The Supreme Court will on Thursday hear convicted felon President Trump’s solicitor dickhead John Sauer croak his way through arguments that are seen as actually primarily about whether or not lone judges can make rulings that effect nationwide injunctions.

“Vice President JD Vance will lead a US Delegation to Vatican City to attend the inaugural Mass of His Holiness Pope Leo XIV on Sunday, May 18, 2025. Vice President Vance and Second Lady Usha Vance will be joined by Secretary of State Marco Rubio and Mrs Jeanette Rubio.”

“Pope Leo XIV is the first American Pope. Vice President Vance is the first Catholic convert to serve as Vice President,” says a White House official statement on Vance leaving himself vulnerable to being called out and embarrassed by his holiness in front of other Catholics.

Speaking at some conference in DC on Thursday, Fed chairman Jerome Powell told the crowd of mostly white men in expensive suits that “Higher real rates may also reflect the possibility that inflation could be more volatile going forward than in the inter-crisis period of the 2010s. We may be entering a period of more frequent, and potentially more persistent, supply shocks – a difficult challenge for the economy and for central banks,” CNBC reports on Powell getting himself even more fired than he already was for foolishly challenging the Orange Tyrant’s narrative.

pic.twitter.com/gvLvVDSfhb

— Jack Poso 🇺🇸 (@JackPosobiec) May 15, 2025

We were to understand that shoplifting was a “Biden’s America” thing and that once Trump returned to power that stores would remove those locked plexiglass cases leaving you free to pick out your own toothpaste or deodorant again and that self-checkouts wouldn’t be closed anymore. What’s the point in electing a “Law and Order” president if people are still stealing shit?

“Big case today in the United States Supreme Court. Birthright Citizenship was not meant for people taking vacations to become permanent Citizens of the United States of America, and bringing their families with them, all the time laughing at the ‘SUCKERS’ that we are! The United States is the only Country in the World that does this, for what reason, nobody knows – But the drug cartels love it!”

“We are, for the sake of being politically correct, a STUPID Country but, in actuality, this is the exact opposite of being politically correct, and it is yet another point that leads to the dysfunction of America. Birthright Citizenship is about the babies of slaves. As conclusive proof, the Civil War ended in 1865, the Bill went to Congress less than a year later, in 1866, and was passed shortly after that. It had nothing to do with Illegal Immigration for people wanting to SCAM our Country, from all parts of the World, which they have done for many years. It had to do with Civil War results, and the babies of slaves who our politicians felt, correctly, needed protection. Please explain this to the Supreme Court of the United States. Again, remember, the Civil War ended in 1865, and the Bill goes to Congress in 1866 – We didn’t have people pouring into our Country from all over South America, and the rest of the World. It wasn’t even a subject. What we had were the BABIES OF SLAVES. Thank you for your attention to this matter. Good luck with this very important case,” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday ahead of Supreme Court arguments on his bullshit Birthright Citizenship order, bringing the “drug cartels” into it for some fucking reason.

Walmart CFO John Rainey tells Bloomberg that convicted felon President Trump’s declaration of trade war with China is already sending prices higher for their customers, irrespective of the fat bastard’s partial capitulation. “If you’ve not already seen it, it will happen in May and then it will become more pronounced,” said Rainey ahead of the company’s quarterly earnings release dropped on Thursday, adding “It’s a challenging environment to operate in retail right now, with prices going up like this. There really hasn’t been a historical precedent or prices going up this high, this fast. The magnitude of the increases though are so large that retailers can’t absorb these by themselves.”

Now’s a great time to dig up that seminal “MAGA Land” comment from November when Rainey warned this was going to happen: “Walmart is just upset that they can’t stock cheap products that don’t last very long and we have no idea of how they would be rolled out. Perhaps, just perhaps we all would think about unnecessary purchases if low-priced things were more expensive. I believe he will start with Autos and Electronics. Toys, other stuff later. But a question, exactly how many toys does a child need? Answer = None! Needs are different from Wants.” Evergreen, that one.

