An anonymous House Republican left this afternoon’s big super-important caucus meeting ahead of Friday’s big super-important Budget Committee vote on the “Big Beautiful Bill” and texted Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman to tell him simply “We’re cooked. Speaker let this get out of control.”

Which kind of tracks with a Politico story that says Johnson can only afford to lose two Republican votes on the committee. Three assclowns – Ralph Norman, Josh Breechen, and Chip “Colonel Sanders” Roy – are already saying no, but as of this printing the committee vote is still on.

Once again, again: If anyone can fuck something like this up it would be House Republicans BUT still operate under the assumption they will get something done, even as impossible and messy as it seems and as incompetent and fractured as they are. There’s still Trump there to threaten to support MAGA primary challenges against them and find other ways to make their lives miserable.

Maybe the question is whether there are too many of them who won’t play along for the fat bastard to crush. He’s kind of busy accepting bribes, pretending to lead the nation, and posting stupid shit online so he might just stop caring and give up if he thinks it’s too much work to whip all of them.

We are moving Jesus out of the basement at the Merchant Marine Academy!

To all the midshipmen: this painting is going back where it belongs. pic.twitter.com/bJ9c0FUr4e

— Secretary Sean Duffy (@SecDuffy) May 15, 2025

Heels-wearing Florida Governor Ron DeSantis on Thursday signed a bill increasing tooth decay in a state where it’s already doing pretty well, banning “certain minerals” from being added to public drinking water – meaning fluoride – on the advice of his quack surgeon general, NBC News reports

“You’ve had this debate, and really Florida’s led on this, too, partially because our Surgeon General, Joseph Ladapo, has really led the charge by going to counties and saying forcing fluoride into your water is actually not good,” DeSantis told reporters. “Yes, use fluoride for your teeth, that’s fine. But forcing it in the water supply is basically forced medication on people. They don’t have a choice.”

DeSantis also signed that batshit stupid anti-chemtrails/weather control bill into law.

UnitedHeath Group hasn’t bought enough $TRUMP shitcoin, or maybe not any at all, is the only reasonable conclusion one can draw from a Wall Street Journal article about how the company is under federal criminal investigation for some sort of “Medicare Advantage” scam.

Or they haven’t offered the fat bastard a luxury 747 jumbo jet. That’s a reasonable conclusion too.

MAGA Congressman Andy Barr was not having any of your libtarded “reality” shit on Thursday, telling CNN’s John Berman that magically Walmart will lower prices “in the long run” because something something convicted felon President Trump is a master negotiator and dealmaker.

Former Acting DC US Attorney-turned-some-made-up-Justice Department-job-that-Trump-gave-him-after-replacing-him-with-Judge-Box-O-Wine Ed Martin told staffers in a goodbye email sent Thursday that he’s under investigation by the Office of Disciplinary Counsel for something but didn’t say what it was, the Washington Post reports. Hopefully the son of a bitch gets disbarred.

Writing yet another one of his ridiculous document demand letters, spandex-wearing grapple-freak Jim Jordan this time harasses Pfizer CEO Albert Bourla with some shit about them withholding news that their COVID vax tests were successful claiming that British pharma company GSK wrote the following: “November 2024, shortly after the election, [former Pfizer exec Dr Phil] Dormitzer approached a representative from the GSK human resources team to speak about a potential relocation abroad. As the HR representative recalls, in their meeting, Dr Dormitzer was visibly upset; he requested that he be relocated to Canada due to concerns that he could be investigated by the incoming Trump Administration over his role in developing Pfizer’s COVID-19 vaccine. According to the human resources representative, when asked what prompted his request, Dr Dormitzer made a comment to the effect of: ‘Let’s just say it wasn’t a coincidence, the timing of the vaccine.'”

Jim continues with “GSK further informed the Committee that Dr Dormitzer had told GSK employees that ‘in late 2020, the three most senior people in Pfizer R&D were involved in a decision to deliberately slow down clinical testing so that it would not be complete prior to the results of the presidential election that year.’6 GSK alleged that ‘Dr Dormitzer was clear that this was not a situation of delaying disclosure of completed results but was a situation of slowing down results before disclosure became necessary.’ This new information appears to suggest that Dr Dormitzer and other senior Pfizer executives conspired to withhold public health information to influence the 2020 presidential election,” before demanding a shit ton of documents and emails, etc.

