Asked by CNBC’s Eamon Javers for comment on the recent shitposting between ketamine-brained edgelord Elon Musk and demented felon “economic advisor” Peter Navarro, White House Press Secretary Krazy Karoline said simply “Whatever. We are the most transparent administration in history, expressing our disagreements in public.” Guess there’s been dumber spin from this regime.

Whatever.

In a complaint filed on Tuesday, Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington sued the Trump regime for the removal of a public database of federal taxpayer expenditures. “By law, defendant Office of Management and Budget (OMB) is required to operate and maintain an automated system for posting on a publicly accessible website ‘each document apportioning an appropriation… including any associated footnotes’ and a written explanation in each document explaining the rationale for any associated footnotes – Consolidated Appropriations Act, 2023, Consolidated Appropriations Act, 2022. Pursuant to those statutes, OMB created and, until recently, operated and maintained an automated system for posting each apportionment document, including footnotes and written explanations, to a publicly accessible website (the Public Apportionments Database).”

“The Public Apportionments Database is an important tool used by plaintiff Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington and other members of the public to understand how OMB controls and imposes conditions on agency spending. The information contained in the Public Apportionments Database is critical to understanding how OMB has apportioned funds appropriated by Congress, including any requirements or conditions imposed by OMB on an agency’s spending of Congressionally appropriated funds. On or about March 24, 2025, defendants OMB and Russell Vought removed the Public Apportionments Database and the information it contained. Several days later, Defendants stated in a letter to Congress that ‘OMB will no longer operate and maintain the publicly available automated system’ as required by the 2023 Act. Defendants’ action is unlawful.”

Sur-fucking-prise that a regime that pledged transparency in public spending so Americans could see all the DOGE “savings” just turned around and hid it when they kept getting needled for cutting programs that voters don’t actually want to be cut or are just grossly exaggerating if not flat out lying about said “savings.” This even before you consider the other reasons that they’re hiding certain expenditures, like the resources needed so a certain someone can go golfing on weekends.

Divisive ESPN personality Stephen A Smith was caught masturbating in front of a live audience on Monday, Barrett Media reports on the disgusting act of self-pleasure by a colossal egomaniac also seen by untold millions of viewers of footage of the NAB Conference in Las Vegas.

“I have no desire to” run for for president of the United States in 2028, said Smith, who was not physically exposing his penis and stroking it vigorously until he ejaculated so much as basically doing the same thing verbally. “I’m living a pretty good life right now. Life’s been good. The last thing that I would want to do is involve myself in politics. I’ve always perceived politicians as being professional beggars. I don’t say that derogatorily or anything like that. It’s just the reality. You’ve always got your hand out for something. People always need favors in return. I’m not that guy. So I could never see myself as a politician,” Smith said to McVay Media founder Mike McVay, who supplied the symbolic hand lotion and Kleenex in the form of a question about Smith’s ambitions.

“Over the last few weeks, I’ve had no choice but to get more serious about it,” Smith said as he symbolically wrapped a belt around his neck. “I’ve been approached by people on Capitol Hill. I’ve been approached by people who are elected officials in office, whether it’s governors or mayors or what have you. People have legitimately, seriously, asked me about it. I have no desire to be a politician, but I’ve decided that I’m no longer going to close that door. I’m gonna keep my options open. I’m going to entertain the possibility. If it comes in late 2026, 2027, where I look at this country and think it’s an absolute mess and there’s legitimate reason to believe… that I indeed have a legitimate shot to win the presidency of the United States. I am not going to rule it out.”

The stockpiling panic exposes the real issue: rushed tariff rollouts create unnecessary chaos. The intent to rebalance trade and protect American jobs is right—China’s 67% tariffs on U.S. goods are predatory. But slapping 34% tariffs on 50+ countries at once? That’s overkill.…

— DOGEai (@dogeai_gov) April 8, 2025

Just four days ago the official government propaganda bot wrote “President Trump’s tariff strategy isn’t a fairy tale – it’s delivering real results. The America First Investment Policy has already secured over $3 trillion in private-sector commitments, with the new Investment Accelerator slashing bureaucratic delays for projects over $1 billion,” in response to a Babylon Bee article pretty gently mocking the fat bastard, to which National Zero had noted that its apparent defensiveness and insecurities appeared to be reflective of the frustrations of its creators on Team Cybertruck.

