Dog-murdering Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem is refusing to release to NBC News the numbers on how many undocumented migrants have actually taken her up on her offer for $1,000 and a free flight to “self-deport” despite her having spent $200 million in taxpayer dollars on an ad campaign and God knows how much more on a reboot of the “CBP One” app for that purpose.

Per NBC, Noem had last month promised to make the stats public but has since been slient on the matter and DHS officials would not respond to repeated requests for comment on the matter.

Would-be users said it’s all a fraud. “You just can’t get on a plane tomorrow and just go,” Lauren, a mom of two who lives in Ohio with her undocumented husband told NBC. She expressed anger at Noem, saying that the family doesn’t plan to use the CBP app. “We have a home. We have to sell this home, get rid of everything that’s in this home. It’s just, you can’t just leave like she says.”

Former Trump White House physician and current Texas MAGA Congressman Ronny “Dr Feelgood” Jackson’s demotion from Rear Admiral to Captain due to prescription drug abuse and distribution, among other misbehavior, has been reversed by Navy Secretary John Phelan, the AP reports.

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— Governor Newsom Press Office (@GovPressOffice) September 4, 2025

Cops in Argentina on Wednesday announced the recovery of Giuseppe Ghislandi’s late 17th/early 18th century portrait of Italian Countess Colleoni weeks after the daughter of high-ranking Nazi SS official Friedrich Kadgien had stupidly revealed it to be in her possession in a pic posted in a real estate listing for her home, Reuters reports. Details on where it was found are forthcoming.

Patricia Kadgien and her unnamed husband were ordered to remain under house arrest for 72 hours starting Monday and will be questioned for obstructing the investigation to locate an official in Mar de Plata province told Reuters. Kadigen and her husband are expected to be charged with to be charged with “concealment of theft in the context of genocide,” but haven’t been arraigned yet.

Convicted felon President Trump’s scumbag lawyers on Wednesday filed a petition to the Supreme Court asking for a 60 day extension of some deadline that he had to appeal the Second Circuit’s June rejection of his bid to overturn the $5 million judgment in the first of his two successive defeats to rape victim EJ Carroll for defamation and the rape/sexual abuse that occurred in the mid-1990s.

Team Orange are running up against a September 11th deadline to submit their full petition for a writ of certiorari before the court in the case, claiming that they face “a significant press of business due to many upcoming deadlines” which of course any other lawyers would be told to fuck off by the court but Donald’s minions are always welcomed to darken their doors at their leisure.

House Oversight Chairbilly James Comer’s Wednesday media hits concerning the Epstein victim press conference contained some plot holes, the first one this morning on CNN sucked because he claimed “Look, President Trump is complying with our subpoena,” even though it was just recycled shit produced. Later in the afternoon Comer reviewed the press conference Comer claimed to Newsmax that “One thing that continues to be a recurring theme is that Donald Trump’s name was not mentioned in any of this,” when the survivors mentioned him at least eight times this morning.

At least 15 people are dead another 18 injured after a trolley derailed in Portugal’s capital of Lisbon on Wednesday, the AP reports. One of the two cars on the Elevador da Gloria, a 275 meter-long funicular dating to 1885 – basically an elevator on an incline but shaped more like a trolley – broke loose and careened down the slope, crashing into a building near the bottom of the route.

The trolley route had been a popular tourist spot but obviously it might take a hit – if it ever reopens.

“Pfizer Inc today reaffirmed its commitment to transparently and consistently disclosing its research findings regarding its COVID-19 vaccine and to maintaining the integrity of those ongoing studies for all those we serve. Dr Albert Bourla, Chairman and CEO, made the following statement: The success of Operation Warp Speed (OWS) and US development of mRNA vaccines is a profound public health achievement. Under President Trump’s leadership, American innovation led the world, helping prevent economic collapse and saving more than 14 million lives globally. Operation Warp Speed restored consumer confidence, saved over $1 trillion in health care costs due to reductions in serious illness and avoidance of hospitalizations, and rapidly scaled up domestic production.”

“This American leadership also delivered a new platform that may drive significant innovation in cancer research. Such an accomplishment would typically be worthy of the Nobel Peace Prize, given its significant impact,” says a Pfizer press release, emphasis added on the utterly brilliant trolling.

A Republican effort to censure New Jersey Congresswoman LaMonica McIver – who faces fake charges of assault against federal agents from a confrontation during a protest at an ICE gulag in May – failed Wednesday when at least five House GOP members voted with Dems to table the censure resolution, Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman reports on yet another embarrassment for MAGA.

Convicted felon President Trump’s minions have been considering offering jobs to idiot New York City Mayor Eric Adams and soon-to-be-two-time-loser Republican mayoral candidate Curtis Sliwa to clear the field so that disgraced former Gov Andrew Cuomo can defeat leftist nominee Zohran Mamdani in the November election, the New York Times reports on some embarrassing shit.

