You’ve seen this headline here before, not even three weeks ago. “Nothing Burger: Trump Burger founder likely facing deportation,” was a big hit and rightfully so, especially given National Zero’s prior pieces deriding Fox News’s coverage of the small Houston area fascist-themed burger chain.

So why the repeat? Funny story. Like actually funny story, courtesy once again of local weekly the Fayette County Record, clarifying a somewhat complicated lineage that Fox News had neglected to explain and National Zero made only a passing mention of for brevity’s sake: Roland Beainy, the Lebanese-born partner in Trump Burger, currently facing deportation over an alleged sham marriage was not the actual founder of the chain, though Beainy presented himself as such to the Houston Chronicle back in 2022 – he also apparently just straight-up lied to them and claimed he’d been born in Boston in the 1990s before his parents returned to Lebanon with him when he was six.

When and how exactly Beainy bought into the business and whether/the extent of his ownership interest of each of the four establishments called Trump Burger isn’t really important because the fact is that the chain’s origin can be traced to a spot called the Bellville Cafe, in the town of the same name, and whose owner Iyad Muhammad Abuelhawa retitled it the “Trump Cafe” in October 2016 out of love and respect for the pro-pussy-grabbing then-novice candidate. He closed it the next year and then launched Trump Burger in 2020 and Beainy came into the picture thereafter.

“Cracker Barrel should go back to the old logo, admit a mistake based on customer response (the ultimate Poll), and manage the company better than ever before. They got a Billion Dollars worth of free publicity if they play their cards right. Very tricky to do, but a great opportunity. Have a major News Conference today. Make Cracker Barrel a WINNER again. Remember, in just a short period of time I made the United States of America the ‘HOTTEST’ Country anywhere in the World. One year ago, it was ‘DEAD.’ Good luck!” posted the Orange God Emperor on Tuesday, taking a break from running the largest economy and most powerful military on Earth to opine on a cultural issue.

In what everyone fucking knew was happening but now at least it’s been documented, the Government Accountability Project on Tuesday fired off a lengthy report to the relevant Congressional committee chairs on behalf of Social Security Administration Chief Data Officer Chuck Borges, who the watchdog group writes “has become aware through reports to him of serious data security lapses, evidently orchestrated by DOGE officials, currently employed as SSA employees, that risk the security ofover 300 millionAmericans’ Social Security data. Mr Borges’ disclosures involve wrongdoing including apparent systemic data security violations, uninhibited administrative access to highly sensitive production environments, and potential violations of internal SSA security protocols and federal privacy laws by DOGE personnel Edward Coristine [aka “Big Balls,” whose beating at the hands of teenagers directly led to the military occupation of DC], Aram Moghaddassi, John Solly, and Michael Russo. These actions constitute violations of laws rules and regulations abuse of authority gross mismanagement and creation of substantial and specific threat to public health and safety Since February 2025 it has been widely reported that DOGE officials have sought toaccess the American public’s Social Security data purportedly to address claims of fraud.”

“A lawsuit has been filed resulting in temporary restraining order to limit DOGE’s access to this sensitive data. What has not been reported are DOGE’s actions in violation of SSA protocols and policies under the authority of SSA Chief Information Officer (CIO Aram Mogaddassi to create live copy of the country’s Social Security information in cloud environment that circumvents oversight).”

It’s not clear which of the two acts described in a Tuesday AP article about the justice system in Indonesia’s semi-autonomous and Sharia Law-run Aceh province was gayer, the “crime” two men were convicted of, which was hugging and kissing in public, or the caning they were sentenced to.

On one hand yeah, it’s gay for two men to kiss. There’s nothing bigoted or juvenile to say “That’s so gay” when men show physical affection for each other. They’re gay and these two fellas in particular are braver than most straight guys for being open about who they are in their culture.

Then there’s their punishment for it: “The men, aged 20 and 21, were whipped across their backs with a rattan cane dozens of times by a group of people wearing robes and hoods,” the AP writes describing the scene. Now that’s gay as in the not at all latent homoerotic overtones of physical dominance and corporal punishment while wearing a costume. It’s at least as gay as kissing another man. And the wrong kind of gay. It’s not happy rainbow flag and doing molly while dancing all night in a Provincetown club kind of gay. It’s more like Peter Thiel/Ric Grenell kind of gay.

