FASCISM! Speaker Mike Johnson’s chief of staff Hayden Haynes was arrested Tuesday night by Capitol Police after President Trump’s spectacular speech to the joint session of Congress, NBC News reports. Capitol cops, who have had it in for Republicans for some reason since January 2021 set up some kind of sting operation by putting a vehicle behind Haynes’s right as he was backing out of the spot, ensuring they could arrest him for driving under the influence of alcohol.

Pam Bondi and Kash Patel must immediately open an investigation into what that USCP vehicle was doing there and if they knew Haynes had been drinking, why they didn’t stop him from getting behind the wheel before the so-called “accident.” They said it right up front to NBC: “A driver backed into a parked vehicle last night around 11:40 pm. We responded and arrested them for DUI.”

To drop the tired sarcasm for a minute, NBC points out something pretty funny but also sick: This case won’t be prosecuted by that cocksucker US Attorney Ed Martin, but the DC Attorney General’s office. That they have to fucking mention that and also write “Last month, the Metropolitan Police Department in Washington sent an arrest warrant for Rep Cory Mills, R-Fla, but Martin’s office did not sign off. Mills had been investigated over an alleged assault in an apartment building, and Mills said police had helped ‘resolve a private matter,'” says a lot about where we’re at right now.

MAGA Congresswoman Lisa McClain on Wednesday told MSNBC that she knows George Soros is paying protestors to heckle Republicans at town halls because the protestors are heckling Republicans at town halls. Which is pretty sound logically because why wouldn’t they do the job he paid them to do? Of course they’re going to want to keep cashing those checks, libtards.

“Mission engineers at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Southern California turned off the cosmic ray subsystem experiment aboard Voyager 1 on Feb. 25 and will shut off Voyager 2’s low-energy charged particle instrument on March 24. Three science instruments will continue to operate on each spacecraft. The moves are part of an ongoing effort to manage the gradually diminishing power supply of the twin probes. Launched in 1977, Voyagers 1 and 2 rely on a radioisotope power system that generates electricity from the heat of decaying plutonium. Both lose about 4 watts of power each year,” says a NASA update on the nearly half-century-old probes.

“‘The Voyagers have been deep space rock stars since launch, and we want to keep it that way as long as possible,’ said Suzanne Dodd, Voyager project manager at JPL. ‘But electrical power is running low. If we don’t turn off an instrument on each Voyager now, they would probably have only a few more months of power before we would need to declare end of mission.”

It’s not clear what if any new discoveries or insights about outer space the Voyager probes are still making as they drift out into the interstellar void or if the whole point of keeping them active is to be able to say they’re still active. Maybe NASA should just come clean and say that if so.

Jack Daniel’s parent distiller Brown Forman’s CEO Lawson Whiting on Wednesday told investors that Canadian provinces taking American liquor off store shelves was “worse than a tariff” and a “disproportionate response” to levies imposed by the Trump Regime, Reuters reports.

Several Canadian provinces have taken American liquor off government-owned store shelves as part of retaliatory measures against the convicted felon president’s tariffs. “I mean, that’s worse than a tariff, because it’s literally taking your sales away, (and) completely removing our products from the shelves,” said Whiting on a post-earnings call. It’s not clear what Canadian boozers are switching to.

The Trump administration's strategic one-month exemption for autos under USMCA is a calculated move to prepare for enforcing reciprocal tariffs starting April 2nd. This aligns with Trump's "Fair and Reciprocal Plan" from February 2025, targeting trade imbalances by matching…

— DOGEai (@dogeai_gov) March 5, 2025

No wonder they had to build a fucking AI bot to spin this sort of pussy-ass bitchery.

“Justin Trudeau, of Canada, called me to ask what could be done about Tariffs. I told him that many people have died from Fentanyl that came through the Borders of Canada and Mexico, and nothing has convinced me that it has stopped. He said that it’s gotten better, but I said, ‘That’s not good enough.’ The call ended in a ‘somewhat’ friendly manner! He was unable to tell me when the Canadian Election is taking place, which made me curious, like, what’s going on here? I then realized he is trying to use this issue to stay in power. Good luck Justin!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday, hinting at when he’ll accuse Trudeau of being a “dictator.”

Continuing to make shit up, he then added “For anyone who is interested, I also told Governor Justin Trudeau of Canada that he largely caused the problems we have with them because of his Weak Border Policies, which allowed tremendous amounts of Fentanyl, and Illegal Aliens, to pour into the United States. These Policies are responsible for the death of many people!”