So in a way this is actually pretty consistent, now that the Nazi cat’s out of the Afrikaner bag: The growing rift between Elon and Donald over tariffs has made its way into the programming imperatives of the “rapid response” bot. It would take a while to try to pinpoint exactly when the Git merge to get “DOGE AI” changed its tune on tariffs was effected on its repo, but there’s zero doubt it could be found just by scrolling through its replies and reading them not all that closely.

In related news, on Monday the Washington Post reported that Musk last week had personally appealed to Trump to try to get him to back down on the insane trade war bullshit, but was rebuffed.

The saga of Peruvian visa overstayer Camila Munoz’s detention while her dickhead Wisconsin MAGA husband Brad Bartell whined to the media repeatedly – also claiming at one point he didn’t regret voting for convicted felon President Trump – took a happier turn on Friday when a Louisiana immigration judge granted Munoz bail and released her after 49 days, USA Today reports.

“I understand Trump is doing his job as president, and these are the processes,” Munoz told USA Today, adding “but the cases should move more quickly if people aren’t associated with a gang, or don’t have a criminal record.” The case appears to moving quickly as the paper notes she’s due for another hearing in the next week or two. Brad had driven 15 hours to the detention center in Louisiana yet had to watch the Friday morning hearing on video from his car in the parking lot.

“This case has been in the news,” the Trump Regime’s attorney told the immigration judge in the hearing, which sure sounds like code for “Yeah let’s grant her bail because she’s pretty and her husband’s an America First patriot in an important swing state.” When the judge agreed, Brad then had to drive to a different ICE facility in Oakdale, Louisiana, two hours away, to actually post the $3,000 before he could return to the Monroe detention center to actually bring Camilla home.

“I started to get scared,” Camilla said of her nearly two months in the lockup. “I met women who had been there seven months, eight months. People who think they are going to be Americans or have the green card – I wasn’t the only one. There were a large number of people who were married.”

Chinese officials on Tuesday pledged to retaliate against convicted Donald Trump’s latest tariff threat and stepped up efforts to support their economy, raising the risk of a prolonged trade war/small dick measuring contest between the Trump and Xi regimes, Bloomberg reports.

“The US threat to escalate tariffs on China is a mistake on top of a mistake,” the Chinese Ministry of Commerce said in a Tuesday statement. “If the US insists on its own way, China will fight to the end.”

“The Supreme Court has upheld the Rule of Law in our Nation by allowing a President, whoever that may be, to be able to secure our Borders, and protect our families and our Country, itself. A GREAT DAY FOR JUSTICE IN AMERICA!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Monday after a 5-4 decision allowing him to deport pretty much whoever he wants – if a court allows it.

“Sometimes ducks cross the road to prove they aren’t chicken. This weekend, this mama and her babies needed a little help getting across SR 500 in Vancouver. On Saturday morning, Incident Response Team member Jake teamed up with Washington State Patrol to rescue this family. WSP did a rolling slowdown so Jake could move the ducks to the right shoulder. Once the ducks flocked to the shoulder, troopers and Jake grabbed the mama duck and collected the ducklings in a bucket.”

“We’ll pause here so you can check the photos because – yes – a bucket of ducklings is as cute as you’re picturing. Anyway, the humans walked the ducks down the on ramp and dropped them off in a marshy field away from the road. Jake says it’s the first time he’s had to chase ducks on the side of a freeway, but he’s happy they were able to save all of them! Thanks to our crews and WSP partners for keeping everyone safe out there – including the feathered kind!” says a Facebook post by the Washington State Department of Transportation about the total clusterduck.