US Attorney General Pam Bondi sold somewhere between $1 and $5 million in shares of Truth Social parent Trump Media and Technology Group on the day the fat bastard declared his stupid trade war, sparing herself from a 13 percent dip in its value the next day, ProPublica reports on the AG’s display of her level of faith and credit in her fat orange boss’s fiduciary responsibilities.

Trump to skip Russia-Ukraine peace talks, calls Zelenskyy the ‘greatest salesman, maybe in history’ https://t.co/5IhafG8HqI

— Fox News (@FoxNews) May 15, 2025

“President Trump, who is used to hard-core dedicated supporters at his rallies, is getting a much more modest reception from the troops at Al Udeid. A joke about seeking a 4th election victory falls flat. Call out to Sean Hannity gets tepid applause,” writes NBC News correspondent Garrett Haake in a tweet copied verbatim due to its superb scene-setting of the fat bastard misreading the room.

“A Russian national has been arrested and charged for allegedly attempting to smuggle clawed frog embryos and embryonic samples into the United States. Kseniia Petrova, 31, a Russian citizen, was charged by criminal complaint with one count of smuggling goods into the United States. Petrova was taken into immigration custody Feb 16. She was arrested earlier today on the criminal charge.”

“According to the charging documents, on Feb 16, 2025, Petrova arrived at Logan International Airport in Boston via an inbound flight from Paris. Upon her arrival, Petrova was stopped by Customs and Border Protection agents after a law enforcement canine allegedly alerted its handler to the defendant’s checked duffel bag on the baggage carousel. Per protocol, law enforcement removed the bag from the carousel and brought it to an agricultural secondary inspection area for further screening. There, an officer inspected the contents of the bag and allegedly discovered the biological items: a foam box containing clawed frog embryos in microcentrifuges, as well as embryonic samples in paraffin well stages and on mounted dyed slides. All biological products require a permit for entry and require the individual to make a declaration to Customs and Border Protection at the port of first arrival. It is alleged that, when approached by law enforcement, Petrova initially denied carrying any biological material in her checked baggage. However, when asked again, Petrova allegedly admitted that she was carrying biological material.”

“During an interview under oath, Petrova allegedly claimed to be unsure that she was required to declare biological material when entering the United States,” says a DOJ press release.

We need to get Americans off the sidelines.

— House Republicans (@HouseGOP) May 13, 2025

Can’t be 100 percent certain that this tweet came after the first time a protestor interrupted Tuesday’s House Appropriations Committee markup for the “Big Beautiful Bill,” transferring wealth to the richest Americans and cutting Medicaid for the poor among other shit, but in any case whichever social media intern who wrote this had to know that dozens, maybe hundreds, were waiting in the hallway to get in before the hearing started, with 25 arrested over the course of the day.

With what prompted it plain enough given that timing, the source of the angst displayed here is pretty much unmistakable as well: They were pining for MAGA people to show up and cheer for Republicans at the hearing, shout down the Dems, probably the QAnon Shaman to throw his spear at the ranking member, Proud Boys to kick the shit out of the disabled people opposed to cuts to Medicare. You know, “Americans” were needed there and the GOP didn’t get the moral support they were hoping for from “Americans” who were content to remain on “the sidelines” of the big game.

Former Mauritania President Mohamed Ould Abdel Aziz challenged a trial court’s five year prison sentence against him for corruption, arguing it wasn’t appropriate for an ex-leader of the large West Saharan nation to end up behind bars, even if he did embezzle $70 million from public coffers and God knows what the hell else after two coups to remain in power. The AP reports the appellate court agreed and instead sentenced him to 15 years in the joint, plus a $3 million fine.

So yeah, that kind of backfired. You’d think a guy worth $70+ million would be able to afford better representation, ones who would at least tell him that he was rolling the dice and that the country’s appellate system has the discretion to un-reduce sentences too, so maybe just suck it up and do the five years before dying rich in exile somewhere with nicer beaches. Wonder what it was like in the courtroom, and if the judge said the sentence was overturned and then a “however…” lol.

