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US bombs Iran

“We have completed our very successful attack on the three Nuclear sites in Iran, including Fordow, Natanz, and Esfahan. All planes are now outside of Iran air space. A full payload of BOMBS was dropped on the primary site, Fordow. All planes are safely on their way home. Congratulations to our great American Warriors. There is not another military in the World that could have done this. NOW IS THE TIME FOR PEACE! Thank you for your attention to this matter” posted convicted felon President Trump on Saturday, making it officially official that the US and Iran are at war.

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Orange is the new Green

Obviously in a bad mood over something, TACO Man on Saturday posted “I HATE ‘GREEN TAX CREDITS’ IN THE GREAT, BIG, BEAUTIFUL BILL. They are largely a giant SCAM. I would much prefer that this money be used somewhere else, including reductions. ‘Anywhere’ would be preferable!”

“Windmills, and the rest of this ‘JUNK,’ are the most expensive and inefficient energy in the world, is destroying the beauty of the environment, and is 10 times more costly than any other energy. None of it works without massive government subsidy (energy should NOT NEED SUBSIDY!). Also, it is almost exclusively made in China!!! It is time to break away, finally, from this craziness!!!”

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“Redhead patrol” drunken MAGA ex-congressman’s liver gives out

Disgraced Republican alcoholic sex pest former Texas Congressman Blake Farenthold died this week from a heart attack after struggling with chronic liver disease, the Texas Tribune reports.

Farenthold, 63, resigned in April 2018 during the #MeToo wave after Politico reported the previous December that he had used $84,000 in taxpayer funds to settle a sexual harassment lawsuit from a former aide – and a whole shit ton of other embarrassing revelations, like that he told a male aide before his wedding to “have your fiancee blow you before she walks down the aisle – it will be the last time,” and that, per the lawsuit accuser, he “regularly drank to excess, and because of his tendency to flirt, the staffers who accompanied him to Capitol Hill functions would joke that they had to be on ‘redhead patrol’ to keep him out of trouble,” meaning they had to keep redheaded women away from him so he wouldn’t sexually harass them in front of other people.

The former congressman, who often wore a bow-tie, looked like a considerably fatter version of Nathan Lane with a large gap between his top incisor teeth. Typical male GOP sex machine.

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Colorado MAGA vote fraudster charged with wife’s murder again

Colorado Trump fan Barry Morphew, famous for filling out missing wife Suzanne’s 2020 election mail-in ballot months after she disappeared while on a bike ride on Mother’s Day, was then was arrested on suspicion of her murder only to see the charges dropped because of prosecutorial misconduct, has been arrested and charged with Suzanne’s murder again, Denver7 reports.

In April 2022, just 10 days before the trial was set to begin, prosecutors with the 11th Judicial District had filed to drop the charges against Morphew, without prejudice, because of multiple fuckups in discovery, including the improper withholding of evidence – including that the DNA of an unknown male subject linked to multiple sexual assaults in other states had been found in Suzanne’s vehicle which, along with other infractions, led to prosecutor Linda Stanley getting disbarred last year.

What changed? Suzanne’s body was found in 2023 during an unrelated investigation in Saguache County, under the jurisdiction of 12th Judicial District Attorney Anne Kelly, not the 11th, where the Morphews lived. And her remains tested positive for a powerful sedative cocktail called butorphanol, azaperone, and medetomidine – or just BAM. It’s only available through highly specialized veterinary pharmacies and there are two government entities – the National Parks Service and the Colorado Department of Parks and Wildlife – and one private citizen in the entire south-central Colorado region known to have valid prescriptions for BAM. Take a wild guess who that private citizen is.

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Campaign prop slowly realizes he’s already used up and discarded

A campaign prop appeared on Fox News on Saturday to vocalize the first inklings of a dawning realization that – although he is a human being with thoughts and feelings – he is not a real person and no longer matters to those in power now that he and his neighbors have already served their purpose. The campaign prop hedged somewhat by acknowledging that there was some token recompense, even beyond the free McDonald’s he and his other East Palestinians were gifted with in 2023, but that much more is needed. The campaign prop was careful not to voice this as a complaint the same way he and his neighbors did two years ago, back when the forgotten people of his town were valued as campaign props, because doing so would likely trigger an immediate revocation of what little assistance they have gotten so far this year. That in itself is a major step forward for the campaign prop to fully realizing and accepting that he does not matter anymore.