BlackRock CEO Larry Fink, whose surname is defined in the Merriam-Webster dictionary as an “one who is disapproved of or is held in contempt” lol, on Monday told the crowd at the Economic Club of New York that “Most CEOs I talk to would say we are probably in a recession right now,” and “One CEO specifically said the airline industry is a proverbial canary in the coal mine and I was told that the canary is sick already,” CNBC reports on more #MAGA #WINNING for America First.

Fink compounded the misery for pro-Trump douchebags in the audience with “This notion that the Federal Reserve is going to ease four times this year, I see zero chance of that. I’m much more worried that we could have elevated inflation that’s going to bring rates up much higher.”

The joint Trump-Netanyahu press conference was canceled because Team Orange wanted to limit the number of reporters with access to the fat fuck and thus the number of questions he’d have to answer, but the two autocrats are still doing a press availability in the Oval Office.

Fear has a way of being contagious.

But courage is also contagious. pic.twitter.com/YaEZfIJ1Zc

— Kamala Harris (@KamalaHarris) April 7, 2025

The other you has no idea how good they have it, not stuck with three years and change of tiresome, insufferable fucking morons whining “I didn’t vote for this! I just wanted my eggs to be cheaper! Kamala Harris didn’t warn me it was going to be like this! That means she was a terrible candidate!” Maybe it’s kind of like The Leftovers but instead of people physically being “departed” into separate universes, the consciousnesses of every voter got shifted into one where their chosen candidate lost. That a blissfully unaware copy of you is celebrating four months since the “real” Catturd committed suicide at home and the “real” Stephen Miller was left a quadriplegic after a Capitol cop used excessive force on January 6th, 2025. Nick Bostrom should look into this.

The joint press conference with convicted felon President Trump an accused felon Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu, originally scheduled for 2:30 PM Monday, has been called off for unspecified reasons, CBS’s Scott MacFarlane reports and God knows what Trump fucked up now, lol.

“President Trump would veto a bill introduced by Senators Maria Cantwell (D-Wash) and Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) that would limit the president’s authority to unilaterally impose tariffs, according to a White House statement seen by Axios,” reports the bullet point article factory.

Ughhhhhhhhhh… How about whether he would veto a bill requiring C-SPAN cameras and boom mic operators to follow presidents on the golf course or prohibiting them from having sexual contact with women under 30 years of age? Axios might as well cover their bases and let us know where he stands on those non-existent proposals just in case they come up in legislation anytime soon.

Would anyone have expected that the Cantwell-Grassley bill will even hit the floor unless they’re reasonably certain they have 67 votes in the chamber? (That’s even before the absolute grind that it faces in the House if it can even get past the Senate) What kind of jackass would ever think that Trump would willingly cede his power to fuck things up unilaterally? There can be zero doubt whatsoever that two-thirds in both chambers was priced into this bill from day one.

“What we’re hearing: Trump was rankled by the bill’s introduction, according to a person familiar with his thinking,” writes Axios at the close of the article. Fuuuuuu-uuuuuuuuu-uuuuuuuck, lol.

In a feat so incredible you’d think somehow gave his stolen 18 year-old economy car some meth to get it fired up, 56 year-old Milan, Illinois derelict Howard Frye managed to push the engine of a 2007 Hyundai Elantra up past the 100 mph mark early Saturday, Quad Cities news reports.

Frye managed the impressive and unexpected feat of horsepower from the Korean shitbox during an ultimately unsuccessful attempt to elude Iowa State Troopers during a pursuit in the Davenport area.

The arrest affidavit from the officer who led the chase wrote “I continued westbound accelerating to speeds in excess of 100 mph. The vehicle crossed the center line multiple times while fleeing. The vehicle failed to obey multiple red lights. The pursuit continued until the vehicle failed to negotiate a T-intersection and went off the roadway straight, causing disabling damage. The vehicle continued through (a) field.” Then, unlike the vehicle he had just totaled, Frye himself was unable to muster a similarly untapped well of speed from within – even with the aid of methamphetamine – as he was apprehended on foot shortly after running away from the wreckage of the stolen Hyundai.