A horizontal merger of giants in railroading and the automotive industries created an interesting mash-up of Norfolk Southern and Toyota products on Monday but also sadly left one Toyota customer, 62 year-old Dwayne Alton Bryant, redundant at a site in North Carolina, WRAL reports.

Which was a pretty strained way to make the headline still work while getting to the part about Bryant getting himself killed by driving around the crossing gates in his Toyota Corolla. The merger resulted in his car getting tossed about 300 ft away in the fatal 10:50 AM fuckup.

In related news, about 24 hours before this ad launched, The Hill reported “Virginia Republicans are growing cautiously optimistic about Lt Gov Winsome Earle-Sears’s (R) chances in November’s gubernatorial race after polling showed the Republican nominee closing the gap,” lol.

France’s political scene is in a five alarm clusterfuck, as France24 reports Prime Minister François Bayrou on Monday asked President Emmanuel Macron to convene a special session of Parliament in which Bayrou is expected to call for a confidence vote which… Well there’s gotta be a real reason why a premier would call for a confidence vote in himself but it seems a little off to US observers.

Mike Johnson wouldn’t do that. There’s no reason for him to do it. He wouldn’t be in better shape if the Freedom Caucasians tried to vacate him and then scraped by with a single vote. Speaker Jesus Dork is muuuuuuch better off just doing everything to avoid it if and when it happens again.

The 15-D chessmaster has executed yet another quantum superpositional exploit of the weakened kingside pawn metastructure with a textbook preliminary h6 tachyonic pawn storm, the maestro a thunderously breathtaking accelerando in measure 47 of a syncopated arpeggiate passage, the hunter a most devious snare laid for his hapless quarry. It is a quintuple-axle pirouette within a haiku within a Manhattan Project within a pick-six wheel route within a filigree glass chrysanthemum.

To behold Politico’s article “On Crime, Trump has Democrats Right Where He Wants Them” is to behold such ethereal transcendence. Such nigh-alchemical virtuoso. Such celestial luminosity.

Voici enfin cette illumination sublime qui saisit l’esprit devant le génie à l’œuvre – cette extase ineffable de la reconnaissance artistique! Humility, thy vaporous tendrils hath such florid essence, a glowing sweetness of enticing purity! Quake ye laymen, quake all before thou colossus!

“If the president’s recent escalation was an attempt to goad Democrats into declaring that crime isn’t a problem, they did not disappoint him,” writes Politico’s Rachel Bade in a fugue state, rendered a mere vessel, an automaton scribe whose higher functions were cascaded with awe of he.

Ahem. Just going to leave the old satire tag out of this one. Probably even could’ve just pasted in the first few paragraphs of the article and pretended it was parody of a Politico piece.

Any government driving destruction of its own people is not legitimate

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) August 26, 2025

“Attorney General Ken Paxton issued the following statement directing all Texas Independent School Districts (ISDs) not enjoined by ongoing litigation to display copies of the Ten Commandments once Senate Bill 10 takes effect on September 1, 2025. ‘From the beginning, the Ten Commandments have been irrevocably intertwined with America’s legal, moral, and historical heritage,’ said Attorney General Paxton. ‘Schools not enjoined by ongoing litigation must abide by SB 10 and display the Ten Commandments. The woke radicals seeking to erase our nation’s history will be defeated. I will not back down from defending the virtues and values that built this country,'” says Picasso Face in a statement, the “woke radicals” butthurt an extra lame touch. Can’t come up with anything fresher?

“SB 10 requires any public or secondary school to display the Ten Commandments in each classroom. While no school is compelled to purchase Ten Commandments displays, schools may choose to do so. However, schools must accept and display any privately donated posters or copies that meet the requirements of SB 10. Prior to the implementation of the law, activists sued several ISDs to stop the law. On August 20, a federal district court judge issued a preliminary injunction preventing the ISDs that are party to the litigation from displaying any copies of the Ten Commandments. Attorney General Paxton immediately appealed that flawed ruling. The only school districts affected by the injunction are Alamo Heights, North East, Austin, Cypress Fairbanks, Lackland, Lake Travis, Fort Bend, Houston, Dripping Springs, Plano, and Northside. All other ISDs must abide by the law once it takes effect on September 1, 2025,” the statement continued.

