Yeah nobody really “bought the dip.” Dow Jones down 1,679, S&P down 274, Nasdaq down 1,050 in celebration of “Liberation Day” and the coming recession it will hath wrought. That’s so MAGA.

Having essentially zero information to go on besides guessing that it wasn’t staged, the Auto Wire reports a Cybertruck driver was threatened with a handgun by another driver during an incident on a highway outside Houston last week. “While the Lexus driver might just be engaging in regular road rage, instead of freaking out over the supposed political ideology of the Cybertruck driver, even that alone is shocking enough to warrant attention,” they write, as if this isn’t normal in Texas.

Convicted felon President Trump’s stupid trade war is set to affect marijuana users as the Asian suppliers many products they rely on to get through the day high face exposure, Reuters reports

“Those relying on exports from nations with tariffs, such as China, will need to take a serious look at how they might absorb the extra costs or alter partnerships,” said Bryan Gerber, CEO of Hara Supply, the world’s largest manufacturer of cones and combustibles, also warning that tins, vape hardware, and specialized glass for bowls, bubblers, and bongs are hard to source domestically.

Would pay to see the look on some 22 year-old Joe Rogan listener living in North Carolina’s face after he walks into a smoke shop expecting everything to be the same price it was a week earlier and the $27.83 he has left in his bank account isn’t enough for the supplies he needs to tolerate his shift at the GameStop where he can’t afford a Nintendo Switch 2 on his employee discount.

CHRISTOPHER RUFO: Tesla terror campaign is terrible and Trump needs to stop ithttps://t.co/zb3rQ9hEWB

— Fox News (@FoxNews) April 3, 2025

“PRESIDENT TRUMP is leaving today for Florida, where he will attend the LIV Golf tour dinner at his Doral country club,” writes Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman, copied verbatim for effect.

At least 36 out of 72 ICE arrests touted by the Trump Regime since January were of non-citizen criminals who were already in prison when they were “arrested” and taken into ICE custody, the Washington Post has determined through a review. Another 17 were on probation or parole.

Following the lead of their fellow MAGA lawmakers in Tennessee, Republicans in the Florida state Senate this week requiring the owners of any public airports to make a monthly report to the state Department of Transportation as to whether they’ve encountered any planes equipped to disperse aerosolized chemicals in the atmosphere or lose state funding Florida Politics reports.

“I have a problem with people spraying perfume next to me sometimes. Don’t you have a problem with people spraying things into the atmosphere that really have no type of empirical data, that you just don’t know who they are or what they’re doing?” said sponsor, Republican state Senator Ilena Garcia, who admitted during a debate with a Dem colleague that she didn’t know of any actual plans to disperse chemtrails, but that they need to “separate fact from fiction” by passing it and catching these shaowdy malefactors in the act of taking off from airports intent on spraying unknown agents.

“I didn’t want this to be an issue where it was politicized,” Garcia said. “The bill really comes from concerns, a lot of concerns.” Cameoing in the public input phase of the bill’s consideration was convicted felon president Trump’s ex-wife Marla Maples – the one who’s still alive – who told state lawmakers that she saw a video on YouTube linking chemtrails to Alzheimer’s disease.

Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney on Thursday announced his government will be imposing a 25 percent tariff on all American-made vehicles, apparently somehow calculating this as less the cost of Canadian-manufactured components in the cars, the CBC reports.

“Our tariffs will not affect auto parts because we know the benefits of our integrated production system,” said Carney, adding that the government is developing “a framework” for manufacturers to avoid counter-tariffs as long as they maintain production and investment in Canada.

Who does this lovely blonde with a BA from Syracuse think she is? From where does she get the temerity to ask these kinds of questions of the Dealmaker’s prowess as a practitioner of the high art of making deals? He literally wrote the book on it! He had a very successful show in which entrepreneurs competed with one another under extremely high-pressure conditions to become his apprentice at dealmaking! How fucking dare she voice doubt to his unparalleled magnificence!

President Laura Loomer took out the trash at the White House National Security Council this week, firing Brian Walsh, a director for intelligence and a former top staffer for now-Secretary of State Marco Rubio on the Senate Intelligence Committee, Thomas Boodry, a senior director for legislative affairs who previously served as National Security Advisor Mike Waltz’s legislative director in Congress, and David Feith, a senior director overseeing technology and national security who served in the State Department during Acting President Donald Trump’s first term, CNN reports.

Seriously, the article’s headlined “White House fires three NSC staffers after president meets with far-right activist Laura Loomer.” CNN hasn’t confirmed yet whether Alex Wong, the Chinese-American Principal Deputy National Security Advisor, and a top aide to Waltz, has been fired yet, but they mention how Loomer had a raging hard-on for Wong due to his ethnicity and that he had been in some way involved in his dumbass boss’s fuckup inviting the Atlantic’s Jeff Goldberg into the Houthi PC Small Group. Meaning he’s a ChiCom fifth columnist trying to bring down the Trump Administration from within. Oh and his wife’s a federal prosecutor who worked on Capitol riot cases.

“Out of respect for President Trump and the privacy of the Oval Office, I’m going to decline on divulging any details about my Oval Office meeting with President Trump,” President Loomer told CNN on Thursday. “It was an honor to meet with President Trump and present him with my findings, I will continue working hard to support his agenda, and I will continue reiterating the importance of strong vetting, for the sake of protecting the President and our national security.”