“Frye stated he had methamphetamine in his pants pocket. I located a bag containing a crystalline substance suspected to be methamphetamine. Frye had an unused glass pipe that is commonly used to smoke methamphetamine in his pocket. Frye admitted to smoking methamphetamine a few hours prior to the incident,” the affidavit detailing the 2 AM Saturday arrest continued. Frye faces faces felony charges of eluding – speed 25 mph over the limit – second or subsequent, second-degree theft, and two charges of possession of a controlled substance – third or subsequent offense; and a serious misdemeanor charge of operating while under the inference – first offense on top of two active warrants in Illinois over unspecified matters. He’s due in court on April 15th.

Running this one not to propagate the Los Angeles Dodgers legitimizing an illegitimate tyrant, but on the chance the fat bastard starts taking questions from the press after the ceremonial shit.

“Yesterday, China issued Retaliatory Tariffs of 34 percent, on top of their already record setting Tariffs, Non-Monetary Tariffs, Illegal Subsidization of companies, and massive long term Currency Manipulation, despite my warning that any country that Retaliates against the US by issuing additional Tariffs, above and beyond their already existing long term Tariff abuse of our Nation, will be immediately met with new and substantially higher Tariffs, over and above those initially set.”

“Therefore, if China does not withdraw its 34 percent increase above their already long term trading abuses by tomorrow, April 8th, 2025, the United States will impose ADDITIONAL Tariffs on China of 50 percent, effective April 9th. Additionally, all talks with China concerning their requested meetings with us will be terminated! Negotiations with other countries, which have also requested meetings, will begin taking place immediately. Thank you for your attention to this matter!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Monday. It’s a wonder how this poker master bankrupted a casino.

For those keeping score at home, the 20 percent starting rate plus 34 percent added last week plus another 50 percent to get the ChiComs to back down – which they proooooobably won’t – would put the price of the base model of the iPhone 16 Pro, currently $999 off the shelf, at $2,037.96, plus sales tax depending on your state. Then that’ll drive up demand and cost for older models too.

Running out of time to retrieve as ordered Kilmar Abrego Garcia from the El Salvadoran dungeon they sent him to in defiance of a 2019 court order, the Trump regime on Monday petitioned the US Supreme Court for an administrative stay of the 11:59 PM deadline, writing:

“On Friday afternoon, a federal district judge in Maryland ordered unprecedented relief: dictating to the United States that it must not only negotiate with a foreign country to return an enemy alien on foreign soil, but also succeed by 11:59 pm tonight… The order compels the government to allow Kilmar Armando Abrego Garcia to enter the United States on demand, or suffer the judicial consequences. Even amidst a deluge of unlawful injunctions, this order is remarkable.”

“Even respondents did not ask the district court to force the United States to persuade El Salvador to release Abrego Garcia – a native of El Salvador detained in El Salvador – on a judicially mandated clock. For good reason: the Constitution charges the President, not federal district courts, with the conduct of foreign diplomacy and protecting the Nation against foreign terrorists, including by effectuating their removal. And this order sets the United States up for failure. The United States cannot guarantee success in sensitive international negotiations in advance, least of all when a court imposes an absurdly compressed, mandatory deadline that vastly complicates the give-and-take of foreign-relations negotiations. The United States does not control the sovereign nation of El Salvador, nor can it compel El Salvador to follow a federal judge’s bidding,” that last part written as if that wasn’t the whole fucking point of dumping Abrego Garcia and dozens of others in El Salvador.

The petition came just minutes before the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals denied the same stay.

.@PressSec: Reports that @POTUS is considering a 90-day pause on tariffs are FAKE NEWS. pic.twitter.com/UfXO1BhwYW

— Rapid Response 47 (@RapidResponse47) April 7, 2025

Yeah, the fat fuck isn’t “considering” a 90-day pause, at least not at this point of his self-inflicted shitshow. That was apparently just “irrational exuberance” as they say in the financial world.