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Senate Parliamentarian kills some of Big Beautiful Bill’s SNAP cuts

Ranking Member of the Senate Budget Committee Jeff Merkley announced in a Friday night press release that the Senate parliamentarian had ruled that the following items in the Big Beautiful Bill had failed the “Byrd Test” of whether they can be passed under the filibuster threshold: “Matching Funds. This section mandates that states cover a portion of SNAP benefits with the state share escalating with payment error rates” and “Alien SNAP Eligibility. This section removes SNAP eligibility for immigrants who are not citizens or lawful permanent residents, with certain exceptions.”

In plainer English either they need to be stripped out of the bill or modified in a way that complies with the chamber’s arcane and fairly rules about the filibuster applying to anything and everything that isn’t either a nomination or a direct addition or subtraction to federal expenditures, which require a simple majority. If it’s seen by the parliamentarian as a change to actual law then it needs to get 60 votes, which the Big Beautiful Bill will not, ever. The ruling came a day after a similar list of Ls for MAGA as the parliamentarian had also ruled that the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau’s budget could not be reduced to $0 and $1.4 billion could not be cut from the salaries of the Federal Reserve staff, among other comically corrupt and insane bullshit in the Mega MAGA bill.

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Pakistanis to submit bullshit Trump Nobel Peace Prize nomination

In a transparently stupid bid to gain his favor after Friday’s meltdown on Truth Social, Pakistan’s government on Saturday announced they would submit a Peace Prize nomination for convicted felon President Trump to the Nobel committee, the Guardian reports. “President Trump demonstrated great strategic foresight and stellar statesmanship through robust diplomatic engagement with both Islamabad and New Delhi, which de-escalated a rapidly deteriorating situation. This intervention stands as a testament to his role as a genuine peacemaker,” said some Islamabad official in a statement. The Guardian for some reason attributes the statement to just “Pakistan.”

Mushahid Hussain, former chair of the defense committee in Pakistan’s parliament bluntly said the move couldn’t hurt. “Trump is good for Pakistan. If this panders to Trump’s ego, so be it. All the European leaders have been sucking up to him big time,” said Hussain, outright admitting it’s bullshit.

The nomination comes just three days after Indian Foreign Secretary Vikram Misri said in a video statement that “Prime Minister Modi clearly conveyed to President Trump that at no point during this entire sequence of events was there any discussion, at any level, on an India-US trade deal or any proposal for a mediation by the US between India and Pakistan,” the most recent in a string of denials from New Delhi that the fat fuck had played any meaningful role in the detente reached after a brief but extremely fraught exchange of fire between the two neighboring rivals last month.

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Movie Night Friday: Waterworld

For the first time in National Zero-vision, experience one of the most overratedly bad movies of all time: Waterworld. The Kevin Costner-directed flop was so overhyped for its shittiness and yet it wasn’t that bad. Was it good? Fuck no, not at all. But it wasn’t nearly as bad as its titles the most expensive and unprofitable movie of its era would imply. It’s kind of funny in parts. Not intentionally.

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Jaydee mixes Senator Alex Padilla up with Al Qaeda terrorist

Speaking in Los Angeles on Friday, couchfucking Vice President JD Vance referred to California Senator Alex Padilla as “Jose Padilla” an NYC-born Puerto Rican-American who converted to Islam, joined Al-Qaeda, and is serving life at ADX Florence in Colorado for trying to build a dirty bomb to detonate and spread radioactive shrapnel over an urban area, NBC’s Jake Soboroff reports.

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Jessica Tarlov gets noticed

It was possibly this segment that got Trump angry enough to call Rasmussen polls “highly respected” in a Truth Social meltdown: “Why does Fox News allow failed TV personality Jessica Tarlov to ‘soil’ The Five? Her voice, her manner, and above all else, what she says, are a disgrace to television broadcasting. I’ve had the best poll numbers that I’ve ever had, and she is constantly saying the exact opposite. The just out highly respected Rasmussen Poll is at 56 percent, Insider Advantage 54 percent, and many others are at 56 percent to 68 percent! Sadly, the audience has to listen to her spew off that I am doing poorly in the polls, while I am beating the democrats by 15 percent+ points and, more importantly, I just won an election against two candidates, Sleepy Joe and Kamala, in a Landslide by winning all 7 Swing States, and the Popular Vote by millions, with records broken everywhere! In all fairness to Jesse and Greg, who are terrific, they don’t see all of these poll numbers and can’t, therefore come to my defense. But I can! Nobody can stand Tarlov!”