Russian dictator Vladimir Putin is too chickenshit to attend a face-to-face chat with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky as the Netherlands-based exile outlet the Moscow Times reports that Putin will instead send some of his goons instead. Zelensky had challenged Putin to show up, saying it would be a demonstration that Moscow was negotiatiing in good faith. So here’s his answer.

Asked earlier on Wednesday what happens if Putin didn’t show up in Turkey, convicted felon President Trump told CNN’s Kaitlan Collins “I don’t know that he would be there if I’m not there,” like Donald is Putin’s emotional support animal. Makes sense since Trump lets Putin dogwalk him.

Remember that “Trump Watches” scam where fanboys could spend $640 to get an ultra-limited edition wristpiece, one of only 250? Rhode Island Trump fanboy Tim Petit tells WJAR a tale of the kind of quality control you’d expect from the convicted felon president’s brand: It’s missing the “T.”

“I thought it was really nice. It was beautiful, and I knew it would be something that” his wife Melanie (lol) would like, having bought the pink version of the orange man’s watch after hearing an ad with Donald on some bullshit AM talk radio station. “With the president’s voice… I was curious, so I went on the website,” he said. Petit opened up gettrumpwatches.com and promptly plunked down $640 for the “Pink Inauguration First Lady” model, which Melanie likes. Except for the missing “T.”

“I noticed it right away. The T is missing. It just says R-U-M-P,” she said. Now the Petits are questioning why a watch with such a glaring error was allowed to be shipped out, as if the fact that they were buying a fucking $640 Trump watch didn’t already make that self-evident. “How could they process this and go through something without checking their work?” Melanie said, answering her own goddamned question like every other idiot you see on that “LeopardsAteMyFace” subreddit.

“Very disappointed. I want it to be a special thing for her. And we had expected that it would have the integrity of the president of the United States,” Tim said, not realizing that it does in fact have ALL the integrity THIS president of the United States – and the respect he has for his fans.

Normally MAGA-friendly-ish shitty British tabloid the Daily Mail’s got some very unfortunate news for one of the Deplorable-est states in the country: Florida’s housing market is headed for a major crash, with the situation particularly bad in convicted felon President Trump’s adopted political homeland of South Florida as inventory of new housing units in Miami-Dade, Broward, and Palm Beach counties have quadrupled since 2022 as “panic selling is setting in” for homeowners.

Other regions of the country are seeing warning signs as well, but it’s a unique confluence of problems in Florida – high mortgage rates, HOA fees hiked up for new safety measures after the Surfside Condo collapse, insurance costs four times the national average due to hurricane threats, and stagflationary prices – that are fucking things up. “It’s kind of like this perfect storm now,” said some real estate hustler quoted in the piece. “People are being priced out, newcomers are drying up, and more homeowners are choosing to sell.” A report in Redfin finds that out of the top five areas where investor purchases have dropped the most, three are located in Florida.

Remember the part in The Big Short with the Sunshine State stripper who said she owned five houses plus a condo all thanks to subprime mortgages? That was funny. Very Florida, that scene.

Jay Bratt, the former top Justice Department national security division prosecutor who worked the case against convicted felon President Trump for having stolen classified documents from the White House and kept them in a bathroom among other places in his chintzy Florida mansion/whorehouse after defying a lawful subpoena for their return, pleaded the Fifth in a Wednesday deposition with spandex-wearing grapple-freak Jim Jordan’s House Judiciary Committee, CNN reports.

“This administration and its proxies have made no effort to hide their willingness to weaponize the government against those they perceive as political enemies” Bratt’s spokesman Peter Carr told CNN. “That should alarm every American who believes in the rule of law. In light of these undeniable, deeply troubling circumstances, Mr Bratt has no choice but to invoke his Fifth Amendment rights.”

Still not the greatest look but Bratt surely had his reasons when being peppered with what were no doubt the most insane fucking questions that only a terminally pilled, desiccated brain like Gym’s could spittle out. Then there’s also that pleading the Fifth was bad, then in 2022 it wasn’t, making it hard for the MAGA cult to make it bad again. Not like they won’t try. It’ll just look more stupid than it did had Trump not changed his tune on the constitutional amendment at his convenience.