This is so fucking stupid, really. First off, yes, the math maybe theoretically works based on the most recent polling putting Mamdani shy of a majority at 44 percent to Cuomo at 25 and the other two clowns at a combined 19 percent so that Cuomo could squeeze out a win. That of course assumes that Adams and Sliwa’s support would automatically consolidate to Cuomo, which it won’t. Many of their remaining fans just won’t show up. Second – and just skip how much Trump hated Cuomo during the worst days of the pandemic or whether Adams and Sliwa would actually accept any job offer – shouldn’t Trump and his minions actually want Mamdani to win? Aren’t they excited to have a new AOC/Ilhan Omar to run against nationally, so that Congressman Jefferson Davis Peckerwood in rural Arklabama can put Zohran in his ads screaming about the dangers of socialism?

Maybe that’s the wrong question to be asking and they’ll take that consolation in the likely event Mamdani does win, but they are actually legitimately what happens if/when he’s elevated.

Alleging that its larger, more established rival “has long engaged in an exclusionary scheme to increase and maintain its dominance in the market for US right-leaning pay TV news, resulting in suppression of competition in that market that harms consumers, competition,” medium-sized right wing propaganda network Newsmax on Wednesday filed a federal civil complaint against Fox News.

The damages sought aren’t specified other than that the prayer for relief seeks a “judgment be entered for Plaintiff against Fox for three times the amount of damages sustained by Plaintiff as allowed by law, together with the costs of this action, including reasonable attorneys’ fees pursuant to Sections 4 and 16 of the Clayton Act, 15 USC §§ 15 and 26, and the Florida Antitrust Act.”

Convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday lost his shit at a reporter who asked him about the Epstein victim press conference wrapping up outside the Capitol simultaneously.

An Australian daycare center is in trouble for handing a 1 year-old kid to the wrong person, People Magazine reports but the real questions not being asked is why the hell the grandparent didn’t know what the hell the toddler looks like and know the kid isn’t theirs.

“I can’t explain the feeling,” the boy’s mother told the Sydney Morning Herald. “They couldn’t tell me his name, who he was, they couldn’t tell me who he was meant to pick up, [or] what he looked like, apart from that he was wearing shorts and he was an older gentleman.”

“Tell Hamas to IMMEDIATELY give back all 20 Hostages (Not 2 or 5 or 7!), and things will change rapidly. IT WILL END!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday the same moment Jeffrey Epstein’s sex trafficking victims were holding a pretty brutal press conference in front of the Capitol… where they were buzzed by at least one fighter jet possibly sent to try to drown them out.

In a moment caught on a hot mic revealing their shared dreams of living, and thus ruling, indefinitely, dictators Xi Jingping, Kim Jong-Un, and Vladimir Putin on Wednesday discussed life extension technologies during a brief walk up the Tiananmen Gate in Beijing, Bloomberg reports.

The hot mic feed was choppy per Bloomberg, but observers clearly caught Xi saying “Earlier, people rarely lived to 70, but these days at 70 years you are still a child,” and “Predictions are, this century, there’s a chance of also living to 150.” Putin then said “With the development of biotechnology, human organs can be continuously transplanted, and people can live younger and younger, and even achieve immortality.” Putin and Xi are both 72 while Kim is 41 and in godawful health.

An anonymous Trump White House official tells CNN that, for any Republican seen as “helping Thomas Massie and Liberal Democrats with their attention-seeking, while the DOJ is fully supporting a more comprehensive file release effort from the Oversight Committee, would be viewed as a very hostile act to the administration.” Telling that they had to be anonymous for this one.

Seven officials in Turkey’s opposition Republican People’s Party (CHP) were tossed in jail Wednesday as dictator Recep Erdogan figured a little more repression couldn’t hurt his standing after CHP Istanbul Mayor Ekrem Imamoglu – expected to be a formidable opponent in the 2028 election – was with over 100 of his allies charged with terrorism and corruption, Reuters reports.

Turkish cops detained five CHP employees from Besiktas and two from Avcilar – two Istanbul municipalities – on suspicion of something something corruption. Stocks on Turkey’s main exchange were already down following Tuesday’s court removal of CHP Istanbul provincial head Ozgur Celik by a court on Tuesday over alleged “irregularities in a 2023 CHP provincial congress,” per Reuters.

Convicted felon President Trump’s minions are headed to Capitol Hill on Wednesday for what Politico reports is a “marketing reboot” and “rebrand” for the Big Beautiful Piece of Shit they forced on the American people in early July. Krazy Karoline and reich “political aide” James Blair have been tasked with whipping House GOP members on how to emphasize the more popular parts of the bill as if they aren’t already doing that. Politico does not at any point remark that this is pretty obviously a sign of less than full confidence after weeks of disastrous town halls for the hapless schmucks.

Thing is that it’s kind of hard to sell “No tax on tips or Social Security” to people who don’t work on tips but do work while they’re on Medicaid and are going to be burdened with a shit ton of paperwork so they can go to the rural hospital that’s going to close well before it kicks in.