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Nobel Peace Prize loser cries it out

“I am very happy to report that I have arranged, along with Secretary of State Marco Rubio, a wonderful Treaty between the Democratic Republic of the Congo, and the Republic of Rwanda, in their War, which was known for violent bloodshed and death, more so even than most other Wars, and has gone on for decades. Representatives from Rwanda and the Congo will be in Washington on Monday to sign Documents. This is a Great Day for Africa and, quite frankly, a Great Day for the World! I won’t get a Nobel Peace Prize for this, I won’t get a Nobel Peace Prize for stopping the War between India and Pakistan, I won’t get a Nobel Peace Prize for stopping the War between Serbia and Kosovo, I won’t get a Nobel Peace Prize for keeping Peace between Egypt and Ethiopia (A massive Ethiopian built dam, stupidly financed by the United States, substantially reduces the water flowing into The Nile River), and I won’t get a Nobel Peace Prize for doing the Abraham Accords in the Middle East which, if all goes well, will be loaded to the brim with additional Countries signing on, and will unify the Middle East for the first time in ‘The Ages!’ No, I won’t get a Nobel Peace Prize no matter what I do, including Russia/Ukraine, and Israel/Iran, whatever those outcomes may be, but the people know, and that’s all that matters to me!” posted TACO Man on Friday.

If it was all that mattered then why did you just cry like a bitch for 239+ words?

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NFT douchebag turned Trump aide might kind of be Russian

Cybersecurity expert Brian Krebs – brother of former CISA Director Chris Krebs – has found some evidence that convicted felon President Trump’s minions Sergio Gor might kind of not have been born in Malta as he claims, but in Russia or one of the former Soviet states, Daily Kos reports.

Gor, who in 2022 launched the $99 Trump “digital trading cards” scam is now the White House director of presidential personnel in charge of vetting appointees and conducting background checks but himself has yet to be granted a formal security clearance. Krebs believes that Gor’s actual name is Sergei Goryachev because an email account “Gor” was verified to have used was revealed to have a password “961649507273” in a data breach that was dumped on the internet by some assholes. That password matched up with a number of other email addresses: goryachev999@rambler.ru, goryachev-sergey@yandex.ru, sergio-gor@yandex.ru, goryachev-sergey@ya.ru, goryachev-sergey@list.ru, goryachev-sergey@gmail.co and you get the point.

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Hitler-admiring former Tennessee state senator dead at 78

Republican former Tennessee state Senator Frank Nicely, who at the very least admired Adolf Hitler’s work ethic, was found dead on his tractor on his family farm, likely from a heart attack, just a year after he was primaried out of the seat he had held since 2012, the AP reports.

Nicely reached national fame in 2022 when he rose to speak in favor of a bill banning homeless encampments in the state, saying “Thank you, Mr Speaker. I haven’t given y’all a history lesson in a while, and I want to give you a little history on homelessness. In 1910, Hitler decided to live on the streets for a while. So for two years, Hitler lived on the streets and practiced his oratory and body language and how to connect with the masses, and then went on to lead a life that got him into history books. So for a lot of these people, it’s not a dead end. They can come out of homeless camps and have a productive life, or in Hitler’s case, a very unproductive life. I support this bill.”

The year before he commented on companies based in northern cities to the South, by saying “I think I can tell my grandson the war between the states is still going on and we’re winning.”

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“You are even in danger talking to me right now”

Convicted felon President Trump on Friday did what he usually does when surrounded by media and said a lot of stupid, deranged shit. He again said Tulsi Gabbard is wrong for saying Iran isn’t close to building a functional nuclear weapon, appeared to go back once again about whether farm workers should be detained by ICE, complained he hasn’t gotten a Nobel Peace Prize for some shit he made up about the Congo and Rwanda, and warned reporters they’re in danger just by talking to him.

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Regime fucks over rural Louisianans waiting for fiber broadband

Convicted felon President Trump’s reich has utterly fucked over rural Louisianans – obviously a very MAGA-friendly demographic – by pulling the plug on the Biden Administration’s $1.3 billion in funding to build out the networks just weeks before providers were ready to start work, WRKF reports.

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Coverage map still offline at Trumpmobile.com

The “Gulf of Mexico”-labelled coverage map at TrumpMobile.com, taken down three days ago, still hasn’t been restored with the “Gulf of America” on it as of Friday afternoon as the page still says simply “404 Not Found – Oops! The page you’re looking for doesn’t exist.” Seems like the kind of thing that should be easy to fix if you have web developers that know what they’re doing.

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Scott Jennings diagnosed with stage 4 butthurt

Give him a few points for creativity though – combining his butthurt over Mahmoud Khalil’s release with butthurt over that “the Iranian people will rise up against the Ayatollah” horseshit (under the not exactly safe assumption that this nationalist Tehran march was a real thing and not astroturfed).

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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