Dem Washington Senator Maria Cantwell and Republican Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley on Thursday jointly introduced a bill titled “The Trade Review Act of 2025,” imposing automatic expiry of any tariff levied by the president after 60 days if that tariff is not approved by Congress. Interesting.

“(a) NOTIFICATION REQUIREMENT — Not later than 48 hours after imposing or increasing a duty with respect to an article imported into the United States, the President shall submit to Congress a notification of the imposition of or increase in the duty that includes – (1) an explanation of the reasoning for imposing or increasing the duty; and (2) an assessment of the potential impact of imposing or increasing the duty on United States businesses and consumers. (b) EXPIRATION OF DUTIES; EXTENSION BY CONGRESS – Any duty on an article imported into the United States shall remain in effect for a period of not more than 60 days, unless there is enacted into law a joint resolution of approval with respect to the duty under subsection (e). (c) DISAPPROVAL BY CONGRESS – If a joint resolution of disapproval with respect to a duty is enacted into law under subsection (e), the duty shall cease to have force or effect,” says the relevant part of the bill’s text.

Huh. Yeah this will probably pass pretty easily, which means Jesus Dork Speaker Mike Johnson’s going to be in some trouble when he refuses to bring it to the floor of the House.

Chrysler, which is now apparently called “Stellantis NV” but fuck that, announced on Thursday that they’ll be temporarily laying off 900 workers at five Jeep and Dodge assembly plants in the US and completely mothballing a plant in Canada and another in Mexico, Reuters reports, writing specifically the layoffs are coming “after President Donald Trump’s tariffs were announced.”

Reuters’ article is a little tough to parse as to whether the US shutdowns are indefinite, as it says that “The US plants affected are powertrain and stamping facilities. Stellantis’ Windsor Assembly, where the Chrysler Pacifica minivan and Dodge Charger Daytona are made, will be down for two weeks while Toluca Assembly, where the Jeep Compass and Jeep Wagoneer S are made, will be down the month of April, the company said.” Not a great sign either way though.

Woah…

On CNN Trump is Orange, on Fox he isn't

This is the scam

Holy shit
pic.twitter.com/a8iI87UXLR

— Tim Pool (@Timcast) April 3, 2025

Claiming she’s being targeted for being a “RINO” who has “stood up to far-right extremism,” Republican Idaho State Representative Stephanie Mickelsen tells KTVB an undocumented Mexican immigrant who works on one of her family’s potato farms was arrested in January just days after Ada County GOP Vice Chair Ryan Spoon tweeted “Attention, Mr Homan, could you please send some illegal immigration raids to businesses owned by State Rep Stephanie Mickelson? She has been bragging about how many illegals her businesses employ,” which she didn’t so much as voice concerns over a bill allowing local cops to enforce immigration law, then voted for it anyway.

“The fallacy in all this is that every employer out there has to follow the law, but the law is very narrow as far as what we can get, what we can ask and what we can do,” Mickelsen said, now opposing a bill to impose E-verify on her and every other farm employer in the state. “And then if we don’t follow those laws, and if we were knowingly hiring undocumented workers or illegals, there’s like, you can get a fine of up to $27,000 per employee.” Maybe just don’t be a Republican anymore.

“Of course there is a massive market downturn. Kamala is even worse than Crooked Joe. Markets will NEVER accept the Radical Left Lunatic that DESTROYED San Francisco and California, as a whole. Next move, THE GREAT DEPRESSION OF 2024! Can’t play games with MARKETS. KAMALA CRASH!!!” posted convicted felon President Trump at 9:45 AM EDT on August 5, 2024, apparently connecting a one-day Dow Jones drop of 1,033 points to his poll numbers.

Then it was “VOTERS HAVE A CHOICE — TRUMP PROSPERITY, OR THE KAMALA CRASH AND GREAT DEPRESSION OF 2024, NOT TO MENTION THE PROBABILITY OF WORLD WAR lll IF THESE VERY STUPID PEOPLE REMAIN IN OFFICE. REMEMBER, TRUMP WAS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!” at 9:59 AM EDT (Fun fact: The “III” in “WORLD WAR III” was actually three lowercase Ls).

And then “TRUMP CASH vs KAMALA CRASH!” at 10:02 AM EDT on the same day.

As of 9:43 AM EDT on Thursday, 13 minutes after the opening bell, the Dow Jones is down 1,131 points at 2.75 percent, the S&P 183.61 points/3.29 percent, the Nasdaq 805.14 points/4.56 percent.

The headline above is slightly truncated from “To anyone on Wall Street this morning, I would say trust in President Trump,” which was Krazy Karoline’s response to CNN’s Kate Bolduan saying tariffs are “going to mean higher prices for Americans. How much pain on a temporary basis is okay?”

At least four people were killed Wednesday – one in Arkansas and three in Tennessee – in a massive storm system that spawned dozens of tornadoes in the Mississippi Valley area, one that threatens to continue on Thursday as 30 million people from Texas to Ohio and West Virginia remain under an elevated threat, USA Today reports. Hundreds of school districts will remain closed in the region.

“THE OPERATION IS OVER! THE PATIENT LIVED, AND IS HEALING. THE PROGNOSIS IS THAT THE PATIENT WILL BE FAR STRONGER, BIGGER, BETTER, AND MORE RESILIENT THAN EVER BEFORE, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday morning.

Yeah, he seriously fucking wrote that. In all caps, preserved for effect in the copypasta here.