“I once asked, ‘If you’re innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?’ Now I know the answer to that question. When your family, your company, and all the people in your orbit have become the targets of an unfounded, politically motivated Witch Hunt supported by lawyers, prosecutors, and the Fake News Media, you have no choice,” said the fat fuck after doing so no fewer than 440 times in an August 2022 deposition with New York State Attorney General Letitia James’s office.

“We write regarding the potential misuse of certain politically oriented fundraising ventures for fraudulent, corrupt, or other illegal purposes. The fundraising activities of the Republican online fundraising platform WinRed; several political action committees (PACs), including Elon Musk’s super PAC, America PAC; and the Trump family’s recently launched cryptocurrency (crypto) venture World Liberty Financial (WLF) and Trump-branded meme coins have raised myriad concerns about potential bribery, influence-peddling, threats to national security, market manipulation, and/or predatory and deceptive practices targeting vulnerable Americans. Chairman James Comer and Chairman Bryan Steil recently wrote to you concerning ‘potentially fraudulent and illicit financial activity related to contributions to campaigns of candidates for federal offices facilitated by online fundraising platforms,'” write Dem Congressmen Gerry Connolly, Jamie Raskin, and Joe Morelle to Treasury Suckretary Scott Bessent hinting at what’s in store if/when Dems retake the House.

“Moreover, on April 2, 2025, Republican Members of the Committee on Oversight and Government Reform, Committee on the Judiciary, and Committee on House Administration released an ‘Interim Staff Report’ focused solely on the fundraising platform ActBlue, in which they claim: ‘The Committees are deeply committed to protecting the integrity of elections, and will continue investigating to inform potential legislative reforms to improve and strengthen our democracy.”

Holy shit, he actually said this, lol. He couldn’t come up with some “patriotic,” free-market something-something line of “principled” bullshit rather than just outright saying members should be allowed to make money (and insider trade) on the side because Congress’s pay rate isn’t enough?

Christ. At least he didn’t say he wasn’t necessarily opposed but was concerned that a ban on trading a slippery slope into other, more rigorous constraints on members and their family members too, which was probably what he’s thinking. Way to Pelosify your speakership, Mike.

But to his point about pay: National Zero’s official editorial position remains that members of Congress should in fact be paid substantially more, that even a tenfold increase of the current $174,000/year would be reasonable so long as it’s paired with the most draconian, colonoscopy-level scrutiny of their finances on par with that of CIA officers or sequestered jurors, bans on holding a stake in so much as a fucking tractor dealership in rural Indiana, prohibiting having extramarital affairs or any other sorts of potentially compromising personal conduct susceptible to blackmail, and that pay be subject to docking if they fail to collectively meet certain productivity benchmarks like letting the government shut down or failing to take up a bill that passed the other chamber.

Wonder what Johnson’s excuse for opposing that sort of radical overhaul of Congress would be.

CORRECTION 5/14/2025 1:13 PM EDT: Johnson actually is in favor of the ban but did not commit to bringing any bills banning it to a vote. This clip was late and taken out of context. Headline updated to reflect this though the text of the article remains otherwise intact for posterity.

A Virginia federal judge on Wednesday ordered the the immediate release of Indian-born Georgetown fellow and green card holder Dr Badar Khan Suri from ICE detention after finding that the Trump Regime was full of shit about he and his citizen wife’s ties to Hamas, CBS’s Jake Rosen reports, adding the judge placed no conditions on Suri’s release nor imposed a bond.

“President Trump’s approval rating has increased to 44 percent, according to a new Reuters/Ipsos poll. While it is a small tick up from the 42 percent approval rating he measured in the prior survey by Reuters/Ipsos last month, it does run in time with some good news for the president,” The Hill reports in a Wednesday article celebrating a margin-of-error shift in their god’s standing.

And yeah, it’s been a while since the last time National Zero checked in with them. There you stood, everybody watched you play, I just turned and walked away, I had nothing left to say ’cause you’re still the same. Baby, baby, you’re still the same. You’re still the same, still the same. Baby, baby, you’re still the same. Moving game to game, still the same. Baby, baby, you’re still the same.