Nice how he’s having it both ways, that the Biden Administration was violating the First Amendment by “cracking down on vaccine misinformation” but Pfizer supposedly waiting a few extra days in November 2020 to announce that the trials were successful was election interference.

Linking to a story by Providence, Rhode Island NBC affiliate WJAR headlined “Human remains found in Westerly,” Fox News added some of their signature creamy, sugary, cholesterol-laden industrial-lard byproduct frosting to the recipe called for in the original article Thursday, titling it “Human remains found near Taylor Swift’s beachside Rhode Island mansion amid serial killer fears.”

“Taylor Swift? SERIAL KILLER? Oh fuck yeah, I’m reading this!” Google’s algorithm may or may not have said as soon as it crawled the headline. “Pffft, fuck that boring-ass WJAR article. LMAO the cops said ‘No foul play is suspected’ in the original article and then Fox News leaves that out, lol.”

“OMG there’s definitely some amateur ‘sleuth’ podcaster out there with like 35 listeners who just added a little pin to their map of New England as they ‘piece together all the clues’ in their hunt for the serial killer just because they saw this Fox News headline,” the algorithm added, probably.

MAGA Afrikaner fake refugee Charl Kleinhaus, first identified by Twitter users including @incontroZA and @BiancavanWyk16 before he went big in his new home in a Wednesday Bulwark report as having tweeted shit like “Jews are untrustworthy and a dangerous group they are not Gods chosen like to believe they are” and a whole bunch of MAGA memes, now tells the New York Times he comes “from Jewish descendants, and I have huge respect for them” and thus isn’t antisemitic.

Oh and he was on meds for a kidney stone at the time so he wasn’t using his best judgment. The Times notes that “last month, before Mr Kleinhaus’s arrival in the United States, the Department of Homeland Security said it would begin screening foreigners’ social media for antisemitic content as potential ‘grounds for denying immigration benefit requests,'” compounding the fucking tornado of hypocrisy of the Afrikaner “refugee” program amid a halt of brown refugees inflows from elsewhere.

And yeah, this is why the Trump regime told the Afrikaners not to talk to the media as they left.

The Supreme Court will on Thursday hear convicted felon President Trump’s solicitor dickhead John Sauer croak his way through arguments that are seen as actually primarily about whether or not lone judges can make rulings that effect nationwide injunctions.

“Vice President JD Vance will lead a US Delegation to Vatican City to attend the inaugural Mass of His Holiness Pope Leo XIV on Sunday, May 18, 2025. Vice President Vance and Second Lady Usha Vance will be joined by Secretary of State Marco Rubio and Mrs Jeanette Rubio.”

“Pope Leo XIV is the first American Pope. Vice President Vance is the first Catholic convert to serve as Vice President,” says a White House official statement on Vance leaving himself vulnerable to being called out and embarrassed by his holiness in front of other Catholics.

Speaking at some conference in DC on Thursday, Fed chairman Jerome Powell told the crowd of mostly white men in expensive suits that “Higher real rates may also reflect the possibility that inflation could be more volatile going forward than in the inter-crisis period of the 2010s. We may be entering a period of more frequent, and potentially more persistent, supply shocks – a difficult challenge for the economy and for central banks,” CNBC reports on Powell getting himself even more fired than he already was for foolishly challenging the Orange Tyrant’s narrative.

pic.twitter.com/gvLvVDSfhb

— Jack Poso 🇺🇸 (@JackPosobiec) May 15, 2025

We were to understand that shoplifting was a “Biden’s America” thing and that once Trump returned to power that stores would remove those locked plexiglass cases leaving you free to pick out your own toothpaste or deodorant again and that self-checkouts wouldn’t be closed anymore. What’s the point in electing a “Law and Order” president if people are still stealing shit?

“Big case today in the United States Supreme Court. Birthright Citizenship was not meant for people taking vacations to become permanent Citizens of the United States of America, and bringing their families with them, all the time laughing at the ‘SUCKERS’ that we are! The United States is the only Country in the World that does this, for what reason, nobody knows – But the drug cartels love it!”