Convicted felon President Trump’s regime, which until Saturday had been flying deportees on military aircraft simply because “military deportation flights” sounds more ominous and badass (no there’s no actual proof of this but fucking seiously, what the hell other reason did the have?), have now ended the practice due to the high costs relative to using standard ICE aircraft, not to mention first class commercial tickets, the Wall Street Journal reports on the administration making progress in its quest to massively cut waste, fraud, and abuse of American taxpayer dollars.

The military had flown roughly 30 trips on Air Force C-17s, three of them to India, which cost $3 million each alone. Costs for flying migrants to Guantanamo were estimated at $20,000 per migrant.

A spokesperson for Indiana Senator Todd Young, who wrote the CHIPs Act, tells Politico’s Adam Wren they’re “seeking clarity on those comments as they are not consistent with the extensive conversations we’ve had with the administration about the many successes and future of the CHIPS program and how it helps with our shared goal of creating a robust domestic chips supply,” in response to convicted felon President Trump saying he wants it repealed during his stupid speech.

God knows how many good-paying private sector manufacturing jobs that would cost, lol.

No, dude, that’s not what is happening.

DeSantis/hisAG are using you to virtue signal against the unrighteous.

They actually know the attention they are giving you helps you. They don’t care. They’re trying to divide the world between “wholesome” and “evil” with themselves as… https://t.co/pQ42UrF1Br

— Former Congressman Matt Gaetz (@FmrRepMattGaetz) March 5, 2025

Continued Gaetz after the cutoff: “They’re trying to divide the world between ‘wholesome’ and ‘evil’ with themselves as the vanguards of kindness, and you as a symbol of cruelty. It’s all just posturing. Hell, Florida even let OJ Simpson move here so if you haven’t committed any crimes you have little to fear from the Sunshine State,” and holy fuck this is real, lol. Tate retweeted it.

Had actually went to look for Tate’s original tweet claiming that DeSantis and Uthmeier were after him and his shithead brother because he supports Byron Donalds for governor (embed in Gaetz’s tweet), which was insane enough on its own but somehow this all still gets kicked up a few notches.

An internal memo obtained by the Associated Press indicates that the Trump Regime plans to fire 80,000 Department of Veterans Affairs employees as soon as August of this year.

The memo instructs top officials to prepare for an agency-wide reorganization to “resize and tailor the workforce to the mission and revised structure” also requiring them to work with DOGE to “move out aggressively, while taking a pragmatic and disciplined approach” to the reich’s goals.

“Portions of western into southern Texas will see multiple hours of sustained west-northwesterly surface winds well over 30 mph coincide with very low RH (ie 10-15 percent over several locales).”

“Such conditions, particularly over the Edwards Plateau into Central Texas Hill Country and South Texas Brush Country, are anomalously favorable for very rapid wildfire spread/extreme fire behavior.”

“Given the very dangerous wildfire-spread conditions, Extremely Critical highlights have been maintained for this region. Furthermore, Extremely Critical highlights have been introduced to portions of southeast New Mexico into the Trans Pecos and Permian Basin regions in southwestern TX. An 850 mb speed maxima pivoting around the backside of the mid-level trough will overspread the mixed boundary layer, with downward momentum transport fostering 30 mph sustained northwesterly surface winds amid 15 percent RH. A complicating factor to this outlook is the development and progression of ongoing strong thunderstorms across portions of western into northern Texas. Additional storms may produce an abundance of rainfall in some locations, dampening fuels sufficiently to reduce wildfire-spread potential to some degree. As such, considerable modifications to the ongoing fire weather highlights may be needed for the Day 1 Outlook Update,” says a bulletin from the NOAA Storm Prediction Center

Joining late but it was all opening statements from chairbilly James Comer, ranking member Gerry Connolly, New York City Mayor Eric Adams, Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson, Boston Mayor Michelle Wu, Denver Mayor Mike Johnston, and Cato Institute immigration expert David Biers.

Payroll firm ADP’s forecast of the monthly job numbers for February, the first full calendar month of convicted felon President Trump’s second reich, are not good relative to Wall Street eggheads’ expectations, per CNBC: 77,000 new positions added by private employers, falling well short of the Dow Jones consensus of 148,000 and dropping from the revised January total of 186,000.

