Government, as represented by the President of the United States, tells them, FOR THE GOOD OF OUR COUNTRY, to do,” Trump continued, just making this up as he goes along after his party’s long-held opposition to the federalization of elections.

“With their HORRIBLE Radical Left policies, like Open Borders, Men Playing in Women’s Sports, Transgender and ‘WOKE’ for everyone, and so much more, Democrats are virtually Unelectable without using this completely disproven Mail-In SCAM. ELECTIONS CAN NEVER BE HONEST WITH MAIL IN BALLOTS/VOTING, and everybody, IN PARTICULAR THE DEMOCRATS, KNOWS THIS. I, AND THE REPUBLICAN PARTY, WILL FIGHT LIKE HELL TO BRING HONESTY AND INTEGRITY BACK TO OUR ELECTIONS. THE MAIL-IN BALLOT HOAX, USING VOTING MACHINES THAT ARE A COMPLETE AND TOTAL DISASTER, MUST END, NOW!!! REMEMBER, WITHOUT FAIR AND HONEST ELECTIONS, AND STRONG AND POWERFUL BORDERS, YOU DON’T HAVE EVEN A SEMBLANCE OF A COUNTRY.”

Reported multiple times already but now it’s officially official for Dem former Ohio Senator Sherrod Brown who tells the AP he’s in it to take on Jaydee’s replacement Senator Jon Husted in next year’s special election as he “just couldn’t stay on the sideline. And I know I can fight back. Nobody in the Senate is speaking out for Ohio workers, nobody. And that’s my job to do. It’s what I’ve done my whole life, and it’s what I’m going to continue to do,” with a campaign focused very heavily on the Big Beautiful piece of shit bill that Husted voted for to fuck over Medicaid recipients.

Qualifying this upfront: Black Lives Matter activist Shaun King may not be the most reliable of narrators given his record of being squirrely on an array of matters, specifically relating to how he handled the finances of organizations he’s led and been involved with – irrespective of the usual MAGA propaganda depicting him as a terrorist trying to start a race war, etc. So grain of salt here.

But a very, very small one given the rest of the picture around Israeli cyberwarfare chief Tom Artiom Alexandrovich’s August 13th arrest and subsequent return home. On one end the Las Vegas Metro Police Department states very clearly in a press release that Alexandrovich, 38, was among eight arrested on “felony charges of Luring a Child with Computer for Sex Act and were booked into the Henderson Detention Center” in a sting operation conducted jointly with the FBI and Homeland Security Investigations – meaning there was federal involvement even though it was done in the Nevada justice system. On the other, Ynet reports that Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu’s office just straight up lied about what happened, claiming that “A state employee who travelled to the US for professional matters was questioned by American authorities during his stay. The employee, who does not hold a diplomatic visa, was not arrested and returned to Israel as scheduled.” Naturally there was no mention whatsoever of the actual matter the “state employee” was questioned over.

King on his Substack claims Las Vegas area officials “told him the Trump administration personally intervened, at Israel’s request, to override US law enforcement, including their own federal agents involved in the sting, to make sure that Alexandrovich got back to Israel quickly and safely,” and still struggling to find what part of that is not believable given the record of how the Reich has handled other politically-sensitive matters surrounding certain foreign-born child sex predators.

The Florida Republican Party on Saturday pulled from its merch site a new line of gear bearing a logo for “The Deport Depot” and issued a statement apologizing for “mocking the unfortunate plight of undocumented migrants in the United States. We agree with all the criticism this has generated – we have this wrong and we agree that passive or casual cruelty toward migrants needs to be eradicated wherever it exists. We have a responsibility to be aware of and attuned to all racial and cultural sensitivities – and we have not lived up to this responsibility this time. We have taken down the images and we have removed the items in question from sale. They will be recycled.”

Pffftttttt – lol. The Washington Post reports the real reason the merch was taken down was that the Home Depot reached out and asked them to do it. Any legal threat would’ve in all likelihood been toothless given the Florida GOP would’ve had a strong enough claim to the merch being satirical in nature. Instead this was almost definitely about money, like the approximately $1.2 million the hardware retailer gave to Republicans last cycle. Anyone questioning whether the Florida GOP cares about offending people over the internment of migrants should look no further than the “FAFO Alligator Alcatraz” shirts, trucker hats, and other shit currently at the top of the store site’s page.

(Fake statement plagiarized/mad-libbed from 2018 H&M corporate press release apologizing for and announcing they pulled a definitely questionable hoodie saying “Coolest monkey in the jungle.”)