“We are, for the sake of being politically correct, a STUPID Country but, in actuality, this is the exact opposite of being politically correct, and it is yet another point that leads to the dysfunction of America. Birthright Citizenship is about the babies of slaves. As conclusive proof, the Civil War ended in 1865, the Bill went to Congress less than a year later, in 1866, and was passed shortly after that. It had nothing to do with Illegal Immigration for people wanting to SCAM our Country, from all parts of the World, which they have done for many years. It had to do with Civil War results, and the babies of slaves who our politicians felt, correctly, needed protection. Please explain this to the Supreme Court of the United States. Again, remember, the Civil War ended in 1865, and the Bill goes to Congress in 1866 – We didn’t have people pouring into our Country from all over South America, and the rest of the World. It wasn’t even a subject. What we had were the BABIES OF SLAVES. Thank you for your attention to this matter. Good luck with this very important case,” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday ahead of Supreme Court arguments on his bullshit Birthright Citizenship order, bringing the “drug cartels” into it for some fucking reason.

Walmart CFO John Rainey tells Bloomberg that convicted felon President Trump’s declaration of trade war with China is already sending prices higher for their customers, irrespective of the fat bastard’s partial capitulation. “If you’ve not already seen it, it will happen in May and then it will become more pronounced,” said Rainey ahead of the company’s quarterly earnings release dropped on Thursday, adding “It’s a challenging environment to operate in retail right now, with prices going up like this. There really hasn’t been a historical precedent or prices going up this high, this fast. The magnitude of the increases though are so large that retailers can’t absorb these by themselves.”

Now’s a great time to dig up that seminal “MAGA Land” comment from November when Rainey warned this was going to happen: “Walmart is just upset that they can’t stock cheap products that don’t last very long and we have no idea of how they would be rolled out. Perhaps, just perhaps we all would think about unnecessary purchases if low-priced things were more expensive. I believe he will start with Autos and Electronics. Toys, other stuff later. But a question, exactly how many toys does a child need? Answer = None! Needs are different from Wants.” Evergreen, that one.

US Attorney General Pam Bondi sold somewhere between $1 and $5 million in shares of Truth Social parent Trump Media and Technology Group on the day the fat bastard declared his stupid trade war, sparing herself from a 13 percent dip in its value the next day, ProPublica reports on the AG’s display of her level of faith and credit in her fat orange boss’s fiduciary responsibilities.

Trump to skip Russia-Ukraine peace talks, calls Zelenskyy the ‘greatest salesman, maybe in history’ https://t.co/5IhafG8HqI

— Fox News (@FoxNews) May 15, 2025

“President Trump, who is used to hard-core dedicated supporters at his rallies, is getting a much more modest reception from the troops at Al Udeid. A joke about seeking a 4th election victory falls flat. Call out to Sean Hannity gets tepid applause,” writes NBC News correspondent Garrett Haake in a tweet copied verbatim due to its superb scene-setting of the fat bastard misreading the room.

“A Russian national has been arrested and charged for allegedly attempting to smuggle clawed frog embryos and embryonic samples into the United States. Kseniia Petrova, 31, a Russian citizen, was charged by criminal complaint with one count of smuggling goods into the United States. Petrova was taken into immigration custody Feb 16. She was arrested earlier today on the criminal charge.”

“According to the charging documents, on Feb 16, 2025, Petrova arrived at Logan International Airport in Boston via an inbound flight from Paris. Upon her arrival, Petrova was stopped by Customs and Border Protection agents after a law enforcement canine allegedly alerted its handler to the defendant’s checked duffel bag on the baggage carousel. Per protocol, law enforcement removed the bag from the carousel and brought it to an agricultural secondary inspection area for further screening. There, an officer inspected the contents of the bag and allegedly discovered the biological items: a foam box containing clawed frog embryos in microcentrifuges, as well as embryonic samples in paraffin well stages and on mounted dyed slides. All biological products require a permit for entry and require the individual to make a declaration to Customs and Border Protection at the port of first arrival. It is alleged that, when approached by law enforcement, Petrova initially denied carrying any biological material in her checked baggage. However, when asked again, Petrova allegedly admitted that she was carrying biological material.”

“During an interview under oath, Petrova allegedly claimed to be unsure that she was required to declare biological material when entering the United States,” says a DOJ press release.