Convicted felon President Trump on Monday posted a letter indicating he’s at least attempting to fire Fed Board of Governors member Lisa Cook, probably starting a whole new clusterfuck.

Sooooo it really sounds like convicted sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell was telling Trump defense lawyer/Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche two things in this 30 second stretch: (1) That there are other Epstein friends in the “cabinet,” which is new (2) And she’s denying that Dirty Jeff had committed any crimes whatsoever, which kind of undermines the whole “exoneration” thing.

Like when spandex-wearing grapple-freak Jim Jordan told Fox News over the weekend that the first part of the transcript “confirms what we all knew… We knew President Trump didn’t do anything wrong here. He said that repeatedly. This transcript is the whole transcript, and it confirms that. So I think there’s nothing there, it seems, based on what we got from the interview of Ms Maxwell.”

“District Attorney Thomas E Walsh II announced today that Ira Bernstein, 51, of Montebello, New York, has pleaded guilty to Tampering with Physical Evidence in connection with a second plot to murder his wife. In the first plot, in 2016, Bernstein was arrested by the Town of Ramapo Police Department and charged with conspiring to murder his wife, Susan Bernstein, as well as conspiring to assault two insurance investigators. Bernstein pleaded guilty in 2017 to one count of Conspiracy in the Second Degree and two counts of Conspiracy in the Fifth Degree. He was sentenced by the Honorable David Zuckerman to five (5) to fifteen (15) years in state prison and placed under a 10-year order of protection in favor of Susan Bernstein,” says a Rockland County DA press release.

“Bernstein was released on merit from state prison on July 1, 2021, by the New York State Department of Corrections and Community Supervision. In the second plot, on or about and between August 4, 2022 and September 21, 2022, Bernstein, believing that an audio recording of a conversation between him and another individual was about to be produced or used in an official proceeding or a prospective official proceeding, and intending to prevent such production and use, Bernstein suppressed the recording by an act of concealment, alteration and destruction, or by employing deception. The audio recording was in regards to a solicitation to have his wife, Susan Bernstein, killed. Bernstein was indicted on May 24, 2023, by a Rockland County Grand Jury following an investigation conducted by the Town of Ramapo Police Department with the assistance of the Rockland County District Attorney’s Office. In exchange for his guilty plea, the Honorable Robert J Prisco, promised Bernstein one and a half (1 ½) years to three (3) years in state prison.”

“House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform Chairman James Comer (R-Ky) today announced updates on the Committee’s review of the federal government’s investigation of Mr Jeffrey Epstein and Ms Ghislaine Maxwell. First, Chairman Comer today issued a subpoena to the Epstein estate for documents and communications in its possession, custody, or control in unredacted form,” says the Chairbilly’s committee staff in a press release issued on Monday.

“‘The Committee on Oversight and Government Reform is reviewing the possible mismanagement of the federal government’s investigation of Mr Jeffrey Epstein and Ms Ghislaine Maxwell, the circumstances and subsequent investigations of Mr Epstein’s death, the operation of sex-trafficking rings and ways for the federal government to effectively combat them, and potential violations of ethics rules related to elected officials,’ wrote Chairman Comer. ‘It is our understanding that the Estate of Jeffrey Epstein is in custody and control of documents that may further the Committee’s investigation and legislative goals. Further, it is our understanding the Estate is ready and willing to provide these documents to the Committee pursuant to a subpoena. To that end, please see the attached subpoena for documents for delivery on or before September 8, 2025.'”

“Second, Chairman Comer announced Alexander Acosta, former US Attorney for the Southern District of Florida and former Secretary of the US Department of Labor, will appear voluntarily for a transcribed interview on September 19, 2025,” the release continued without explaining why it’s a “voluntary interview” and not a subpoenaed deposition requiring Acosta to go under oath.