But, you know, the Trump Administration is okay with the pain they’re inflicting, it won’t be much.

Former Houston Mayor and current Congressman Sylvester Turner died Tuesday night at the age of 70, Semafor’s Kadia Goba reports on Speaker Mike Johnson’s prayers being answered just a tiny bit.

Texas law gives Governor Low Energy Greg a lot of leeway here on calling a special election and the dark blue TX-18 seat could remain vacant until November, though May 3rd might be possible.

🚨🚨 UPDATE

The House Freedom Caucus will be introducing a censure resolution against Rep. Al Green today. https://t.co/GwIhBme3By

— House Freedom Caucus (@freedomcaucus) March 5, 2025

NO! NOT CENSURE! ANYTHING BUT CENSURE! PLEASE DON’T! OH MY GOD! N-N-N-N-NO!

THIS IS BARBARIC! THEY’RE GOING TO CENSURE A DEMOCRAT CONGRESSMAN! PLEASE, JUST FORMALLY REPRIMAND HIM SOME OTHER WAY INSTEAD! HE PROMISES TO BEHAVE! JUST… OH GOD… THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING AND IT’S NOT A NIGHTMARE! IT’S A CENSURE!

That’s what the MAGA kids wanted to see, right? If that time Paul Gosar was censured for posting a video of AOC’s face on one of the monsters from Attack on Titan was a big win for the Dems then it must be a horrific punishment now. Gotta play to a tiny segment of the audience here.

In a 5-4 decision, the US Supreme Court on Wednesday upheld a lower court’s ruling ordering the Trump Reich to pay out $2 billion in USAID contracts abruptly canceled during the DOGE circlejerk.

“On February 13, the United States District Court for the District of Columbia entered a temporary restraining order enjoining the Government from enforcing directives pausing disbursements of foreign development assistance funds. The present application does not challenge the Government’s obligation to follow that order. On February 25, the District Court ordered the Government to issue payments for a portion of the paused disbursements – those owed for work already completed before the issuance of the District Court’s temporary restraining order—by 11:59 pm on February 26. Several hours before that deadline, the Government filed this application to vacate the District Court’s February 25 order and requested an immediate administrative stay.”

“THE CHIEF JUSTICE entered an administrative stay shortly before the 11:59 pm deadline and subsequently referred the application to the Court. The application is denied. Given that the deadline in the challenged order has now passed, and in light of the ongoing preliminary injunction proceedings, the District Court should clarify what obligations the Government must fulfill to ensure compliance with the temporary restraining order, with due regard for the feasibility of any compliance timelines. The order heretofore entered by THE CHIEF JUSTICE is vacated,” wrote the majority of Roberts, Barrett, and the Dem appointees in the decision.

So yeah, let’s see what happens if/when the regime ignores this ruling and doesn’t pay out.

Disney-owned ABC News announced overnight they’ll be shutting down polling data aggregator FiveThirtyEight and laying off all 15 staffers as part of a “restructuring,” CNN’s Brian Stelter reports.

So yeah, 2024 was the last election the obsession-inducing forecast model and polling averages and all that shit toyed with the emotions of politics fans which, unless some other major media outlet hires them, leaves us with the fucking rigged bullshit RealClearPolitics average for 2028.

The Israeli Foreign Ministry on Tuesday announced their approval of convicted felon President Trump’s absolutely batshit “Gaza Riviera” plan, rejecting an alternative $53 billion Egyptian proposal to rebuild the ruined territory without displacing anyone, NBC News reports.

Now this wasn’t so much “fuck yeah, let’s do it” from the Israeli Foreign Affairs Ministry, but more of a non-commital endorsement, saying Trump’s plan to have bearded belly dancers entertain vacationers on the beach an “opportunity for the Gazans to have free choice based on their free will,” and that it “should be encouraged.”

The closest convicted felon President Trump came to acknowledging that he’s going to fuck things up for the American people during his overlong address Tuesday night was the line “Tariffs are about making America rich again and making America great again. And it’s happening, and it will happen rather quickly. There’ll be a little disturbance, but we’re okay with that. It won’t be much.”

Still trying to figure out what the legislation is. It’s possible the headline is overselling the situation and it might not be that “major” in terms of impact. It also might not be “debate.” This session could be them simply agreeing with each other politely on an issue. Could be a major issue.

Still preferable to watching this fat fuck continue to embarrass our nation…