GOT IT! We now understand MAGA LOGIC!!!

City crime is the mayor’s fault… unless the Governor is a Democrat, then magically it’s Gavin Newsom’s fault. https://t.co/q5f2thJR3L

— Governor Newsom Press Office (@GovPressOffice) August 25, 2025

For more context, dumpy incel Tate Reeves (or his staff) wrote “Yes, @GavinNewsom, we also have radical Democrat politicians running cities poorly in the South! Fortunately, in Jackson, the voters are smarter than you think. They threw the self-proclaimed radical progressive out – he just received less than 20 percent of the vote in his own primary! We also deployed about 200 police officers with Capitol Police from the state in the city of Jackson helping JPD deter crimes, solve a backlog of cases and put the criminals in jail. The crime rate is dropping rapidly, because enforcement works. I like your new style, though! Maybe the President will give you a job” in a pretty limp “mic drop” attempt in response to a Sunday afternoon shitpost from the Newsom troll team reading “Facts you won’t see on Fox News: Mississippi’s murder rate is 266 percent higher than California’s.”

Now admittedly this is kind of lame to use as content here, but simply because it is VERY fucking refreshing to see someone point out where the buck stops on crime in the MAGAverse.

In an article headlined “Snoop Dogg Bodyslams Disney over His Grandson’s Reaction to ‘Lightyear’ Lesbian Moms Scene: ‘I Didn’t Come for This Sh*t’,” Breitbart.com treats its audience like children by putting the asterisk in “shit” and uses “bodyslam” to characterize the opinions of a 54 year-old habitual marijuana user whose lyrics were a nightmarish danger to white Americans 30 years ago but also leaves out some fairly important context about his own contributions to CGI family cinema.

“I took my grandson to see, uh, what was the movie with uh Buzz Lightyear,” Snoop told podcaster Sarah Fontenot last week. “Keke Palmer is in that movie. She plays, like, the daughter,” he continued and the quote pasted in here from Breitbart had to be corrected because those twats spelled the actress’s name as “Kiki.” They then write that “was when his grandson became confused” by what he was seeing. “They, like, she had a baby with a woman. Why my grandson in the middle of the movie like ‘Papa Snoop? How she have a baby with a woman? She a woman,'” and his grandchildren literally call him “Papa Snoop,” but continuing the rant about Lightyear: “Oh shit. I didn’t come in for this shit, I just came to watch the goddamn movie. Hey man, watch the movie. Uh-uh. ‘They just said she and she had a baby. They both women. How does she have a baby?’ So it’s like it’s fuck me. I’m scared to go to the movies. Y’all throwing me in the middle of shit that I don’t have an answer for.”

“Today, convicted death penalty murderer [sic] Sean Shannon Finnegan entered a guilty plea to Rape of a Child regarding two children that were raped in Oak Ridge in 2019. He also entered a guilty plea to 13 charges of Especially Aggravated Sexual Exploitation of a Minor. For these convictions, Senior Judge Don Ash, appearing specially, sentenced Finnegan to an additional fifty (50) years at 100 percent in prison along with his mandatory listing and compliance with the requirements of the Tennessee Sex Offender Registry and Community Supervision for Life. His sentence will run consecutively to the death penalty sentence. The trial against Finnegan was scheduled to begin this morning before he entered his plea,” says Anderson County, Tennessee District Attorney Dave Clark’s office in a press release that goes on to describe how Finnegan was already on death row for the “gruesome murder of Jennifer Paxton, whose body he stored in a freezer in his Oak Ridge apartment. Finnegan was convicted of eleven (11) counts following a jury trial in that case.”

Ummm… Well a smart prosecutor’s always going to think ahead and maybe better safe than sorry that Finnegan could maybe somehow get his conviction in the murder case overturned, so no real question there. It’s the sex offender and community supervision thing that, even if just a formality that applies no matter what, maybe they could’ve left out of the press release. There are worse punishments in the justice system. One in particular will in all likelihood be visited upon him in the next decade or so and being a sex offender isn’t exactly a game changer for this sick asshole.